For all those who have open relationships

Discussion in 'Relationships, Discrimination, and Jealousy' started by BBTM, Mar 19, 2009.

  1. BBTM

    Verified Gold Member

    Joined:
    Aug 23, 2007
    Messages:
    231
    Albums:
    1
    Likes Received:
    14
    Gender:
    Male
    Location:
    Silicon Valley, CA
    Verified:
    Photo
    I need help dealing with having an open relationship. Can you share some stories and how you coped with jealousy, friendships, and communication?

    My story:

    My partner(Kenny) and I recently had a discussion of opening our relationship to enjoy "having fun" with other people. Kenny said it was fine and I would be ok with it too as long as there's no actual sex. I'm more eager to play with other bois than he is, so I get a couple of guys to suck me (no big deal to him). There's this boy in class with Kenny and we all hangout sometimes on the weekends, and I like him as a friend. Kenny then tells me that they connect so well and he wouldn't mind f@*%ing. I asked him if he wanted to take our relationship that far, cuz honestly I wouldn't mind being plowed by another guy too. The thing is, I'm worried about how much they have in common and I feel left out because I can't share that aspect of life with him. And I don't want to have someone else always showing up when it's "our" time together. He tells me there is no way he would leave me and that I mean the world to him. He says "just as long as you come home to me, that's all that matters". The fact that they are so connected and both a tease worry me if they were to have sex. I feel like I've already lost him even though they don't hang out that much and maybe I'm just taking it too far in my mind? Can someone give me advice/hope?
     
  2. gaygent

    gaygent Member

    Joined:
    Mar 28, 2008
    Messages:
    103
    Likes Received:
    1
    Gender:
    Male
    Location:
    Cheshire
    I'm afraid your experiencing the real dilema of an "Open" relationship. If there's going to be no actual sex, what is being sucked by other guys? Is sucking not sex? The thought of having sex with other guys will be exciting for you but you are also apparantly jealous that your boyfriend might get off with a guy in his class and wonder what that will mean for your relationship. Clearly you are not ready for an open realtionship and all the internal anxiety and jealousy is the proof. Just say "No" for now, talk about it more with your boyriend and only take the plunge when you are both feeling much mre secure.
     
  3. matticus201

    matticus201 Member

    Joined:
    Jun 12, 2007
    Messages:
    490
    Albums:
    1
    Likes Received:
    19
    Gender:
    Male
    Location:
    Dallas, TX
    I agree with gaygent. I know many who have tried this, and none who have made it work. Relationships take a lot of effort. It's tough to keep things new and exciting, but worth it in the long run, I think. I kind of feel as if an open relationship is the easy way out. I'll admit that it might work for some, I've just never met them.

    Just follow your heart BBTM. That's really all we can do. You can't have a relationship if there's even a hit of jealousy and doubt. In my opinion, it's either all or nothing. =)

    Take care.
     
  4. BBTM

    Verified Gold Member

    Joined:
    Aug 23, 2007
    Messages:
    231
    Albums:
    1
    Likes Received:
    14
    Gender:
    Male
    Location:
    Silicon Valley, CA
    Verified:
    Photo
    Thanks guys. I guess its true that we all fear the unknown. Up until now, I've been able to deal with the unknowns in life, but this is much much harder. I guess I didn't realize how much I love him until there was a possible threat of losing him.
     
Draft saved Draft deleted