Fraternities???

Discussion in 'Relationships, Discrimination, and Jealousy' started by Sky, Dec 24, 2009.

  1. Sky

    Sky New Member

    Joined:
    Feb 3, 2007
    Messages:
    6
    Likes Received:
    1
    Gender:
    Male
    Location:
    Connecticut (US)
    Any college students out there in Fraternities?

    If so, what kind [Social, Academic, Service]?

    I'm interested in joining a fraternity but I'm also gay. I attend a rather liberal college and several of the Fraternities on my campus already have gay members in them. However, I don't know why they joined or what they went/are going through as a gay frat. And what about the whole hazing rituals? I know it's illegal in my state, but the I don't actually know what goes on behind the scenes.

    Anyone already gone through the process or have any insight for me?

    And NO, i'm not interested in joining a frat for the sake of getting close to straight guys [or the gay ones] for those of you who might be thinking that.
     
  2. andymcg88

    andymcg88 New Member

    Joined:
    Dec 23, 2009
    Messages:
    15
    Albums:
    1
    Likes Received:
    10
    Gender:
    Male
    Location:
    East Lansing, MI
    Hey there Sky!

    I am in a Social fraternity and I figured I wouldn't mind answering your questions. The firs thing you have to remember is that times are definitely different than what they are. While in the Greek community it's not exactly accepted, it certainly is observed and respected more these days.

    The most important part about joining a fraternity is the connection you get with the brothers. Don't go into it wondering if they already have homosexual members or not, because that isn't the point. You are there to bond with these men, and at the end of the day, if they really are your brothers, sexuality won't matter. While it would definitely help knowing that a fraternity is more tolerant than other ones, it shouldn't be the first thing you look for. Rush lasts 4-5 days during both Spring and Fall semesters and if you go to a house or houses most of those days you'll find it easier to find which brothers you'll connect with.

    As for the hazing, all fraternities within the IFC (Inter-fraternity Council) should have a 0 tolerance for hazing. While that is ideal, it's not always fact. Most fraternities have branched away from hazing their "pledges" or "associates" too harshly, but hazing still does go on. It is up to you find your own comfort zone, and if you feel that you are being pushed too much mentally, emotionally or physically, it's your responsibility to quit the pledging process and go from there. If you find a house that you think you fit, but ends up doing that, remember you can always go through rush the next academic quarter as long as you haven't become an active.

    I hope I answered some of your questions, and feel free to email me for more questions. Joining a fraternity could possibly be the best thing you ever decide to do and will set you up with friendships and brothers for the rest of your life.
     
  3. cdog204

    Gold Member

    Joined:
    May 6, 2007
    Messages:
    674
    Albums:
    1
    Likes Received:
    196
    Gender:
    Male
    Location:
    London
    First, find a frat that is tolerant or at least indifferent of 100% gays. At my school Lambda Chi was like that. I'm not sure if that is national policy or local. Be very clear with the brothers at the house that you are gay or bi. If it is an issue at all, look elsewhere to pledge your loyalty.
     
  4. vkeclipse

    vkeclipse New Member

    Joined:
    Feb 5, 2009
    Messages:
    8
    Albums:
    1
    Likes Received:
    0
    I'll throw my hat into the ring...

    If I were you, I would go into it thinking you were going to get hazed. I too went to a small liberal school, and all of the greek system still hazed the fuck out of the new people. It is fun, and worth the headache of being abused for 6 weeks, but if you go into it exspecting the worst you wont be shocked.
     
  5. D_Martin van Burden

    D_Martin van Burden Account Disabled

    Joined:
    Oct 6, 2002
    Messages:
    3,365
    Likes Received:
    6
    I joined an academic honorary in graduate school, and I never did the rush thing in undergrad; I had to work during all the Rush events. I say this because I had an openly gay roommate my freshman year, and I saw him really struggle with it. He really wanted to be in Delta Sigma Phi, and he had the best shot with those guys because (in 20-20 hindsight) there were gay dudes in that frat and he seemed to get along with them the best. Among them, the Pikes, the Phi Taus, and the Kappa Alpha Old South redneck boys -- really, who're we kidding?

    The sad thing was, he rushed every year and never got it. I don't know the specifics of it, but I heard that more dudes voted for him to get in each time but he didn't get enough of the vote or something. Anyway, fact is, he wasted so much time trying to get in with these dudes that he probably missed (or inadvertently snubbed) a number of people who would just kick it with him, no Greek letters needed. At a small lib arts school, this isolation can feel much worse.

    I back the guy who said that you need to be upfront about your sexuality. I know it's probably asking a bit much of you now -- or maybe it isn't, I dunno -- but you really get a good sense of tolerance levels. What I mean is, some frat dudes probably don't give a damn who you sleep with and they would testify as such... until you get into the frat... then it's a whole new set of house rules, hypocritical and otherwise.
     
  6. B_jeepguy2

    B_jeepguy2 New Member

    Joined:
    Oct 5, 2008
    Messages:
    1,048
    Likes Received:
    9
    Gender:
    Male
    Location:
    East Coast
    Trust me dude, It does not matter whch frat you pledge it almost certainly has some gay brothers. Whether they are out or not is another story. I was in college/gradschool during the late 90s/early 2000s and the frats on my campus were FULL of closeted gay men. Sure they dated sorority girls but a lot of them secretly sucked cock, and fucked guys...because I had fun with quite a few of them.

    The University I attended was in Virginia (home of Pat Robertson, and Jerry Falwell) and probably one of the the least gay friendly states in the entire US. Depending on where you go to school more guys may be out. Also, college age guys now are much more likely to be out than they were a decade ago.

    My roomate was in Theta Chi, and so many of his fraternity brothers came out of the closet that people started calling it "Date a guy" LOL

    I have a coworker who was in KA at another university in Virginia and four or five of his fraternity brothers have come out since he graduated in 1997...so even some of the old south redneck boys are into guys too!
     
    #6 B_jeepguy2, Dec 25, 2009
    Last edited: Dec 25, 2009
  7. John.Heath

    John.Heath New Member

    Joined:
    Jan 26, 2009
    Messages:
    42
    Likes Received:
    0
    Gender:
    Male
    Location:
    North Carolina
    I was in a frat in college... we suspected some of our brothers were gay but they weren't "out" so we didn't really discuss it... turns out about 10 of them were and now they're all "out" and it's cool.
     
  8. fratpack

    Gold Member

    Joined:
    Sep 24, 2005
    Messages:
    7,085
    Albums:
    1
    Likes Received:
    79
    Gender:
    Male
    Location:
    nyc
    When I was in college, (late 90's) I was part of a fraternity and I did not hide the fact that I was gay, then again I didn't make a big issue out of it. My frat bros were okay with it.
     
  9. jjsjr

    Gold Member

    Joined:
    May 27, 2008
    Messages:
    5,840
    Albums:
    2
    Likes Received:
    336
    Gender:
    Male
    Location:
    Wilmington (DE, US)
    Look for fraternities that 'specialize' in music, theater, or the arts in general. Rather than jocky, athletic ones... you may feel more at home there.

    I'm too lazy at this moment to do that research, especially since I don't know your college
     
  10. pouchsucker

    pouchsucker New Member

    Joined:
    Oct 21, 2009
    Messages:
    18
    Likes Received:
    0
    When I was an undergrad (late 80s into the 90s) I was involved in an effort to launch a chapter of Delta Lambda Phi (the only gay fraternity that I am aware of). The interfraternity council shut us down, not surprisingly. There were a few gay brothers in the Lambda Chis, the ATOs and the Sigma Nus...but I don't think any of them were out.
     
  11. Rikter8

    Gold Member

    Joined:
    Jun 30, 2005
    Messages:
    4,488
    Albums:
    3
    Likes Received:
    51
    Gender:
    Male
    Location:
    MI
    What's the point of a Fraternity?
     
  12. D_Doe_Ray_Mi

    D_Doe_Ray_Mi Account Disabled

    Joined:
    Jul 11, 2009
    Messages:
    988
    Likes Received:
    17
    "Fraternities and sororities (from the Latin words frater and soror, meaning "brother" and "sister" respectively) are fraternal social organizations for undergraduate students." - Wikipedia

    When I was in undergrad in MI, frats were for geeks who didn't have much to offer to make friends or have a social life otherwise. Later in grad school I learned that an academic frat was a needed survival mechanism and I joined. It was a band of brothers who supported and befriended one another. There were other advantages academically also where alumni made info about licensing examinations available, etc. It was definitely the way to go in grad school.
     
  13. MarquisMike

    MarquisMike New Member

    Joined:
    Oct 18, 2009
    Messages:
    62
    Albums:
    1
    Likes Received:
    6
    Gender:
    Male
    I was thinking of rushing last year, and went to all the events for the frats I was considering. They all seemed like really cool guys...but it just wasn't for me. I am SO GLAD I didn't join...my ability to pick my own friends instead of having them selected for me, the ability to go downtown or do whatever on a weekend instead of an obligatory frat party...I dunno, my social life seems a lot more authentic now than I think it would have been had I joined a frat.
    Also, at my school, although most of the fraternities (aside from like KA and SAM) are pretty cool about having gay brothers, all of the gay guys I've known to join either don't have too many close friends in their frats, don't actually go to any frat events, or burn out and quit by their senior year....of all the gay frat guys I've met, I think I only know one gay senior in a frat because they all just get tired of it (that one guy wasn't out until this year, although he'd been hooking up with his brothers for a looong while lol).
    These are just my observations...anyways, do what feels natural for you.
     
  14. YourAvgGuy

    Verified Gold Member

    Joined:
    Jan 19, 2006
    Messages:
    505
    Albums:
    1
    Likes Received:
    8
    Gender:
    Male
    Location:
    North Carolina
    Verified:
    Photo
    Thought I would chime in on the discussion as well... I am a member of an academic and a social fraternity (this is acceptable, but it is rare for individuals to belong to 2 social orders; however, some frats are more tolerable of this...). I do think fraternities offer a lot of perspective to the undergraduate experience and am glad to have been part of one. The brotherhood, balance of academic rigor, and social life were crucial developmental stages for me and the order provided the mechanism to assist me in being successful.

    Hazing is illegal with any fraternity or sorority. Most greek organizations have to provide insurance, which will mandate a risk management policy, stating they do not tolerate or condone hazing. Further, universities have been more diligent to ensure the in-take process is reasonable, appropriate, and does not violate university code or other laws.

    I would suggest you find an organization that mirrors your beliefs, your morals, and has components to which you can relate, i.e., service, strong philanthropy, etc. If you find such an organization, have some interaction with the brothers asking them questions about their mission, goals, awards, etc. to see if it is truly a fit for you. Then you are armed to make a wise decision.

    Hope this helps.
     
  15. sdg475

    Verified Gold Member

    Joined:
    Jan 31, 2007
    Messages:
    648
    Albums:
    3
    Likes Received:
    238
    Gender:
    Male
    Location:
    NYC
    Verified:
    Photo
    Find your own scene, you'll be happier and without testosterone driven drama.
     
  16. Sky

    Sky New Member

    Joined:
    Feb 3, 2007
    Messages:
    6
    Likes Received:
    1
    Gender:
    Male
    Location:
    Connecticut (US)
    I've been meaning to reply back to each of you but never got around to it. So I guess I'll just mash it all up together here.

    Most of you have been telling me to look for Fraternities that have the same interests and goals as me and/or specializes in a certain topic. It has certainly narrowed down my choices but what if, in the end, the one Frat that I like doesn't like me? or if I only like a few of the brothers but not all of them? Should I still join?

    Did any of you get along with the brothers immediately? or did it take awhile before they or you were comfortable with each other?
     
  17. joeweekend

    Verified Gold Member

    Joined:
    Apr 14, 2009
    Messages:
    1,740
    Albums:
    2
    Likes Received:
    98
    Gender:
    Male
    Location:
    US
    Verified:
    Photo
    Hear, hear!
     
  18. YourAvgGuy

    Verified Gold Member

    Joined:
    Jan 19, 2006
    Messages:
    505
    Albums:
    1
    Likes Received:
    8
    Gender:
    Male
    Location:
    North Carolina
    Verified:
    Photo
    That is a chance you have to take. Fraternities are not required to take in everyone who rushes or shows interest. That is the part that makes the organizations unique. Each sets its own standards.

    As with any organization with multiple people, you will have multiple personalities. Personalities clash. I am one of the founders of my fraternity (we are the new kids on the block!) and will confess that I did not immediately get alone with everyone who pledged/rushed. However, there is a mutual respect for each brother. There is a shared experience - a bond - a brotherhood that allows for that. Any relationship takes work; it is up to you and that individual on how you cultivate that relationship and how it transpires.

    You've had some excellent advise here; I hope you use it to your full advantage.


     
  19. JustAverage

    Verified Gold Member

    Joined:
    Nov 9, 2005
    Messages:
    476
    Albums:
    1
    Likes Received:
    9
    Gender:
    Male
    Verified:
    Photo
    I joined a Fraternity my freshman year in college and it was the best thing I ever did. It's not for everyone, but at least give it a fair shot.

    I've seen people in this thread recommending various organizations. That's fine, but in my experience, chapters at different schools can have really different cumulative personalities, despite being based on the same principles. You really need to explore the options at your school.

    Personally, I joined a group of guys who are as far from the typical "Frat boys" as possible, and that's why I picked them. I knew someone in the Fraternity, so I sought them out on my school's Fraternity Information Night. As far as getting along immediately or taking awhile, it was both. I immediately clicked with the then-recruitment chair, and he's been my best friend for years. Others it takes longer. A Fraternity is a Brotherhood, and just like any family, you're going to form stronger bonds with some than others.

    As for the hazing issue: The organization I joined was founded on a no-hazing principle, so I never dealt with it. Yes, the IFC forbids hazing anyway, but it is still around to varying extents.

    My chapter hasn't had any openly gay members that I know of. But I attended a Catholic school, so there weren't too many. Plus, my chapter has never been huge. I'd assume any decent guys would be fine with it. Remember, the key is to join a group of Fraternity men, not Frat boys. There's a huge difference.
     
  20. thermal

    Verified Gold Member

    Joined:
    Sep 6, 2009
    Messages:
    18
    Albums:
    1
    Likes Received:
    0
    Gender:
    Male
    Location:
    Troy, NY
    Verified:
    Photo
    I also joined a social fraternity my freshman year. I had gone to a lot of rush events during the beginning of the Fall, but didn't join anywhere until the Spring semester. I took the time between the two rush periods to get to know more of the brothers of the houses I was interested in.

    Even though hazing is illegal at many state- and school-levels, it still happens. Some of it's in good fun, but there's a lot that isn't. Please don't let yourself be subjected to anything you're uncomfortable with just because you think it's part of the experience. I was fortunate enough to find and become friends with a great group of guys who belong to a fraternity which firmly believes in and follows a strict no-hazing policy.

    As far as gay members, I don't know of anyone in the house right now who is gay (my 10% means I'm open-minded, but I identify as straight and have never done anything with another guy). I do know of a few recent grads who are, and there has never been an issue.

    If you have any other questions, feel free to send me a message.
     
Draft saved Draft deleted