Frank Response of a Friend

[Principessa]

Maybe this should have been a blog, I'm still not sure. :06: It was inspred by this thread.

As some people here know, I am prone to wake up texting whatever pops into my head, at any hour.

Anyway I have a good friend who over the course of the last 35 years or so seems only to attract bisexual or gay men. As for me I attract gay men like moths to a flame dame. :tongue: :wink: Don't get me wrong, I love my gays! Any straight man I am with has to know and accept that I have gay friends and they aren't going anywhere. Sometimes I wonder, what it is about me that attracts gay men, yet repels straight men?

My initial question to my friend is in blue as are my comments. Her response is in purple. I don't know that I agree with all that she said but some of it makes sense.

----- Original Text Message -----
From: <me>
To: <her>
Sent: Sunday, September 28, 2008 6:49 AM

Why do you and I attract gay and bisexual men so much? Why can't I attract straight men like that? NJQT466

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -​

We are not threatened by gay guys. As much as we'd like a relationship with a man who loves, cares, would take care of us when we needed it, leave us alone when we don't and provide great sex, we are afraid -- afraid we will be decimated again like we were in the first place.[/QUOTE]

We were both involved in long term relationships with men named Ed. Both bastards decimated our souls in June of 2002 and it has taken us a long time to recover.

We act as if we don't need a man and that turns them off. We don't read their signals and we don't give any back to them.

That's her problem not mine. She is 16 years older than me and a fiercely independent feminist. I on the other hand, have no problem letting a man open my door, pull out my chair, or change my tire.

I treat 'D' like my boyfriend and since we're not -- he loves it.

'D' is the latest in a long series of bi-men to desire her. She is built like a 5'2" Jayne Mansfield with hips and ass and curly hair. 'D' makes no bones about prefering men but loving a woman wth booty. :lmao:

If you were serious, you'd get on a respectable website and be honest. You do not look like Whitney Houston even though someone once thought you were her. You are pretty and funny and a delight to be around. Be brutally honest about who and what you are and what you want out of a relationship.

I'm not sure what she means by a repsectable website but I have tried them all, even the ones you have to pay for and had no luck.

FWIW- I was mistaken for Whitney Houston on more than one occassion back in her pre-crack years of the late 1980's.

Be sure you say what you want: and I think you want a man who is professional,

has money and will let you have some of it to play with.

Well duh!
Actually I'd prefer a blue collar man with white collar money. I have had a few too many negative experiences dating white collar professional types. The ones I meet have been arrogant, snobs prone to emotional and verbal abuse.

You want him to be smart, funny and whatever you find sexy. He has to be white. He has to live up to your ideas about a man and he has to make you happy. I'm not sure what you expect to give him back in return.

Everything, except my credit cards. Seriously, I don't know how to love half-way which is probably why I often have my heart broken.

You have to go on a lot of blind dates set up by your family. You have to be open to relationships with everyone. In other words you have to work at it. A relationship is not going to fall in your lap.

OH HELL TO THE NO! The last time I let a family member set me up on a blind date, was the LAST time a family member would set me up on a blind date. My dad chose my cousin to take me to the senior prom. :yikes:

I still cannot get used to the church being the center of social life in the south. I have been to church a few times here but there are literally no single men under 70.

 

[ZOS23xy]

Ah, dear, this is blog worthy.

Being single at your age is hard--one of my best friends divorced at 52, and found what was out there was "the left overs"....

Being friends with the gay men is a lot better than being alone.

 

[Principessa]

What makes it blog worthy? The fact I tend to ramble on incessantly or the fact I don't really ask a direct question?

 

[ManlyBanisters]

You want my take, babe? I dunno about the gay / bi man thing but I do know it isn't what you are looking for - so best just enjoy the friendships there for what they are.

I do have an opinion on the straight man thing - why they might stay away. You have too many rules. You want blue collar with white collar money, you want a white man not a black man, you want a man of a certain age, you want this, you want that etc, etc, etc. The most important thing your friend said was this:

You have to be open to relationships with everyone.

She is 100% right. You are judging every man you meet by your past experience. You make assumptions about them and, IME, one thing an awful lot of guys will not stand for is being tarred with somebody else's brush.

I'm not suggesting you disregard everything that has ever happened to you - I just think guys sense that they are being evaluated and it is a turn off.

*cringes and awaits response* :wink:

 

[Principessa]

You want my take, babe? I dunno about the gay / bi man thing but I do know it isn't what you are looking for - so best just enjoy the friendships there for what they are.

I do have an opinion on the straight man thing - why they might stay away. You have too many rules. You want blue collar with white collar money, you want a white man not a black man, you want a man of a certain age, you want this, you want that etc, etc, etc. The most important thing your friend said was this:
She is 100% right. You are judging every man you meet by your past experience. You make assumptions about them and, IME, one thing an awful lot of guys will not stand for is being tarred with somebody else's brush.

I'm not suggesting you disregard everything that has ever happened to you - I just think guys sense that they are being evaluated and it is a turn off.

*cringes and awaits response* :wink:

:lmao: I am being open to relationships with everyone and that's what's bugging her and a few other people that know me well. The fact that I relaxed or completely disregarded many of my 'rules' for my current beau seems to be driving some people batshitcrazy. :biggrin1: I find it amusing actually because he makes me happy. It seems my friends think I am settling, could do better, and/or that I should be more particular. :rofl:

As I told one male friend, the difference between my guy and every other guy I have seen or dated in the past is that he honors me and treats me with respect. He makes me feel like a woman without kissing or touching me. I know that sounds weird but that is what out weighs the smoking, and a few other things which in the past may have been deal breakers for me.

 

[naughty]

:lmao: I am being open to relationships with everyone and that's what's bugging her and a few other people that know me well. The fact that I relaxed or completely disregarded many of my 'rules' for my current beau seems to be driving some people batshitcrazy. :biggrin1: I find it amusing actually because he makes me happy. It seems my friends think I am settling, could do better, and/or that I should be more particular. :rofl:

As I told one male friend, the difference between my guy and every other guy I have seen or dated in the past is that he honors me and treats me with respect. He makes me feel like a woman without kissing or touching me. I know that sounds weird but that is what out weighs the smoking, and a few other things which in the past may have been deal breakers for me.

PA,

I am so glad to hear that things are going well for you. It sounds like you may be on the right track. I wish you and your friend the best. I am soooo glad you are enjoying him treating you like a lady and not second guessing the way it is manifested. Carry on!

 

[B_Think_Kink]

Blog.

 

[B_Think_Kink]

Why we attract gay men? I don't know. Well they say opposites attract, but I deff attract the men I want... so, hm, it's a good pondering question.

 

[Smooth88]

NJ the reason why I call you Internet Mommy for three reasons.

1. You are old enough to be my mom.

2. You remind me of how my mom treats me. Kinda harshly, backhanded. And my mom like you. Hasn't had a man in years. And in her hasnt even tried. (As much as she disdained our father we loved him and werent gonna let someone else be "daddy".

and not hopefully 3. I feel we're similar and you might be the female version of me in 20 years >_<.

*hugs NJ*

 

[Principessa]

NJ the reason why I call you Internet Mommy for three reasons.

1. You are old enough to be my mom.

Thanks, now the whole world knows. :irked:

2. You remind me of how my mom treats me. Kinda harshly, backhanded.

Gee, maybe that's cause you keep cockblocking her. Dude, back off and let the woman get some.

And my mom like you.

Hasn't had a man in years. And in her hasnt even tried. (As much as she disdained our father we loved him and werent gonna let someone else be "daddy".

Aren't your parents divorced?
How do you know she hasn't had a man in years? I bet I had some more recently than she has.
I bet your dad has had sexual liaisons, do you get all up in his Kool-Aid, too?
How dare you children get in the way of her being happy!
You can love and respect your father w/o messing with her love life.

and not hopefully 3. I feel we're similar and you might be the female version of me in 20 years >_<.

:yikes: That is frightening! . . . I mean thank you for sharing that with us Smooth88. :redface::tongue:

 

[B_Think_Kink]

NJ your age is in your profile hun, in the internet world there is a wide variety in age between us. Not much we can do about it love.

 

[Principessa]

NJ your age is in your profile hun, in the internet world there is a wide variety in age between us. Not much we can do about it love.

I know. I put it there so people would stop asking me A/S/L in chat. It hasn't worked but what the hey. C'est la vie.

If you start calling me mommy I will spank you and take away your riding privileges for a week.

 

[Smooth88]

Aren't your parents divorced?
How do you know she hasn't had a man in years? I bet I had some more recently than she has.
I bet your dad has had sexual liaisons, do you get all up in his Kool-Aid, too?
How dare you children get in the way of her being happy!
You can love and respect your father w/o messing with her love life.

Yea my parents divorced. My mom honestly hasn't gone on a date in at least maybe 8-10 years. The one guy she did bring home we scared because my sister and I were still at the age where we thought my Dad was coming back and didn't know what a relationship was much less sex. By the time we realized what was going on I guess my mom had given up and my Dad was already moved in with his girlfriend now his wife and my stepmom

I hear her sometimes bitching how her friends are married and involved and that she doesnt have anyone to help around the house. I dont try to be nosey if you lived at my house youd know. My mom never goes out unless its for something work related and thats RARE. Me and my sister really dislike our mother. I know this is kind of messed up I feel bad for my mom knowing that she's going to die alone. Her kids hate her. Her sisters are sour on her and honestly If I was any man I wouldnt want to date her with any other reason to golddig. My sister and I have actually asked my dad why did you even date her. Sad but true.

 

[8060]

P, I'm glad to hear that you have a beau that you like and respects you. That's the most important thing. I don't think that you are complicated at all. I do think that you believe that you could always have more from a relationship and in that is where frustration might lie. It's fine to want more, but you have to know that it can be time consuming trying to find it. It a hard thing to find someone when you have preferences without settling for someone to spend your intimate time with.

I feel you on church not being 'the spot' to find someone, but I know you believe in God and they are some good people there. Faith's a hard thing to follow sometimes because we want things in our time. I'm not even getting into that 'cause you know how it goes. I think what you need is someone as strong-willed and intimidating as you and that might be match made in heaven. So your shyness in real life and your tenacity here just hasn't run across the right one yet. Time is slow for some us while other travel at light speed:wink:

 

[B_cigarbabe]

Ahh if only it was as easy as attracting a man any man you want!
Nj, we have discussed men being bisexual so I won't lecture you {maybe}
on the fact that because a man is bisexual it doesn't mean he is a practising bisexual.
I can speak from personal experience here too. With both of us being bisexual and neither of us having sex with others does'nt mean I will want to go this route always but for now it makes Mr. Ed happy that I don't.
I do think you have found someone who makes you feel secure in "D."
I hope that you will be able to work out all those issues you've talked about here.
Make it work baby!
cigarbabe:saevil:
p.s.
If you want to give an "Ed" a try again have I got one for you!

 

[B_Think_Kink]

I know. I put it there so people would stop asking me A/S/L in chat. It hasn't worked but what the hey. C'est la vie.

If you start calling me mommy I will spank you and take away your riding privileges for a week.

Okayyy

 

[Principessa]

P, I'm glad to hear that you have a beau that you like and respects you. That's the most important thing. I don't think that you are complicated at all.

I'm not complicated, people have often told me I was too picky but I really don't think I have been.

I do think that you believe that you could always have more from a relationship and in that is where frustration might lie. It's fine to want more, but you have to know that it can be time consuming trying to find it. It a hard thing to find someone when you have preferences without settling for someone to spend your intimate time with.

To me a relationship is like a car it requires constant care and maintenance. I don't mind putting in the work on a relationship but I expect my partner to do the same. One person cannot carry a relationship.

I feel you on church not being 'the spot' to find someone, but I know you believe in God and they are some good people there.

Faith's a hard thing to follow sometimes because we want things in our time. I'm not even getting into that 'cause you know how it goes.

I have heard that so many times I could scream. :aargh4: As far as I'm concerned God needs to synchronize watches with me.

I think what you need is someone as strong-willed and intimidating as you and that might be match made in heaven.

Am I intimidating? Hmm, I hadn't heard that before. I suspected some men might be intimidated by me but I wasn't sure why.
So your shyness in real life and your tenacity here just hasn't run across the right one yet. Time is slow for some us while other travel at light speed:wink:

Ahh if only it was as easy as attracting a man any man you want!

Nj, we have discussed men being bisexual so I won't lecture you {maybe}on the fact that because a man is bisexual it doesn't mean he is a practising bisexual.
I can speak from personal experience here too. With both of us being bisexual and neither of us having sex with others does'nt mean I will want to go this route always but for now it makes Mr. Ed happy that I don't.

I do think you have found someone who makes you feel secure in "D.

He's my sweetie. :flirt:

I hope that you will be able to work out all those issues you've talked about here.
Make it work baby! cigarbabe:saevil: p.s.If you want to give an "Ed" a try again have I got one for you!

I should clarify that the only place I attract bi-guys is here. If I have met any IRL they didn't reveal themselves to me and I never picked up on it.

 

[8060]

I'm screaming right along with you. Trust me. Time is the worse. Then not knowing what's going happen tomorrow, that's just more irritation. If we knew exactly when we were going to get what we wanted out of life, we might be more patient. I know I would be.

You don't intimidate me. I chose to use that word to describe you like that because I'm a man and other men (only speaking from my personal experience) tend to find confident women that know what they want and have no problem stating it as intimidating. That kind of guy is a wuss. What could be simpler than having a woman that knows what she wants? With that in place, a man could really have shit together instead of running around trying to 'create somethint out of nothing' for example, because of what he thinks she might want. This woman might not want the world from him, perhaps just a city or two.

 

[Principessa]

I'm screaming right along with you. Trust me. Time is the worse. Then not knowing what's going happen tomorrow, that's just more irritation. If we knew exactly when we were going to get what we wanted out of life, we might be more patient. I know I would be.

You don't intimidate me. I chose to use that word to describe you like that because I'm a man and other men (only speaking from my personal experience) tend to find confident women that know what they want and have no problem stating it as intimidating. That kind of guy is a wuss. What could be simpler than having a woman that knows what she wants? With that in place, a man could really have shit together instead of running around trying to 'create somethint out of nothing' for example, because of what he thinks she might want.

Okay, I understand better now. :smile:

This woman might not want the world from him, perhaps just a city or two.

That made me laugh. :lmao:

 

[8060]

I'm glad I put a smile on your face. That's my intention a lot around here most times.:smile: