Found Husband's favorite porn sites...

[ZapZav]

Lots of great advice here so far. DC_DEEP and ben11 in particular raise some excellent points.

I absolutely agree that your husband sounds insecure, but I think that the previous posts dismissing this as some kind of character flaw on his part miss the mark. I'm very self-confident but have had girlfriends whose behavior has made me feel intensely insecure, and I think you need to consider how your own actions may be feeding your husband's insecurity. Put bluntly, lots of men become insecure only when they are given reason to doubt.

You are a married woman on a site devoted to well-endowed men. You have posted numerous photos, several of them rather seductive, and have offered in your posts to share more photos privately. By your own admission you wish your husband were bigger. Also by your own admission, you rush to visit this site whenever he happens not to be around. You've engaged in public sexual banter, including talking about how much your breasts have grown and inviting meetings in the chat room. You've told a group of total strangers that you "married too young."

Put the shoe on the other foot, and imagine discovering your husband behaving similarly at a site devoted to busty women. How would you feel?

I'm sure this post will come across as a nasty attack, and I apologize for that -- but I offer these thoughts in the most constructive spirit possible. You have to be honest about yourself, your motivations, and your behavior before you can hope to analyze and critique your husband's. I don't know enough about him to offer any meaningful observations other than that he seems insecure, and that I can certainly imagine from my own experience why he might be that way.

Good luck getting your marriage back on the right track.

Steve

This is true...... This is true!

 

[joker]

Okay...I deserved all of what was said...so...from now on...no more site!

 

[joystick]

How long have you been married? You will go though some high points and Low points. I've been married for 20+ years. Do I get the type of sex I want? No, but the love, family, kids, relationships in the long haul are worth it. I'm lucky to get sex once a month, and I'm one horny guy. But as you get older the relationships love will hold you together.

"Love suffers long and is kind; love does not envy; love does not parade itself, is not puffed up; does not behave rudely does not seek its own, is not provoked, thinks no evil"

1 Corinthians 13:4-5

 

[joker]

thank you joystick..I needed that....that's only one of a few comments I've gotten that doesn't make me feel ridiculous...but I do appreciate all the honest answers. You're right....love triumphs in the end...nothing else matters...everything else is secondary to the main relationship. Thanks.

 

[jeff black]

thank you joystick..I needed that....that's only one of a few comments I've gotten that doesn't make me feel ridiculous...but I do appreciate all the honest answers. You're right....love triumphs in the end...nothing else matters...everything else is secondary to the main relationship. Thanks.

You know, Joker. I don't think there is a reason to feel ridiculous. You asked a question, after posting that your husband is a bit concerned/has a bit of a jealous streak.

MY advice?? Tonight, or tommorow when he comes home... have candles burning, and entice him, lure him into the bedroom. Say All the right things, tell him you love him, and be true to your feelings. Have Lots of sex this weekend, if you can.

Chances are, he may feel inadequate due to your flirting, and the dlido, so make him know that you are fucking CRAZY about him...

Coo and fuss over how good he feels inside you, and make sure that you treat him good... He willexpress his feelings, and care for you deeply after that.

Men love it when the woman pays attention to them.:biggrin1:

Good luck.

 

[joker]

Lol....I'll do that...good idea....although I do little things like that for him already! I run him bubble baths and cook his favorite foods....I light the candles and I do fuss over him ALOT...everytime we make love...I tell him how awesome he feels and how much he pleases me....and how much I love him...because I do.

 

[Gisella]

Hey guys...I just wanted to ask a question to all you guys...and girls out there. My husband is very suspicious of me, and he checks my computer to see what I'm looking at, checks my phone to see who I'm talking to, ect. He doesn't know I'm on this site, and if he did, he'd get mad. But, I have found several logs of his porn exploring. It doesn't bother me, except when I visited these sites, they're pretty hardcore...like bondage crap and stuff like that. So, I guess my question is, how is it okay for him to be mad/jealous of me about something as simple as this site or even my 8x6 dildo, but yet try to hide his porn addiction from me...and never share that enthusiasm in the bedroom?

Hi Joker and welcome!

The thing that i find very strange is that he has no enthusiasm in the bedroom...(but seems u have a lot)... & he is very suspicious of u too...

Since when he became not enthusiastic and suspicious of you ?

U seem to do nice things for him and are open minded too but his hidden turn ons are too hardcore for u that u call it crap...dont understand why u have to put up with his craps for u to get some enthusiasm from him in the bedroom...

Sorry but married or not i will not stand this kind of thing to get a man to be more sexually enthusiastic towards me...

 

[dreamer20]

...
I absolutely agree that your husband sounds insecure, but I think that the previous posts dismissing this as some kind of character flaw on his part miss the mark. I'm very self-confident but have had girlfriends whose behavior has made me feel intensely insecure, and I think you need to consider how your own actions may be feeding your husband's insecurity. Put bluntly, lots of men become insecure only when they are given reason to doubt.

You are a married woman etc. etc. ... You've told a group of total strangers that you "married too young." etc. etc.


Steve

I noticed that this post made you feel that you shouldn't be consulting the "strangers" here re: your problems. That is ridiculous. You have just as much right as anybody else to ask questions, receive our support and participate in this forum. When it comes to insecurities the above post illustrates that the insecure person already had this baggage from some past experience or some flaw in his character. Let the talks continue joker. I'm sure that through communication you all will work out your contentious issues.

lol dreamer20

 

[Love-it]

It sounds like a control issue on his part and that is a tough nut to crack.

 

[joker]

i agree with most of everything that has been said...even with Steve about the "he wouldn't be suspicious unless he had a reason to be". I can't say that I'm the best person in the whole world, but we all make mistakes....I hope I'm not eaten alive on that last sentence...lol. Anyway, to answer a previous question, he started being suspicious my freshman year of college...I am now a senior. We broke up when I started college...for a month. It was the longest month of my life!!! He would stalk me on campus, he would be outside waiting for me when I woke up or got out of class...it was awful...he would get my phone if I was talking to him and start looking through it...IN FRONT OF ME. What was I supposed to do? He found a number of a guy friend, at that time I had a few...they were no big deal...this guy in particular was gay, and hubby (then) freaked out on me....he didn't sleep for weeks. It was awful....so I took him back....he took me home one night and told me I shouldn't live on campus...so like a child, I moved back in with mom and commuted. It was all a blur....I don't know...so there you go...that's one instance of extreme controlling.

 

[Wrat]

Just as a general life strategy, it is not going to be very fun or satisfying to spend your life supporting other people's insecurities, being a subject to their control, being the target of their rage and rant, or living your life the way somebody else wants you to. There are people who are insecure enough to spend a great deal of energy making sure you behave exactly the way they want you to, and if you submit to them your life will be crap. They want to own you.

Don't do it.

 

[HungwithHotwife]

I had been following this post and didnt feel the need to reply as there has already been some great advice given, but after reading your last post joker I have concerns of spousal abuse. Any person who follows you, checks your phone, controls who you speak to and where you go is abuse. You are a very young and beautiful woman, DO NOT allow yourself to think this kind of control is LOVE, it isnt. If he is this controling now what will life be like for you in 10 years? I myself was in an almost identical relationship at almost your age, let me tell you it escalates. Im not saying it will but it has all the warning signs of escalating into physical abuse. No person should be afraid of their S.O. ever. you need to ask yourself do you really love this man or is it just easier to be with him then without him? I also think you both arent very open with each other, if you truly do love him then you BOTH need to work on your communication skills alot more or your marriage will never last.
Just my 2 cents

HWHW

 

[ben11]

Joker, I strongly suggest that you and your husband seek marriage counseling. to work through your issues. The actions of your husband, as you describe them, are troubling, but your husband's perspective on the issues here is missing here.

If you go to counseling, you and your husband should each bring an open and honest mind with you. Your objective should be to determine whether your marriage can work and if so, how versus trying to prove which side is right or is being victimized.

Good luck.

 

[joker]

Yes, I totally agree that his side is lacking. He's not able to take up for himself, and that's why I've been reluctant to ever admit this issue to anyone. Of course, my mother as always known about it, but other than that, no one really knows except you all on this forum. You have to understand, I do love him very much, but I think you hit the nail on the head...I wouldn't be able to live a normal life without him in it. Not after we've been married and together for 6 years. I would worry about my safety and the safety of the new prospects in my life. It would be too scary of a situation, so it's much easier being this way. I've always had to walk on eggshells around him, but I have always attributed that to his "stressful" life....he seems to stress out so easily and like was said before, rant and rave about it, although I haven't ever really been the object of his rage. But I have always been somewhat afraid of his power....his masculinity is what has drawn me to him before, but now it's what makes me wonder what he's capable of. I guess I shouldn't be pouring out my life like this, and what's funny is that I'm a year away from being a social worker....so it's not like I don't know the ramifications of this. But strangely enough, I'm still taking it.

 

[Wrat]

Well, not surprisingly these sitations don't seem to look very different from one to the next, from the cheap seats anyway.
My sister had a similar situation with her ex. What whe said to him was that she wanted to know if he was willing to live together in an equal partnership and if he wasn't then they'd better be on their way because she pretty much expected him to knock her teeth out or disfigure her somehow in the future, the way he acts out and such. It took her months to get this all out, but things got better for a while until his insecurities made it impossible for him to function in a partnership, and he drove off into the sunset. (simple abandonment is so much better than leaving a path of destruction behind you)

good luck.

 

[ZapZav]

I had been following this post and didnt feel the need to reply as there has already been some great advice given, but after reading your last post joker I have concerns of spousal abuse. Any person who follows you, checks your phone, controls who you speak to and where you go is abuse. You are a very young and beautiful woman, DO NOT allow yourself to think this kind of control is LOVE, it isnt. If he is this controling now what will life be like for you in 10 years? I myself was in an almost identical relationship at almost your age, let me tell you it escalates. Im not saying it will but it has all the warning signs of escalating into physical abuse. No person should be afraid of their S.O. ever. you need to ask yourself do you really love this man or is it just easier to be with him then without him? I also think you both arent very open with each other, if you truly do love him then you BOTH need to work on your communication skills alot more or your marriage will never last.
Just my 2 cents

HWHW

:clap:

 

[rhino_horn]

It would be too scary of a situation, so it's much easier being this way. I've always had to walk on eggshells around him, but I have always attributed that to his "stressful" life....he seems to stress out so easily and like was said before, rant and rave about it, although I haven't ever really been the object of his rage. But I have always been somewhat afraid of his power....his masculinity is what has drawn me to him before, but now it's what makes me wonder what he's capable of.

is he abusing u? like OJ and nicole...? has he ever lifted u up by ur crotch and yelled, "see this, this is mine bitch" in ur ear?--that wud be a warning sign...i wonder if nicole ever thought THE JUICE was capable of tearing her throat out.

I guess I shouldn't be pouring out my life like this, and what's funny is that I'm a year away from being a social worker....so it's not like I don't know the ramifications of this. But strangely enough, I'm still taking it.

u shudnt have to worry about what u say or do in ur own home. we shud all take a lesson from john+lorena and OJ+nicole.:smile:

 

[joker]

Lol....no, he's never put a finger up to me, although I can recall a time that he lifted his hand towards me....I just flat out told him, you ever do that again, and that's it. I won't take that sh*t, and he knows it. But that doesn't mean that he doesn't rant and rave about other things, or just be generally hateful to me on occasion. Not that I'm wanting to be "suspicious" now, because I'm the type that won't invade a person's privacy, but he did lose about an hour lastnight coming home....I thought that was wierd....( I worked late, until 11 pm, he drove home from his mom's at around 9-9:30) He didn't get home til about the time that I did.

 

[D_Sheffield Thongbynder]

As a social-worker-to-be, you should see the warning signs...and heed them.

 

[Wrat]

I used to lose hours from time to time. I would go to the grocery store and read magazines because I really didn't want to go home. I was never out at night though.