My first experience was with someone I didn't know at a glory hole. I didn't even know their name. I don't think mentally I was accepting of being gay. I was labelless for a long time.
I went through periods of being so horny I'd almost go out hunting for it but I suppressed the need with masturbation. It's very much like hunger, it's more urgent than thirst. It's all you can think about.
Eventually I tipped over the edge and crossed the line. After you cum, you feel fear, guilt, regret. Not because of the act, but because you had to go to the gutter to feed.
Looking back, I think the better path would have been to become friends with someone willing to teach. I would have had sex much more often, I would have got feedback to accelerate my skills faster, also I would have respected myself and honored who I was more.