? for Partnered males

Discussion in 'Relationships, Discrimination, and Jealousy' started by BigNole, Feb 10, 2009.

  1. BigNole

    BigNole Member

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    I am a gay male in my 50's and have been in a relationship for 10 years now. I do not live with him and only see him on the weekends. In addition to only seeing him on weekends, my friendship is different (for obvious reasons) with him than with other men I have been friends with.

    It has been a while since I had a close friend other than at work and I really miss it. I would love to just hang out now and then, go to a movie, discuss things etc. during the week or any time for that matter.

    Do any of you men out there straight or gay with a partner have a close relationship with other men? One that you can discuss anything? I miss that special bonding. I do have this with someone I work with but it is just at work and I would like it to be outside of work as well but that probably won't happen.

    Most of my friends always want to do the couple thing and that is fine but I need more.

    I was thinking of posting on craigslist for platonic friends but thought I would first run this by you all.

    Thanks :smile:
     
    #1 BigNole, Feb 10, 2009
    Last edited: Feb 10, 2009
  2. nudeyorker

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    I have a very close friend that I can discuss anything with, we go skiing, or out on the town. However friendship is as fragile to nurture as love. Friendships build over time and common interests and experiences. I'm not sure what you are looking for is available on Craig's List. If you decide to advertise look for a platonic friend who shares many of your interests and you never know what might develop. Best of luck!
     
  3. r123874293

    r123874293 New Member

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    I agree with nudeyorker. Friendships do usually form over common interests and experiences. You might want to try to find others in your community who share your interests. Also, you might want to try to find old friends who you have lost contact with; maybe people who went to your school.

    Good luck!
     
  4. goodwood

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    yes. i have many male friends that i am close with that have seen me through endless relationships. I am very thankful for their friendship and candor. i hope you are able to find a great friend.
     
  5. Stephenmass

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    First off, you consider yourself partnered and you only see him on weekends? That aside you asked for advice so here goes.

    I am partnered and part of that partnership is trust. I trust him and he trusts me. I have both str8 and gay friends, as does he. Now because we live together, most of the time we are together, but we have different work schedules. Would I say to him you can't do this or that when I am not around? Say a friend of his or ours for that matter calls him and says want to go to a movie, I'm bored kinda thing. Why not? If all it is is a friendship, what is wrong with having friends in your life?

    I'm not sure I understand the question or maybe it's just me being naive. If you are not thinking "sex" with these other guys, what is wrong with having friends that you do things with and have common interests with? Is the relationship that fragile that friends threaten it?
     
  6. D_CountdeGrandePinja

    D_CountdeGrandePinja Account Disabled

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    Friends unlike relatives, we can choose. Choose wisely!

    A friend's sexual orientation should not matter - what matters is trust and the wonderful support you know from having a TRUE FRIEND.

    Good Luck!
     
  7. lilbear

    lilbear Member

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    I agree. I too am partnered and part of that partnership is trust. We live in Alameda, Ca and were legally married Aug. 23 2008. I trust him and he trusts me. We both have many friends- both straight and gay. We also have female friends. Our champagne glasses for our wedding read, "Today I married my best friend".
     
  8. BigNole

    BigNole Member

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    Thanks all for replying...

    I guess there is some misunderstanding about my relationship with my partner. Yes, we do trust each other VERY much. As a matter of fact, that is our stongest connection. TRUST..

    The reason we don't live together is logistical reasons. He lives too far away to see during the week and neither one of us would consider selling our homes at this time. We have talked about it some but have not pressed it.

    Now, I do not see in my opening statement that there is a trust issue or that I can or cannot have certain friends or anything like that. So my bad if I misled..

    I have been reading these post on this site for a while now and have enjoyed the openness and freedom that this venue has provided. It has allowed such honesty between men here that I find wonderful (and women too).

    So my question was to the married or partnered men out there about having their other "special" friend in their lives. And no I am not talking sexual just a good friend. I have many friends but it usally involves the couple thing as I stated before.
     
  9. B_Nick8

    B_Nick8 New Member

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    I've had a long distance relationship for five years and we see each other two to three times a month. I couldn't live without my friends. And nude is right, they develop over time.

    I can't imagine advertising for one but if you've sort of run through the potentials in your life and it doesn't appear there's any other way of meeting new people, I imagine it's worth a try. Of course you'll have to be pretty specific about your circumstances and what you're looking for because otherwise you open yourself up to all sorts of unwanted possibilities. Shared interest is good; one of my best friends now is a guy I met at a party and with whom I started getting together once a week just to see movies.

    And, fyi, among the closest people I know are some people I met here...
    :wink:
     
  10. BigNole

    BigNole Member

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    I agree advertising for a friend sounds silly. But I actually got that idea from someone on this site. He was straight and was adverstising for a gay man. He liked gay men as friends better if my memory is correct. I guess I thought that maybe there was another man out there that was in a marrigae or relationship but did not have a close friend out there.

    I am sure there are some men out there like that. Connecting with them and developing it takes a long time, I realize that.

    Bottom line I guess is that my life needs a little excitment. Surely, I am not alone.
     
  11. erratic

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    Partnered. Several close friends. It takes time to get those sorts of relationships going, as others have said. And hey, if people find love on Craigslist, is it so weird to find friendship?
     
  12. Industrialsize

    Staff Member Moderator Gold Member

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    I'm partnered for 31 years!....We have "my friends", "His" friends", and "Our friends"
     
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