Fortune Cookies

Discussion in 'New Member Introductions' started by wadislaw, Nov 13, 2005.

  1. wadislaw

    wadislaw Active Member

    Joined:
    May 9, 2004
    Messages:
    151
    Albums:
    2
    Likes Received:
    44
    Gender:
    Male
    Location:
    Washington (DC, US)
    Anyone ever get a fortune cookie that alluded to your endowment and/or sexual prowess? I cracked open my fortune cookie on a date last night and got this message:

    "You have an unusual equipment for success; use it properly."

    Anyone else?

    -Z

    My two cents bought me some szechuan chicken!
     
  2. GoneA

    Gold Member

    Joined:
    Sep 12, 2005
    Messages:
    5,176
    Likes Received:
    1
    Yeah, it said: If you use it, she will come.
     
  3. Charlie14

    Charlie14 Member

    Joined:
    May 27, 2005
    Messages:
    319
    Likes Received:
    0
    Never a fortune cookie, but I did have a palm reader tell me I had the biggest love line she had ever seen. I thought the way she said it that she might know I am hugely endowed. She seemed giddy about it.
     
  4. wadislaw

    wadislaw Active Member

    Joined:
    May 9, 2004
    Messages:
    151
    Albums:
    2
    Likes Received:
    44
    Gender:
    Male
    Location:
    Washington (DC, US)
    (Charlie14 sits down across the table from the palm reader.)

    Palm Reader: From the time you walked in, I couldn't help but notice what a big love . . . uh, line you have!

    or, maybe she was talking about your big love outline! ;)

    -Z

    My two cents are my earnings from being a palm reader. :)
     
  5. Pith

    Pith Member

    Joined:
    Nov 12, 2005
    Messages:
    57
    Albums:
    1
    Likes Received:
    5
    Gender:
    Male
    Location:
    Austin, Texas
    Mine said, "DIE!" and a Ninja came out and killed me...
     
  6. invisibleman

    Gold Member

    Joined:
    Oct 10, 2005
    Messages:
    9,976
    Likes Received:
    39
    Gender:
    Male
    Location:
    North Carolina
    Well Greetings,
    Invisi here--I would like to say what an interesting post. Correlating (Actual) Fortune Cookie Fortunes to my lowly Egg Roll...I do frequent some Chinese and Thai restaurants here in Asheville. So I have hand-selected six real fortune cookie fortunes. First, I will give the actual saying and then give what it meant in correlation to my egg roll or what not.

    1: "It tastes sweet". My penis does taste sweet. Sexy diabetic gay men always want some of my Tootsie Roll.
    2: "Prepare today for the demands of tomorrow". Jerking it off is practicing until I can get a new man to gimme booty later.
    3: "Share your happiness with others today". I will share it but as long as the others are: Matt Damon, Patrick Warburton, Jason Patric, and from members ofLPSG.org: HungMuscle, ChocolateStix, and UGotMales.
    4:"You are always welcome in any gathering". Police line up. Orgies. Tupperware Parties. Circle Jerks. I will decline Klan rallies, AlQaeda beheading clans, and other not-so PC organizations.
    5: "Offer support for a friend". My penis is my friend. I will support him by buying Perry Ellis undies, making sure he is clean and healthy, given exercise at night and in morning, and not put in places of suspect nature and danger. To my penis: "Darling, I love and support you".
    6: "You see through the illusion to the plain truth". The optimists: My 7" X 5 1/4" is actually 9" X 7". The pessimists: Truly you have a large penis. It ain't 9" X 7".

    This concludes my Fortune Cookie revelations. Invisibleman
     
  7. Dr. Bubbles

    Dr. Bubbles New Member

    Joined:
    May 10, 2004
    Messages:
    753
    Likes Received:
    0
    Gender:
    Female
    Location:
    NC
    There is so much one could say, but I will behave. lol

    Good seeing you, Bri, hun. My fortune cookies tell me to be wise most of the time... subtle hint wouldn't you think? lol
     
  8. cityboy

    cityboy Member

    Joined:
    May 11, 2004
    Messages:
    213
    Likes Received:
    0
    Gender:
    Male
    Location:
    Saint Louis, MO
    Don't you know? You always add the words "in bed" to the fortune cookie. It makes them so much more interesting. Let's try a few from this thread:
    • You have an unusual equipment for success; use it properly in bed.
    • It tastes sweet in bed.
    • Prepare today for the demands of tomorrow in bed.
    • Share your happiness with others today in bed.
    • You are always welcome in any gathering in bed.
    • Offer support for a friend in bed.
    • You see through the illusion to the plain truth in bed.
    You see how that works? Now you know how to read fortune cookies. :D
     
  9. B_Hickboy

    B_Hickboy New Member

    Joined:
    Jul 13, 2005
    Messages:
    10,730
    Likes Received:
    5
    Location:
    That twinge in your intestines
    That was cool until I got one that said, "You have the admiration of the aged and the friendship of children"

    Oooops. :eek: :( :rolleyes: :eek:
     
  10. Mattness

    Mattness New Member

    Joined:
    Oct 28, 2004
    Messages:
    1,009
    Albums:
    1
    Likes Received:
    4
    Gender:
    Male
    Location:
    Kirkland, WA (Outside of Seattle, Washington)
    Years ago, my friend and I came up with our own "in bed" suffix to be added to Fortune Cookies...a tad violent, but it still works:
    • You have an unusual equipment for success; use it properly with a knife.
    • It tastes sweet with a knife.
    • Prepare today for the demands of tomorrow with a knife.
    • Share your happiness with others today with a knife.
    • You are always welcome in any gathering with a knife.
    • Offer support for a friend with a knife.
    • You see through the illusion to the plain truth with a knife.
     
  11. Pecker

    Pecker Retired Moderator
    Gold Member

    Joined:
    Mar 5, 2002
    Messages:
    83,922
    Likes Received:
    34
  12. Donk

    Donk New Member

    Joined:
    May 17, 2004
    Messages:
    375
    Likes Received:
    0
    That is correct. And, relevant to the topic in this thread, the most disturbing fortune I ever got was a recent one that read:
    "Constant grinding will turn an iron rod into a needle in bed." :eek:
     
  13. Pirate Wench

    Gold Member

    Joined:
    Feb 3, 2006
    Messages:
    714
    Likes Received:
    1
    Gender:
    Female
    Location:
    Texas
    Hey....my cousin told me about adding the words "in bed" to the end of a fortune cookie.

    It works !
     
  14. Pirate Wench

    Gold Member

    Joined:
    Feb 3, 2006
    Messages:
    714
    Likes Received:
    1
    Gender:
    Female
    Location:
    Texas
    What's wrong with my avatar ?
     
  15. Pirate Wench

    Gold Member

    Joined:
    Feb 3, 2006
    Messages:
    714
    Likes Received:
    1
    Gender:
    Female
    Location:
    Texas
    Nevermind....sorry.

    I'm on the laptop and hubby's playing Everquest on the main computer.
    They're networked together and the response time is sometimes squirrely (sp?).

    Just spending the last part of my birthday doing one of my favorite things.....
    Cruising around the LPSG site.
    :smile:
     
  16. rawbone8

    Gold Member

    Joined:
    Jun 30, 2004
    Messages:
    2,864
    Albums:
    1
    Likes Received:
    4
    Gender:
    Male
    Location:
    Toronto (ON, CA)
    happy birthday...in bed!:biggrin1:
     
  17. wadislaw

    wadislaw Active Member

    Joined:
    May 9, 2004
    Messages:
    151
    Albums:
    2
    Likes Received:
    44
    Gender:
    Male
    Location:
    Washington (DC, US)
    Hee hee -- I had Chinese last night, and I got:

    "Many will be impressed by your talent."

    I sure hope so!

    -Z
     
  18. WANKER26

    WANKER26 New Member

    Joined:
    May 21, 2006
    Messages:
    3
    Likes Received:
    0
    Gender:
    Male
    I think the owner of the resturant put that message in there just for you. Is it a place you visit often?
    She probably wanted to see the reaction on your face when you opened the fortune cookie.

    Wanker26:biggrin1:
     
Draft saved Draft deleted