Found Husband's favorite porn sites...

Discussion in 'Relationships, Discrimination, and Jealousy' started by joker, Jun 14, 2006.

  1. joker

    joker New Member

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    Hey guys...I just wanted to ask a question to all you guys...and girls out there. My husband is very suspicious of me, and he checks my computer to see what I'm looking at, checks my phone to see who I'm talking to, ect. He doesn't know I'm on this site, and if he did, he'd get mad. But, I have found several logs of his porn exploring. It doesn't bother me, except when I visited these sites, they're pretty hardcore...like bondage crap and stuff like that. So, I guess my question is, how is it okay for him to be mad/jealous of me about something as simple as this site or even my 8x6 dildo, but yet try to hide his porn addiction from me...and never share that enthusiasm in the bedroom?
     
  2. B_gagger

    B_gagger New Member

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    Seems to me you're both just playing out some fantasies. Don't think you should be sneakily checking on one another though.
     
  3. joker

    joker New Member

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    what do you mean, don't think we should be checking on each other? I just wonder why he doesn't share his excitement with me...I do with him....
     
  4. B_gagger

    B_gagger New Member

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    I just don't think it's healthy for him to be checking your computer/cell phone. Playing out fantasies will probably take a lot of time and talking with one another to make sure both are comfortable.
     
  5. joystick

    joystick Member

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    Boy, My wife would be mad. My wife is not as open as you! I could not get my wife to play with a dildo.:cool:
     
  6. joker

    joker New Member

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    well, I used to be close minded like that too. I told hubby once that porn is as bad as cheating. But I've opened up alot in the last couple of months.
    I've done alot that I'm suprised I've done. And now I'm even open for threesomes with another woman. But he's so jealous of me. I agree...it's not good that he checks up on me so much...it's distracting.
     
  7. Ummagumma

    Ummagumma New Member

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    Having seen your pics I'd say that your husband is pretty lucky guy, and I'm sure he knows it too... which is where the jealousy may come from. A lot of guys out there are real protective of their significant other - and it can be hard to change that in a person - my father has always been that way, it can make life real hard for my mother even today, and is hard to be around. But if he's surfing porn behind your back, and then going to the bedroom uninterested that is without question just plain wrong...

    I kinda catch this vibe that he's not as well endowed as some, and if so I could understand him getting mad about those 'simple things' (visiting this site isn't checking your email and buying a dildo isn't exaclty an everyday occurance) - if/when he discovers you're going here he'll get angry and probably won't connect the dots that it's no different than his porno sites either (and they really are one and the same if you ask me - lot's of fantasizing about others on here - lpsg is just a more intimate type of porn)... so I'd really be careful about coming here - this site is 99% men, many of which are here with big dicks in hand talking about sex - how would he feel about you coming here? And if you're buying a dildo bigger than him behind his back I could see that angering him as well - it could give him the impression that he's not man enough for you, which is a whole 'nother can of worms.

    Now I know I'm rambling and not saying anything of use but to answer your question, it's not okay. You sound open to spicing things up in the bedroom, so the fault lies with him moreso in my opinion. I'm not saying it's okay to come here cause he surfs porn, but sex is major part of a relationship and you should both be satisfied. But you know that already... I don't know him or how he reacts to things but maybe it's time to approach him about it, but you gotta be careful about it, not mean. And of course this whole thing is distracting, you're married, you should be able to trust each other completely!

    Why oh why must sex bring such challenges along with it!?
     
  8. catb1977

    catb1977 New Member

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    get him to tie you up then pump you with your dildo :biggrin1:
     
  9. diego

    Verified Gold Member

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    you should mastrubate in front of him and look porn sites together. No man will resist a woman doing that.
     
  10. dreamer20

    Gold Member

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    He obviously is trying to find out if you have been "toying" with other men. A very insecure man indeed. Give him an ultimatum if you have to. Such as "This behaviour has to stop or I'm going to stop putting custard on your pie." I hope that advice works for you joker.

    lol dreamer20
     
  11. ZapZav

    ZapZav New Member

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    If he tried to hide it... You wouldn't have found it! (It's not so difficult to delete traces in modern day PC's!)... BE AWARE!!!... He may have purposely left those traces to make you think he doesn't know much about computers while he's secretly checking on what you’re doing! :haha: I used to do something similar when I was 12-13 years old!... All the worse for someone older!!!


    Good Luck! :privateeye: :shocked: :wall:
     
  12. ZapZav

    ZapZav New Member

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    ...... To delete your trace in this particular "case", delete all files in the following folders: Temporary Internet Folder, Cookies, History, Offline Web Pages, (Internet) Cache, Downloaded Program Files, Temp and My Recent Documents (hidden)… This will all be pointless & counter-productive in your situation if he has “keyspy” or some other surveillance program/device/equipment running in the background!


    All the best! :wink:

    (PS. - If you would like to delete a trace in any other "case" let me know...)
     
  13. ZapZav

    ZapZav New Member

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    ...... If you currently use AOL as your ISP... Settings > Toolbar Settings > Clear History Trail Now > Yes
     
  14. stretcher74

    stretcher74 New Member

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    maybe he's a porn addict - I would know !. but honestly if your attitude is "that porn crap" with him and he has some related bondage or other fetishes, well then he's not going to be super enthsiastic in the bedroom with someone who thinks he's gross.

    call me out of line here but I think the reality may be:

    1) You've still got issues with porn, sex exploration. Telling him what he likes/fantasizies about is gross (so long as it's legal) isn't helpful.

    2) He's got (psychological)penis-size jealousy issues. Even if he brought the toys in.

    I don't think the answer is to go have a threesome MFF or MMF like something on a checklist untill you are both way more relaxed and comfortable.. Penis envy really pretty predominately a thing in guys minds. as a result Women don't understand the psychological land mine that this is for men. an real 8x6 is larger than like 98% of earth-men and is like fire on the flames. be gentle.

    My Advice: Relax, & let him watch his porn so long as it's not obsessive. Get a copy if "Screw the Roses : Send me the Thorns" it's a very good comprehensive reader on all sorts of more advanced play and you can decide what to try or not.
     
  15. Wrat

    Wrat New Member

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    I have to agree with Stretcher here.
    Whatever your husband does, provided it's not dangerous, has got to be okay with you. Porn is not hurtful. He has got to know that it's 100% okay to do what he wants. he needs that acceptance. You can't stay happily married if you have a list of things he does that you disapprove of that he feels like he has to hide from you. If he wants to look at porn, that's fine. Let him know that. There is nothing else you need to say. You don't need to sit together and make it an "us" thing. You don't need to approve of what he looks at. It's just got to be okay. Not only that but it's his soap and his dick. He can wash it as fast as he wants to, and that's okay too. In fact it's beautiful.
    Trust is everything. Acceptance is everything else.
     
  16. joker

    joker New Member

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    I've told him that I approve now, since I've changed my views of it. I'm sure I do have a problem with it still, but that's me, and doesn't have to do with him. I feel like Im not good enough for him sometimes. Not to mention that there are other embers burning in this fire that many of you all don't know about and I'd rather not divuldge. But thank you all for the amazing comments and opinions...I'd love more if possible...It's like, I want this to work out, but sometimes I just wonder about it, but that's "a whole nother can 'o' worms".

    It's strange....I've been called a nympho before because I do love sex and I do love trying new things...I'll try anything twice...or maybe 3 times...but my arousal level with him is low, and I'm just trying to figure out if that's my fault or a combination of it. Any more feedback?

    p.s. I'm always gentle...I'm a very shy person offline...for the most part. Shy but bold. So I never say or do anything mean...:)
     
  17. DC_DEEP

    Gold Member

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    Joker, I hope some of this actually does help you in your relationship. Unless I mis-read your original post and some of the replies, it seems that you and your husband BOTH enjoy surfing porn, and both have some jealousy, trust, and "I want to do it, but I don't want him/her to do it." issues.

    You both really really need to accept that the other enjoys erotica. Don't be jealous, don't be secretive. You both have to accept that, just because the other enjoys looking at erotic images, that in no way indicates a lack of satisfaction. One really key issue (and I know I will take some heat for this...) is that while total honesty is an absolute must, total openness is not. What I mean by that is, if he asks, answer honestly. Never hide or lie or cover up. But on the other hand, you don't necessarily have to volunteer every single little shred of information. "Honey, I masturbated today. Twice." You do need a little private space in your head, but never let it become a secret hiding place. I think if you both learn to communicate better, and trust each other, you will probably find that your libido with him will improve, too. Oh, and complete honesty and communication about what turns you on, what is indifferent, and what turns you off... that will go a long way in fanning the sparks in your love life. You just have to grow a thicker skin in the beginning, so you don't have any hard feelings when you are thinking, "wow, honey, I don't like that either. I thought you did, that's why I was doing it..." One of my favorites, though, it usually gets me laughing hysterically, is "Oh, hell, I've thought about that so many times, I love it, I just thought you wouldn't!"
     
  18. ben11

    ben11 Member

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    I have a question for you, are the sites your husband visiting passive or as interactive as LPSG? Apparently you have only been a member here since June 3 and you have uploaded seven pictures of yourself and have been posting quite a bit. Are you also going into chat rooms and exchanging e-mails with other members? If I was your husband, I would be pretty concerned if you were posting pictures and actively posting on a web site whose members are largely men and doing so without my knowledge.

    Why are you really here? Are you just curious? looking for fantasy? or is it becuase you are unhappy or believe you are missing something in your life?

    You are pretty young and it appears that you and your husband need to
    communicate better with each other. Everyone needs their space, but you two appear to be down the path of not expressing your feelings to each other and becoming too secretive. He also may need to break through some insecurities that he has and you may be guilty of feeding those insecurities.
     
  19. Mr. Snakey

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    You and your husband need to talk. Pic a night have couple of drinks and start talking Dont let this go one too long. The love is there you can work it out.If you let this go on too long you will become strangers.to eachother. I myself got married very young and have children older than you.We never talked about certain things and when we finally did it was too late.It was like we didnt even know eachother.You have to talk to eachother.Even if its a little at a time.You say he visits bondage sites . That tells me he wants to be in control . Some men dont like when the women is in control. Try letting him be in control see what happens.Marriage is a 50/50 relationship.One night you be in control. Next night he will be in control. Make it fun flip a coin. The only problem is your are not talking about your sexual needs.Simply bring up the topic of sex by asking himis there anything he wanted to try but never had a chance to do_One of the reasons couples watch porn together is to spice things up in a relationship.Just watching it together will spark conversation about sex. This is healthy.Seeing new positions things to try.The love is there . You two can get through anything .But you have to talk.The longer you wait the harder it will be.Think positive even if its only a step at a time. I dont think a threesome is a good idea.At this piont it can only make things worse.But share with eachother in your sexual interests Dont hide things from eachother.But you are young and who knows what god has planed for any of us .We go through things in life that are very hard But they make us Stronger. Think positive Have a sence of humour.Im sure things will work out It takes time good luck
     
  20. Steve26

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    Lots of great advice here so far. DC_DEEP and ben11 in particular raise some excellent points.

    I absolutely agree that your husband sounds insecure, but I think that the previous posts dismissing this as some kind of character flaw on his part miss the mark. I'm very self-confident but have had girlfriends whose behavior has made me feel intensely insecure, and I think you need to consider how your own actions may be feeding your husband's insecurity. Put bluntly, lots of men become insecure only when they are given reason to doubt.

    You are a married woman on a site devoted to well-endowed men. You have posted numerous photos, several of them rather seductive, and have offered in your posts to share more photos privately. By your own admission you wish your husband were bigger. Also by your own admission, you rush to visit this site whenever he happens not to be around. You've engaged in public sexual banter, including talking about how much your breasts have grown and inviting meetings in the chat room. You've told a group of total strangers that you "married too young."

    Put the shoe on the other foot, and imagine discovering your husband behaving similarly at a site devoted to busty women. How would you feel?

    I'm sure this post will come across as a nasty attack, and I apologize for that -- but I offer these thoughts in the most constructive spirit possible. You have to be honest about yourself, your motivations, and your behavior before you can hope to analyze and critique your husband's. I don't know enough about him to offer any meaningful observations other than that he seems insecure, and that I can certainly imagine from my own experience why he might be that way.

    Good luck getting your marriage back on the right track.

    Steve
     
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