first gay date-Help?

Discussion in 'Relationships, Discrimination, and Jealousy' started by idoevrythng, Jul 13, 2008.

  1. idoevrythng

    Verified Gold Member

    Joined:
    Jun 24, 2008
    Messages:
    41
    Albums:
    1
    Likes Received:
    0
    Gender:
    Male
    Location:
    NYC
    Verified:
    Photo
    so im bi and ive been on plenty of dates but i was asked out on my first gay date (lol) on friday... n i dont really know what like the process is, i guess...like who pays for dinner?etc.?idk like what should i except?kiss or dont kiss? is there any kind of gay dating etiquette i should know about?IM REALLY NERVOUS!!
     
  2. brandonguy35

    Verified Gold Member

    Joined:
    Aug 28, 2005
    Messages:
    266
    Albums:
    3
    Likes Received:
    25
    Gender:
    Male
    Location:
    florida
    Verified:
    Photo
    Don't be nervous--or at least any more nervous than any other date. You will have more fun if you relax. In general, the person who asked for the date should pay, but it is okay for you to offer to pay, or to each pay for yourself. How far you go at the end depends on how the date goes and how comfortable you both feel. Let your instincts guide you. A date is a date--doen't matter if it is two girls, two guys, or a guy and a girl. Have fun! Hope it goes well.
     
  3. FRE

    FRE
    Gold Member

    Joined:
    Jun 29, 2008
    Messages:
    2,994
    Albums:
    5
    Likes Received:
    134
    Gender:
    Male
    Location:
    Albuquerque NM
    I suggest that each pay for his own dinner. That way, no one will feel obligated to do something that he might not want to do.

    If you can manage it, I suggest that you get to know each other by having several dates before doing anything serious. Otherwise, you may never see him again. Of course, that could also happen even if you don't do anything serious, but at least then you would not feel that he had taken advantage of you, or vice versa.

    Many guys want to do everything on the first date, but in my opinion, that's not a good idea.
     
  4. exwhyzee

    Gold Member

    Joined:
    Jun 5, 2005
    Messages:
    4,578
    Likes Received:
    36
    Gender:
    Male
    The fun part about gay dating is that there are no rules, which is good because you can't break any rules. If you want to be be sweet, hold a door open for him. Hopefully he will return the favor for you next time. If you want to buy dinner this time, maybe he will return the favor next time. Just focus on being a nice guy, and don't worry about protocol. Ask lots of questions about him like what he enjoys doing, focus on your commonalities, and listen to what he says. By the way, I never kiss on a first date! cough cough cough :cool:
     
  5. Jason

    Gold Member

    Joined:
    Aug 26, 2004
    Messages:
    9,930
    Likes Received:
    641
    Gender:
    Male
    Location:
    London (GB)
    Be sure it is a date rather than just a guy who wants to hang out with you.

    Go dutch with the bill - keeps it simple.

    If something follows and you are happy with that, great. Keep it safe.

    Don't import the coyness of guy-girl dating. Girls like romance and taking time and not being too easy and all that. Guys are more direct.
     
  6. Gogiboy1

    Gogiboy1 New Member

    Joined:
    Jun 21, 2006
    Messages:
    35
    Likes Received:
    0
    Gender:
    Male
    Hey Sport,

    First of all, I wanted to say that BRANDONGUY35, Hit it SPOT-ON, with the advice he gave you. The person who invited you, is the one who SHOULD cover the cost of the dinner.

    If you go out to a movie after that, or coffee/dessert somewhere else, it would be a nice gesture if you offered to cover that. ALSO, it's not a bad move if when the check comes, you ask how much you owe...it says a lot about you, and IF he accepts your $ , or expects YOU to pay for your dinner, it says something about HIM...But as BG35 said...going Dutch is OK as well, But since you asked about etiquette, the INVITER, should pay since THEY invited YOU.

    I'll say this last bit about dinner, as a safety precaution...ALWAYS, bring enough to cover BOTH OF YOU, as it has happened to me a couple of times in the past, that although I was invited, the other party either didn't have enough, forgot their wallet/money/credit card, OR Their card was declined. Just be on the safe side.

    As far as the kissing goes, and w/ this being your 1st date...let him make the 1st move...if he doesn't or calls it a night early, it doesn't mean he's not into you, he may be just as nervous as you are. Let him know that you enjoyed your date and IF you'd like to see him again...tell him so, or if NOT, if you aren't into him that much...DIPLOMATICALLY and COURTEOUSLY, call it a night, THANK HIM...and leave it at that. You DO NOT owe him sex, a BJ or even a make-out session. Just be honest with him, and hopefully he will show you the same courtesy.

    I wish you the best, and let us know how it turns out...WE'RE HERE FOR YOU, BUDDY!!!

    Hoping you have a great time, and relax, enjoy it!


    G.
     
  7. Gedackt8

    Gedackt8 New Member

    Joined:
    May 3, 2007
    Messages:
    32
    Likes Received:
    0
    Gender:
    Male
    Location:
    Philadelphia, PA
    I have to agree with FRE and Jason. For a first date, you each pay, and no making out or sex. Get to know him first. A hug might be ok, though. If you both like each other, there will be plenty of time for the juicy stuff!
     
  8. FRE

    FRE
    Gold Member

    Joined:
    Jun 29, 2008
    Messages:
    2,994
    Albums:
    5
    Likes Received:
    134
    Gender:
    Male
    Location:
    Albuquerque NM
    Although it's true that IN GENERAL we guys tend to be more direct, I'm not so sure that that's a good thing. The result is that many guys end up having sex with dozens of different guys, sometimes even hundreds of different guys, and never find anyone to have a good relationship with.

    The problems is that ordinarily, there are emotions involved with sex. It's easy to become deeply emotionally involved with someone with whom a relationship is impossible, and that can be very painful. That leads to fear of seeing the guy again. If a relationship is allowed to build gradually, you are more likely to find someone suited to a long term relationship. Eventually you can make the decision of whether to be friends or partners.
     
  9. idoevrythng

    Verified Gold Member

    Joined:
    Jun 24, 2008
    Messages:
    41
    Albums:
    1
    Likes Received:
    0
    Gender:
    Male
    Location:
    NYC
    Verified:
    Photo
    well im sure its a date date cause of the way he asked me which was really cute,he said "ok here it goes, i think ur really cute and id love it if you'd go out to dinner with me"
    but thank every1 so much for all ur advice and i feel more prepared but this guy is soooo cute that id pretty much do anything hed want me too LOL but ill keep all ur tips in mind!!!
     
  10. idoevrythng

    Verified Gold Member

    Joined:
    Jun 24, 2008
    Messages:
    41
    Albums:
    1
    Likes Received:
    0
    Gender:
    Male
    Location:
    NYC
    Verified:
    Photo
    IT WENT REALLY WELL!!
    thanks every1
     
  11. crowdpleaser

    crowdpleaser Member

    Joined:
    Jan 29, 2007
    Messages:
    107
    Albums:
    2
    Likes Received:
    2
    Gender:
    Male
    Location:
    mich
    Can you elaborate on "IT WENT WELL"
     
  12. FRE

    FRE
    Gold Member

    Joined:
    Jun 29, 2008
    Messages:
    2,994
    Albums:
    5
    Likes Received:
    134
    Gender:
    Male
    Location:
    Albuquerque NM
    I'm glad to see that.
     
  13. idoevrythng

    Verified Gold Member

    Joined:
    Jun 24, 2008
    Messages:
    41
    Albums:
    1
    Likes Received:
    0
    Gender:
    Male
    Location:
    NYC
    Verified:
    Photo
    hahaha sure
    we went to eat sushi,convo was fun and easy and he paid...i protested but he said something like i know u college students have no money or something to that nature which was nice,,then hes friend was throwing a little party so we went and got a little tipsy and made out(he felt me up which was different)...than he took a cab with me than we parted....we txt alot and we saw batman together and he wants to go out again on some time this week...but i cant so i told him friday was the only day,since i made other plans, and he said great!!
    so i think its a good start!
     
  14. slate_australis

    slate_australis New Member

    Joined:
    Oct 4, 2006
    Messages:
    692
    Albums:
    1
    Likes Received:
    12
    Gender:
    Male
    Location:
    Sydney, Australia
    That's one of the things that I prefer when I date women - so many men, for some reason, presume that if you don't pin them against a wall on a first that you're not interested in them.
     
  15. Industrialsize

    Staff Member Moderator Gold Member

    Joined:
    Dec 23, 2006
    Messages:
    24,294
    Albums:
    2
    Likes Received:
    2,163
    Gender:
    Male
    Location:
    United States
    I suggest a good fleet's enema before a date......makes sure you are sparkling clean
     
  16. FRE

    FRE
    Gold Member

    Joined:
    Jun 29, 2008
    Messages:
    2,994
    Albums:
    5
    Likes Received:
    134
    Gender:
    Male
    Location:
    Albuquerque NM
    I know what you mean about men. Many times when I wanted to delay any physical involvement before getting to know a guy, I was accused of being immature. Typically they thought that 10 minutes was long enough to get to know someone, but I had perhaps 10 weeks in mind. I was also told that having sex with someone is a good way to get to know him, but it most definitely is not.

    One of the problems with having sex too soon is that it can cause one to becoming emotionally involved with someone with whom a relationship would be impossible, and that can be very painful. Also, fear of emotional involvement following sex can lead to ruling out a guy as a partner when actually the guy could become a good partner.

    There are many good reasons to delay physical involvement, but just try to explain why!!
     
  17. craig_uk

    craig_uk Member

    Joined:
    Oct 18, 2006
    Messages:
    210
    Albums:
    1
    Likes Received:
    10
    Gender:
    Male
    You know I can't help but think that 10 weeks 'waiting time' is going to take some very good reasons indeed.
     
  18. FRE

    FRE
    Gold Member

    Joined:
    Jun 29, 2008
    Messages:
    2,994
    Albums:
    5
    Likes Received:
    134
    Gender:
    Male
    Location:
    Albuquerque NM
    It seems to me that the prevalence of HIV and other STDs provide an excellent reason. Also, the fear of becoming prematurely emotionally involved as the result of engaging in sex too soon can cause one to rule out someone as a partner even if he would be suitable. That fear is one of the reasons that one night (and shorter) stands are so common.

    That said, I have never found a solution and at this point in my life, probably I never will. The ideal would be to find a suitable partner early in life and have a totally monogamous relationship without ever had sex with anyone else. However, that is utopian. We are imperfect people living in an imperfect world, so we end up making compromises. It's almost inevitable, especially for those of us who happen to be gay.
     
  19. slate_australis

    slate_australis New Member

    Joined:
    Oct 4, 2006
    Messages:
    692
    Albums:
    1
    Likes Received:
    12
    Gender:
    Male
    Location:
    Sydney, Australia
    I think arbitrary timelines are a bit stupid.

    If I'm seeing a guy - I actually like to see if I can have a conversation and find out something about him. I don't see how that's strange.

    Sometimes it's a week, sometimes a couple.
     
  20. FRE

    FRE
    Gold Member

    Joined:
    Jun 29, 2008
    Messages:
    2,994
    Albums:
    5
    Likes Received:
    134
    Gender:
    Male
    Location:
    Albuquerque NM
    It actually takes considerable time to get to know someone. It's necessary to see how he acts in various circumstances, learn how he spends his time, learn whether he's already in a relationship or married and is hiding the fact, meet his friends and possibly his relatives, etc. There are many phonies around and they can be very convincing. Becoming involved with such a person can be disasterous.

    My sister thought that she was engaged to a man. He was well educated (PhD) and had an easily verifyable position. However, it turned out that he was married and circumstances made it possible for him to hide the fact for several months. Of course, when my sister became suspicious and hired a detective, she was totally devistated after learning the truth. It took considerable time for her to recover.

    A very attractive man could turn out to be a confidence man who has swindled thousands of dollars from multiple victims; it happens. He could be on parole from prison for armed robbery. He could be involved with many people who think that they are in an exclusive relationship. He could be a gold digger. The possibilities are endless.

    When I was 20, I became involved with a man whom I later learned made a practice of driving around at night picking up hitch hikers for sex. He also turned out to be a shop lifter and a pathological liar. He owed money to many different people. When I finally learned what he really was, I was totally crushed since I was just a naive 20 year old kid. Never again!!

    Simply having conversatons with someone or having meals together is fine, but it is risky to go much farther than that without first getting to know him thoroughly.
     
Draft saved Draft deleted