For men and women, what strange things have you masturbated with?

TexanStar

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I'm glad this thread was resurrected, just for the public health warning about inserting bottles into your vagina. Good to know.

It's an urban legend (you can look at the details on snopes, i didn't link because the legend references a minor)
 
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Tattooed Goddess

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I had a petite firey redhead come into the shop the other day who told me she sticks wine bottles (the blunt end) in her honey hole. Trust me, you can't tell just how big a vagina is by the build of the woman. I've helped in labor and delivery and currently work in a sex shop for the past year.
 

Shackleford

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Everyone that posted in this thread before you is already dead of old age.
I literally LOLed.

On a side note, hard to believe it's been over 10 years since some of those folks were hanging out here. I really miss a couple of them.
 
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C41ara

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To me, not only is very absurd to insert a bottle in your vagina and masturbate with it, but it's totally crazy to think how an idea like that could be conceived... o_O

"Look what's right here, a bottle...where I can put that? Oh sure why not, it's so obvious!"
 
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EllieP

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I thought this was the thread where I talked about the electric toothbrush. Guess it was another one. My little sister blurted out at breakfast "I'm surprised you have any teeth left! You brushed like all night long!" I didn't know she could hear me in my room.

I think he already shared this years ago, but how about an unintentional toy? When we bought this house it had a nice play pool with a built in pool sweep. There's a port under the water line that you connect the sweep to. Our pool is not clothing optional - it's clothing prohibited, but that's only when it's just hubby and me. We hadn't been in the house that long and were enjoying the pool one Saturday afternoon. He's in the water trying to figure out how the sweep hose fit into the port when he stood a little too close. Do you have any idea how much suction that is. The cry not to mention the look on his face made me think the worst. But that strained yell to "cut off the pump" puzzled me, until I saw him slump from the side. I accused him of putting it in there to see how it fit, but he swears the port went looking for him! He just had visions of the pump pulling it right off! Glad I'm quick on my feet!
 

BetterFuture

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Everyone that posted in this thread before you is already dead of old age.
... or died because they picked a thing that was just a little too dangerous to put into the body (or to put a body part into). ;)
 

Shackleford

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I thought this was the thread where I talked about the electric toothbrush. Guess it was another one. My little sister blurted out at breakfast "I'm surprised you have any teeth left! You brushed like all night long!" I didn't know she could hear me in my room.

I think he already shared this years ago, but how about an unintentional toy? When we bought this house it had a nice play pool with a built in pool sweep. There's a port under the water line that you connect the sweep to. Our pool is not clothing optional - it's clothing prohibited, but that's only when it's just hubby and me. We hadn't been in the house that long and were enjoying the pool one Saturday afternoon. He's in the water trying to figure out how the sweep hose fit into the port when he stood a little too close. Do you have any idea how much suction that is. The cry not to mention the look on his face made me think the worst. But that strained yell to "cut off the pump" puzzled me, until I saw him slump from the side. I accused him of putting it in there to see how it fit, but he swears the port went looking for him! He just had visions of the pump pulling it right off! Glad I'm quick on my feet!

OK, I just GOTTA ask:

What was the aftermath of that incident? I once had a can of shaving cream slip out of my hand in the shower and had a bruise on my weenie for the better part of a week. I shudder to think what a pool pump could do to the delicate vegetation.
 
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EllieP

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OK, I just GOTTA ask:

What was the aftermath of that incident? I once had a can of shaving cream slip out of my hand in the shower and had a bruise on my weenie for the better part of a week. I shudder to think what a pool pump could do to the delicate vegetation.

It made it like 3 inches longer!!!

Nah, I'm just kidding. Please don't run to the sweeper port and try it. He said it felt like he had been punched in the balls, and it felt like that for a long time. No bruising, but he said it felt like he was about to be circumcised the hard way!
 

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It made it like 3 inches longer!!!

Nah, I'm just kidding. Please don't run to the sweeper port and try it. He said it felt like he had been punched in the balls
If I ever walked up to my wife and said, "Check this out! I made it 3 inches longer!" she might actually punch me in the balls.