I try to spend a lot of time here encouraging others to have self confidence and pride in themselves. I know that, that is the best self help that there is.
However, I also know first hand how difficult that can be. What do you guys do to practice this? Did you have to develop it, and if so, how?
This is a great question. I grew up as a skinny comic book nerd and was chocolate brown at a time when being fair-skinned with curly hair was the thing. I felt very unattractive as a teen and young adult. Guys shunned me and girls found more athletic guys more interesting.
Then I went to college and found that there were plenty of people who found me to be an attractive and worthwhile person. The "chocolate renaissance" occurred during those years when the Denzel Washingtons and Morris Chesnuts of he world became a standard of beauty for men.
Next, I fell into a profession that really allowed me to shine as an employee. It channeled my creative energies and my love of people a the same time. All these things boosted my sense of self-worth and confidence far beyond where I was as a teen.
Finally, I realized I was gay along the way (post 30). During this often dark time of coming out, I had to rebuild my sense of self and self-love from the ground up. I had to unlearn the things that I felt badly about and understand that many men (and women) found those very things highly attractive. It has made me feel amazing and humbled me all at the same time.
Nowadays--I take pride in doing all of my jobs well--father, partner, employee. I try to wear clothing that looks great on me--whether it is "in" or not. Flattering clothing is always in style. I also take care of myself by exercising. Seeing the changes I have made in my body over the past 5 years or so have been the most fulfilling adventure, simply because it proves my own ability to affect change in my life. It is an obvious example of what is possible with hard work and dedication.
At the same time, I try hard not to buy any of the hype that others place upon me. I might be tall and muscly and whatever, but inside I am just a comic book nerd who has worked hard to love himself and love others. I hope this makes sense.