Fingers first,,,why that's not always a good idea...

[B_Nicodemous]

or

The fallacy that fingers are always a sure fire way to relax and open person for anal...

This has bothered me for quiet some time. I have addressed it in various threads, but other than a few people chiming in and saying "Hey that's me, too!" the the vast majority of folk drown us out, and the point is lost in the din.

You see, I have never, and I mean never, (with one exception that I will address later), liked fingers in my ass as a prelude to anal sex. They don't relax me, feel bony and uncomfortable, cause me to tense, feel too rough, and are genereally unpleasant.

Now don't get me wrong, after a nice session of bottoming, I LOVE the feel of fingers in my ass. Note fingers, plural. I still have issues with a single digit. Now i always chalked it up to me not bieng a strict bottom (for the record I am as vers as they come, though I may move though bottom to top and back through vers in the span of a playdate, or a few monmths) but i have heard from some people who identify as total bottoms that they have issues as well with this. These are men and women, gay, straight and bi.

I was curious as to how other people felt about this. Do you aslo dislike a finger or two (or more) in you at any given time during play? If so, when? Does it matter if it is before or after anal sex? The number of fingers? If they wear gloves does it help?

There has only been ONE time that I liked it before sex. I have described the incident in PART 2 of a blog about a date with him. Linked for those curious about it, but not necessary to understand or participate in tis thread.

Strangely there was another time that fingers felt good, but again it was after/during anal play, and that is when I teyied to self fist. Usually at a certain girth my body stops interpreting sensation as pain or pleasure (within reason, obviously; slow and tons of lube is what I am speaking of, not just rammed in, but I digress), and tends to numb out. Normally I can't stand the feel of digits for too long in me. Its right on the cusp of pain and pleasure for me. But when I was dialted that wide, and numbed out, i wriggled my fingers and it was heveanly! I bring this up least someone who has seen the fisting forum say "but you said..." As I said there that was the only time it happened (as it was my only attempt to self fist...or really be fisted at all)

I have had guys argue with me over this fact. They will insist on trying to finger me beforehand, and will tell me I don't know what I am talking about! Needless t say such trysts end in a hurry. I have also caught flack frm some bottoms who would like to tell me how MY body responds. I'm sorry, but it is my body and I do know it's intricacies and idiosyncracies of my body better than anyone else.

So has anyone else felt this way? That fingers are harder to take at times (or all the time) than a cock? Or that as a means of getting you to open up and relax it is counterproductive?

 

[D_Tim McGnaw]

Yeah I've met bottoms who weren't into getting fingered before. 'S just one of the myriad reasons communication is so important in sex.

There's other fun ways of getting guys relaxed though so it's not a problem.

 

[OCMuscleJock]

yah fingers aren't the end all There are MANY ways to relax the bottom. Also, if you're gonna try to shove a finger in, you might wanna play/lick around the area first to relax the sphincter muscle. **Also, if you date a bigger guy...you don't have to deal with boney fingers. ** Just sayin'

 

[amendmentx]

I am not a fan of fingers either. I found they hurt a bit. I don't know if its the nails, knuckles or what but they don't help at all. I've always find penis to be much better. I know this sounds bad but I do find bigger penis to be much better than a smaller one. I've been with a few thinner guys who feel almost like they are stabbing my asshole not stretching it like a normal to large penis does. I much prefer to be on top and slowly ease it in that has always been a sure fire way for me.

 

[B_Nicodemous]

Yeah I've met bottoms who weren't into getting fingered before. 'S just one of the myriad reasons communication is so important in sex.

There's other fun ways of getting guys relaxed though so it's not a problem.

Exactly. What irratates me is when people literally will get hung up on "No this always works" mentality and do NOT listen to their partner. ARRRRGGGHH!!!

Rim me, massage with your fuingers, put the tip of a finger in, fine. Just please od NOT finger me before I have been fucked (well 99.9 percent of the time, apprently, lol)

Shit let me throat your cock for a while, eat your ass...I guarantee i will be relax and beggin for you to fuck me:wink:

yah fingers aren't the end all There are MANY ways to relax the bottom. Also, if you're gonna try to shove a finger in, you might wanna play/lick around the area first to relax the sphincter muscle. **Also, if you date a bigger guy...you don't have to deal with boney fingers. ** Just sayin'

If by bigger you are speaking of fingers rather than cock, than yeah. The boniness issue is lessened though the stange ridgidity of the finger (to me at least) is left. It may be one of the reasons I was able to take, on that one ocasion, my Guy's fingers in me . He has fairly muscular hands, for lack of a better description.

I am not a fan of fingers either. I found they hurt a bit. I don't know if its the nails, knuckles or what but they don't help at all. I've always find penis to be much better. I know this sounds bad but I do find bigger penis to be much better than a smaller one. I've been with a few thinner guys who feel almost like they are stabbing my asshole not stretching it like a normal to large penis does. I much prefer to be on top and slowly ease it in that has always been a sure fire way for me.

The nails, I don't care HOW short and filed they are, I can feel if I get fingered first off. The knuckles are also an issue. I think its the overall rigidity of them that does me in.

I have not experienced that sensation iven with thinner cocks though. The thinnest cock i had was about the same size, girth-wise, as the 3 middle fingers of my left hand at the second knuckle (I have thin fingers). He was fin. Of course we have already established that I do ok with 2 fingers and 3 is better, lol, so that probably has something to do with it. Perhaps there is some minimum threshold I am encountering? Or maybe I am just too sensitive to minutiae when not stretched a bit? Like...well if I get numbed somewhat when streched, i am hust wondering if that has any role in it. Like I am to sensitive before hand?

Also, no matter how thin the dick i have encountered, the head (no regardless oof how hard that cock is) has some bit of give and a wider dispersal area for pressure. I am thinking that has to do with the ease of cock vs, finger as well. But I am not sure

 

[claddagh]

I find this very interesting - no one has said anything to me about not liking fingers before. I do not rim, I mentally can't get around the hygienic issues with it. No matter how hard I am though I can not get into someone without using at least 3 fingers. Please tell me what else I could do to relax you (or someone that doesn't like fingers) enough to get in. I don't want to think that I'm making things more difficult on the person I'm fucking. BTW, I am versatile too and don't have a problem with fingers.

 

[B_Nicodemous]

I find this very interesting - no one has said anything to me about not liking fingers before. I do not rim, I mentally can't get around the hygienic issues with it. No matter how hard I am though I can not get into someone without using at least 3 fingers. Please tell me what else I could do to relax you (or someone that doesn't like fingers) enough to get in. I don't want to think that I'm making things more difficult on the person I'm fucking. BTW, I am versatile too and don't have a problem with fingers.

Well, for me, even if the guy doesn`t want to rim me, he can:

a)let me suck him. Trust me, as my throat relaxes and I get more horny, I just relax all over.

b) massage my hole and play with up to the knuckle just below the tip. Tumb is even better with it pushed more fat pad of thumb on in at and angle.

c)Lossen me up with toys. Samll jelly dildos are always nice:smile: (I take it on myself to bring any toys. But will use other toys provided a condom is on them if they are anyone elses, unless it is a LTR sort of thing)Vibrating toys can help me relax as well, but not necassary.

d) chew on my earlobe, nip at my neck, tell me how much you want me, how good you`ll make me feel. That will excite and relax me at the same time.

Out of curiosity, how thick are you? I have only had issue taking a person once, and he was insanely thick (I think he pumped). I`m fairly tight, but can relax really well. Muscle control rocks:wink:

edit: anyone would be lucky to be with such an obviously conscientious person :kiss:

 

[claddagh]

Cool - I do a), b) & d) already - would have no problem with c), never been asked to do that but why not. So you'd be fine as long as I limit b) to massage/thumb....no extra fingers....

Let's just say I'm not "insanely thick" and I don't pump.... I never knew I was very thick until the last couple of years, when guys told me, but it makes sense considering some reactions I had in the past. I always thought I was average....

Want to know more? Send me an email sometime.... :wink1:

 

[D_Fiona_Farvel]

yah fingers aren't the end all There are MANY ways to relax the bottom. Also, if you're gonna try to shove a finger in, you might wanna play/lick around the area first to relax the sphincter muscle. **Also, if you date a bigger guy...you don't have to deal with boney fingers. ** Just sayin'

:yup: Before anal I am always rimmed first - it definitely adds a warm, slippery sexiness that just drives me wild.

To the question in the op, I adore(!) fingering - one or several - as long as the person has the experience/talent/timing/perception needed to make it pleasurable. However, as a prelude to sex, fingering sometimes bothers me. It can feel like an exam or pokey with the wrong person, but, with any partner, it still takes away from the pleasure of that first stretch at entry. More often than not, I would rather just fuck and save the fingering for sessions of extended oral... you know, pussy worship.

 

[B_Nicodemous]

Cool - I do a), b) & d) already - would have no problem with c), never been asked to do that but why not. So you'd be fine as long as I limit b) to massage/thumb....no extra fingers....

Let's just say I'm not "insanely thick" and I don't pump.... I never knew I was very thick until the last couple of years, when guys told me, but it makes sense considering some reactions I had in the past. I always thought I was average....

Want to know more? Send me an email sometime.... :wink1:

LOL! I will be sending you a pm! I am now curious, and curiosity is my dominant trait, lol.

Oh and lube! Of course lube, but dear god no cold lube! I hate, hate , hate that! I hate it on a hot cock, i despise it on and in my hole. Since going to silicon lube, it hasn't been a problem (that stuff warms to body temp fast) so if someone uses that while playing with me, and gets a bit in, the slipperiness tends to het me excited as to what is coming next and will help me relax more. This is especially true if a guy isn't into rimming! Also have found that a few water based lubes give me a mild contact dermatitis type thing after a bit. Burning down there just plain sucks, ya know?

:yup: Before anal I am always rimmed first - it definitely adds a warm, slippery sexiness that just drives me wild.

To the question in the op, I adore(!) fingering - one or several - as long as the person has the experience/talent/timing/perception needed to make it pleasurable. However, as a prelude to sex, fingering sometimes bothers me. It can feel like an exam or pokey with the wrong person, but, with any partner, it still takes away from the pleasure of that first stretch at entry. More often than not, I would rather just fuck and save the fingering for sessions of extended oral... you know, pussy worship.

See that is another thing it feels like. Even though I know its not a med exam it does hve that pokey feel. But once I have been fucked than a finger (preferably at least two) feel heveanly! And I LOVE that first stretch, too!!! LOL!

 

[B_ILIW]

to loosen the ass up beforehand, I like it. to me, that's the greatest asset of doing so.

 

[B_Nicodemous]

to loosen the ass up beforehand, I like it. to me, that's the greatest asset of doing so.

I love it afterwards, lol I always felt like some sort of sexual misfit, lol. But a few ppl over the past year have commented on it. Enough to post this thread. We are out there, the please-no-fingers-first-thing-crowd, lol.

 

[B_subgirrl]

Unlike you, I not only love fingers, I need them. I need fingers, then a toy, then cock. If we skip either the fingers or the toy, it will be difficult. Well, with average to large cocks it will be difficult. With small to average I can skip the toy stage. The last time I let a guy with a large cock skip stages, I hurt for a week. It was not enjoyable.


Vaginally though, I AM similar to you. I really don't like just one finger vaginally. Kinda makes me squirm, and not in a good way.

 

[B_Nicodemous]

Unlike you, I not only love fingers, I need them. I need fingers, then a toy, then cock. If we skip either the fingers or the toy, it will be difficult. Well, with average to large cocks it will be difficult. With small to average I can skip the toy stage. The last time I let a guy with a large cock skip stages, I hurt for a week. It was not enjoyable.


Vaginally though, I AM similar to you. I really don't like just one finger vaginally. Kinda makes me squirm, and not in a good way.

So we are alike and different at the same time! lol! Thank you for sharing my sweet:kiss:

 

[B_subgirrl]

So we are alike and different at the same time! lol! Thank you for sharing my sweet:kiss:

Does that kiss come with fingers? :tongue::tongue::tongue:

 

[B_Nicodemous]

Does that kiss come with fingers? :tongue::tongue::tongue:

Only for your ass, apparently LOL!

 

[B_subgirrl]

Only for your ass, apparently LOL!

I DO love fingers vaginally (it's right up there with fucking and sucking cock as one of my favourite sexual things), just not one at a time. I need MANY fingers at a time :biggrin1::biggrin1::biggrin1:.

I will politely keep mine away from YOUR ass though. How 'bout some nibbles and scratches instead?

 

[B_Nicodemous]

Does that kiss come with fingers? :tongue::tongue::tongue:

I DO love fingers vaginally (it's right up there with fucking and sucking cock as one of my favourite sexual things), just not one at a time. I need MANY fingers at a time :biggrin1::biggrin1::biggrin1:.

I will politely keep mine away from YOUR ass though. How 'bout some nibbles and scratches instead?

MMMMMmMMMM!!!!! you know my weakness! lol And you can finger my ass...just after it has been pounded hard, lol!

 

[B_subgirrl]

MMMMMmMMMM!!!!! you know my weakness! lol And you can finger my ass...just after it has been pounded hard, lol!

I'll let your guy take care of the hard pounding part shall I? Or should I invest in a strap on? :tongue: (The very idea of me using one gives me the giggles!)

 

[B_Nicodemous]

I'll let your guy take care of the hard pounding part shall I? Or should I invest in a strap on? :tongue: (The very idea of me using one gives me the giggles!)

:lmao: Oh dear lord! lol! knowing you, you`d invest in a double sided strap-on, with rabit ear clit stimulator and suped up egg vibe at the base, and would then start to bliss out, go to your floaty space, and that would end that! LOL! I would be left empty assed and unfulfilled!

So is there anyone else who experiences issues with fingers at anytime during anal play? Or, like Hilaire, have you encountered us apparently odd ducks? And how do(did) you cope? What works for you(or your partners)?