First Date with a man...

Discussion in 'Relationships, Discrimination, and Jealousy' started by Theblacksheep, Sep 15, 2011.

  1. Theblacksheep

    Theblacksheep New Member

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    So Im going on a date with another man in a few days, well its only a coffee, but still, i have never been on a date or relationship with a man before so Im kinda not quite sure what to expect...

    He is a couple of years older than me, i dont know if that would make any difference, but there are just a few things im worried about. Like what if the conversation runs dry? Like what sort of things can you talk about? At the start, do you shake hands, or hug, or what? Do I offer to buy coffee? And at then end, do you kiss or what? Im not "out" or anything, just i dunno exploring? So i dunno if i would ya know wanna kiss or anything in public... :/ Should i say that? Or would he be offended?

    This is the first date ive been on since i left school, so its like a whole new world of dating and such for me, any tips or advice would be much appreciated.
     
  2. joyboytoy79

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    A date is a date. Really. The rules for dating a man are largely the same as the rules for dating a woman. The most important rule is "play it by ear." Just do what feels right for each situation as it arises. You can talk about anything - and are more likely to have things in common. I always shook hands with guys if i was meeting them for the first time, but that's how I was raised. Offer to buy the coffee if you like him, and you want to make a good first impression. Kissing on a first date is not something i believe in, but i'm an old fashioned sort of modern young man...

    Most of all... relax and enjoy yourself!
     
  3. D_Bing_Cherry

    D_Bing_Cherry Account Disabled

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    I agree with JBT "A date is a date." I am a long time away from dating but I know the best times were when I just relaxed and did not try to make something happen. Just be yourself is the best advice I can offer, too.
     
  4. FSUnole2k9

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    I agree with previous posters. Just be yourself and go with the flow try to match their gestures and the conversation. I think it's always best to ask about what they like, and what they are into as a starter topic. It's easy to answer and you can be as playful with the answers as need be.
     
  5. lvsxy808

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    More agreement. These questions are the same whether you're meeting a man or a woman. Just meet the guy, chat, ask him about himself... Just as you would with a woman. I'm really not sure what you even imagine could have been different.
     
  6. Theblacksheep

    Theblacksheep New Member

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    Hahah i guess i was over reacting! I was more just worried about how you would greet each other, and how we would leave it. Like when you meet a girl you can do the kiss check thing, but with a man? And some gay men, like to be treated like a woman, so is it a hand shake, a hug, a kiss on the cheek? lol

    But thanks for the answers
     
  7. B_Hung Jon

    B_Hung Jon New Member

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    I would say to shake his hand, look him right in the eye and smile when you meet. Eye contact is the most important thing you can do with anyone when you're with them. If you've enjoyed each others' company, he'll most likely give you enough hints on how to say goodbye.
     
  8. Bbucko

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    In the 34 years I've been dating and socially interacting with gay men, I've yet to meet one who would "like to be treated like a woman". Men prefer to be treated like men.
     
  9. Theblacksheep

    Theblacksheep New Member

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    Hahaa i ment ya know those guys that refer to themselves as she and that sort of thing, ya know really camp guys, are they called queens? Hahah i have no idea
     
  10. lvsxy808

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    Clearly. But at least you seem willing to learn - I guess that's a start.

    Look - gay men don't like to be treated like women. The only genetic XY's who do want to be treated as women are the ones who are women - that is, MTF transgender individuals.

    It's clear (from your profile percentages if nothing else) that you're coming at this from a largely heterosexual perspective, which is understandable if that's your only experience so far. And that you're willing to broaden that perspective is admirable. But don't go bringing heterosexual assumptions to a same-sex date. In fact, I wouldn't even say you should be bringing those assumptions to an opposite sex date.

    Here's a basic rule for life - people like to be treated like people.

    Assume anything about a person based on their sex, gender, sexual identity or sexual orientation, and you're guaranteed to get it wrong. You're here to get to know this man, yes? So don't go in assuming you know anything already. Deal with him as an individual first and foremost. He will thank you for it.

    .
     
  11. joyboytoy79

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    I disagree with this statement, but it's nitpicking on my part. There are a few gay men who "want to be treated like a woman." I've met one in person. He was full of affectation and he drove me nuts. Having to live in the same house as him was rather excruciating. Those who want to be treated like women are the exception, however.

    I agree with the rest of this wholeheartedly. Different people expect different things on a date. The differences/similarities in the various classes of expectations are almost entirely independent of gender. Approach everyone you meet as a human being instead of as a man or a woman, and you'll nearly never have problems offending anyone.
     
  12. DesertCruiser

    DesertCruiser New Member

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    I can't wait to see the percentage straight/gay after your first date. Enquiring minds want to know.
     
  13. Theblacksheep

    Theblacksheep New Member

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    hahahah this made me laugh. This is like the most complicated and confusing thing ive ever done hahah we shall see what happens :/
     
  14. samanthadavis

    samanthadavis New Member

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    Just savor the moment. Remember Happy days are coming when you're ready for it.
     
  15. shadow27

    shadow27 New Member

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    Find something he does that you think is kinda cool, it doesnt have to be world shattering, but something that you want to know more about, like when im on a date i ask about sports he may play or music he may like, if there is anything in connection then i try to get him to talk about it and if he likes it or what he does differently then myself. it can really lead to awesome places if you just ask about him.
     
  16. Theblacksheep

    Theblacksheep New Member

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    So i thought i would report back if anyone wanted to know haha
    We had our coffee, all went well, conversation was all good. We actualy stayed in the coffee shop for like 2 hours, so it was good. There was no awkward hug or hand shake or any of that shit i was worried about at the beginning, however the ending was a different story hahah. We stood up and left, before we went our seperate ways, im pretty sure he went in for a kiss, but i pretty much chickened out and turned away :s Not like really rudely or anything, just a subtle "dont kiss me" manoevre hahha, god how awkward.
    But yh im not sure what will happen next, i wasnt ready i dont think for a kiss as pathetic as that sounds. But i feel we both clicked well and would like to see him again.. I dunno
     
  17. AM_092

    AM_092 Guest

    Well definitely make sure you send him texts once in a while.

    I've been on some good dates, but because I forgot to keep in contact with them, nothing ever went further, despite us both liking each other and have had a good time.
     
  18. DTD

    DTD
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    Glad to hear that your date went well. Hopefully you'll see him again.
     
  19. DavidXL

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    Congrats, Blacksheep, on surviving your first date with a man. I'm not really in any position to give advice on dating a man, since I've only had a few date-like interactions with men. But, I'll give it anyway. If you liked him and want to see him again, as you said, e-mail or text him tomorrow and say something like, "Hey, I had a good time last night, and I liked you. Want to get together again? I'm around on Saturday [or X date] if you want to go out." If you liked him and want to see him, you don't need to put your heart on a platter, but don't play games, either. My successful relationships (alas, with women only), have been the ones where we didn't play games.

    And on the kissing: don't do it until you're ready, and I hate to say it, but if you don't do it fairly soon (and it doesn't have to be a big make out session, with tongues down each other's throats, until you are ready for that yet), you might risk drifting into the "friends" zone. If it's something you want to do at the end of the "date" and you're not sure whether you should just shake hands or kiss, I was once on a date-like evening with a guy I hit it off with and knew I had some chemistry and, emboldened by alcohol - which I don't recommend - when it came time to part ways and say good night, I just said, surprising even myself with my honesty, with the first thought that came into my head when I normally would have just shaken hands: "Hey, would you mind if I kissed you good night?" He smiled, and we did. (Sorry, D, for sharing!)

    Good luck!
     
  20. matelalique

    matelalique Active Member

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    DavidXL says it well ^^^^ Congrats on surviving what was likely a rather stressful experience (or at least a stressful preparation).

    Dating is supposed to be fun, and you should do what you want to, and when you feel ready for it. You weren't ready for a public kiss, next time you might get drunk, go back to someones place and want to trade blowjobs. You can decide for yourself whether it is a "public" issue, or an intimacy issue.

    I will point out that the power-dynamic is different in male-male dating. You meet as equals and leave as equals. Listening to straight friends, I get the impression that the dynamic is that the male tries to impress/spend enough to get into her pants, and she decides when he has impressed/spent enough, and to be crude, puts out. (Decide for yourself who has the power in this dynamic).

    Here - you are both in the same boat - there is no "the boy sends the first text". I find it very common for noone to send the first text. And I wouldn't be surprised if there was no follow-up if you did send the first date. Maybe I am just repulsive, but I think lack of communication after a male-male date is the norm rather than the exception. If he doesn't respond, don't take it badly.

    Good luck.
     
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