Flirting

1

1337357

Guest
The other day at the gym i got into a discussion with an attractive woman about sports; it was very casual; we were both smiling and, after a couple of minutes, i’d say we were close to flirting; there was like a pause where i could’ve asked her her name or shifted to another subject; she looked into my eyes, almost waiting; and then, suddenly, i had a thought: “don’t do it; if you say the wrong thing, she’ll be put off and think you’re trying to be a player; just move on;” so i did: i told her to have a good workout, turned, and walked away.

One reason i did this is that i’m in a good relationship and don’t want to screw that up; but, frankly, i’m also confused about how to flirt in the wake of the “me-too” movement; i don’t want to make the woman feel uncomfortable or for her to think i’m an asshole; so i’d rather avoid such scenarios than pursue them; and that doesn’t seem right; after all, flirting is a natural thing to do and, i’ve read, it can even improve one’s committed relationships, since flirting keeps one’s romantic cylinders firing, so to speak.

Last thing: i’m not saying that the “me-too” movement is a bad thing; i’m just saying that it’s made flirting complicated and even awkward.
 

Tight_N_Juicy

Mythical Member
Verified
Gold
Joined
Oct 14, 2012
Posts
18,266
Media
138
Likes
63,597
Points
508
Location
U.S.A.
Verification
View
Sexuality
Pansexual
Gender
Female
Flirting and being harassed/assaulted are completely different things.

Have you read any of the Me Too stories? They aren't describing instances where someone was just flirting and it was taken the wrong way.
 
1

1337357

Guest
absolutely—and they’re horrifying and shameful.

but there have been false accusations too; plus, there is the residual effect of just being wary about saying the wrong, giving the wrong signal.
 

Tight_N_Juicy

Mythical Member
Verified
Gold
Joined
Oct 14, 2012
Posts
18,266
Media
138
Likes
63,597
Points
508
Location
U.S.A.
Verification
View
Sexuality
Pansexual
Gender
Female
absolutely—and they’re horrifying and shameful.

but there have been false accusations too; plus, there is the residual effect of just being wary about saying the wrong, giving the wrong signal.

Give me some examples of false accusations.
 
  • Like
Reactions: spaj8987 and Enid
1

1337357

Guest
i’d like to reiterate that i’m not critiquing the movement as a whole, and i’m not doubting that it’s needed;

really, i’m just asking for advice in an era of heightened awareness of boundaries.
 
  • Like
Reactions: Tight_N_Juicy

LaFemme

Mythical Member
Staff
Moderator
Verified
Gold
Platinum Gold
Joined
Aug 16, 2010
Posts
40,782
Media
2
Likes
38,876
Points
743
Location
Canada
Sexuality
90% Straight, 10% Gay
Gender
Female
Teenage girls. Is that how you’re going to live your life? As if all women are going to act as if they were immature spiteful young girls? I suppose that’s your choice, but the fact remains that false sexual allegations remain the same as for any other false allegation - around 8%. You are as likely to be falsely charged with theft from a store, does that stop you from shopping?

Flirting is totally different from harassment. If you don’t know the difference, don’t flirt. Your significant other might not be comfortable with it, but that’s between you and her. Personally, I wouldn’t do anything away from my partner, that I wouldn’t do in front front of them.
 
1

1337357

Guest
i guess I did the right thing then, as i myself don’t have a clear sense as to when a compliment or a touch on the arm might be misperceived as a serious come-on; perhaps other guys do, but i know many who are equally anxious; still, one could argue that that itself is good.

thanks.
 

LaFemme

Mythical Member
Staff
Moderator
Verified
Gold
Platinum Gold
Joined
Aug 16, 2010
Posts
40,782
Media
2
Likes
38,876
Points
743
Location
Canada
Sexuality
90% Straight, 10% Gay
Gender
Female
This isn’t directed at you specifically, but why do guys feel they need to touch a woman when they “flirt”? It’s totally unnecessary. Just don’t. If you move into her space and she backs away, she’s not into you. If she doesn’t, let her make the move. Don’t touch.

This might just be my opinion, but if a flirty touch is given, let the woman go first. If she touches your arm, maybe you can touch her arm - not her shoulder, not her back, not her ass, just her arm. Or not. If you’re attached to someone else, you don’t otherwise engage. That’s your ‘no’. Verbal sparring only.
 
D

deleted924715

Guest
Last thing: i’m not saying that the “me-too” movement is a bad thing

Aren't you? Kinda seems like where you're going with this. You witheld your (I'm sure, awesome) flirting from this poor woman because of the massive risk of being accused of... Something. It's almost like you're trying to impart a cautionary tale.

Shall I tell you the difference I've noticed since #metoo? None. Guys who flirted before, flirt now because they understand the difference between flirting and harrassment. The guys who harrass still harrass because they don't think it applies to them.

If you are so uncertain about how you come across, then you are probably doing the right thing by steering clear and it's not like there won't be other guys picking up the slack *shrug*
 
1

1337357

Guest
i shouldn’t have brought up “me too;” it popped into my head that my question may be of wider social significance—and maybe it is—but I did a poor job of relating the two; anyway i should’ve stuck to my own situation.

incidentally, however, i have learned a lot from this discussion; thanks again.
 

Enid

Worshipped Member
Joined
Jul 3, 2008
Posts
7,324
Media
10
Likes
17,459
Points
393
Age
52
Location
Arlington, Texas, United States of America
Sexuality
Unsure
Gender
Female
this is not directed at OP specifically, but i frickin hate it when i can't just be nice in public without it being construed as flirting. just because i smile and laugh at small talk, doesn't mean i want you thinking there is more. it isn't flirting, it's being nice

otherwise, flirting is all well and good and can be fun. for me this tends to involve people i know at least on some level.

complete strangers are getting the niceties and the smiling and whatnot but not the REAL flirting
 

Tight_N_Juicy

Mythical Member
Verified
Gold
Joined
Oct 14, 2012
Posts
18,266
Media
138
Likes
63,597
Points
508
Location
U.S.A.
Verification
View
Sexuality
Pansexual
Gender
Female
When I'm flirting I will make it known verbally that I am in fact flirting. I don't leave any room for misunderstandings.

If I'm just laughing/smiling/chatting I'm not flirting. I'm just being a regular person in a regular social situation.