First Love is the Best Love?

[B_doogie888]

I was talking to a friend the other day (a girl, if that matters) who claimed that one's first love will almost certainly be their best love of their life. The argument was something along the lines of: when you're young, your hormones are going wild and, chemically, that feeling of love is physiologically stronger than anything you will have afterwards.

She compared it to chasing that first drug high; sure, weed or coke can be great and fun for some people who regularly use them, but will that high ever be as satisfying as that first puff or line? Probably not. This makes sense to me, and makes me feel depressed. Myself as an example: I dated a girl for 5 years starting when I was 18, fell deeply in love with her, and now I've just begun dating someone else 6 months ago who I do feel in love with, but frankly not to the extent that I loved my first love. It's early in my new relationship so there's certainly the possibility this feeling will grow, but the thought that my love for any current or future partner cannot ever match my first love makes me feel hopeless. This also applies to my current girlfriend: will she never love me the way she loved her first boyfriend?

I'd like to hear some of the community's thoughts on this, particularly from the older crowd who might have more life/relationship experience than a 22 year old such as myself. Is it physical? Nastalgia? Or is this whole theory a bunch of BS?

 

[B_Hung Jon]

I'm not a lot older than you but I think I've had more romantic experience so far in my life. Judging love affairs is like judging the best food you've ever eaten. It's very difficult because it's so subjective. Also qualifying love isn't so useful because with each relationship there are many different aspects that come into play: age, physical and emotional reactions, history together, self-knowledge. Maybe the hormonal impulses make first love "seem" better but you can only make some observation if you have something to compare it to. I think many people don't allow themselves the opportunity to fall in love more than one or two times in their lives. If we're open to it, we have the capacity to love more than that in our lives. I think societal convention keeps us fearful of others and less likely to explore our ability to love more widely. Also people buy into "the one and only" fantasy which can be a huge disappointment when that person doesn't come along.

 

[AlteredEgo]

That theory of hers doesn't hold water for me. The best love is love I have right now. I would trade all of my past loves together for my husband.

 

[ManlyBanisters]

Yeah, ditto.

And I also disagree with the drug analogy. I don't do drugs now, but when I did the first time of anything was never the best - I had to learn what effect a drug had on me and what the limit of 'good high' was.

 

[AlteredEgo]

Can you imagine? My first love was (and still is) a misanthropic asshole. I loved him regardless, but it was the immature love of a person who doesn't know what they want or need, let alone what they can give. A few months after we broke up he began dating his wife. He told me how different his feelings for her were. I understood what he meant a few months later when I next fell in love. At the time, THAT was the best love, ad I never thought I could love or be loved better. Then I fell in love again. That love was so complete, and much more mature. It lasted a lot longer too, and as I loved him longer, and was able to share more and more of myself with him, I could not imagine feeling anything more intensely. Now, I am in love again, and it is phenomenal. I am high from it every day. And if it ends, it will temporarily crush me. It will take years to pick up the pieces. But I would be inspired to pick up the pieces knowing that if I were lucky enough to find love again it might be even better. When I was a child, my mother told me that love was the sort of thing that multiplied the more you gave it away. She was right. What I have also come to understand is that the older I get, the more love I have to give, and the more love I give, the more amazing and beautiful, and satisfying the love I get in return. I would theorize that my last love (which hopefully is this love) is the best love I will ever have had.

 

[dolfette]

absolute horse shit.

all those raging hormones and that naivety made for fucking stupid choices in who i loved, which let to stress and misery.

she can speak for herself,
but she knows fuck all about everyone else.

 

[yhtang]

I am not convinced the first love is the best love. But the first love possibly left the deepest impression, and probably felt intense at that time; most probably from having no other comparison.

My memories of my first love is deep, and the first cut was certainly the deepest (the song was right!) But my subsequent loves were good too, in different ways. But I would say this, I have had no regrets even though those loves - including the first one, deep as it was - did not work out. I lived through all those breakups, and I will survive future ones if they happen.

 

[Gecko4lif]

all those raging hormones and that naivety made for fucking stupid choices in who i loved, which let to stress and misery..

Fuck yeah!

 

[Grated]

Complete crap. YOu may be unlucky and not find someone worthwhile, but in my experience if you are open to it, and you have to be brave to do it as it can leave you open to a shit load of hurt, you can find something that blows your first love, no matter how fucking amazing you thought that was, completely out of the fucking water. Is that unequivocal enough?

I am have taken shit loads of drugs and the analogy isn't a good one at all, though the point is taken.

 

[SweetWilliam]

It's not one's first love that's the best, it's one's last.

And don't go comparing one love affair to another, that's not fair to anyone and can only lead you to have expectations of one lover that only another could meet.

 

[Countryguy63]

Absolutely, Totally disagree!!

I would say that my 1st was more of an infatuation/love. I was 19, she was 27. Former rodeo queen, model, etc. She was my 1st sexual relationship (lost virginty at 14, but that was more of a one nighter thing), and I thought I was in love, but looking back, I can honestly see it differently.

My 1st true love was my ex-wife. However, at even our happiest, it was not anywhere near what I have today.

I can honestly say that after a year+, I am more in love today, than I have ever been :biggrin1:.

 

[fangirl]

there is no best, dude, just different. I myself have fallen in love with the same person twice, for two completely different reasons. The first time was my first time falling, and it was definitely the most tragic/dynamic. The second time was my third time falling and i would not trade it for the world, though sometimes i miss how free and overflowing that first love was. I think that that free feeling is why many people call their first time the best. its that loving without limits, that loving for the sake of love itself. And most people yearn to go back to a time when they had less limits, less experience because its easier to dream that way, when youre too young (maybe even too blind cause age is a poor indicator of experience) to see the reality of the relationship.

So every love is the best in a different way. Love hard while you got it, and when its gone miss it for it own specialness, but never so much that all your loves after that live in the shadow of your first.

 

[HiddenLacey]

In my opinion first love at the time seemed free and effortless. For me personally it came before I'd really grown up and I still was very naive. The overwhelming emotion I felt was probably more due to the new experiences and the excitment that came with them.

I would like to think that the last love would be the best.

 

[Bob Ross]

^Totally agree

Personally, I have only been "in love" twice and both were an immature type of love: awkward, not entirely mutual, not built upon trust and respect rather than lust and ego...

Let me put it this way: if the first love is indeed the best love then, for me at least, thats a pretty depressing prospect

 

[ManofThunder]

Forget first love - I'm waiting for true love.

 

[dolfette]

soppy git.

 

[ManofThunder]

soppy git.

Soppy as an anniversary card from Hallmark. :tongue:

 

[marriedasian]

i think your first whatever will never be the best whatever. there's no possible way because it's your "first". i think your first love is your first practice at loving. as you love more, you get better at it. sooner or later (with a little luck), you'll find someone with as much practice as you and then it will be maybe just be the "best love"