This strikes so many chords with me. I have not had the proliferation of sexual experiences that I would expect most have had for someone my age, single and openly gay since my teens, but of those experiences, I would say about half have been with men who would identify as being straight. These have often taken place as an unpremeditated, unspoken exchange, often in the dark and invariably they have been instigated by my straight counterpart. In the cold light of day the straight man is often unable to discuss the matter and may behave as though nothing ever happened, though it is never the case that we are incapable of maintaining a friendly relationship after the event. While the experience at the time is charged with tremendous excitement, the aftermath is usually confusing, frustrating and ultimately unrewarding on my part and I am left with many unanswered questions. I would guess that for him, this must also give rise to questions and uncertainty about his sexuality.
I have to agree with ledroit that this seems to be the norm for many men who think of themselves as straight. They enjoy the frisson of sexual tension that exists between two men that is heightened, and to some extent allowable, because one of them is explicitly gay. They revel in their own exhibitionism or the pride of being attractive to the other man and do not stop to consider the consequences of their actions either for themselves or their gay friend. In my case, not being obviously effeminate or conforming to a gay stereotype, perhaps they also feel more comfortable to explore an aspect of their sexuality because it doesnt seem such a pansy thing to do.
If I am honest, neither do I care much for the consequences, at the time, because the intensity of the moment is so immediate; so all-consuming, and I must also accept my own responsibility in allowing these situations to develop. Though I might slightly resent feeling a little manipulated or taken for granted, nevertheless, I never wish the situation had not occurred. I might only regret that it had no future.
We can not know the full details of the OPs story. We do not know whether Dave left feeling embarrassed, compromised and uncomfortable or whether he went away and jerked off himself at the memory of spending an evening in the company of a big cock. Providing Brieflover is not too unattractive in other ways, I suspect that a little of both is probably true.
While I believe that Brieflover behaved a little selfishly, vainly, naively and compromised the trust of two friends, I also think that what he did was just basic human nature. We have all been guilty of these less attractive human attributes. I think it may be a bit hard on him to suppose that what he did was so heinous a crime.
Do his actions make him Gay? Well, Im sure I have sometimes enjoyed the idea that women have found me attractive and flaunted the fact. I wouldnt say that this, in itself, makes me straight, though admittedly I never had a wank over it. I would guess that if Dave had had enough desire or courage to seize the moment, Brieflover would have put up little resistance. Is this Gay? By my definition he was gay
at least for that evening! He, on the other hand is free to define his sexuality by whatever label he wishes and if that involves some self-delusion, he will not be alone in deluding himself. So be it.
I think the truth of the matter is that one can only be defined as gay or straight according to ones desire or willingness to identify with either term. Human sexuality is far too diverse and complex to be limited to one of two possibilities; and bisexuality amounts to a convenient term for anyone who has either not made up their mind or is unwilling to identify with too polarised a definition. Ultimately we are just people with a world of possibilities open to us all. Gay/Straight/Bi are just labels.
Since the OP has been subject to so much debate and criticism, I would be very interested to hear him respond to some of it. I would also be keen to see a picture of the offending eight-and-a-half inches that have created so much fuss. How about it brief-lover?:wink: