For those married 20 years +

Discussion in 'Relationships, Discrimination, and Jealousy' started by B_lrgeggs, Jun 12, 2010.

  1. B_lrgeggs

    B_lrgeggs New Member

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    What is your advice for a successful relationship?
     
  2. normaljoe

    normaljoe New Member

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    wow..great question...this is what has worked for me...love,respect,understanding,forgiveness and compromise
     
  3. nudeyorker

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    It has not been 20 years for me, but I agree with everything he said^ + a sense of humor comes in handy now and then.
     
  4. Industrialsize

    Staff Member Moderator Gold Member

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    33 years for me........My advice? Don't try and "change" your partner. It's hard enough to change yourself!
     
  5. Trouty

    Trouty New Member

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    Do as you are told and if you're not going to... don't get caught! :biggrin:

    Seriously though what normaljoe wrote is very sound advice for a lasting relationship
     
  6. hsarge

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    Overlook the little stuff, and learn those 2 magic words 'Yes dear'.
     
  7. dickman45885

    dickman45885 New Member

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    Ignore the samll shit.....
     
  8. cbrmale

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    The trick is to get it right in the first place, marry 'the one' rather than someone who is near enough. The special woman is the person who is compatable with you but has differences as well, as this means common interests as well as some different perspectives on life. You must also be sexually attracted to your special woman, as she is sexually attracted to you. This latter ingredient is often overlooked by couples (they are good friends and have good sex at the beginning of their relationship, but they don't have that desperate sexual attraction, and therefore eros fades quite quickly).

    Give each other space in the relationship, respect each other's needs, wants and desires, never let the romance flag even though you have been together for years and decades, and never let sex flag either.

    Sex in marriage is more than thirty minutes of pleasure. It bonds a couple, brings them closer together, and raises the level of testosterone in both men and women, which raises sex drive and leads to more sex. More sex, of course, means more closeness and bonding, and so on.
     
  9. alwaysguessing

    alwaysguessing New Member

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    This is a great response. Thank you.


    Just wanted to point out that a relationship that has lasted for 20 years is not necessarily "successful"...
     
  10. B_625girth

    B_625girth New Member

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    don't do anything that you wouldn't like if she did it to you.
     
  11. clandestine1

    clandestine1 New Member

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    My wife and I have "only" been married for 13 years,and this response pretty much sums it up.
     
  12. alwaysguessing

    alwaysguessing New Member

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    I wouldn't like her sticking anything in my ass, but it seems fine if I do it to her.
     
  13. mako shark

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    I won't offer marriage advice as I was with my ex for 24yrs and she still ran off. Every relationship is different than the other.
     
  14. ewa123

    ewa123 New Member

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    Without meaning to hijack the thread:

    What is the "Yes Dear" BS?

    I've been involved in a relationship for over 5 years. Over the last year or two, he's started calling me "headstrong" and "you've changed" from when we were first together. Well perhaps I have started becoming more opinionated and stronger about voicing them. Probably because we've spent significant time together and we're truly starting to know each other's quirks, habits, and faults and assets. And what we DON'T agree on may be glaring from time to time.

    He keeps saying "why don't you stop fighting with me, and learn those two words?"

    Depending on the serious-ness of the topic on the table you could either overlook the little stuff (which I do agree with) OR say what you believe, because to me, those two words, depending on the situation can be a complete cop-out. When you're debating or arguing with someone, you don't really agree with the other person's demands, and your opinion is completely different, but you're supposed to say "Yes Dear" and then remain silent? Because that somehow smoothes over the situation? I'm sorry, but to me, that truly lacks integrity. Why not just agree to disagree and be ok with that, instead of NEEDING to be right about it? That would truly be a lot more honest, and you can still say "Hey honey, I still love you even though we don't agree on this".

    But since my relationship hasn't been 20+ years, I'm not in a position to answer it. But most of what is said above: love, compassion, understanding, forgiveness (a big one), humor and being very selective about partnering with the right one, instead of just "the available one" is what I've found.
     
    #14 ewa123, Jun 18, 2010
    Last edited: Jun 18, 2010
  15. D_Reuben Stallpisser

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    Learn to say, "Anything you say, sweetheart," and sound like you mean it.
     
  16. durbantom

    durbantom Active Member

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    Ignore the big shit..............
     
  17. durbantom

    durbantom Active Member

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    Treat each day as a new day, leave the grudges of yesterday behind. Don't keep score and keep flushing...
     
  18. Corius

    Corius New Member

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    Some say that a good relationship is a 50/50 arrangement. I have been happily married for more than fifty years and I maintain that 50/50 is not enough. When you commit yourself to marriage you ought to love the other person so that you are always seeking the good of the other rather than your own. If your partner has the same approach you will be getting more than you give; you give your all to your partner and your partner gives his/ner all to you. Troubles seem less when shared and joys which are shared are the greater joys.
     
  19. justmeincal

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    Well said. We've been together for 34 years and it just keeps getting better. I believe communication is very important, at least for us.

     
  20. hung15us

    hung15us Member

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    In any heated discussion JUST SHUT UP AND FORGET IT
     
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