First Date With A Guy, Fear Of Hiv

[zaynmlk1626]

I went on a date with a guy after months of no dating. We matched on tinder, talked for a couple of days and then we decided to meet. We did meet today, went to a caffe and got to know each other better. He was cute, not something special though, just a normal every day guy. I realised we like so many different things and i can not say he's a match lol. He is way different than me, likes different music, likes different ways of entertainment but this is not what worries me. I am also pretty sure he liked me a lot, he told me that i am a really cute guy and that he really likes me, which made me feel kinda awkward lol, he also complimented my haircut and my clothing.

While we were talking about our past relationships, he mentioned that he had a boyfriend for 2 years who was HIV positive, he decided to be in a relationship with him because his boyfriend was taking his medicine so the virus could not be transferred to him, plus that he had been tested and he's negative. He also said that he's really scared of STDs and he's always careful.

The thing is that STDs and HIV more specifically is one of my greatest fears. Now that i know he was in a relationship with an HIV positive person i have kinda freaked out. I know he said he has been tested and he's negative but how can i be sure he's telling the truth? I have seen this guy just once. I find it humiliating to ask him to show me some medical papers that they prove he's clear of any STDs, i don't want to make him feel uncomfortable and i don't want to be rude. At the same time i am scared about my health and the possibility i get an STD in case i sleep with him.

What do you think i should do?

 

[1222288]

Instead of zeroing in on HIV and STDs, I think there are a couple of other considerations:

You don't seem to have much in common. While that can easily be swept aside in the beginning when new couples are caught up in sex, later it really matters. Sex always fades. Once that happens, what are you going to talk about, or do together?

That said, he has been very forthcoming with you, and there is still a vibe between you. You don't have to marry him. Having a fb, or a couple of weekend flings is very ok.

IMHO, his honesty should be commended. Think about all the other cocks you've sucked, and cum from other people you've had in your mouth. Were all of those people 100% trustworthy? I'm sure at least one of them lied about their status. This guy laid it all out on the table, and so should you. Get tested, and be secure of your current status. Also, address your HIV paranoia. If you are sexually active, PrEP isn't a bad choice. Own your sexual security.

At the end of the day, it was one date. You can walk away. However, you won't be walking away from your baggage. That is what you really need to look at.

 

[ohiorod]

As a professional working for several years in the HIV field, I would say that you found a good prospective person to date. He clearly doesn’t discriminate against people with hiv. He also cares about protecting himself from STIs. HIV is out there, whether it is in the USA or Greece; you have to face that fact and protect yourself. Make safe sex a habit or get on PrEP for a month and keep taking it and you will be protected. I suggest going with the guy for testing before sex to demonstrate that you respect yourself and him. Try to get a 4th generation finger stick test that will detect antigens two weeks after exposure and you will have the most accurate info. Confront your fears and hood luck with this guy; he has some good qualities.

 

[328982]

I went on a date with a guy after months of no dating. We matched on tinder, talked for a couple of days and then we decided to meet. We did meet today, went to a caffe and got to know each other better. He was cute, not something special though, just a normal every day guy. I realised we like so many different things and i can not say he's a match lol. He is way different than me, likes different music, likes different ways of entertainment but this is not what worries me. I am also pretty sure he liked me a lot, he told me that i am a really cute guy and that he really likes me, which made me feel kinda awkward lol, he also complimented my haircut and my clothing.

While we were talking about our past relationships, he mentioned that he had a boyfriend for 2 years who was HIV positive, he decided to be in a relationship with him because his boyfriend was taking his medicine so the virus could not be transferred to him, plus that he had been tested and he's negative. He also said that he's really scared of STDs and he's always careful.

The thing is that STDs and HIV more specifically is one of my greatest fears. Now that i know he was in a relationship with an HIV positive person i have kinda freaked out. I know he said he has been tested and he's negative but how can i be sure he's telling the truth? I have seen this guy just once. I find it humiliating to ask him to show me some medical papers that they prove he's clear of any STDs, i don't want to make him feel uncomfortable and i don't want to be rude. At the same time i am scared about my health and the possibility i get an STD in case i sleep with him.

What do you think i should do?

Why don't you get your own paperwork in order to begin with? Then if the subject comes up you can be the first to offer a clean bill of health.

 

[zaynmlk1626]

I doubt you and he are a good match as a BF couple, you and he seem completely different in heaps of ways and that does not make for a good start to relationship. However, he might be a great buddy to have around?? Why don't you both go to the clinic, get your tests done, then have at it?? He seems like the type to be well aware of being informed and safe??

i decided to be sincere with him, since i already knew we were not a good match anyway, you're pretty right. he messaged me yesterday and i knew he wanted to ask me out again. i was polite and straight forward with him. i told him that i like him as a person and that he's a great guy, but it's obvious that we don't have much in common, i also said that i don't want to spend his time for no reason, as i can not see a sexual relationship between us, but we can stay friends anyway. i never mentioned anything about my fear of HIV and his ex boyfriend.

he took it really well, he said that he appreciates i am honest with him and it ended very well and civilised. i am really happy this guy was mature enough to understand my feelings and my point of view. i feel ok with myself and really happy i did not make him feel bad or rejected by me.

 

[dutchbottom68]

If you are afraid of STD’s go get condoms!
If you are afraid of hiv you could get PREP.
If you don’t think he meets your ideas of what is an attractive guy why even bother having sex with him?
Most STD’s can be treated effectively if you take action fast enough.
So if you find your lovers on-line it might be wise to test also after you have had sex with them to be sure you are ok.
And finally, if anybody asks you if you have any STD’s yourself, could you show them proof ? Have you tested on hiv after your last sexual encounter?

 

[Malmo75]

Uhh?!
If you are interested in dating him then ask him about the medical papers, I don’t understand the problem in that. Plus he did bring it up. If he don’t want to show it then leave, clearly he isn’t right for you then. Or simply don’t date him anymore if you are to worried about it. There are more people out there.

It’s your life and you are worried. Ask and do what feels right for you. Use your head, if it doesn’t feel right, then step away. It’s like everything else in life

 

[deano-uk]

This should not define this or any other relationship... even if he was positive if he viral load is under detectable and CD4 count high there is very little chance of infection, but use condoms to be safer. There are more serious STDS to consider these days like hepatitis. Play it same until you know each other properly at then get tested together. But if the two of you doesn’t feel right. Trust your gut and be friends or part company Good luck

 

[meningreentights]

If you've only seen this guy once, and it is bothering you this bad, move on.

 

[ItsAll4Kim]

1. You don't seem very interested.
2. NEVER be hesitant, embarrassed or ashamed to ask and even demand proof of a clean bill of health. Until you are sure, it'll always bother you, which is unfair to you both.
3. #1 kinda renders #2 moot.

 

[groundsmen]

I doubt you and he are a good match as a BF couple, you and he seem completely different in heaps of ways and that does not make for a good start to relationship. However, he might be a great buddy to have around?? Why don't you both go to the clinic, get your tests done, then have at it?? He seems like the type to be well aware of being informed and safe??

 

[groundsmen]

i decided to be sincere with him, since i already knew we were not a good match anyway, you're pretty right. he messaged me yesterday and i knew he wanted to ask me out again. i was polite and straight forward with him. i told him that i like him as a person and that he's a great guy, but it's obvious that we don't have much in common, i also said that i don't want to spend his time for no reason, as i can not see a sexual relationship between us, but we can stay friends anyway. i never mentioned anything about my fear of HIV and his ex boyfriend.

he took it really well, he said that he appreciates i am honest with him and it ended very well and civilised. i am really happy this guy was mature enough to understand my feelings and my point of view. i feel ok with myself and really happy i did not make him feel bad or rejected by me.

Sounds like a really good end/conclusion! good on you! Now, get back out there and find a good match!!

 

[deleted15807]

Truvada is all the rage here. 100% effective against HIV when taken as directed.