So where do I begin...after 1.5 yrs of being curious as to how it would feel if I topped a guy (and numerous "egging" ons, hints etc from gay friends) I took the plunge last night and downloaded a gay app. Up until this point in time I have just been with women and identify as straight.
It wasn't long before a guy similar to me (similar interests- gym etc) approached me on the app. We began talking and I finally gave in and said to him I would meet him. Long story short we go for food together and then I invite him back to mine for a drink and Netflix (I genuinely just wanted to watch a movie as I was too nervous to do anything. Just meeting a guy in this context was enough for me).
But eventually his hands find their way to my crotch. I naturally get a semi and he proceeds to pull my pants down. At this point i am raging horny but at the same time my heart is pounding and im super nervous- this is the first time im hard in front of another guy and his hand is on it. I get racing thoughts, blush and my heart is pumping on twin turbo.
What makes the whole situation worse is that I have bad anxiety/panic disorder (which has been stable so far). But this whole experience gives me racing thoughts.
My dads side on top of all comes from a homophobic culture and all this is playing behind my mind- what if he outs me? What if he took a photo of me? etc etc.
Anyway after 5 minutes of him deep-throating me I get super horny and say to myself now or never- just do it. I take him to my room and push him on my bed face down. I proceed to put a condom on and try and top him. But my dick all of a sudden goes soft and I cant seem to get it up even with a cock ring and wanking. He takes my condom off and starts sucking me again. As I get hard I whack another condom on and try to plough him once more- bang it goes down again. It doesn't get up. Long story short, I tried 4 times with 4 different condoms but I could not get hard.
He finally says he needs to cum but I can see he has lost interest. Although he keeps telling me im super hot and starts playing with my nipples etc.
At this point I just start to face fuck him with a semi (because he had said he liked to be dominated and Im dominant with my girls) and he wanks him self off...
He cleans up but I can see a change in him from when he was working to get me to meet him to post-cum. He seems to have lost interest and wants me to drop him off home. In his favor, he did say its late and needed to wake up for work early. I end up dropping him home.
Fast forward a few hours I am now having anxiety attacks over the whole thing and feel like shit and guilty.
On top of this I am now paranoid that I could catch an STD (even though I used a condom for the attempted sex) from the oral sex. He did say he was tested 3 months ago and he was negative. But he was not on Prep. And I have no clue about how I need to effectively protect myself in addition to condoms. I thought condoms were the ideal protection- as this is the case with heterosexual sex i was engaging in all this time. But Google says I can still catch HIV and other STD's from oral sex. Should I go to the hospital and get PEP?
So basically in summary I got a long oral sex session but was unable to penetrate the guy. And on top of all this I feel that my anxiety is coming back due to overthinking about the whole situation...
My question to the bi and curious guys on here is whether what I am feeling is normal for my first time experimenting and whether or not I should have been able to get hard? Or do I have erectile dysfunction now? I have never had this problem with women before.
Also do I approach this guy again or does he think I am a dud and not worth the time?
It wasn't long before a guy similar to me (similar interests- gym etc) approached me on the app. We began talking and I finally gave in and said to him I would meet him. Long story short we go for food together and then I invite him back to mine for a drink and Netflix (I genuinely just wanted to watch a movie as I was too nervous to do anything. Just meeting a guy in this context was enough for me).
But eventually his hands find their way to my crotch. I naturally get a semi and he proceeds to pull my pants down. At this point i am raging horny but at the same time my heart is pounding and im super nervous- this is the first time im hard in front of another guy and his hand is on it. I get racing thoughts, blush and my heart is pumping on twin turbo.
What makes the whole situation worse is that I have bad anxiety/panic disorder (which has been stable so far). But this whole experience gives me racing thoughts.
My dads side on top of all comes from a homophobic culture and all this is playing behind my mind- what if he outs me? What if he took a photo of me? etc etc.
Anyway after 5 minutes of him deep-throating me I get super horny and say to myself now or never- just do it. I take him to my room and push him on my bed face down. I proceed to put a condom on and try and top him. But my dick all of a sudden goes soft and I cant seem to get it up even with a cock ring and wanking. He takes my condom off and starts sucking me again. As I get hard I whack another condom on and try to plough him once more- bang it goes down again. It doesn't get up. Long story short, I tried 4 times with 4 different condoms but I could not get hard.
He finally says he needs to cum but I can see he has lost interest. Although he keeps telling me im super hot and starts playing with my nipples etc.
At this point I just start to face fuck him with a semi (because he had said he liked to be dominated and Im dominant with my girls) and he wanks him self off...
He cleans up but I can see a change in him from when he was working to get me to meet him to post-cum. He seems to have lost interest and wants me to drop him off home. In his favor, he did say its late and needed to wake up for work early. I end up dropping him home.
Fast forward a few hours I am now having anxiety attacks over the whole thing and feel like shit and guilty.
On top of this I am now paranoid that I could catch an STD (even though I used a condom for the attempted sex) from the oral sex. He did say he was tested 3 months ago and he was negative. But he was not on Prep. And I have no clue about how I need to effectively protect myself in addition to condoms. I thought condoms were the ideal protection- as this is the case with heterosexual sex i was engaging in all this time. But Google says I can still catch HIV and other STD's from oral sex. Should I go to the hospital and get PEP?
So basically in summary I got a long oral sex session but was unable to penetrate the guy. And on top of all this I feel that my anxiety is coming back due to overthinking about the whole situation...
My question to the bi and curious guys on here is whether what I am feeling is normal for my first time experimenting and whether or not I should have been able to get hard? Or do I have erectile dysfunction now? I have never had this problem with women before.
Also do I approach this guy again or does he think I am a dud and not worth the time?
