First time: gym sauna

MiddleCountryMo

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Hey guys, I want to get an idea of how many gay men's first sexual experiences happened in these sort of unconventional ways. As an adult, I always felt a bit jealous of those whose first experiences happened with others their age. The sleepover, while playing video games, at parties with supposedly straight guys. I was introduced to sex with much older guys at my gym in the sauna when I was 15. For three years I came there and cruised for hand jobs and blow jobs, nothing else and it never left the sauna. Have any other guys shared this experience? I find it to be quite unique because while I have been able to maintain some semblance of a "normal" sex life (by this I mean casual sex with people my own age), I still cruise for sex in public places on occasion and, sadly, I find it to be more exciting than the sort of casual sex with guys you'd meet at bars, or through dating apps.

Did any other men start out this way? Did it leave a residual effect in your desire or lust into adulthood? For those who had more normal introductions to sex, how do you feel about cruising and anonymous hook ups?
 
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Exbiker

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Hmm.

I think I can understand. Maybe.

I used to do some outdoor cruising from time to time, and I do think it was maybe a LITTLE more exciting than bars, sometimes. But most of what I do now is based on internet-driven hookups. It's simpler, easier, safer. And you're slightly more likely to get what you are looking for ;) ...

I have cruised just a few times in gyms/steamrooms etc., long ago, and as has been mentioned here, that can be quite difficult for any straight men who happen to be there, and who have no wish to even see anything, let alone participate. So, I was quite careful, and wouldn't want to do it at all, these days ...
 
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kurt bishop

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Hmm.

I think I can understand. Maybe.

I used to do some outdoor cruising from time to time, and I do think it was maybe a LITTLE more exciting than bars, sometimes. But most of what I do now is based on internet-driven hookups. It's simpler, easier, safer. And you're slightly more likely to get what you are looking for ;) ...

I have cruised just a few times in gyms/steamrooms etc., long ago, and as has been mentioned here, that can be quite difficult for any straight men who happen to be there, and who have no wish to even see anything, let alone participate. So, I was quite careful, and wouldn't want to do it at all, these days ...



Very well said-
 

MiddleCountryMo

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I see what you're saying, internet apps are a more practical and safe way to go about casual sex, BUT because of the fact that I started cruising at such a young age, it's ingrained in my fantasies, so to speak. It was never about the act of sex, for me, it was about the risk. Additionally, I didn't even know what cruising was as a teenager, I was mostly in the sauna for the excitement and easy access to get a peak at guys in the shower. The hook ups I had in these situations were initiated by much older men, so there's a bit of a predatory aspect to it too. I guess I'm curious as to whether there are other men who started out this way, and are there men who still cruise?
 

hvdude

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I see what you're saying, internet apps are a more practical and safe way to go about casual sex, BUT because of the fact that I started cruising at such a young age, it's ingrained in my fantasies, so to speak. It was never about the act of sex, for me, it was about the risk. Additionally, I didn't even know what cruising was as a teenager, I was mostly in the sauna for the excitement and easy access to get a peak at guys in the shower. The hook ups I had in these situations were initiated by much older men, so there's a bit of a predatory aspect to it too. I guess I'm curious as to whether there are other men who started out this way, and are there men who still cruise?

You said it here. For many it's the risk of getting caught that they find exciting. The only gym experience I had was in the hot tub. Guy got in and we bumped feet - accidentally, or so I thought. Long story short we ended up back at my place. The only other "public" place I hooked up with guys was a sex club. I agree with exbiker that I wouldn't want to do something to make another person feel uncomfortable. These days you're likely to get kicked out and your membership revoked if you get caught. But I guess that's the thrill.
 

Dave NoCal

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To the OP, you probably don't see it this way but, legally, you were sexually victimized. Early sexual experiences can imprint us. For example, research findings suggest that the vast majority of female exotic dancers were sexually victimized. If your proclivity for cruising is negatively impacting your ability to have the kind of adult relationships you want then it is a consequence of your victimization.

I am thankful that I waited until I was in college and was attending a school that was very gay supportive. Thus my early experiences were of dating, going together, and occasionally hooking up casually with guys I already knew. It was never secretive. My adult relationships have not been perfect, none are, but they have not been complicated by compulsive infidelity. In fact, my husband and I are in a monogamous seventeen year relationship and I have never been happier.

Counseling can be very helpful in reclaiming one's life direction after it has been hijacked by traumatic events..
 

MiddleCountryMo

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To the OP, you probably don't see it this way but, legally, you were sexually victimized. Early sexual experiences can imprint us. For example, research findings suggest that the vast majority of female exotic dancers were sexually victimized. If your proclivity for cruising is negatively impacting your ability to have the kind of adult relationships you want then it is a consequence of your victimization.

I am thankful that I waited until I was in college and was attending a school that was very gay supportive. Thus my early experiences were of dating, going together, and occasionally hooking up casually with guys I already knew. It was never secretive. My adult relationships have not been perfect, none are, but they have not been complicated by compulsive infidelity. In fact, my husband and I are in a monogamous seventeen year relationship and I have never been happier.

Counseling can be very helpful in reclaiming one's life direction after it has been hijacked by traumatic events..

I wondered the same thing. I didn't know what I was doing, but was never raped or forced to do anything I didn't want to do. I think I matured later than other boys my age, so I wasn't yet ready to be doing those things with guys twice my age.
 
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Brodie888

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I don't think it has anything to do with the age you started. It's simply that you are aroused by doing something "risky" as well as satisfying your desire to be submissive.
 
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KennF

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I didn't know what I was doing, but was never raped or forced to do anything I didn't want to do.

Maybe, but they should not have done it.

You're an adult now and that is great.

As for me, my first sexual experience was when I was in my teens and with another guy at school. He pursued me for months and I thought it was just to pick on me. He finally just cornered me in the stairwell, opened my white jeans, and went down on me.

I had quite an eye opening life lesson.
 

keenobserver

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Maybe, but they should not have done it.

You're an adult now and that is great.

As for me, my first sexual experience was when I was in my teens and with another guy at school. He pursued me for months and I thought it was just to pick on me. He finally just cornered me in the stairwell, opened my white jeans, and went down on me.

I had quite an eye opening life lesson.

White jeans? My god that takes me back! Thanks for the memories . . . .
 

keenobserver

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I see what you're saying, internet apps are a more practical and safe way to go about casual sex, BUT because of the fact that I started cruising at such a young age, it's ingrained in my fantasies, so to speak. It was never about the act of sex, for me, it was about the risk. Additionally, I didn't even know what cruising was as a teenager, I was mostly in the sauna for the excitement and easy access to get a peak at guys in the shower. The hook ups I had in these situations were initiated by much older men, so there's a bit of a predatory aspect to it too. I guess I'm curious as to whether there are other men who started out this way, and are there men who still cruise?

I started under similar circumstances, but for me I hated the cruising in public places - I had an great fear of getting arrested and forever ruined. I still enjoy picking up guys but I don't like the apps - I prefer saver known venues - bars, clubs, etc.
 
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Here in Sydney, cruising is having a renaissance. There's a park which has a really conducive area, and lots of guys use it. I grew up cruising, public toilets, straight bars - I love the thrill of it and the illegality. Although I'm very happy in a sexclub, there is a certain rush from outdoor sex - oh, and the park is full of native trees and plants, so it smells like my first fucks out in the bush. Very Aussie.
 
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Brodie888

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My first two sexual experiences were in public toilets as a teen. Both times I freaked out after thinking I'd caught HIV from oral (yes, young and dumb). So that was enough for me.