For The 30 Main Members Here

[B_Stronzo]

I would agree here (while agreeing also with Matthew--Libra CURSE) and say that these points really have little to do with her leaving.

Lex I disagree. Alex went to some trouble to post Judith's initial entry post to this place and though I agree it had a self-aggrandizing tone to it, everyone's different. And I also think that in the larger picture she was speaking from a place of disenfranchisement. That's why I brought up the 'initiation' thing. I lived it. Bronxy is lovely. But she doesn't contradict much so she's bound to be liked immediately. But is that why we're here? To be 'liked'? Geeez, I hope not. It's always nice but hell I graduated from high school eons ago and it wasn't dreadfully important then.

So, the question is--what makes someone like you stay?

I enjoy it here. It's brain food.

Why do some stay, feeling that they have something to say and offer while others don't?

I haven't a clue what motivates others.

I tend to believe that some people have the resolve to stand by their words (regardless of how others respond to them--or don't) and some people lack it. Blaming the board for rejection and isolation based on potentially unpopular opinions or potentially offensive stances is displacement at its most textbook.

However 'textbook', it's nonetheless true in part.

And I agree with you to a point. But again I say that this business of saying "oh I just adore so-and-so" and dedicating a thread to it is dangerous stuff. It is bound to cause an "us and them" sort of mentality.

I think she never should have announced her leaving. It was grand standing. But I think something can be learned from her take on this place. As Windy says, (and I paraphrase) 'I enjoy all posters'. I do too.

Didn't see the piece you added. I agree entirely Lex.

 

[B_Stronzo]

That's not fair I wasnt popular and i'm still fat and balding.

THANK YOU tallguy!!!!! That's the best laugh I've had all day. :tongue:

 

[Lex]

As Agent Smith tells Neo in The Matrix Triliogy:
"We're not here because we're free; we're here because we're NOT free."

I guess I, too, would potentially feel disenfranschised if I were a woman who came here and was not adored among this site of dick and men by the men and not welcomed into the sisterhood by the few women who call this place home.

But then I would think long and hard about why that did not happen and take a few long stares at my reflection.

The most challenging part of therapy is realizing the part you play in creating and machinating all the circumstances that happen to you that you dislike.

There is room for everyone here. You can be here and post and enjoy yourself (as you have, undoubtedly found), even when you disagree with others.

Whether you are liked or not (or whether you PERCEIVE that you are liked) is an entirely different matter altogether.

Also--like and respect are different matters. There a people whose views I dislike, but whom I respect immensely.

 

[madame_zora]

I like how "it's only the internet" when someone comes in acting arrogant and rude, but it's something far more serious when they aren't received nicely.

People get what they give here for the most part. It really isn't all that hard to make friends if you act like that's your goal. The thing is, love takes time and too often people expect, nearly demand instant love, and that's just not going to happen.

What some people perceive as a clique is more accurately a level of respect earned through communication. Usually a well thought out and articulate post will get you more than one "Welcome New Guy Thanks For Your Insight" post from the older members.

A lot of people who seem to belong to the "clique" have only been here a couple months, what does that tell you?

 

[D_Elijah_MorganWood]

Frankly I've never invested much time in getting to know you because you've responded to my posts in such an abrasive manner that a positive response didn't seem appropriate. I realise English isn't your first language but I "get" your points as they are sometimes delivered in Spanish syntax and I'm fluent in your language.

I think part of the problem (at least with me) was your standing up for bona fide trolls and bashing me all at once. I now understand your reasons: you feel unwelcome here and if I (or any other member) does a little troll stomping, you take it personally. As for sleeping with my keyboard, I hadn't thought of that yet but maybe it's a good idea. Seriously, we have valued members here why post FAR less than the "post whores" (I include myself). We do have elitism here. I was welcomed by a few members at first and had to earn the respect of the others. I don't speak for anyone else, that was my experience. I also lurked for a year before "coming into the light".

You have a sharp wit and if you want to be accepted here, don't attack us. Feel free to disagree, we do that with each other all the time. Do it by way of discussion, not by hurling insults. That's playground behavior. Notice we've had a few members basically walk into the fold almost immediately. Why? They got to know us. I love getting new blood in here. I detest people who walk in the door and demand respect, then throw a fit when they don't get it.

You're an intense person and there's nothing wrong with that. If you get upset with us, take a deep breath and then read the whole thread. Take another deep breath (or 20) and respond. It makes a huge difference. I know because I have to do it.

 

[art]

So, Rob_E, please delete my pictures, delete my status as photo-verified member and delete my whole account, thanks!

Why announce you're leaving? If you're going to leave, just go. I don't care. Don't depend on me to stop you, or even to argue with you.

And I hope you have a nice life.

 

[circumstances]

I'm DEFINITELY not one of the 30 (or is it 32), but I come and go as I please, and post or don't post as I please. No problem.


Oh, doctorate degree here.

 

[b.c.]

I'm DEFINITELY not one of the 30 (or is it 32), but I come and go as I please, and post or don't post as I please. No problem.


Oh, doctorate degree here.

Ditto here. This is all no big deal dude. For one, you can't make people like u, they either do or don't, and IMO not being among "the elite" gives one more freedom to speak one's mind.

There's nothing more beholding than "belonging". Enjoy the fringe. :wink:

 

[Pappy]

The best way to fit in around here is first get to know who you are responding to in your post. When you post restrain from being cynical, sarcastic or using excessively dry humor, they don't work. Read the entire thread before making a post to it so you know where everyone else stands on the issue at hand. If english isn't you first language, spring for a good translation program so you can converse in kind with the other members. Don't take anything personally, unless it is an all out attack on you, and please choose your words carefully in your responses. Be cheerful, don't show attitude and make intelligent responses.


And for what it's worth, I have four degrees. Read your post before submitting it to check for typo's and spelling errors.

 

[Shelby]

Judith. Don't be bitter. Look at it like a study of politics on a smaller more focused level. Your opinions or ways of expressing them may not be very popular in this micro-demographic. I can relate. Doesn't mean either party is right or wrong or smart or dumb.

If you are entertained stick around. If not find better entertainment.

Peace.

*ducks back under bridge*

 

[ClaireTalon]

Judith, you can't force attention. I know it's a bitter feeling when you work out a well-argumented, linguistically brilliant, funny comment, and then the others just pass it by and refer to posts before yours, while yours gets covered under all the others. But, attention is nothing you can force, face it, and you shouldn't just blow everything just because you don't get enough feedback. Be patient, write yourself up into the "inner circle".

Nobody's yet entered ranks as O-11.

 

[windtalkerways]

Her membership had been deleted as
per her request, Claire.

 

[novice_btm]

Another posting where I'm a little torn.

I don't at all think that storming in and saying you're hot and people should get to, and want to, know you, is going to score major points with anyone, for starters. Making a grand declaration of departure isn't any better. That said, there are some points in what you say.

I was welcomed here, then some of those same people have never really chatted with me since. Two people have chatted with my privately, on a social level, and two other people have told me that they find my posts insightful. Other than that, people seem responsive when I flirt, but generally ignore, or at least never do the "30 member" cheer, "yeah, what ___ said..." with me either, when I write a real posting. Do I care? Um, no, not really. It IS a tough crowd here, and I've dealt with better, and I've dealt with worse, but I've generally found most of the people to be decent and clever, and open to, but cautious of, newcomers. I'm here because it's fun, not because I'm looking for a "Novice appreciation" thread. :wink: You DO have some valid points, but get a grip, Judith.

 

[ClaireTalon]

Her membership had been deleted as
per her request, Claire.

That doesn't mean she's not reading along, you can also do that at request. But running away if you don't find enough attention for your taste is no solution. Trust me. I'm an attention hog, and sometimes have to discipline myself very hard ;-)

 

[windtalkerways]

It NEVER occured to me that a person
who makes such a big deal about leaving
would THEN hang around a site, reading
what others are saying after their departure!

Time to get on with life!

I think a site, as with real life, shows
that one needs social skills to navigate
the waters of so many different personalities.

Rubbing people the wrong way with abrasive
retorts then wondering why you aren't
on their buddy list shows that there is an
element of self-absorption to the poster and
a lack of 'other' awareness.

Though I do know that some people
purposely post comments only to garner
attention, albeit negative and we all recognize
those.

 

[novice_btm]

Though I do know that some people
purposely post comments only to garner
attention, albeit negative and we all recognize
those.

It frightens me how you've always been able to read me like a book. :tongue:

 

[Altairion]

Oh the joys of social structures.

1) We do have an "in-group" on the board. Every place like ours will form the same core collective that drives the board.

2) The "in-group" will prefer to react with the people they know best. This is also due to proximity. The people that post the most will be on their minds more frequently, so they will be more likely to respond to them. It's human nature.

3) Cobra and Sorcerer pointed out the most important thing. The best way to make a name for yourself here is to get in there and post. By posting in a respectable manner and earning the respect of people that don't know you, then you will get noticed. For some it takes a lot of time and effort, and for others it comes easily. (For me, it took a couple months)

4) Zora pointed out Welcome threads. One thing I've started doing is filtering the ones I look at. As long as someone can form coherent sentences, make an intelligent point, and show some thought in their member name besides 'ihaveagiantpenis', then I will probably greet them. Again, it's a factor of mutual respect that must be built.


I'm happy that Judith posted this thread. I have heard some murmurings of how some people feel shutout from participating on the board or are afraid of posting. All I can say is that I can't make people post and interact. One special comment here is that if someone makes a single post and looks for a special response...don't be disappointed if it doesn't happen that one time. It takes some time and patience to build a name for yourself here.

 

[tallguypns]

... wondering why you aren't
on their buddy list ...

I didnt get a buddy list with mine Please delete my accounts as this just goes to prove that you are all a bunch of so and sos. Nobody loves me. Everybody hates me. I'll just go eat worms. :biggrin1:

 

[D_alex8]

I'll just go eat worms. :biggrin1:

Sprinkle on some chopped sun-dried tomatoes and mozzarella, and you'll never know the difference, anyway.

 

[novice_btm]

...I know it's a bitter feeling when you work out a well-argumented, linguistically brilliant, funny comment, and then the others just pass it by and refer to posts before yours, while yours gets covered under all the others. ...

Yeah, but if you DON'T take the time to create the "perfect" post, would you really want to suffer the wrath of Alex8? :wink: