First time to a gay bar

Discussion in 'Relationships, Discrimination, and Jealousy' started by Water dragon, Aug 17, 2011.

  1. Water dragon

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    I came out to a few friends some weeks ago and a hotel close by is hosting a gay night every Friday night so I am planning to go this week.
    Any tips for anyone new going to such events or what to expect?

    I look forward on updating you all about my experience if I can find one of my friends are willing to travel with me [FONT=&quot][/FONT]:rolleyes:
     
  2. crescendo69

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    Bring some condoms and a smile.:biggrin1:
     
  3. lvsxy808

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    Definitely have a friend accompany you. When I first went to a gay bar, I made the mistake of not taking a friend with me (mainly because I didn't have any), and ended up spending the entire night sitting alone until a straight couple of all things took pity and sat down to talk to me.

    Be willing to talk to people. A friendly smile goes a lot further than a terrified stare.

    And don't expect too much from your first visit. You're probably not going to meet the love of your life or end up in a six-man orgy, so just relax, have a drink with your friend, maybe chat to a stranger (with your friend nearby), and generally just get used to being around other gay people.
     
  4. Bbucko

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    I've worked in a gay bar for five years now, and have been going to them regularly since 1978 when the drinking age was 18. You really do need to be fairly aggressive when you see someone interesting, as he probably won't make the first move himself. Don't be afraid to initiate a conversation.

    Oh, and go lightly on the alcohol. I'd suggest you stick to beer, and then not too many.
     
  5. nudeyorker

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    Whether it's your first time or your 100th time I recommend going with two friends you never intend to sleep with and have your body image convey that you are not a couple with either one of them.
    Be up on current events and have a fun lively conversation about things that interest you and maybe someone will chime in. Maintain eye contact if you are interested in someone (but not too much or you look like a serial killer in training) Smile if you really feel like smiling and have a few good jokes handy. Just have fun and as been suggested don't over serve yourself or you really just come across as just another dumb drunk.
     
  6. erratic

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    Do remember it's still just a bar. And don't forget to have fun.
     
  7. poultrygeist

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    I recently had my first experience in a gay/lesbian bar. It was an absolute blast. If it's a good bar, then you should feel right at home and in a place among friends who won't judge you. May have been one of the few times in life I felt completely at home. I hope you also have a great experience.
     
  8. Water dragon

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    Thank you guys so much for the advice, it makes me confident and pumped to mingle on a fun night out; however sadly I couldn't find a friend to go with me this week so I will be sure that by next week I can find somebody to come with me.

    I will update this thread again and describe my experience after my night out next Friday!
    So excited and thanks for the support :smile:
     
  9. davidjh7

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    As others have said, go with a trusted friend, prefferably one who "knows the ropes" to help you understand what is and is NOT going on, and to help keep you out of trouble. Don't go expecting to get laid or hook up. Your first gay bar experience should be about seeing how things work, enjoying the "show" and getting comfortable in that enviroment. Again as erratic said, it IS just a bar, and has the same crap as every other bar. Smile, have FUN, and just take pressure off yourself and others there. If you relax and be comfortable, you will be amazed at how much more attractive that makes you. I may be in the minority, but I personally find the "bitchy arrogant attitude queen" attitude I see in many gay bars to be cruel, offensive, and downright crappy, but it is very prevalent, so don't forget your thick skin when you go. :smile: Don't take it too seriously, whatever happens or is said---bars are full of drunks, too, and many people become instant assholes when alchohol is added. I hope you have a great time and have a lot of fun. Just be safe and smart so you don't wake up feeling big regret in the morning. Good Luck! And congrats on your first gay bar experience! It is a right of passage. :wink:
     
  10. lvsxy808

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    ^^^ David is wise.
     
  11. rbkwp

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    As many have said WD, go with a trusted friend
    especially considering your youth
    Know i was 30 odd when i went to my first Gay bar at the cross,and inexperienced as i was and certainly not aiming to offend anyone, i mistook the eyes' of a relatively heavy dude, that could have landed me in serious trouble
    Fortunately all was OK
    ie he accepted my smile and nervous shake of the head...ha
    by the sounds of it you could be attending a not so heavy bar huh.
    enz

    look fwd to yr updates
    enjoy it all.
     
  12. Draconis71

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    Wel, sofar my experience in the gay bar/clubbing scenes (As a straight guy). I was left alone, in general, people who DID approach me were nice, weren't the douchy types that try to force sexuality on you. You can be YOU there.
    Downside: The annoying 80's club music... and 90's club music, and 2K club music... oh, you get that at ALL the damned clubs ;P

    Basically: relax, be yourself, enjoy yourself. Don't be afraid to talk to people. You find a straight person in the bar, don't worry if you come on to us, as long as you don't push the point when we say no thanks. (Now, if only guys took that advice in straight bars).
     
  13. Water dragon

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    Thank you, wise words from everyone :rolleyes: and I will take this knowledge with me along with my best smile.

    The bar I am going to is in a friendly area and busy however not as busy as in Sydney or the city areas. Most of the week it is a normal bar but on Fridays they host a gay night. All I know is the food is yummy, the outside is painted in a light pink and a wonderful olive garden at the back; but otherwise an average bar.

    I hope they play good music, a live band or just put on a classic music CD; but I might be asking for too much lol.
    So I promise to update after Friday (26th) or at least a tipsy message on Saturday morning.


    My main goal is to meet someone around my age (or within a 7 year range) and have a friendly chat, if it leads to anything more I will be very very lucky as I will be just learning ropes. Either way if I don't see anyone there is plenty of fun to be playing pool with my mate.

    I will be wearing a long sleaved black unbuttoned shirt with a dark purple shirt underneath, along with jeans. I think that would be nice because it’s smart casual. Any suggestions?

    Ok have a wonderful week everyone :smile:
     
  14. D_Ricky Dickardo

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    My first time in a gay bar (1987), I sprained my ankle walking in the front door. Should have taken that as an omen.
     
  15. jockmaestro

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    i can't abide bars as places to meet anyone, but my experience is limited. I suppose there aren't other places to go to get yourself a gay community. I just never get why bars of all places are where people meet. Do that many people really need alcohol just to get to know someone?
     
  16. ScotRandom

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    Well I orginally hail from a small town near Glasgow & can only advise of my own personal experience, which whilst initially seemed friendly was not the best.
    I agree with some of the posts in that I'd advise not to do as I did & go alone. Take a friend or two. You can easily get caught up & carried away by the excitement of that first visit, let alcohol loosen it's grip on your inhibitions & find yourself in a situation you didn't intend to, or encounter some "professional" bitchy queens who are accustomed to firing witty bur scathing one-liners at passers by.
    That said, take it all in your stride & with a pinch of salt, relax, smile, enjoy the company & the atmosphere & don't worry if you don't know the ropes on your first visit. There's bound to be someone who will be willing to show you them.
    Most of all... go have some fun & don't worry. I'm confident you're a smart lad from what I've read.
    Best wishes & thoughts,
    Scot
     
  17. db93

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    generally when i go out whether it be a gay night or any other night im the one who is always drunk and passes out ... i really should know my limits but hey
     
  18. exwhyzee

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    My first gay bar was in Australia...in Sydney. I was there alone and I went to Paddinghurst, walked up and down Oxford Street looking for a bar that caught my interest. One was muscly older guys, one was pink and full of waifs, etc...finally I found one that had normal looking guys and went in the side door (I didn't want to be noticed) but I was wearing a white shirt and a black light inside made me stand out like a lighthouse! I found a place to sip a beer out-of-the-way and was soon trading glances with a very cute guy (he turned out to be a surfer)...and to make a long story short, we ended up fucking around afterwards and I was very happy. We arranged to meet the next day, but I was stood-up...which was crushing...but I survived. Treat yourself well, be positive and honest and sincere. Don't pretend to be what you aren't, and don't do anything you aren't comfortable doing...you can always say "no, thank you".

    I hope you have a fun time, and meet some folks who turns out to be great influences in your life!
     
  19. Water dragon

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    Thanks for all the feedback guys, I really appreciate it, i defiantly gave me confidence to push myself to go and I will never forget the night.:rolleyes:

    I went to my first gay bar!
    The place was wonderful, it had an olive garden as shown in beautiful the brochure, the food was great and I met some wonderful people.

    My friend, Tom and I caught the train together, he is straight but offered to be my wingman and I think he the most reliable best friend I could have at the moment, especially since I am not completely out of the closet (haven't told the family yet).

    So we arrived to the station and a short walk later we entered the hotel. It seemed like the usual bar and bistro. There were just as many straight people as gay people so I think my friend was a bit relieved with that. We had dinner first, pizza and a beer. After the meal a guy and his mate offered to verse us in a game of pool. He was sweet, his name was Derrick, a bit tall, black hair, green eyes and green shirt; his other friend Joel was very funny to talk to, maybe it was his Irish accent. Anyway Joel was straight so it was a great group to hang out with. So we played pool and had a laugh or two but nothing happened, it seemed like a good night just to get a feel of things and meet some locals. I must say this was the first time that I could feel truly be myself in a crowd and it made the night even greater knowing I had the support of strangers around me, accepting who I am.

    We then played a drinking game with our new found friends, a complicated card game which made it harder with each drink lol. We had to drink a shot of tequila and we got to the limit of tipsy before throwing in the towel and saying our farewells at 2am. Tom and I caught the train back home and both fell into our beds overcome by a deep sleep.

    I admit I was hesitant of going this weekend to the bar and it was nowhere near as seedy as I thought it would be. All the locals were friendly and everyone was happy to be spoken to.
    I think I have found a great spot to be away from home once in a while.

    Thanks guys and I will update again next weekend to talk about the bar hosting a stage show next week, I don’t know what I will see on stage but I am very excited!

    Maybe I will meet Derrick again. Who knows? :smile:

    Take care and stay safe
    WD
     
  20. ransi0987

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    I went to a gay bar once by accident. Why does everyone seem so happy, I had 2 guys about 6'5'" tried to get me to feel there crotches I didn't know what to expect so I left
     
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