First guy on guy hookup

[DC_DEEP]

Originally posted by Irvy+Sep 14 2005, 09:37 AM--><div class='quotetop'>QUOTE(Irvy &#064; Sep 14 2005, 09:37 AM)</div><div class='quotemain'>If I can add my 2 cents, I&#39;d really recommend trying to find someone in a similar situation and age to yourself.  There are lots of much older guys (some of whom may already have sent you a message becuase of this thread, offering their "help) who like to prey on young guys, confused enough in their sexuality to do whatever they tell them to. 

Take things slow, make up a list of rules about how far you&#39;re prepared to go for now, and stick with it.  If you&#39;re unsure about your sexuality, it won&#39;t take very much for you to realise whether or not this is for you, and if you are indeed just straight and curious, you&#39;ll have an easier time coming to terms with finding out by having a wank with someone your own age than you will finding out with some 40 year old dripping sweat on your back as he fucks you.

Take things easy, have fun, but most importantly, look after yourself.

[post=343138]Quoted post[/post]​

[/b]

<!--QuoteBegin-Irvy@Sep 14 2005, 09:53 AM
Thanks alleyblu&#33;

It is true though.  I&#39;ve witnessed in chatrooms the lengths some of these older guys will go to in order to snare an 18 year old out on his first time.  They&#39;re like cats high on catnip.  The curious teen, in their mind, doesn&#39;t have the experience to know what to say no to, and I&#39;ve spoken with guys who told me just what some of these guys told them and assured them of to try to get them into their bed (or rented apartment on the other side of town, well away from their wife and kids).

General rule of thumb, if some guy tells you the first time recieving anally doesn&#39;t hurt, he doesn&#39;t give a shit about you finding out about your sexuality, he&#39;s only after getting what he wants.

[post=343146]Quoted post[/post]​

[/quote]
How terribly disturbing, Irvy.

Slam dunk, there&#39;s lots of good advice here, and some disturbing advice. Chat more than 3 or 4 times before you decide to hook up - if they are not interested in chatting first, and insist on meeting and fucking immediately, they are creeps, stay away. Meet for the first time in a public place, for lunch or dinner, and TALK for an hour or so. If they want the first meeting in private, or want to jump immediately into a bed without any talk, they are creeps, stay away. If there is anything about them in chatting, meeting, or talking, that bothers you or makes you uncomfortable, interview the next one. If anyone, male or female, tries to talk you out of using condoms, they are creepy - run like hell, they don&#39;t care about their own lives, and will end yours if possible.

Irvy, my first experience was when I was 17, the other guy was 27. Not the same as 20 or 30 years older than me, but 10 years older. But I knew him a few years first, and he was VERY hot, and he was not creepy. Although I am not generally all that interested in very young men, I can&#39;t say with certainty that I would turn down any and every 18-year-old who approached me (don&#39;t fret, hasn&#39;t happened yet and I doubt it will). I definitely do not seek them out. Please do not paint all guys in their 40s and 50s as child molesters. Some of us, without any sexual involvement, would actually like to mentor younger gay men who are asking just exactly these sorts of questions. When I was coming to terms with my sexuality, the only mentor and role model I had was a very open-minded straight woman 5 years older than me, who told me "It&#39;s ok to be gay."

 

[dlcs]

Originally posted by Slamdunk_dude@Oct 18 2005, 10:59 PM
Wow&#33; Invisibleman thanks for the advice&#33; Very helpful... :yourock:

[post=353092]Quoted post[/post]​

There&#39;s a book in that advice. Hopefully invisibleman will remember the "little" people when he&#39;s a rich and famous relationship author. :loveya:

I can see the book cover... two beautiful shirtless men (waist-up shot to prevent anyone from getting snippy) on a crimson silk blanket, wrapped around each other... and the title:

Real Relationships: Advice for The Young Gay Man in The 21st Century.

Hell, I&#39;d buy it just so I could have a book around that I could point to and say "Yeah, I knew that guy. Cool guy."

 

[invisibleman]

Originally posted by dlcs+Oct 20 2005, 12:05 PM--><div class='quotetop'>QUOTE(dlcs &#064; Oct 20 2005, 12:05 PM)</div><div class='quotemain'><!--QuoteBegin-Slamdunk_dude@Oct 18 2005, 10:59 PM
Wow&#33; Invisibleman thanks for the advice&#33; Very helpful... :yourock:

[post=353092]Quoted post[/post]​

There&#39;s a book in that advice. Hopefully invisibleman will remember the "little" people when he&#39;s a rich and famous relationship author. :loveya:

I can see the book cover... two beautiful shirtless men (waist-up shot to prevent anyone from getting snippy) on a crimson silk blanket, wrapped around each other... and the title:

Real Relationships: Advice for The Young Gay Man in The 21st Century.

Hell, I&#39;d buy it just so I could have a book around that I could point to and say "Yeah, I knew that guy. Cool guy."

[post=353540]Quoted post[/post]​

[/b][/quote]
Ahh (Invisibleman is blushing). The advice could easily apply to any orientation. Anybody having a sexual relationship could benefit from these rules. With respect to differences in stimuli the results are the same. I guess you could use them with some changes. Women have very different territories and mindset. Men have their different territories and mindset. You have to really ask the right questions and nevermind if it is stupid. It isn&#39;t stupid if you are asking the question. A lot of what I wrote to Slam Dunk--is based on what I&#39;ve learned from my own experiences and other&#39;s. Why buy the book when you can come here and copy the guide sheet off here on lpsg.org from this post for free? As far as the two guys are concerned, they are kinda occupied as of the moment...(hee-hee). Thanks for the kind complements. I was a young kid once. Luckily, I had a library to go to. And resources. I also went through puberty very differently due to I was a late bloomer or slow simmered bloomer. I went to a doctor as well to find out what was wrong. Sometimes adults forget that they were teens at one time. Invisibleman :beer: :yourock:

 

[indianaman_04]

[post=343146]Quoted post[/post]​

[/quote]
If they want the first meeting in private, or want to jump immediately into a bed without any talk, they are creeps, stay away.

Please do not paint all guys in their 40s and 50s as child molesters.

[post=353129]Quoted post[/post]​

[/quote]
I find these two statements ironic and so I just want to add:
Please do not paint all guys who just want to jump immediately into a bed without any talk as creeps. I would much rather a guy tell me he just wants to f*ck me rather than giving me a load of BS, then getting me into bed. If he&#39;s honest up front, I can either stay or leave. If you wanna f*ck and nothing else, than just say so. Who knows, I may or may not want the same thing.

 

[boston6_8guy]

Originally posted by Slamdunk_dude@Oct 19 2005, 04:59 AM
Wow&#33; Invisibleman thanks for the advice&#33; Very helpful... :yourock:

[post=353092]Quoted post[/post]​

I&#39;m loving all the advice, and it&#39;s very sage and accurate. Believe the advice, because it&#39;s been tested first hand&#33;

If you do decide to try the online thing, there are a couple of additional points that are comical, but true: a few Cardinal Rules of Online:

1. If he doesn&#39;t have a pic, he&#39;s ugly&#33; TRUST me on this one. He&#39;ll say "You won&#39;t be disappointed." This should be a HUGE red flag. Or, the other common one is, "My friends tell me I&#39;m cute." Run for the hills&#33;

No pic, no play&#33;

2. If there&#39;s no face pic, he&#39;s not cute or he&#39;s married&#33; If you get a pic, assume it&#39;s not of him or it&#39;s 7 years old&#33; Additionally, the pictures should be clear, and he should have more than one. This is known as "The Bait and Switch," when a man shows up and it&#39;s not the pic on your computer.

A good response is: "Here&#39;s the phone. Why don&#39;t you call the man whose pic you sent, so he can come over and have sex with me?"

3. Talk to him on the phone before agreeing to meet. If he&#39;s crazy on the phone, he&#39;s even crazier in real life&#33; If he&#39;s dull on the phone, the conversation will die within 17 seconds of meeting. Phone chemistry is real and a great barometer of how he&#39;ll be in real life.

4. Finally, per the other posts, always meet somewhere for coffee first, even if just for 20 minutes&#33; Get to know him a bit, see if he&#39;s cool or if he&#39;s crazy. If he&#39;s crazy, LEAVE&#33; Sex with someone who freaks you out is no good. Trust me, I&#39;ve had sex with several crazies and once even thought I was gonna die&#33; A-la Julia Roberts in "Sleeping with the Enemy."



SO&#33; You will probably break each of these Cardinal Rules of Online. But, if you want to take the advice of a man has had tons of online hook-ups, do NOT break these rules. They&#39;re learned from experience, lots of experience...

But, you may fall for the "Oh, I don&#39;t have a pic, but I&#39;m really cute and have a big dick." BAM he shows up and he&#39;s 50lbs heavier than he said, 10 years older, and was measuring in centimeters instead of inches.

Good luck&#33; Always play safe&#33; HIV is real and is not over. HPV is everywhere. There are so many STD&#39;s you can&#39;t see&#33; Love yourself and protect yourself above all else.

Take care&#33;

 

[invisibleman]

Originally posted by boston6_8guy+Oct 21 2005, 11:20 PM--><div class='quotetop'>QUOTE(boston6_8guy &#064; Oct 21 2005, 11:20 PM)</div><div class='quotemain'><!--QuoteBegin-Slamdunk_dude@Oct 19 2005, 04:59 AM
Wow&#33; Invisibleman thanks for the advice&#33; Very helpful... :yourock:

[post=353092]Quoted post[/post]​

I&#39;m loving all the advice, and it&#39;s very sage and accurate. Believe the advice, because it&#39;s been tested first hand&#33;

If you do decide to try the online thing, there are a couple of additional points that are comical, but true: a few Cardinal Rules of Online:

1. If he doesn&#39;t have a pic, he&#39;s ugly&#33; TRUST me on this one. He&#39;ll say "You won&#39;t be disappointed." This should be a HUGE red flag. Or, the other common one is, "My friends tell me I&#39;m cute." Run for the hills&#33;

No pic, no play&#33;

2. If there&#39;s no face pic, he&#39;s not cute or he&#39;s married&#33; If you get a pic, assume it&#39;s not of him or it&#39;s 7 years old&#33; Additionally, the pictures should be clear, and he should have more than one. This is known as "The Bait and Switch," when a man shows up and it&#39;s not the pic on your computer.

A good response is: "Here&#39;s the phone. Why don&#39;t you call the man whose pic you sent, so he can come over and have sex with me?"

3. Talk to him on the phone before agreeing to meet. If he&#39;s crazy on the phone, he&#39;s even crazier in real life&#33; If he&#39;s dull on the phone, the conversation will die within 17 seconds of meeting. Phone chemistry is real and a great barometer of how he&#39;ll be in real life.

4. Finally, per the other posts, always meet somewhere for coffee first, even if just for 20 minutes&#33; Get to know him a bit, see if he&#39;s cool or if he&#39;s crazy. If he&#39;s crazy, LEAVE&#33; Sex with someone who freaks you out is no good. Trust me, I&#39;ve had sex with several crazies and once even thought I was gonna die&#33; A-la Julia Roberts in "Sleeping with the Enemy."



SO&#33; You will probably break each of these Cardinal Rules of Online. But, if you want to take the advice of a man has had tons of online hook-ups, do NOT break these rules. They&#39;re learned from experience, lots of experience...

But, you may fall for the "Oh, I don&#39;t have a pic, but I&#39;m really cute and have a big dick." BAM he shows up and he&#39;s 50lbs heavier than he said, 10 years older, and was measuring in centimeters instead of inches.

Good luck&#33; Always play safe&#33; HIV is real and is not over. HPV is everywhere. There are so many STD&#39;s you can&#39;t see&#33; Love yourself and protect yourself above all else.

Take care&#33;

[post=354072]Quoted post[/post]​

[/b][/quote]

I may also want to add this. There seems to be a lot of emphasis on a person&#39;s appearances: attractiveness, weight, dick size, and etc. So, do you think that all ugly looking people deserve no respect and no loving? The buffed out supermodel porn type guys get the spoils. Hmmmm? Could a physically "ugly" person be actually attractive? Could a physically "handsome" be quite unattractive? Kinda unfair. When parents have children I am sure that they put in an order for "attractive" ones and make sure that they have pictures of the tikes because if they are ugly we will abort. Looks can be lost. People do get old unfortunately. Weight does get gained. Pictures aren&#39;t a really great indicator of a good relationship--sexual or otherwise. My ex-BF (LTR of six years wasn&#39;t physically GQ but I saw a very wonderful and mature soul of an man. A man that was self-sacrificing. A man that stood by me when these "good looking" guys didn&#39;t. He also was a lot better sexually (and his cock was average sized) because he had an innovative imagination and was very resourceful. This guy can grill a very good steak and roast a very delicious turkey and ham on the holidays. You can buy an attractive car and find out weeks or moments later that is a lemon. On the other hand, you could have an ugly car that has no mechanical defects other than its appearance and be totally reliable and has better features and abilities. Appearances are deceptive. Test drive every individual you meet.
Internet dating isn&#39;t natural. Get yourself out there and meet people naturally. You
can meet them in person face-to-face. Take your own pictures.
Invisibleman :yourock:

 

[Matthew]

invisibleman, I like this even better than your 29 rules for first hook-up. Of course I was too ADD to make through all 29 so I shouldn&#39;t talk. But I wonder if people will realize the value of what you are saying.

Originally posted by invisibleman@Oct 22 2005, 10:50 AM
I may also want to add this. There seems to be a lot of emphasis on a person&#39;s appearances: attractiveness, weight, dick size, and etc. So, do you think that all ugly looking people deserve no respect and no loving? The buffed out supermodel porn type guys get the spoils. Hmmmm? Could a physically "ugly" person be actually attractive? Could a physically "handsome" be quite unattractive? Kinda unfair. When parents have children I am sure that they put in an order for "attractive" ones and make sure that they have pictures of the tikes because if they are ugly we will abort. Looks can be lost. People do get old unfortunately. Weight does get gained. Pictures aren&#39;t a really great indicator of a good relationship--sexual or otherwise. My ex-BF (LTR of six years wasn&#39;t physically GQ but I saw a very wonderful and mature soul of an man. A man that was self-sacrificing. A man that stood by me when these "good looking" guys didn&#39;t. He also was a lot better sexually (and his cock was average sized) because he had an innovative imagination and was very resourceful. This guy can grill a very good steak and roast a very delicious turkey and ham on the holidays. You can buy an attractive car and find out weeks or moments later that is a lemon. On the other hand, you could have an ugly car that has no mechanical defects other than its appearance and be totally reliable and has better features and abilities. Appearances are deceptive. Test drive every individual you meet.
Internet dating isn&#39;t natural. Get yourself out there and meet people naturally. You
can meet them in person face-to-face. Take your own pictures.

[post=354224]Quoted post[/post]​

 

[invisibleman]

Originally posted by Matthew+Oct 22 2005, 02:21 PM--><div class='quotetop'>QUOTE(Matthew &#064; Oct 22 2005, 02:21 PM)</div><div class='quotemain'>invisibleman, I like this even better than your 29 rules for first hook-up.  Of course I was too ADD to make through all 29 so I shouldn&#39;t talk.  But I wonder if people will realize the value of what you are saying.
<!--QuoteBegin-invisibleman@Oct 22 2005, 10:50 AM
I may also want to add this.  There seems to be a lot of emphasis on a person&#39;s appearances: attractiveness, weight, dick size, and etc. So, do you think that all ugly looking people deserve no respect and no loving? The buffed out supermodel porn type guys get the spoils. Hmmmm? Could a physically "ugly" person be actually attractive? Could a physically "handsome" be quite unattractive? Kinda unfair.  When parents have children I am sure that they put in an order for "attractive" ones and make sure that they have pictures of the tikes because if they are ugly we will abort. Looks can be lost. People do get old unfortunately. Weight does get gained. Pictures aren&#39;t a really great indicator of a good relationship--sexual or otherwise. My ex-BF (LTR of six years wasn&#39;t physically GQ but I saw a very wonderful and mature soul of an man. A man that was self-sacrificing. A man that stood by me when these "good looking" guys didn&#39;t. He also was a lot better sexually (and his cock was average sized) because he had an innovative imagination and was very resourceful.  This guy can grill a very good steak and roast a very delicious turkey and ham on the holidays. You can buy an attractive car and find out weeks or moments later that is a lemon. On the other hand, you could have an ugly car that has no mechanical defects other than its appearance and be totally reliable and has better features and abilities. Appearances are deceptive. Test drive every individual you meet.
Internet dating isn&#39;t natural. Get yourself out there and meet people naturally. You
can meet them in person face-to-face. Take your own pictures.

[post=354224]Quoted post[/post]​

[post=354238]Quoted post[/post]​

[/b][/quote]
Well, Matthew--
People (including yourself) don&#39;t have to pay any attention to any of the rules. Do what you want. If you find your way pays off then that&#39;s cool. The rules were just guidelines. Suggestions based on my experiences and observations, that&#39;s it. Invisibleman :yourock:

 

[face_jism]

Originally posted by invisibleman@Oct 22 2005, 10:50 AM
There seems to be a lot of emphasis on a person&#39;s appearances: attractiveness, weight, dick size, and etc.

[post=354224]Quoted post[/post]​

Yes, this phenomenon is known as human sexual attraction.

So, do you think that all ugly looking people deserve no respect and no loving?

There&#39;s no question of who deserves respect. Sexual love, however, is by definition tied to sex, and sex does not necessarily go to those who need it or have earned it somehow. Ugly people tend to get less, sometimes much less, and not always because of anything they have or haven&#39;t done.

The buffed out supermodel porn type guys get the spoils.

If they want the "spoils," they can usually have them.

Could a physically "ugly" person be actually attractive? Could a physically "handsome" be quite unattractive?

Yes, in a non-physical sense, but for most men physical and non-physical attractions are substantially unrelated.

Kinda unfair.

Life is especially and irredeemably unfair in the sexual realm. Sexual attraction is rarely governed by conscious processes subject to notions of fairness.

When parents have children I am sure that they put in an order for "attractive" ones and make sure that they have pictures of the tikes because if they are ugly we will abort.

I don&#39;t think it&#39;s possible to determine the future attractiveness of a fetus. Even so, people can and do have abortions for even more trivial reasons, such as wanting a child of a particular sex (usually male).

Looks can be lost. People do get old unfortunately. Weight does get gained.

True, and sexual activity often decreases when these things happen.

Pictures aren&#39;t a really great indicator of a good relationship--sexual or otherwise.

I would have to disagree. I&#39;ve never had good sex with anyone I didn&#39;t think was extremely attractive. Looks made a huge difference to the sex itself.

Internet dating isn&#39;t natural. Get yourself out there and meet people naturally. You can meet them in person face-to-face. Take your own pictures.

True and good advice.

 

[D_Elijah_MorganWood]

OK, I&#39;m a little late but here&#39;s my two cents:
For your first time with a guy, make sure it&#39;s someone you are really, really attracted to. Not just looks but CHEMISTRY. The first guy I went all the way with was really hot and totally blew my mind. It&#39;s something you&#39;re always gonna remember, make it good no matter how you meet the guy, what he looks like, how big his dick is or how old he is.

Please play safe, no matter how clean they look or how few partners they claim to have or how careful they claim to be. Remember: if someone is willing to fuck unsafe with you, they probably have with everybody else.

Have fun&#33;

 

[invisibleman]

Originally posted by face_jism+Oct 28 2005, 05:04 AM--><div class='quotetop'>QUOTE(face_jism &#064; Oct 28 2005, 05:04 AM)</div><div class='quotemain'><!--QuoteBegin-invisibleman@Oct 22 2005, 10:50 AM
There seems to be a lot of emphasis on a person&#39;s appearances: attractiveness, weight, dick size, and etc.

[post=354224]Quoted post[/post]​

Yes, this phenomenon is known as human sexual attraction.

So, do you think that all ugly looking people deserve no respect and no loving?

There&#39;s no question of who deserves respect. Sexual love, however, is by definition tied to sex, and sex does not necessarily go to those who need it or have earned it somehow. Ugly people tend to get less, sometimes much less, and not always because of anything they have or haven&#39;t done.

The buffed out supermodel porn type guys get the spoils.

If they want the "spoils," they can usually have them.

Could a physically "ugly" person be actually attractive? Could a physically "handsome" be quite unattractive?

Yes, in a non-physical sense, but for most men physical and non-physical attractions are substantially unrelated.

Kinda unfair.

Life is especially and irredeemably unfair in the sexual realm. Sexual attraction is rarely governed by conscious processes subject to notions of fairness.

When parents have children I am sure that they put in an order for "attractive" ones and make sure that they have pictures of the tikes because if they are ugly we will abort.

I don&#39;t think it&#39;s possible to determine the future attractiveness of a fetus. Even so, people can and do have abortions for even more trivial reasons, such as wanting a child of a particular sex (usually male).

Looks can be lost. People do get old unfortunately. Weight does get gained.

True, and sexual activity often decreases when these things happen.

Pictures aren&#39;t a really great indicator of a good relationship--sexual or otherwise.

I would have to disagree. I&#39;ve never had good sex with anyone I didn&#39;t think was extremely attractive. Looks made a huge difference to the sex itself.

Internet dating isn&#39;t natural. Get yourself out there and meet people naturally. You can meet them in person face-to-face. Take your own pictures.

True and good advice.

[post=356160]Quoted post[/post]​

[/b][/quote]
Hmmm. Very, very interesting to know. This is an interesting viewpoint. I&#39;ve got this printed out with my rules. Thanks for those revealing facts. Invisibleman :bounce:

 

[volcanoboy]

I am just a few years older than SlamDunk, a bit more experienced, not sure if I am any wiser for it. But here are a few random thoughts:

1) If you meet someone on-line, by all means talk on the phone first. You can often get a good sense of the guy. I have had '20 year olds' that sounded as old as my grandfather; guys who were quite nice on-line, but once on the phone were clearly looking just to get off.

2) A pic is pretty much mandatory. Not to determine if he is 'hot or not', but if he fooling himself with a 10 year-old (and 20-lb lighter) photo, or someone else's photo -- what does that say about his character? He might not be Mario Lopez(yum) but honesty can be quite attractive.

3) I agree also to first meet in a very public place. I would shy away from dinner (too long if things don't hit off). Lunch might be OK, but drinks/coffee is just as good. Also, if you are still feeling anxious that you might not be able to extricate yourself if the meeting does not go well, consider confiding in one of your good buddies to 'accidently' bump into to you after 30-60 minutes. If things are going OK, then say hi and good-bye (to your friend). If things are not going well, it's a good way to diffuse and end the encounter. A bit deceitful, perhaps, but I think forgiveable if you are doing it to insure that you don't get forced down a path you feel uncomfortable with.

4) Finally, I agree with going only as far as you feel comfortable going. "First encounter" does not need to equal "sex". Be clear about your limits upfront and the other guy will respect you (2nd date material) or not (hasta la vista, bebe). Anticipation is a great turn-on.

Two personal experiences regarding the above--
a variation on #3: A friend had gone out with this guy 4-5 times and he wanted to go away for the weekend with him to his parents' apt in NYCV but was unsure if it was too soon. So, he enlisted me and a mutual friend, Ed, to 'come along' to NYC. Ed & I gave them wide berth for alone time, went sight-seeing with them and alone, and gave them a chance to test the waters at being away together. They are still together after nearly 4 years.

#4: I met a guy and the mutual attraction was very evident from the first minute. We went out a few times before we found ourselves in bed. As hot as I was for him (and vice versa), we agreed to only heavy petting for the first few times. By the time we 'did it', the sex was mind-blowing [sic] -- partly because the anticipation had built to a crescendo. If we had gone to sex more quickly, I am sure it would have been hot, but not so sure it would have been so fantastic, or so special.

Good luck
Lots of good advice here on the thread
Nik

 

[volcanoboy]

Regarding the interchange abov --
Quote: Pictures aren't a really great indicator of a good relationship--sexual or otherwise.

Response: I would have to disagree. I've never had good sex with anyone I didn't think was extremely attractive. Looks made a huge difference to the sex itself.

Attraction and a good relationship can be based on many things besides physical attractiveness, ultimately. But, when you are looking at a photo, or at a guy at a bar, the only thing you have to go on is physical attractiveness (unless he is delivering meals to shut-in on the floor of the local gay disco, which then does say something about character ). After that, personality, wit, character, etc come into play. My saying is "Good lucks will get you 10 minutes. After that, you better have more to offer." Now, for out-n-out sex, 10 minutes may be all you need or want. But if you are looking for a little bit more, there has to be more there.

Now, having said that, physical attraction or handsomeness is in the eye of the beholder. Personally, I do not find Justin Timberlake hot at all. Nick Leshy, QUITE another story. But that is me.