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Finding people you jibe with ...

Principessa

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I understood everything and sadly have heard such conversations personally. :frown1: You think the price of a beer and a sandwich have gone up you don't want to know how much tampons and sanitary napkins cost these days. It's not like they are made of gold or plutonium :irked:

I do live in a bubble ... it's called the Earth's atmosphere!
Then when i changed the subject i went to this topic ...

Did you know that if you extrapolate the exponential nature of the advancement of technology ... by 2035 we're supposed to have nano technology advanced enough to where our bodies would literally become part machine!
You mean we would be born with iPods attached to our arms?!:confused::eek:
Our brains could connect wirelessly to the internet and display images directly through our optic nerve! I mean, some people speculate that some day we're going to be involved in a conflict between human intelligence and artificial intelligence ... but i find it more likely that humanity will instead become one with it's technology ... either that or we'll destroy ourselves in one fail swoop! Either way it's going to be really cool!
Yeah, that's a little beyond my comprehension.

You and my bf would get along great. He studies lightwave duality and particle fusion for fun, when he's not working on cars, building computers from scratch, playing the drums, studying astronomy, writing computer code, or actually working.:rolleyes:
His response was ... "Everyone's on that internet! I don't get computers." How do you find a common language with these people?
You don't, maybe food, but I'm guessing Billy Bob isn't much into Edamame, wild rice salad with currents unless it's on top of a steak; or stuffed inside a country fried pork chop. :tongue:
Of course not everyone is like that but i think a large part of the population is very affected (if not governed completely) by what the media tells them.Sheeple!
Pretty much. :frown1:

I think i just had a little rant there! Sorry if this makes absolutely no sense in the context of my original post.
On the contrary, it tied in perfectly.:smile:
 

PatriotSam

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You mean we would be born with iPods attached to our arms?!:confused::eek:

NO! That's the best part! You wouldn't have an iPod attached to your arm ... YOU WOULD BE THE IPOD! The sub dermal implant in your body would connect to the internet wirelesly and nanobots would interface directly with your cochlear nerve ... essentially you would hear the music as if it where playing out of thin air without any headphones or speakers you could crank your music without bothering anyone and you wouldn't hurt your ears because your ear is not receiving physical sound waves!

If you wanted to share your music with someone (like at a party or club) you would just open up a "public play list" and people would just log in and have that music streamed into their own cochlear nerves. You could have a killer rave and not bother your neighbors!

This really is off topic but do a Google and YouTube search on "Ray Kurzweil" and "Technological Singularity" ... this guy is really cool!

It seems a little far fetched but if one hundredth of it comes true the future is going to be amazing!
 

PatriotSam

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Again off topic but something that illustrates where society is and why i have so much trouble relating to it ...

Here's a lecture by Ray Kurzweil about the evolution and future of technology with about 22,000 views on YouTube ... YouTube - Ray Kurzweil: How technology's accelerating power will transform us

The most viewed video on YouTube is Avril Lavigne's music video for her song "Girlfriend" with over 100,000,000 views ... YouTube - Avril Lavigne - Girlfriend

Popular media is so influential in todays society and people are lead by it almost exclusively.

This particular example is rather disturbing.
 

whatireallywant

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I don't 'jive' with many people. My interests are diverse but, since moving to Georgia from New Jersey I have been incredibly lonely. :frown1: Down here even educated people seem to get married very young. Consequently I have nothing in common with people my own age as they all have children in their 20's! :eek: Back home in Jersey I knew lots of happily unmarried women and men w/o children in my age range. Here I feel like a freak of nature or worse a spinster. :frown1: Some couthless people have actually asked if I was a lesbian. :yikes:

I understand your plight PatriotSam, I just wish I had an answer. :rolleyes: It's not all bad though. :wink: My current beau is a long distance trucker who just happens to be 14 years younger than me and divorced.

I come from an area where the people marry young, too... like right out of high school. I didn't even have a DATE until I was in college! :eek: I was also the only girl from my class (elementary school, not high school which there was too many for me to keep up with) who went to college, too. People where I grew up don't like educated women. :mad:

That pisses me off!
I have a few relatives that live down south and they're so Christian it's scary. My one aunt literally carries a bible with her just waiting to exorcise something!

Whether it's because you're using bigger words than they can understand or because you're not kneeling before their god ... some people in the world just get scared of anyone they can't relate to themselves ... and of course that fear manifests itself in insults and aggression.

Humanity ... PISH!

This is another problem I have with the people where I grew up (I lived there far too long...) - they thought I was a snob for using "big words" (and I don't think I use big words all THAT much!), plus there were a lot of Bible-thumpers there... I haven't run into as many problems with religion as I have with politics or sexual views, although the fundamentalists aren't too crazy about Unitarian Universalists. And I have a problem with fundamentalists too! Although I am careful now to say specifically that it's fundamentalists that I have a problem with, since I have no problem with Christians who are not fundamentalists.

I think a more accurate statement would be to say that my own interests and viewpoints alienate me ... not necessarily that i live in a bubble ... because i won't be bound to a single viewpoint or a single anything for that matter.

Here are some common and recent topics I've talked about in bars and other common areas ...

"The (insert sports team) is really doing good lately they're looking like they could go all the way this year!"

My response ... Yea, that's cool ... i don't really follow them too much, I'm not all that much of a sports fan ... though i do like when the home team is wining ... makes the entire city more up beat.

If they continue talking about sports (stats and who is trading who) i usually just nod and feign interest because i really have no clue what they're talking about.

I like sports but I'm not particularly up on the "stats" lately. I used to be more up on things especially on basketball, but have had other priorities recently, mainly having to do with trying to become gainfully employed again.

"They should just nuke those "sand ni**ers" and get it over with! Kill em all and let god sort em out!" (This was a real comment after seeing a sorry about the current US death toll in Iraq.)

That's a pretty heavy handed approach and not really a decision that The United States has the right to make ... I mean, without getting too deeply into into the topic ... the people we're fighting are extremists hiding among a rather innocent and docile population ... i mean, we have no grudge against the majority of the population in Iraq and even if you did nuke the entire country the terrorists operate in cells spread out across the world ... that's the way terrorism works, it's really hard to pin them down ... exterminating a specific country would do nothing but kill a lot of innocent people ... which we're already doing enough of.

I support our troops but the issue is not our men and women on the ground ... it's the political agendas and large cooperate contracts controlling their actions here in the US.

It's a really fucked up situation and i really wish it would end. Hopefully now that Obama is going into office he'll cut off a lot of the business and political ties that where keeping us in Iraq and bring the troops home.

The mention of Obama actually sparked a ridiculously intolerant string of comments about a black guy as president ... i had some responses to those comments but i just kept my mouth shut.

Yeah, I'd really have a problem with these kinds of statements. Sounds like the people where I grew up... most of them are VERY racist. I learned early on to keep quiet in order to escape them hating on ME as well. :mad: Not to mention how they'd react if they knew I voted for Obama... :biggrin1:

Then when i changed the subject i went to this topic ...

Did you know that if you extrapolate the exponential nature of the advancement of technology ... by 2035 we're supposed to have nano technology advanced enough to where our bodies would literally become part machine! Our brains could connect wirelessly to the internet and display images directly through our optic nerve! I mean, some people speculate that some day we're going to be involved in a conflict between human intelligence and artificial intelligence ... but i find it more likely that humanity will instead become one with it's technology ... either that or we'll destroy ourselves in one fail swoop! Either way it's going to be really cool!

His response was ... "Everyone's on that internet! I don't get computers."

WTF??? This person must be older. I think everyone under the age of 30 or so "gets" computers. I'm 45 and some people my age don't get them. I got them later in life, in my mid-twenties I decided to get a degree in computer information systems because I thought there were a lot of jobs in the field. Well, there ARE a lot of jobs in the field, but a lot of them have been outsourced to other countries now, and a lot of the ones here are only for super expert level people and my skill level is not up to that level yet. I do want to get back into the IT field though, as I found that I like it, not just that "there are lots of jobs in it". I have many other interests as well though. As a child I was very interested in astronomy and I've sort of "rediscovered" that interest. I'd have a long way to have to go educationally to become an astrophysicist though, although I think I'd like that as well.

How do you find a common language with these people?

Of course not everyone is like that but i think a large part of the population is very affected (if not governed completely) by what the media tells them.

Sheeple!

I think i just had a little rant there! Sorry if this makes absolutely no sense in the context of my original post.

I have a wide variety of interests too, it's just that up until recently I had a hard time finding people who had ANY of the same interests as me. Or, even those who had a few similar interests, finding those who didn't have a problem with a WOMAN having those interests! :eek: One thing I've found recently is a bunch of people who like to travel. I'm loving that, except that I don't have the money to travel! Back where I used to live, most of the people didn't like travel at all. I didn't really understand that. They probably especially wouldn't want to travel to another country, as they often hated "foreigners". The only thing that's keeping me from traveling is the financial situation. Otherwise I'd love to be traveling the world! I have a few goals of things I want to do in my life... some of them I not only need money but also need to be in better physical shape than I'm in now! :biggrin1: I need to find people to exercise with to improve that physical shape... and hey, I don't need a lot of money to do that!

The problem is that most of the people I know who like to exercise are in really GREAT shape and would leave me in the dust! They go on these really advanced fast-paced hikes and stuff. While I can go the distance on the hikes, I have a problem with the speed that they're hiking! I've gone a few too many years with friends all with chronic health problems and can't do much physical activity, and before that, a bunch of people who didn't think women should DO these kinds of things!

But yeah, I love to travel, do a wide variety of sports and physical activities (although I'm not particuarly good at them, so bear with my being a beginner!), sciences, music (especially indie rock and world music), reading (science fiction, fantasy, mystery, some nonfiction about science, history, etc.)

The people I grew up around: hate to travel (too many "foreigners" :rolleyes:), don't think women should play sports or do physical activity, think science is "anti-God", don't like any music except country and Christian, don't like to read except maybe the Bible, etc...
 

OCMuscleJock

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I totally understand what you're going thru. After moving from LA to the OC...it's like pulling teeth to make real friends. Sure hooking up is easy and such...but when it comes to just hanging out..cuddling on the couch, watching a movie, having dinner or just goofing off...well those people are hard to find. Always seems just when you do find people you relate too...they move. HAHAHA Also, I have lots of friends in their early 20's that tell me they don't relate to people their own age a lot of the time...and most of their friends are in their 30's or higher. One person inparticular said, "Guys my age don't seem to have any real goals or aspirations and just live day to day doing whatever gets their dick hard that day." This guy just turned 25...very career oriented....EXTREMELY hot and has the worst time dating. However, like salinger said, he spends a lot of time when not working going back and forth to LA, Long Beach, SD, and the OC...just to hang with his friends. Now only if we all could build a good base group in areas we live...without having to travel forever to relate to someone like that. I'd love to have a good core group of friends, hell even friends with benefits...but how do you go about finding them when you work for yourself, from home, and when you get out and about to bars and such. Are those the type of places you think you'll meet people being their real selves that you can relate too? Or are they putting on the bar face to fit into the scene or to get a certain kind of attention.
 

Principessa

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NO! That's the best part! You wouldn't have an iPod attached to your arm ... YOU WOULD BE THE IPOD! The sub dermal implant in your body would connect to the internet wirelesly and nanobots would interface directly with your cochlear nerve ... essentially you would hear the music as if it where playing out of thin air without any headphones or speakers you could crank your music without bothering anyone and you wouldn't hurt your ears because your ear is not receiving physical sound waves!
So it would be like the episode of the Partridge Family where Laurie's braces were receiving music from the local radio station. This caused her to play off beat.


If you wanted to share your music with someone (like at a party or club) you would just open up a "public play list" and people would just log in and have that music streamed into their own cochlear nerves. You could have a killer rave and not bother your neighbors!
Yeah, that thought kinda creeps me out.:redface: I don't want to be part machine.

This really is off topic but do a Google and YouTube search on "Ray Kurzweil" and "Technological Singularity" ... this guy is really cool!

It seems a little far fetched but if one hundredth of it comes true the future is going to be amazing!
 

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(I only read the first page.)

I was going to say try moving to a different place too.

But finding friends takes time also. I don't think there's an easy fix. You have to put work into it. Make friends, and make friends through them, etc. If you don't have much time it's hard to do. I've been trying to do this more recently, trying to get off the computer and going out, even if just for an hour or two.

Good luck.
 

D_Harry_Crax

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The United States has just gotten so anti-intellectual and unintellectual that it's getting more difficult all of the time to find younger people into anything intellectual that's not just technological or financial..... Sports in particular has become hegemonic, like a religion. Everywhere you go, men in particular seem to be talking about nothing but sports. Believe me, if there was as much casual conversation about anything else--politics, religion, the weather, you name it--you would think the world has gone crazy, but I'd say 99% of Americans don't give it a second thought that sports seems to be everywhere, all of the time.
 

PatriotSam

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I believe very strongly in the fact that the perfect situation (whether it's your job, house, neighborhood or friends) does not exist naturally in life and that you have to create it for yourself.

We look at the media and they model these perfect little "realities" that we strive for but the real reality is that A) it's all staged and B) when the cameras turn off the "realities" go back to being real and real is not all that glamorous or smooth.

If you base your goals off of what the media shows you ... and then go out into life and search for it ... YOU'LL NEVER FIND IT, BECAUSE IT DOESN'T EXIST!

Whether that's love or friendship ... you have to work to make it what you want it to be. You have to go out there, be social, arrange gatherings or dates and make it happen for yourself ... because if you wait for it to happen "naturally" or expect it to find you ... you're going to remain lonely for a long, long time.

I know these statements sort of contradict my original post but i knew this answer when i started this thread ... it's just taken all this conversation for me to realize it again.
 

surferboy

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i'm one of those lucky peoples that can befriend peoples no matter what social clique they belong to. i can always find some kine common ground or start a friendship. like i said, i consider myself very lucky for have this ability.
 

OCMuscleJock

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I believe very strongly in the fact that the perfect situation (whether it's your job, house, neighborhood or friends) does not exist naturally in life and that you have to create it for yourself.

We look at the media and they model these perfect little "realities" that we strive for but the real reality is that A) it's all staged and B) when the cameras turn off the "realities" go back to being real and real is not all that glamorous or smooth.

If you base your goals off of what the media shows you ... and then go out into life and search for it ... YOU'LL NEVER FIND IT, BECAUSE IT DOESN'T EXIST!

Whether that's love or friendship ... you have to work to make it what you want it to be. You have to go out there, be social, arrange gatherings or dates and make it happen for yourself ... because if you wait for it to happen "naturally" or expect it to find you ... you're going to remain lonely for a long, long time.

I know these statements sort of contradict my original post but i knew this answer when i started this thread ... it's just taken all this conversation for me to realize it again.

I was under the impression that the post meant real friends...you know people you truely trust and care about that do the same for you in return.

I had a HUGE circle of friends that I could call at the drop of a hat to do something or just hang. I know a lot of people in the OC..but it's different here. I really cant figure it out. There are a lot of *fake* people down here and lots of hidden agendas. Luckily it's not everyone but quite a few that i've met. At least in LA ...people are honest about being fake. :) You know were you stand and what to expect. This definitely isn't talking to the people on here from the OC...because I know like 2 of ya. :) so far.....

I think it really depends on where you live too... Maybe it's just the fact I've learned the hard way when it comes to trusting your friends. I really dont want to get into the details ...but some still really hurt and the people you THOUGHT were a real friend just turned out to be using you for what you could do and who you knew. So now I'm more guarded when it comes to real friends...
 

jason_els

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I was under the impression that the post meant real friends...you know people you truely trust and care about that do the same for you in return.

I had a HUGE circle of friends that I could call at the drop of a hat to do something or just hang. I know a lot of people in the OC..but it's different here. I really cant figure it out. There are a lot of *fake* people down here and lots of hidden agendas. Luckily it's not everyone but quite a few that i've met. At least in LA ...people are honest about being fake. :) You know were you stand and what to expect. This definitely isn't talking to the people on here from the OC...because I know like 2 of ya. :) so far.....

I think it really depends on where you live too... Maybe it's just the fact I've learned the hard way when it comes to trusting your friends. I really dont want to get into the details ...but some still really hurt and the people you THOUGHT were a real friend just turned out to be using you for what you could do and who you knew. So now I'm more guarded when it comes to real friends...

You know, you sound miserable there whether you intend to or not. Get out of there. You're too sweet a guy to get wrapped-up in that image-is-everything bullshit. It sounds like it's draining you. Look what it's done to how you treat friends and your ability to trust them.
 

whatireallywant

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(I only read the first page.)

I was going to say try moving to a different place too.

But finding friends takes time also. I don't think there's an easy fix. You have to put work into it. Make friends, and make friends through them, etc. If you don't have much time it's hard to do. I've been trying to do this more recently, trying to get off the computer and going out, even if just for an hour or two.

Good luck.

A lot of people say that it doesn't matter where you live, it's how YOU connect to people, but I know for a fact that that isn't true. I've had MUCH different experiences with people according to where I was living at the time.

The United States has just gotten so anti-intellectual and unintellectual that it's getting more difficult all of the time to find younger people into anything intellectual that's not just technological or financial..... Sports in particular has become hegemonic, like a religion. Everywhere you go, men in particular seem to be talking about nothing but sports. Believe me, if there was as much casual conversation about anything else--politics, religion, the weather, you name it--you would think the world has gone crazy, but I'd say 99% of Americans don't give it a second thought that sports seems to be everywhere, all of the time.

I don't really mind the sports talk - it's generally a "safe" topic of conversation. If you get into discussions of politics or religion you often get a lot of arguing and people insulting each other. Although I didn't see this a whole lot where I lived - I just had to keep quiet because my political and religous views were diametrically opposed to EVERYONE where I used to live. Now I am only diametrically opposed to the majority, but not everyone. I can brave talking religion usually (unless I'm around a bunch of Bible thumpers), but I still keep very quiet about politics unless I know the person REALLY well.

Besides, I used to talk about NBA basketball with the best of 'em! :biggrin1:

Thing is, as a woman I'm not EXPECTED to talk about sports, and when I did it kind of freaked people out, although where I live now not so much, as there are other women who like sports here too.

Now, talking about the weather is generally a "safe" topic too, but I mean, come on, how much CAN you say about the weather? (Although I am interested in meteorology so I might freak people out with my talking about various types of clouds, whether they're cumulus, stratus or cirrus, and barometric pressure and such. :biggrin1:)
 

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It's hard to talk philosophy when everyone turns it into politics!

My advice: Find or start a group at Meetup.com.
 

OCMuscleJock

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You know, you sound miserable there whether you intend to or not. Get out of there. You're too sweet a guy to get wrapped-up in that image-is-everything bullshit. It sounds like it's draining you. Look what it's done to how you treat friends and your ability to trust them.

I dunno jason...it's weird...i'm happy where I live. I know I'm not wrapped up in that image is everything from my side anyway. It's more that, I miss close friends. I treat my friends like family and I'd do anything for family...I just have to let my guard down i guess to really allow someone to get that far in. My ability to really trust friends stems from college...best friend fixed me up with who I thought was the perfect girl for me...athletic, smart, spontanious, and when he met her...he told her..you have to meet my friend. We met up and immediately hit it off. I had no idea that he was fixing me up at the time. Well flash forward a year and a half...things are great...we're at a New Years party out of town...so no where to run!!! hahaha Well my best friend ends up fucking my girlfriend when they thought I was asleep ...3 feet from them. Lots of Alcohol was consumed that night. I woke up to them going at it next to me. So big time slam in the face from two people I loved dearly. Ever since I've been guarded...The few that I've let in since have been ok. However, they dont live near me anymore. Just me and the bf and the new place we're trying to make a home. 6 yrs down here... and still looking for the one good bud that I can confide in...ya know. I''m not being whiny really...i've come to grips that there's good people down here...just have to weed thru the trash to find the treasure. Also, since almost ALL the gay establishments are gone now...no where really to go in the area. We have to go to LA, LB or SD. And again...from the earlier post...all my friends live in those areas...with the exception of a couple. Just hard when you move away from all you know to restart your life.
 

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I dunno jason...it's weird...i'm happy where I live. I know I'm not wrapped up in that image is everything from my side anyway. It's more that, I miss close friends. I treat my friends like family and I'd do anything for family...I just have to let my guard down i guess to really allow someone to get that far in. My ability to really trust friends stems from college...best friend fixed me up with who I thought was the perfect girl for me...athletic, smart, spontanious, and when he met her...he told her..you have to meet my friend. We met up and immediately hit it off. I had no idea that he was fixing me up at the time. Well flash forward a year and a half...things are great...we're at a New Years party out of town...so no where to run!!! hahaha Well my best friend ends up fucking my girlfriend when they thought I was asleep ...3 feet from them. Lots of Alcohol was consumed that night. I woke up to them going at it next to me. So big time slam in the face from two people I loved dearly. Ever since I've been guarded...The few that I've let in since have been ok. However, they dont live near me anymore. Just me and the bf and the new place we're trying to make a home. 6 yrs down here... and still looking for the one good bud that I can confide in...ya know. I''m not being whiny really...i've come to grips that there's good people down here...just have to weed thru the trash to find the treasure. Also, since almost ALL the gay establishments are gone now...no where really to go in the area. We have to go to LA, LB or SD. And again...from the earlier post...all my friends live in those areas...with the exception of a couple. Just hard when you move away from all you know to restart your life.

wow, and i thought my girl sleeping with 3 guys in one night, then blaming it on me was bad. at least i wasn't there when she was having the train run on her. *hug*