Following Your Own Advice

Discussion in 'Et Cetera, Et Cetera' started by Countryguy63, Sep 27, 2009.

  1. Countryguy63

    Verified Gold Member

    Jun 29, 2006
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    near Monterey, Calif.
    I try to spend a lot of time here encouraging others to have self confidence and pride in themselves. I know that, that is the best self help that there is.

    However, I also know first hand how difficult that can be. What do you guys do to practice this? Did you have to develop it, and if so, how?
  2. D_Tim McGnaw

    D_Tim McGnaw Account Disabled

    Aug 30, 2009
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    I think you have to be totally, 100% honest with yourself about who you are. Faults and all you have to be able to look yourself in the mirror and be at least comfortable with who's looking back at you if not actually happy.

    Being confident comes from being able to accept your limitations as well as knowing your strengths. If your uncomfortable about the things that aren't perfect about you then it shows big time. Normally people over compensate by being overly proud of their good points, making them arrogant and overbearing.

    I give myself a periodical overhaul, I look at what stuff is working for me in my life and what stuff isn't, I accept the reasons why I may be doing things that aren't helpful or positive and work to change those behaviours or traits.

    Being happy with myself is a work in progress. Confidence comes from knowing you have the maturity and life skills to be able to progress that work.
  3. Lex

    Gold Member

    Jun 11, 2004
    Likes Received:
    In Your Darkest Thoughts and Dreams
    This is a great question. I grew up as a skinny comic book nerd and was chocolate brown at a time when being fair-skinned with curly hair was the thing. I felt very unattractive as a teen and young adult. Guys shunned me and girls found more athletic guys more interesting.

    Then I went to college and found that there were plenty of people who found me to be an attractive and worthwhile person. The "chocolate renaissance" occurred during those years when the Denzel Washingtons and Morris Chesnuts of he world became a standard of beauty for men.

    Next, I fell into a profession that really allowed me to shine as an employee. It channeled my creative energies and my love of people a the same time. All these things boosted my sense of self-worth and confidence far beyond where I was as a teen.

    Finally, I realized I was gay along the way (post 30). During this often dark time of coming out, I had to rebuild my sense of self and self-love from the ground up. I had to unlearn the things that I felt badly about and understand that many men (and women) found those very things highly attractive. It has made me feel amazing and humbled me all at the same time.

    Nowadays--I take pride in doing all of my jobs well--father, partner, employee. I try to wear clothing that looks great on me--whether it is "in" or not. Flattering clothing is always in style. I also take care of myself by exercising. Seeing the changes I have made in my body over the past 5 years or so have been the most fulfilling adventure, simply because it proves my own ability to affect change in my life. It is an obvious example of what is possible with hard work and dedication.

    At the same time, I try hard not to buy any of the hype that others place upon me. I might be tall and muscly and whatever, but inside I am just a comic book nerd who has worked hard to love himself and love others. I hope this makes sense.
  4. flame boy

    flame boy Account Disabled

    Feb 4, 2008
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    I will keep my reply simple, to quote the wonderful RuPaul: "If you can't love yourself, how in the hell you gonna love somebody else". It's always easier to tell other people what to do and how to change, while we remain the same.
  5. B_Dustydo

    B_Dustydo New Member

    Jul 18, 2009
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    I have a lot of vastly indulgent friends who will listen when I am upset, irrational and plain pissed off.
    They are angels.
    They are tough with me when I need it and when I least want to hear it.
    They have the guts to say the hard things to me that others wouldn't dare.
    I love each and everyone of them and there's nothing I wouldn't do for them.
    It's a warm feeling to know they feel the same way.
    #5 B_Dustydo, Sep 28, 2009
    Last edited: Sep 28, 2009
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