First time bottoming - how to rationalize?

Discussion in 'Sex With a Large Penis' started by jayranner5, Feb 19, 2010.

  1. jayranner5

    jayranner5 New Member

    Joined:
    Aug 10, 2009
    Messages:
    11
    Likes Received:
    1
    I've been playing with toys for about a year now and I really want to try a real cock since I've heard its the best. I'm straight so its hard to me to think about male on male contact. However, I recently had a 3some with a bimale where he stroked my cock at one point & was caressing my ass while I fucked his girlfriend, which I was totally okay with.
    My question is, how do you guys rationalize receiving anal sex for the first time? Every time I get done jerking off to watching guy on guy porn, I feel guilty about it. What I'm fearing is that if I bottom for a guy, I'll feel less than a man afterwards, like it will really hurt my self esteem. I'm trying to get my mind to believe that being able receive anal & enjoy myself as a strength, as a positive thing, like I'm MORE of a man because I'm able to enhance my sex life with an open mind.
    What did you guys go through your first time bottoming & how did you feel afterwards?
     
  2. rbkwp

    Gold Member

    Joined:
    Aug 21, 2007
    Messages:
    29,307
    Albums:
    1
    Likes Received:
    1,934
    Gender:
    Male
    Location:
    Auckland (AUK, NZ)
    Mate'
    Your 3/4s of the way there i respect you for being so open re it all
    Me..i never ever felt less than a man then, (years ago) now or ever
    At the time i was pretty well like you .. undecided and a little Str
    (altho with you, i am sure you will KEEP your Str ness)
    it was an out of world experience, something you dont expect, and never knew could be so enjoyable...
    (geuss that feeling is only for some)
    ALL the very BEST to you Matey
    i feel .. If anything it will make MORE of a Man of you
    Cheers
    enz
     
  3. Corius

    Corius New Member

    Joined:
    Mar 1, 2007
    Messages:
    718
    Likes Received:
    6
    Gender:
    Male
    Location:
    Michigan
    You appear to be still in the stage of your journey into your sexuality of seeing sex as purely entertaining, fun, pleasant. Good sex, let us admit, ought to include all those but in the span of a lifetime it ought to be much more. Having bottomed and topped and just about everything else that two men can do sexually, I have to say that, now that I am much older, I do not view things the way I once did.

    IMHO it will make a great deal of difference how that first experience of bottoming comes about. I was fortunate in that my first partner in sex, we were both teenagers, was with the new guy in town and I learned very quickly that it is possible and indeed wonderful to discover that it is as possible to love a guy as it is to love a girl. And, when two loving teenagers express their affection the bond grows stronger. There came that point when the sex happened and it was wonderful because it confirmed the bond and indeed strengthened the bond. It was I who bottomed, but my loving partner was a caring and patient top and in the afterglow my review of my first time as a bottom to anyone was so enthusiatic that my teen lover was eager for me to "do" him too. My esteem for my partner was great and his esteem for me was also great. We haven't had any sex together since we graduated from high school, but he remains my dearest male friend; I loved him then and I love him still.

    Strangely, we both thought of ourselves as regular guys, but we had the good sense to give ourselves permission to do what comes naturally for two loving persons and what we experienced together has had a positive influence on our lives to this day.
    Without the bond of love, I doubt that would have been what we carried away from our openness to anal sex.

    By all means, keep an open mind; you may discover that there is more complexity about your unique sexuality than you have yet thought about.
     
  4. matticus201

    matticus201 Member

    Joined:
    Jun 12, 2007
    Messages:
    490
    Albums:
    1
    Likes Received:
    19
    Gender:
    Male
    Location:
    Dallas, TX
    Hey jayranner5. Indeed, your honesty with yourself is probably the greatest strength you posess. The journey of self-understanding isn't easy for anyone, especially when discovering your own sexuality. You've already come much farther than most every do, and you should be commended for that.

    There's nothing wrong with jacking off to gay porn, or wanted to experience sex with a guy. I know hearing that probably doesn't help, and I hate that the feelings bring you shame, but I certainly undertand. I've been there too. I think you hit the nail on the head by saying that it's important to keep an open mind. Whatever happens will be right, as long as you are true to yourself. Take your time, and be really sure of your feelings. They will never let you down.

    Best of luck to you, and lots of love. =)
     
  5. B_ILIW

    B_ILIW New Member

    Joined:
    Sep 25, 2009
    Messages:
    1,448
    Likes Received:
    3
    Gender:
    Male
    Location:
    Birmingham, UK
    I think in a way you're being influenced by pop culture, and how getting it is woosy and effeminate.

    I don't really agree with that, since plenty of traditionally male-acting guys go wild from getting it. Most of the time, people are bottoms because of the pleasure they get from it.

    I'd just think not to rationalise, and just enjoy it.
     
  6. Lex

    Lex
    Gold Member

    Joined:
    Jun 11, 2004
    Messages:
    9,536
    Likes Received:
    16
    Gender:
    Male
    Location:
    In Your Darkest Thoughts and Dreams
    In the end, there is nothing to really rationalize. You are an adult and should be able to have consensual sex with whomever and however it pleases you.
     
  7. ewa123

    ewa123 New Member

    Joined:
    Jun 13, 2007
    Messages:
    124
    Albums:
    2
    Likes Received:
    0
    Gender:
    Male
    Location:
    los angeles
    I was more ready to accept that I am primarily gay, so when the bottoming came, it was with eager anticipation that I engaged in anal sex, and the guilty feeling wasn't there. I am however, still learning to physically enjoy it, for my ass is pretty tight!

    This experience you have of feeling guilty about enjoying watching man on man sex and getting off to it is something that only you can decide to feel good about, and it sounds as though you're taking the right approach.

    If you start consciously deciding that you're going to enjoy yourself, then eventually, you absolutely will, and this guilty feeling will fade. Soon, you'll wonder why you ever questioned your feelings about it, because your impulses to have sex and explore and experience variety are totally normal. This being said, experiencing gay sex has no bearing on your straight side, other than to give you context.

    Go experience it and decide if you enjoy it!
     
    #7 ewa123, Feb 19, 2010
    Last edited: Feb 19, 2010
  8. B_jeepguy2

    B_jeepguy2 New Member

    Joined:
    Oct 5, 2008
    Messages:
    1,048
    Likes Received:
    9
    Gender:
    Male
    Location:
    East Coast
    The first time I bottomed remember lying there with my legs on his shoulders as he was pounding away and thinking to myself "I can't believe I am letting another dude screw me in the ass and loving it." LOL
     
  9. AquaEyes11010

    AquaEyes11010 Active Member

    Joined:
    Sep 19, 2007
    Messages:
    789
    Albums:
    1
    Likes Received:
    39
    Gender:
    Male
    Location:
    New Brunswick, NJ (from Long Island, NY)
    I guess I have a different perspective on it. I don't think of myself as allowing another guy to get off by being in me. I think of having another guy pleasure me on the inside. I still feel that I'm in control the same way I would if he was giving me head, just that instead of pleasuring my penis with his mouth, he's pleasuring my ass with his penis.
     
  10. naturistMale

    naturistMale New Member

    Joined:
    Jan 29, 2010
    Messages:
    298
    Likes Received:
    8
    Enjoying toys for about a year means you have "turned-on" your other sex organ (is the way I look at it)..And you can pleasure that also, and why not...If you're think bottoming, will somehow affect your self-concept as a Man, then wait...But think about it..You already enjoy sex with that part of your body, so it does not make you any less of a Man, it just makes you more experienced in sex...It's out there to have, so have some.
     
    #10 naturistMale, Feb 19, 2010
    Last edited: Feb 19, 2010
  11. cjdc13

    cjdc13 New Member

    Joined:
    Feb 5, 2010
    Messages:
    10
    Likes Received:
    0
    Gender:
    Male
    It's just the usual thing with society, the cliche that all bottoms have to be fem "screaming queens". Taking a cock doesn't make you any less of a man. To hell with guilt, sex shouldn't be about that. If it feels good and you are safe then I say go for it.
     
  12. D_Ollyvalle Treegirth

    D_Ollyvalle Treegirth Account Disabled

    Joined:
    Feb 23, 2008
    Messages:
    559
    Likes Received:
    15
    This makes a lot of sense to me. but if it still doesnt seem macho enough to you, maybe play a mind-game with yourself: try thinking of the act of accepting a penis as a physical challenge, like an athletic event. Tel yourself only a strong man could accept it....a wimp wouldnt be able to stand it.

    btw -- warning, it really might be uncomfortable at first, so you may as well expect it. But hang in there and when you manage to relax, it can feel good.
     
  13. jayranner5

    jayranner5 New Member

    Joined:
    Aug 10, 2009
    Messages:
    11
    Likes Received:
    1
    Thanks for all the replies, it makes me feel a little bit better about the idea. How did it FEEL the first time, was it all you expected?
     
  14. Florida Boy

    Gold Member

    Joined:
    Aug 7, 2007
    Messages:
    1,379
    Likes Received:
    32
    Gender:
    Male
    Location:
    Florida (US)
    I think your fear is not feeling less of a man or losing self-esteem, but finding out your ultimate dream have been realized. That is to say, that you like to take a big dick up the ass.

    That would not, necessarily, make gay. :) :)
     
  15. fatddyslam

    Verified Gold Member

    Joined:
    Nov 5, 2009
    Messages:
    285
    Albums:
    1
    Likes Received:
    15
    Gender:
    Male
    Location:
    Southern California
    Verified:
    Photo
    it is all in your head. you need to RELAX and get over any sociological issues associated with it. if you are in it to have a great time and really feel good, you need to be in the mindset. it will hurt a lot the first time it goes in, but BREATHE & RELAX. you have already played with toys so you know what to expect but its nice if the person you have fuck you knows what he is doing
     
  16. bigbiboy

    bigbiboy New Member

    Joined:
    Mar 26, 2008
    Messages:
    263
    Likes Received:
    1
    My feelings after the first time I bottomed were ones of pride, I felt no guilt or shame, which suprised me a bit. It really did make me feel that I had just done something special and natural and was so pleased with my self for doing it. Don't get wrapped up in the guilt of doing something that you will enjoy just because some people don't like it, it's a healthy natural thing love and enjoy.
     
  17. AquaEyes11010

    AquaEyes11010 Active Member

    Joined:
    Sep 19, 2007
    Messages:
    789
    Albums:
    1
    Likes Received:
    39
    Gender:
    Male
    Location:
    New Brunswick, NJ (from Long Island, NY)
    Being the kind of person who researches anything to death before I start probably prevented me from experiencing the pain typically described by others -- I was totally prepared and relaxed and ready for it. To me, the first time felt like someone found a new part of my penis of which I wasn't previously aware and made it feel really good. While for me it wasn't as intense as actual penis stimulation, it was a strong secondary sensation, like how most people have particular non-genital regions that are very sensitive to pleasure. In terms of reaching orgasm, on a scale of 0 ("at rest) to 10 ("at orgasm"), it brought me to about a 7 or so and kept me there, until added penis stimulation at the appropriate time (so as to orgasm together) brought me all the way to 10.
     
  18. dad4you

    dad4you Member

    Joined:
    Jun 17, 2009
    Messages:
    872
    Likes Received:
    16
    Gender:
    Male
    Location:
    Boise, Idaho
    Depending on the size of your toy, you might not feel any pain at all on his entry. Seems to me that dicks are a little bit more forgiving than silicone, so if you choose a playmate who is about the same size as your toy, it should actually go in easier. Relax and have fun. :)
     
  19. FRE

    FRE
    Gold Member

    Joined:
    Jun 29, 2008
    Messages:
    2,994
    Albums:
    5
    Likes Received:
    134
    Gender:
    Male
    Location:
    Albuquerque NM
    I've "bottomed" only 3 times in my life. It's not for me; it hurts. Also, I see it as dangerous; a broken condom could have dire consequences, like causing me to become HIV+.

    I've also "topped" 3 times in my life. The last time became messy and I was totally grossed out.
     
  20. B_ILIW

    B_ILIW New Member

    Joined:
    Sep 25, 2009
    Messages:
    1,448
    Likes Received:
    3
    Gender:
    Male
    Location:
    Birmingham, UK
    my first time bottoming was cool. :biggrin1: he wasn't very well endowed, but he certainly knew how to use it. he worked my prostate like no tomorrow, and all in all it was out of this world.
     
Draft saved Draft deleted