Finding people you jibe with ...

OCMuscleJock

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I believe very strongly in the fact that the perfect situation (whether it's your job, house, neighborhood or friends) does not exist naturally in life and that you have to create it for yourself.

We look at the media and they model these perfect little "realities" that we strive for but the real reality is that A) it's all staged and B) when the cameras turn off the "realities" go back to being real and real is not all that glamorous or smooth.

If you base your goals off of what the media shows you ... and then go out into life and search for it ... YOU'LL NEVER FIND IT, BECAUSE IT DOESN'T EXIST!

Whether that's love or friendship ... you have to work to make it what you want it to be. You have to go out there, be social, arrange gatherings or dates and make it happen for yourself ... because if you wait for it to happen "naturally" or expect it to find you ... you're going to remain lonely for a long, long time.

I know these statements sort of contradict my original post but i knew this answer when i started this thread ... it's just taken all this conversation for me to realize it again.

I was under the impression that the post meant real friends...you know people you truely trust and care about that do the same for you in return.

I had a HUGE circle of friends that I could call at the drop of a hat to do something or just hang. I know a lot of people in the OC..but it's different here. I really cant figure it out. There are a lot of *fake* people down here and lots of hidden agendas. Luckily it's not everyone but quite a few that i've met. At least in LA ...people are honest about being fake. :) You know were you stand and what to expect. This definitely isn't talking to the people on here from the OC...because I know like 2 of ya. :) so far.....

I think it really depends on where you live too... Maybe it's just the fact I've learned the hard way when it comes to trusting your friends. I really dont want to get into the details ...but some still really hurt and the people you THOUGHT were a real friend just turned out to be using you for what you could do and who you knew. So now I'm more guarded when it comes to real friends...
 

jason_els

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I was under the impression that the post meant real friends...you know people you truely trust and care about that do the same for you in return.

I had a HUGE circle of friends that I could call at the drop of a hat to do something or just hang. I know a lot of people in the OC..but it's different here. I really cant figure it out. There are a lot of *fake* people down here and lots of hidden agendas. Luckily it's not everyone but quite a few that i've met. At least in LA ...people are honest about being fake. :) You know were you stand and what to expect. This definitely isn't talking to the people on here from the OC...because I know like 2 of ya. :) so far.....

I think it really depends on where you live too... Maybe it's just the fact I've learned the hard way when it comes to trusting your friends. I really dont want to get into the details ...but some still really hurt and the people you THOUGHT were a real friend just turned out to be using you for what you could do and who you knew. So now I'm more guarded when it comes to real friends...

You know, you sound miserable there whether you intend to or not. Get out of there. You're too sweet a guy to get wrapped-up in that image-is-everything bullshit. It sounds like it's draining you. Look what it's done to how you treat friends and your ability to trust them.
 

whatireallywant

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(I only read the first page.)

I was going to say try moving to a different place too.

But finding friends takes time also. I don't think there's an easy fix. You have to put work into it. Make friends, and make friends through them, etc. If you don't have much time it's hard to do. I've been trying to do this more recently, trying to get off the computer and going out, even if just for an hour or two.

Good luck.

A lot of people say that it doesn't matter where you live, it's how YOU connect to people, but I know for a fact that that isn't true. I've had MUCH different experiences with people according to where I was living at the time.

The United States has just gotten so anti-intellectual and unintellectual that it's getting more difficult all of the time to find younger people into anything intellectual that's not just technological or financial..... Sports in particular has become hegemonic, like a religion. Everywhere you go, men in particular seem to be talking about nothing but sports. Believe me, if there was as much casual conversation about anything else--politics, religion, the weather, you name it--you would think the world has gone crazy, but I'd say 99% of Americans don't give it a second thought that sports seems to be everywhere, all of the time.

I don't really mind the sports talk - it's generally a "safe" topic of conversation. If you get into discussions of politics or religion you often get a lot of arguing and people insulting each other. Although I didn't see this a whole lot where I lived - I just had to keep quiet because my political and religous views were diametrically opposed to EVERYONE where I used to live. Now I am only diametrically opposed to the majority, but not everyone. I can brave talking religion usually (unless I'm around a bunch of Bible thumpers), but I still keep very quiet about politics unless I know the person REALLY well.

Besides, I used to talk about NBA basketball with the best of 'em! :biggrin1:

Thing is, as a woman I'm not EXPECTED to talk about sports, and when I did it kind of freaked people out, although where I live now not so much, as there are other women who like sports here too.

Now, talking about the weather is generally a "safe" topic too, but I mean, come on, how much CAN you say about the weather? (Although I am interested in meteorology so I might freak people out with my talking about various types of clouds, whether they're cumulus, stratus or cirrus, and barometric pressure and such. :biggrin1:)
 

OCMuscleJock

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You know, you sound miserable there whether you intend to or not. Get out of there. You're too sweet a guy to get wrapped-up in that image-is-everything bullshit. It sounds like it's draining you. Look what it's done to how you treat friends and your ability to trust them.

I dunno jason...it's weird...i'm happy where I live. I know I'm not wrapped up in that image is everything from my side anyway. It's more that, I miss close friends. I treat my friends like family and I'd do anything for family...I just have to let my guard down i guess to really allow someone to get that far in. My ability to really trust friends stems from college...best friend fixed me up with who I thought was the perfect girl for me...athletic, smart, spontanious, and when he met her...he told her..you have to meet my friend. We met up and immediately hit it off. I had no idea that he was fixing me up at the time. Well flash forward a year and a half...things are great...we're at a New Years party out of town...so no where to run!!! hahaha Well my best friend ends up fucking my girlfriend when they thought I was asleep ...3 feet from them. Lots of Alcohol was consumed that night. I woke up to them going at it next to me. So big time slam in the face from two people I loved dearly. Ever since I've been guarded...The few that I've let in since have been ok. However, they dont live near me anymore. Just me and the bf and the new place we're trying to make a home. 6 yrs down here... and still looking for the one good bud that I can confide in...ya know. I''m not being whiny really...i've come to grips that there's good people down here...just have to weed thru the trash to find the treasure. Also, since almost ALL the gay establishments are gone now...no where really to go in the area. We have to go to LA, LB or SD. And again...from the earlier post...all my friends live in those areas...with the exception of a couple. Just hard when you move away from all you know to restart your life.
 

surferboy

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I dunno jason...it's weird...i'm happy where I live. I know I'm not wrapped up in that image is everything from my side anyway. It's more that, I miss close friends. I treat my friends like family and I'd do anything for family...I just have to let my guard down i guess to really allow someone to get that far in. My ability to really trust friends stems from college...best friend fixed me up with who I thought was the perfect girl for me...athletic, smart, spontanious, and when he met her...he told her..you have to meet my friend. We met up and immediately hit it off. I had no idea that he was fixing me up at the time. Well flash forward a year and a half...things are great...we're at a New Years party out of town...so no where to run!!! hahaha Well my best friend ends up fucking my girlfriend when they thought I was asleep ...3 feet from them. Lots of Alcohol was consumed that night. I woke up to them going at it next to me. So big time slam in the face from two people I loved dearly. Ever since I've been guarded...The few that I've let in since have been ok. However, they dont live near me anymore. Just me and the bf and the new place we're trying to make a home. 6 yrs down here... and still looking for the one good bud that I can confide in...ya know. I''m not being whiny really...i've come to grips that there's good people down here...just have to weed thru the trash to find the treasure. Also, since almost ALL the gay establishments are gone now...no where really to go in the area. We have to go to LA, LB or SD. And again...from the earlier post...all my friends live in those areas...with the exception of a couple. Just hard when you move away from all you know to restart your life.

wow, and i thought my girl sleeping with 3 guys in one night, then blaming it on me was bad. at least i wasn't there when she was having the train run on her. *hug*