First Time Regret

Discussion in 'Relationships, Discrimination, and Jealousy' started by D_756eio76, May 23, 2011.

  1. D_756eio76

    D_756eio76 New Member

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    Today I had my first "bi" or "gay" sexual encounter....we both traded j/o and oral. The whole time in my head I couldn't stop thinking about how disgusting it was, and afterwards....I went crazy. I can't stand it and I look at myself as just disgusting. Even the thought of the whole encounter repulses me now. This is serious, and I was wondering....I love women, I love everything about them, but at the same time I haven't been laid in quite a few months...was this just a quick sexual encounter to get myself off? Or even after all the remorse and shit that I think about....could it be that possibly I am BI?:confused:
     
  2. tgirlsrgreat

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    you'll get over it scooter!! and your not 100% straight, nobody is! and it was not just a quickie to get off, you could of handled that in the comfort of your own bedroom.

    disgusting? really??
     
  3. BarelyMoreThan6

    BarelyMoreThan6 New Member

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    I think you're beating yourself up too much. It happened, obviously you had some type of curiousity. Maybe this encounter made you feel uncomfortable, another one might not. You were horny, you went outside your comfort zone and didn't like it. Maybe there will be a next time, maybe not. No harm no foul. If you're Bi, no big deal, that just opens up you possibilities for the weekends. :)
     
  4. monel

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    You may very well be Bi. But if I were you I would wonder more about your intense response to the encounter. You could have just decided that it wasn't for you, chalked it up to experience and moved on. It seems to me the overwhelming sense of "disgust" and "repulsion" are masking something. Seems to me that you know what that may be too.
     
  5. D_756eio76

    D_756eio76 New Member

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    Well it was definitely curiosity. I had been thinking about it for a while, if I hadn't, it would've never happened...but I think that my fantasy or w/e should've maybe just stayed a fantasy. I can't help thinking about how nasty it was....I don't know, I guess it's hard to explain.
     
  6. D_756eio76

    D_756eio76 New Member

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    And you know, it's like...well everyone has their own preference, if you're Bi, Straight, Gay, w/e, that's totally fine. I think maybe I found out for myself today, that certain "fantasies" or curious experiences aren't always what they are made out to be. Hey, tell me if I'm wrong, but I surely could never do it again
     
  7. dad4you

    dad4you Member

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    it is ok to be curious.. if you didn't like it, don't do it again, simple.
     
  8. B_jdunhill

    B_jdunhill New Member

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    Disgust and repulsion are sure words that make me not want to help you out though. I think Steven Tyler said it best this week:

    "Gay sex just doesn't do it for me. I tried it one time when I was younger, but I just didn't dig it."
     
  9. DavidXL

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    I pretty much felt the same way you did after my first same-sex encounter, which was just mutual J/O with my college roomate and he gave me a little oral. I was not attracted to him and the encounter overall wasn't that great. It's pretty sad, but I was very freaked out about it, hardly slept that night, and I was so rattled by it the next day, I couldn't concentrate and went in and totally bombed the final exam I had to take and did some serious damage to my GPA. I wish I hadn't reacted so negatively to it. I felt very alone and confused, because I was definitely very attracted to women and definitely somewhat attracted to men. This just threw me, caught me off guard, and I did not know how to process it.

    Today, I am completely accepting that while I self identify as about 3/4 straight, I consider myself about 1/4 gay. It's complicated, because I'm married and find myself mostly attracted to women. But, there's no denying that I feel definite attraction to men - and I don't feel bad about it any way. I'm guessing you're younger than I am. So, my advice to you, and I wish I had done it myself, is be open to your same sex attraction. You know you wanted to do it - don't trivialize it by chalking it up to just being horny. Don't worry about labels (I still don't know of any that completely apply to me), and feel good about what just happened. Be open-minded and positive.

    Good luck to you!
     
  10. rainbowknight

    rainbowknight New Member

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    You need to give it some time and get over being angry with yourself to really look at the situation. You said that you were disgusted with yourself but you never said if you were also disgusted with the person and what you were doing with the person. If you were disgusted with everything then it may not have been for you, or it may have been someone that you did not click with.

    When I started having sex, I had a lot of guilt until I realized that it was my body and I had the right to have sexual pleasure just like everyone else on the planet. Once I got rid of my guilt it was a beautiful thing.

    I saw a commercial that really made me stop and think. We have about 250,000 sunrises in our lives, don't you want to spend most of those days having good sex? Why put a label on it? If you had sex with a nun that had a Playboy Bunny body in an alley would you feel guilty? Probably a little but you would have a smile your face.

    Look at it this way, when you are no longer upset you will decide if it was truly a good experience or a bad experience and in the end you will do what makes you happy because only you have the answers.
     
  11. 0837s

    0837s Member

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    Dude- i'm the same way. I have fun jacking off with, or trading oral with another guy, but after I shoot my load, I want nothing to do with it and want to get out of the situation asap! I then tell myself what I did, I shouldn't have done and shouldn't do it again. Not sure why I'm like that, but it happens. I have fun jacking off or trading bj's with another guy, so i'm not sure why I want out right away when done.

    I did hang out with a bud the other day after we jacked off, which was ok- hard to do at first, but after I stopped thinking about it, I got over it.
     
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