First time nerves

Discussion in 'Relationships, Discrimination, and Jealousy' started by nzsomebody, Mar 2, 2011.

  1. nzsomebody

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    So a series of events have happened which look like they might lead to my first experience with another guy. It's something I've wanting to do for quite some time now and the guy is quite cool, nice and seems very understanding.

    However, I'm quite nervous about it as it gets closer to the weekend. For example, if I'm thinking about it and I happen to be eating I'm immediatly put off eating and my stomach starts to knot. One might think this sounds like I'm just not interested but it's just my usual reaction when I'm nevrous - the same thing happens when I have an upcoming flight that I'm thinking of or lately, if an aftershock happens to roll through. Those situations are unavoidable so I just do my best to ignore them and carry on. In this case though, it would be quite easy for me to let the nerves get the better of me and just cancel and that's something I don't want to do.

    Silly question, but anyone else gone through a simillar thing? How'd you get around it?
     
  2. willow78

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    Just tell him how you're feeling. If he's as cool and nice and understanding as you say he is he'll just take it slow. He may even be as nervous as you. Just relax and see what happens - if he really likes you and he's a good guy, he won't pressure you or rush you.
     
  3. B_thickjohnny

    B_thickjohnny New Member

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    Well, I completely know the airplane jitters. I got to the point of having to take something to calm down before even arriving at the airport. I also remember the I'm-going-with-a-guy jitters too. Depending on how this goes, it should pass. What you might do is be honest with your friend about your feelings - that you want to be with him and that you've looked forward to it, thought about it, etc but still, you're nervous. I'll bet he'll put you at ease and go slowly and ask you along the way if you're ok.
     
  4. Corius

    Corius New Member

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    Hey, it may be that you are just normally on your toes and alert. My own experience was that I bonded so thoroughly in friendship bordering on love that when the opportunity came both he and I were ready. The sex was a wonderful confirmation of the bond that already existed.

    Personally, I have always thought that to attempt sex without that bond is not ideal. My thought is: be patient and let things happen naturally.
     
  5. lvsxy808

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    How many times have you met the guy before? Ever? Is this just a meet-and-fuck situation, or do you know the guy?

    If you don't already know him, I don't think you should jump into bed the moment you meet. You should spend some time with him first, chat, relax, have a drink (a drink, not 100 drinks) until you feel more comfortable in his company. Only then should you progress to anything sexual. If you're this nervous then you need to develop a level of trust with this man first before it goes any further.

    EDIT to add: Having just seen your pics, then if he's any kind of human being, he'll be happy to wait a second for the benefit of what's underneath those clothes, rather than risk scaring you off by being too pushy.
     
    #5 lvsxy808, Mar 2, 2011
    Last edited: Mar 2, 2011
  6. nzsomebody

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    Unfortunately, things don't look like they're going to happen afterall. He was only in the city as part of the earthquake cleanup and is being sent back earlier than expected :(

    I haven't actually met him in person before, due to him not being in the same city as me. The plan was to meet up for some lunch or dinner and see how things went from there.

    Thanks for the compliments, btw!
     
  7. B_Hung Jon

    B_Hung Jon New Member

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    Nzsomebody, I presuppose you've been with girls before. It's pretty much the same kind of experience. After all guys are not an alien life form. They're just like you. Eventually if you two get together in the future, just look at it as another learning experience whatever the outcome.
     
  8. nzsomebody

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    Lol, I know...but it's the "new experience" thing I guess! Alot of my instances of being nervous are usually unwarranted :(
     
  9. leisure1

    leisure1 New Member

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    It sounds to me like you want this to happen. Whether if it's with this dude or another dude you want it to happen, at some point.

    I've been through this before. Just let it happen. If someone finds you attractive and you feel the same it's all good. No worries. If you have a nice bulge staring you down take that fucker for a ride!

    It's a brand new world and we all need to take advantage of it.
     
  10. nzsomebody

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    So, it ended up happening afterall :) I managed to ignore my nerves and didn't let them get the better of me and I can now say I've had fun with another guy. He's a really nice guy, very understanding of my situation and was more interested in making me happy than anything else. There was no sex as such, just fondling, kissing, blowing and mutual wanking and really, that's all I wanted - I don't have much interest in anal sex.

    It was definetly worth doing and I'm sure it's something I'll do again. However, and I'm aware one experience probably isn't enough to base this on, I'm fairly certain that women will remain my main interest. As I said, I had a great time and enjoyed it, but I didn't feel the passion that I do with a woman

    To the others here like me who are curious to know what it's like, when the opportunity arises, give it a go and see for yourself. You owe it to yourself to know how you truly feel and if the events over the last week have shown me anything, life is far too fragile to sit on the fence and wonder "what if?" Don't be like me and wait for something like an earthquake to push you off the fence :p
     
  11. justmeincal

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    Good for you. I'm glad you found it to be an enjoyable experience.
     
  12. lvsxy808

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    That's still sex. Don't delude yourself. This is a misconception many not experienced in the joys of man-on-man loving fall prey to - that gay sex means anal or nothing. You've just learned that is not true. Anything sexual two men do together is gay sex, whether anal is involved or not.

    Glad to hear you enjoyed it though. You're right in that it doesn't mean you now have to restrict yourself to men only. All you've done is open your life up to a wider range of experiences, and I'm glad to hear it didn't scare you off. While it's obviously not for me to say, I'd judge that you are bi, with a preference for women. And that's just fine.
     
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