Flirting

Discussion in 'Relationships, Discrimination, and Jealousy' started by Lex, Sep 25, 2005.

  1. Lex

    Lex
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    My good collee friend from MI was in DC for the week and he and I decided (After partying all night Friday) to hit the Columbia Mall on Saturday and do some shopping. He's tall, broad, handsome and married. So, we are shopping and have hit a few stores when we get to Eddie Bauer.

    A relatively handsome clerk approached me and I asked him if a sweater I was looking at came in Large-Tall. so, here's the convo from that point:

    Him: Oh, I LOVE you shirt.

    Me: Thanks, man.

    Him: Where's you get it.

    Me: It's from your competitior, the Gap.

    (he finds a large tall)

    Him: Here you go. What's your name? (making lotsof heavy eye contact--which I avoid as I know that message)

    me: Lex ;)

    Him: Well, Lex, I'm "I don't remember". Let me know if you need ANYthing.

    Me: K.

    So, I try the sweater on. When I come out of the dressing room, he's waiting for me and asks how it fit. I told him the body fit was fine, but the neck was too tight (it was a zip-neck sweater) and that I didn't want to do XL and lose the body fit for the neck room. So, the sweater was a No-go.

    Him: Well, keep looking around, because you have to find a shirt to buy so you can give me yours. I mean, I REALLY like thatshirt...

    Me: Um, it's hanging in the Gap right now, and it's on sale...

    Once we left the store, my buddy and I processed it. He joked and complimented my handling being "flirted" with. Now, *I* did feel like the guy was being flirty, but my bud does not know about my sexuality and I nevr thought that a lot of "straight" men would pick up on that kind of stuff.

    Any other guys have similar experiences? Where they were (not in a bar/club scene) and felt like another guy wa sflirting with them. I know, me and my bud were easy targets--tall, casually dressed men with shopping bags, but still---is there a look that sends a message or do people just flirt when they feel the need to, without making assumptions? Did he think because of how we looked and talked about clothes and what not that we were gay? hmmm....
     
  2. naughty

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    Workin' up a good pot of mad!
    Lex,

    People are always going to take in visual information and process it whatever way they wish. Perhaps he did think the two of you were a couple , he found you attractive(and you sweater as well) and decided to go for it to see your response. In my blog I talked about one of my friend's neighbors seeing us in my car with me giving her a hug and said to her "its alright you can come out with me, I saw you the other night" Well, because she had a chance to talk with the woman she was able to set her straight(no pun intended) that she was not a lesbian, that we were not making out in my car, and that I was not a white woman! LOL! Oh and why was she peeking out of her living room window anyway!
    I said all of that to let you know it was more about him than it was about you. But we all know that you are a fine example of masculine pulchritude so you cant blame the man for having good taste... in sweaters that is! LOL!


    Naughty
     
  3. Alley Blue

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    I'm so glad you said that Naughty. There’s another thread around here concerning this sort of thing. I've been hit on many times in many ways, by men and women. When I was younger I used to spend great lengths of time trying to figure out what the hell was the big attraction. Only after becoming older have I realized its a waste of good mental energy to try to figure out what exactly they see when they look at me. Sometimes I may get an idea, but I’ll never *really* know.
    I suppose each person sees different things.

    I really don't mind be flirted with, as long as its not aggressive or if the other person becomes overly familiar.
     
  4. steve319

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    Plus, Lex, being who you are, you probably inspire that sort of thing in everyone. ;)


    Lex, buddy, you can't go down that road too far. I think Kim hit it dead on. People sometimes see what they want to see. Either this fellow has a bizarre sales technique or he was overcome with wishful thinking.

    It reminds me of the phenomenon that gay men run into with women who insist that they just haven't found the "right" woman yet. Or, conversely, where gay men will sometimes claim that bisexuality means we're really gay but just in denial. There's something in us as human beings that make us want everyone else to be just like we are, struggling with the same issues and holding the same needs and desires. None of us wants to feel we are "the only one."

    To be perfectly honest (damn this place and the spell it weaves!) I'm as guilty of that in my own way as anyone. I still find it hard to believe that a person can be a heavy drinker and not lose control of his/her life, even when evidence has shown me it's possible.

    <!--QuoteBegin-Alley Blue
    @Sep 26 2005, 08:22 AM
    I&#39;ve been hit on many times in many ways, by men and women. When I was younger I used to spend great lengths of time trying to figure out what the hell was the big attraction.
    [post=346624]Quoted post[/post]​
    [/quote]
    I know what you mean, Alley. Most of the time I think it&#39;s the same phenomenon, that people take otherwise-innocuous signals to mean something else. But, really, for me, I think sometimes that I am actively sending the wrong signals. There&#39;s no other explanation for the frequency.

    I remember being totally blindsided once when a friend of mine told me (only half-jokingly) that he thought I was flirting with his wife. Yet another reason I should be taken off the market for repairs.

    Lex, try to be flattered by this fellow&#39;s attention and move on. You can&#39;t get too overwrought over what you may or may not be doing to give a particular impression because people interpret things through the lens of their own experiences. Do you think some of your anxiety here comes from the fact that your friend (who is unaware of your sexuality) was there at the time?
     
  5. Lex

    Lex
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    I am flattered and am not as bothered as my posts probably reads (typing just isn&#39;t the same as talking). I was just wondering is all. Thanks everyone.
     
  6. jonb

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    I&#39;m flattered by flirting too.
     
  7. Imported

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    orionsword57: Doesn&#39;t happen too much at my age, and I really miss it&#33;
     
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