For The Women Here

Discussion in 'Women's Issues' started by B_hungrick, Sep 29, 2005.

  1. B_hungrick

    B_hungrick New Member

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    This is not about large penises, but I wanted to ask the women here if you've ever found yourself in a situation where you actually ran in the opposite direction when you were attracted to a guy? Like you're at a party or some social event, and you're introduced to a guy, and instead of talking to him, you become intimidated and either feign disinterest or try to get away from him?

    My current girlfriend said this happened to her when we met each other the first time, and it wasn't until a few months later that she actually was able to speak to me. I was very flattered but a little confused by it all. I guess I usually think of guys as the ones who have a hard time speaking to women.

    I'd like to know your honest opinions about this. What's your experience?

    Thanx.
    :hi:
     
  2. madame_zora

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    Oh yeah, I do that too. If I think a person is really hot/interesting/attractive in some way I get the hell away from them in record time. I wish it weren't so, but alas it is. If they are extremely intelligent, it's almost a guarantee (ask DMW how long it took for me to talk to him, and he's gay!)

    If it's a guy I would like to date/have sex with I guess the increased desire also increases my fear of rejection. If I just think a guy's pretty cool and we might have something in common, I won't be all broken up if he isn't into me, but if I really think the world of a guy it would hurt more to be turned down. I'd rather keep a guy like that at arm's length, that way I can smile and wave at him and not have to worry about something weird happening and I couldn't be around him anymore. Does that make any sense at all?
     
  3. mordecai17

    mordecai17 New Member

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    Makes perfect sense. I feel this way too most of time and I'm not a woman.
     
  4. B_hungrick

    B_hungrick New Member

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    Madame, do you think your fear of rejection would make the guy feel cautious too? The first time I met my present girlfriend, I thought there was something very special about her,but she didn't give me the chance to even talk with her. So I thought she found me gross. I think I'm a pleasant looking guy & I'm fairly laid back, so her response had me so confused, I wondered if it was a personality conflict. I'm a really outgoing guy so I thought that maybe I was coming on too strong. She & I have talked about this many times, and she said that when we first met, the time wasn't right for her because she knew she was really attracted to me & needed some time to understand that. She also thought I was a real player & was fucking every girl around. I just think it's interesting how we're afraid of others even though we feel something strong about them. I just wish we could all act on our instincts more. Thanx for your comments.
     
  5. madame_zora

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    Hungrick, I'm sure my standoffishness is misinterpreted a lot as indifference, but it's all I can do right now. I don't want to be in a relationship, so if I'm around someone I know could get me interested in that, I avoid them a lot. Weird, huh? If I ever get in a different mood, I'll have to learn to get over it I guess.
     
  6. loser_emo_kid

    loser_emo_kid New Member

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    Well this certainly makes me feel a lot better.

    All this time I figured they thought I was creepy or something.
     
  7. madame_zora

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    Well, I'm not saying you're NOT creepy! :evilgrin:

    People are complex, most of the time we never get good answers to the questions that puzzle us. It's best just to accept things as they come and try to learn to like ourselves. Relationships come along much easier when we feel good about who we are inside.
     
  8. jonb

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    Once again, someone who calls himself loser_emo_kid has self esteem issues.
     
  9. B_Fit Blonde

    B_Fit Blonde New Member

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    If I'm attracted to a man or woman I go for it - you won't get anywhere if you don't. And besides, what have you got to lose? I'm sure one day a man or woman will turn me down, it's bound to happen, but the fact is whena woman offers sex, or anything along those lines, few will reject.
     
  10. ItsJustMe

    ItsJustMe New Member

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    I'm sure I've done this many times and probably without realizing it. When I was younger, like in my college days, I had very little self-esteem and while I was extremely outgoing and social I figured the guys I liked wouldn't be interested in me so I definitely got tongue tied and ran the other way.

    Now that I'm older and comfortable with myself on most levels I don't do that. What is there to lose?
     
  11. B_hungrick

    B_hungrick New Member

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    Thanx to the women for your responses. I'm realizing that I grew up in a family with two sisters,my mom & dad, so generally speaking female energy was all around me. And my mom & sisters were strong, expressed themselves and were self-assertive....never shy. It never occured to me until I got to high school that there were girls & women who may not be like my siblings. Maybe I got brain-washed in that particular way.
     
  12. madame_zora

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    Hungrick, I think you were very lucky to grow up in such a household, but it didn't do much for preparing you for the real world. There are quite a large number of people who grow up in very dysfunctional and stratified homes and they turn into dysfunctional ego-driven adults. Negative self-image is commonplace amoung women, even very pretty ones, it always freaks me out to discover it too.

    The good news is that like attracts like, eventually. Your own sense of personal security will attract like minded women to you, but you may have to be patient and willing to sift through a lot of crap to find them. I wish you well!
     
  13. BobLeeSwagger

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    I'm not the most outgoing guy in the world, so I understand why someone couldn't walk right up to someone they were attracted to. But I think I do a decent job of conveying my attraction in my own way. I can understand not even talking to a woman who was totally out of my league. It's happened to me a few times before. But I can't understand avoiding someone you're attracted to. It's one thing to not want to initiate things, but if you run away, then your chances are zero. And finding someone is hard enough as it is.
     
  14. rawbone8

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    Sometimes the indifferent übercool attitude works too well and the target never finds out he's the object of a intense feelings – in my situation a girl from my highschool was too cool (almost hostile) and I was too oblivious to notice the attraction signals. Nothing happened back then... but 20 years later we met unexpectedly and we had a pretty intense though short lived relationship. She told me she even dated one of my friends back then to be closer to me (age 16-17). OMG! teen years can be difficult can't they?
     
  15. Pecker

    Pecker Retired Moderator
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    Females. :shrug:
     
  16. Gisella

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    Oh yes!

    :tongue:
     
  17. ClaireTalon

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    I know this mostly from the other point of view, meaning, men being in a state of fear/awe/extreme arousal when they're being introduced to me, and becoming uneasy in conversation, or taking a powder. The good thing about this is: Those who are above these uneasiness or anxiety usually have the attitude that I appreciate in men, so, it's a good filter. Still sometimes I wonder how many great guys I scared off that way.

    As for myself, I guess I'm more of an aggressive approacher. When I find someone interesting, I let them know it, if I think someone's good to get into my bed, I'll give them the signals. The guy who does get me in such a high excitement will still have to be born ;-) And my experience is definetly: Minimal games playing if you're out for a date!
     
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