Freaking out, am i a bad person?

Martin_1986

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Hello, lovely people, I haven't posted here in a very long time.

Yesterday was a very triggering day for me. Haven't had such in a very long time.Basically I had to go to a cardiologist(I am fine, no worries), but I had to lift my shirt there, for them to hear my heart and so on.

However, after I came back home, I saw that my shirt, which was tuck into my jeans, has come in contact with my underwear, and there was a wet spot on my underwear, so now I am freaking out. I had touched that shirt when i was lifting it, and I know the spot was from preseminal fluid, which is what I am afraid of, as well as semen.

So of course my brain got into the loop of thinking that I had contaminated my hands while lifting the shirt and then contaminated everything else that I had touched afterwards.

I feel terrible, because of this, obviously I cannot clean everything that I have come in contact with. But moreover I feel terrible that I did not predict/envision this happening. I should have put a second pair of underwear, just in case, as this situation has happened before, as well. And I hate myself for not learning my lesson.Nope, I am not concerned about a health hazard, at all.Nothing will happen, but it is morally wrong to spread fluids around. Especially these fluids. And it is not just the clothes. If I have touched a "contaminated" spot and then touched so many other things, especially things I cannot wash like documents and things in public, then these things are forever contaminated, and it is all my fault, just because I tucked the stupid t shirt in my jeans. I shouldn't have worn the t shirt in the first place or I should have worn two pairs of underwear as to prevent any leaks. There were ways I could have avoided this situation and I knew those ways and I didn't take any action. That is what drives me nuts.
And yes, I do have OCD as you can see from my other threads, but my therapist ditched me so I am in the process of finding a new one. But in the meantime I am going crazy.
 

morschhauser1

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eh don't worry about it my friend. trust me - there are much worse things that a person can spread around than that. And it's not like you did it intentionally. We men do it all the time on accident. Any time we itch the area, theres a chance we didn't know some of that fluid was there. Women do it too :p
The vast majority of that fluid is water, anyways :)
 

Martin_1986

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Thank you all, guys...I guess I an not THAT bad of a person, if I am worried so much...at least I show some level of consciousness and morality, however crooked it might be. I hope one day I am free from OCD as it has cost me too much of my life, actually it cost me almost my entire life, and there is no cure for it so far. I just want to be normal.
 
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796998

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Remember, no one is perfect. OCD or not, we all have done things that we regret and wish we could change. We just try to do better next time. You sound like a good person. Focus on your future steps and recognize that everyone around you falls short of their own standards at times, probably daily. There's not a soul in the world who has successfully predicted and averted every mishap in their life, so you, my friend, are wonderfully human. The fact that you show so much concern for your environment is great. The fact that you're so self-aware and looking for ways to work through your condition makes me want to do better. Keep talking things out. Your openness and desire for growth are inspiring. Just remember that your "failures," the random unknowns, and the imperfections in life are what make you perfectly normal and provide grounds for you to inspire/teach others and grow yourself. Wishing you all the best, good man. Thank you for sharing.
 
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Martin_1986

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Remember, no one is perfect. OCD or not, we all have done things that we regret and wish we could change. We just try to do better next time. You sound like a good person. Focus on your future steps and recognize that everyone around you falls short of their own standards at times, probably daily. There's not a soul in the world who has successfully predicted and averted every mishap in their life, so you, my friend, are wonderfully human. The fact that you show so much concern for your environment is great. The fact that you're so self-aware and looking for ways to work through your condition makes me want to do better. Keep talking things out. Your openness and desire for growth are inspiring. Just remember that your "failures," the random unknowns, and the imperfections in life are what make you perfectly normal and provide grounds for you to inspire/teach others and grow yourself. Wishing you all the best, good man. Thank you for sharing.

Thank you so much for your very kind words, they made my day! Hugs!
 
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ItsAll4Kim

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It would be morally wrong to intentionally spread fluids around public places, but what happened is no more intentional, and far less dangerous than a sneeze, of which we have no control at all. I know very well how tightly an obsession can grasp, yet can only imagine your world. So I won't tell you to relax....if only it were so easy, eh? I hope for peace for your mind.
 

Martin_1986

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It would be morally wrong to intentionally spread fluids around public places, but what happened is no more intentional, and far less dangerous than a sneeze, of which we have no control at all. I know very well how tightly an obsession can grasp, yet can only imagine your world. So I won't tell you to relax....if only it were so easy, eh? I hope for peace for your mind.
Thank you! All the best to you as well.