"Friend" Dilemma

bobg4400

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I'm confused about one thing.
You say he looks up to and pretty much hero-worships and acts like a fanboy around the BF but you also said that they have reallly different personalities and things.
Common sense dictates that if he looks up to the BF then he probably wants to be more like him.

Also is the BF aware of the other guys fanboyism?
It might help if you had th BF maybe talk to the guy and explain that he's being a bit douchey when he makes a remark seeing as he'd prbably take ti better from the BF. I'm not saying the BF should outright insult the guy just kinda gently chide him a little.

Also it is possible to influence the people around you to be more like you. Indeed all of us are influenced by the views of others such as your parents, friends, family, teachers etc.

Also does he have any other friends to play with?
His constant desire to join you and the BF and your friends might just mean he's really lonely or something.
 

dickapick

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I'm asking this because we really don't know what the best way to handle this situation is...


So what would you do? Would you go ahead and burn that bridge and tell him that you don't like him? That would be a really mean thing to do. Or would you do what we do, which is never call him or invite him anywhere, unless he happens to have run into us in public and we were already on the way someplace?
Here is my opinion. I haven't read all other replies, so I apologize when this has been said before.

I ask myself 2 questions here:
a: What is more mean to do? Go on, pretend everything is fine, but still giving signs you don't like him? I don't think you never go like "Oh no. Him again". Or tell him in a more or less nice way that you don't like the way he acts, and that you prefer to be without his presence?

b: What do you feel yourself? You tell you try to avoid him, going to different (less nice?) spots, alert all night because he might show up. I don't think you should continue that. I don't believe you are perfectly fine with it.

Is it okay to let someone you dislike adore you and fawn all over you, even if you really think that person sucks a little bit, or maybe a lot?
Why not? It does mean less then when someone you really care about adores you. That's all.
 

petite

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Petite, given that the fanboy looks up to the BF so, is there any chance he could say something to the guy. Like not 'we don't like you' or 'stay the fuck away from my smokin' babymomma & me', but when he does something gross or uncool or douchy just mention it. Admittedly he sounds dense, but maybe if the guy he admires conveys his tolerance, etc, he will change a bit.

That's what I was thinking, too.

suffer no fools:)

Clearly we do. :redface:

I'm confused about one thing.
You say he looks up to and pretty much hero-worships and acts like a fanboy around the BF but you also said that they have reallly different personalities and things.
Common sense dictates that if he looks up to the BF then he probably wants to be more like him.

Also is the BF aware of the other guys fanboyism?

Oh yes. Actually, it's a subject that comes up every time we run into him. It usually goes something like this:

TheBF says his name, makes "Ugh" face. I giggle, "But he likes you so much!" TheBF deep sighs, closes eyes, "I know. I know." Me, "Bwahahahaha!" I try not to point my finger at him.

TheBF is certainly a lovable guy and the kind of person who gets along with everybody and is a lot of fun to be around, but both of us think it's weird because of how much he seems to like him.

One of the reasons it feels a little weird is because they really do have much different personalities. He's definitely not a guy I feel like we would be friends with if we just met him because I think we come from different social backgrounds. I think he's used to hanging out with people we would consider shallow and immature and bigoted. The Fanboy is the a guy who really peaked in high school. TheBF was a late bloomer who is glad to forget those years, but he matured into a beautiful charming athletic man in college. Both of us think that TheFanboy would have been the kind of guy who would have been really mean to TheBF in high school, so we have this eerie feeling of karmic reversal. Things like that are only supposed to happen in slapstick movies, not real life. Like the ending of Back to the Future, except TheBF is a lot more graceful on his feet than Marty McFly.

I sometimes wonder if one of the reasons why TheFanboy looks up to TheBF is because he's successful and has reached a level of attainment that TheFanboy desires. Sometimes when I'm feeling even more cynical, I wonder if he's being fake and hoping that TheBF can help him out career-wise, but then I think, there's no reason why looking up to TheBF because of his work ethic and intelligence that got him to where he is now in his career might be a genuine reason why he looks up to him and not fake at all.

I'm not saying the BF should outright insult the guy just kinda gently chide him a little.

This happens and I wonder if it will eventually affect his behavior.

Also it is possible to influence the people around you to be more like you. Indeed all of us are influenced by the views of others such as your parents, friends, family, teachers etc.

Also does he have any other friends to play with?
His constant desire to join you and the BF and your friends might just mean he's really lonely or something.

He doesn't seem to have difficulty making friends or getting attention from women, he just seems to have decided that the coolest of them all is TheBF.

Here is my opinion. I haven't read all other replies, so I apologize when this has been said before.

I ask myself 2 questions here:
a: What is more mean to do? Go on, pretend everything is fine, but still giving signs you don't like him? I don't think you never go like "Oh no. Him again". Or tell him in a more or less nice way that you don't like the way he acts, and that you prefer to be without his presence?

b: What do you feel yourself? You tell you try to avoid him, going to different (less nice?) spots, alert all night because he might show up. I don't think you should continue that. I don't believe you are perfectly fine with it.

Why not? It does mean less then when someone you really care about adores you. That's all.

We don't avoid going places to avoid him. He's not THAT annoying. I was just thinking about how you choose who you hang out with, but sometimes that's only generally true because of hangers on.

While I know that a lot of people consider him to be annoying, actually telling him or making too much effort to prevent him from hanging out with us might be considered crossing the line. It's really obvious how much he likes TheBF, and I think some people other than me would also think that it is too mean. It might be a lot better to be the person who puts up with the annoying guy with a man-crush than to be the mean and controlling douchebag who acts like hanging out with him requires crossing a velvet rope.
 
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bobg4400

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TheBF is certainly a lovable guy and the kind of person who gets along with everybody and is a lot of fun to be around, but both of us think it's weird because of how much he seems to like him.

He doesn't seem to have difficulty making friends or getting attention from women, he just seems to have decided that the coolest of them all is TheBF.

Does he ever actually date or have sex with any of the women?
The phrasing makes it seem like he rebuffs them all.

So I know it's unlikely but the first thing that popped into my head is that maybe The Fanboy is bi or at least likes men too?

This might explain his obsessive love of the BF and his desire to be with you guys all the time, even when you're doing oyur own thing. Like a high-school girl wanting to hang out with her crush even when he's hanging out with his friends?

Also you mentioned that he seems to be extra dickish towards you, which might be because he's jealous of you?

I realize It's probably wrong but I just thought I should mention it.
 

petite

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Have you tried moving to Papua New Guinea? He can't be THAT keen.

:lmao:

Now I'm imagining TheBF wearing a penis gourd, TheFanboy appearing over a hill wearing a smaller one, "Hi!"

Does he ever actually date or have sex with any of the women?
The phrasing makes it seem like he rebuffs them all.

So I know it's unlikely but the first thing that popped into my head is that maybe The Fanboy is bi or at least likes men too?

This might explain his obsessive love of the BF and his desire to be with you guys all the time, even when you're doing oyur own thing. Like a high-school girl wanting to hang out with her crush even when he's hanging out with his friends?

Also you mentioned that he seems to be extra dickish towards you, which might be because he's jealous of you?

I realize It's probably wrong but I just thought I should mention it.

The exact same thought crossed my mind when I wrote the phrase "man crush."

He's never set off my gaydar, but that doesn't mean he's not. If he is bi, I don't imagine he would be someone who would feel comfortable being out. On paper, he's a cliche of a closeted guy. Supposedly he is considered a player but I have only actually met one person he's slept with. Everyone else tells me that he is because I'm always like, "Really? Him? That guy? No way!" I've never felt a single twinge of interest in him, but that's happened before. I know a few other "players" who do absolutely nothing for me but I have personally witnessed lots of women acting crazy over them, so I know it's true. I'm apparently immune to the charm of certain players if they aren't my type.
 
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MickeyLee

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ya need a spray bottle.

a lil "spritz" when he says/does something irritating.
works on cats.

so ya know, i'm not kidding.. the boy has a "why the fuck do you know him" friend. i carried a water pistol for about 6 months. when ever he "ass'd out" he got a trigger of water to his ear.

he's a much nicer guy now. i like hanging out with him. and his new girlfriend LOVES me :smile:
 

petite

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ya need a spray bottle.

a lil "spritz" when he says/does something irritating.
works on cats.

so ya know, i'm not kidding.. the boy has a "why the fuck do you know him" friend. i carried a water pistol for about 6 months. when ever he "ass'd out" he got a trigger of water to his ear.

he's a much nicer guy now. i like hanging out with him. and his new girlfriend LOVES me :smile:

OMG! That's hilarious! I love it. :lmao:

Reminds me of that Big Bang Theory clip Dragon posted.

TheBF is a lot more tolerant than me in general, but even he admitted to enjoying it just a little too much when he boxes him.
 
D

deleted3782

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Is it okay to let someone you dislike adore you and fawn all over you, even if you really think that person sucks a little bit, or maybe a lot?

Of course not. You aren't so low that you need sucky people to fawn all over you.

What other dilemmas do you have? :tongue:
 

petite

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Of course not. You aren't so low that you need sucky people to fawn all over you.

Yes! Yes I do! More! MORE! :biggrin1:

Do you have any idea how difficult it is to be mean to someone who is sincerely nice to you? I am seriously considering MickeyLee's advice.

TheBF just came home and I mentioned this thread and asked him to describe his issues with this guy and he said, "OMG, he's the douchy-ist douchebag that ever walked the earth! Every single time he ever sleeps with a woman he's like, 'Yeah she's such a slut! I fucked her!' Every time. It's like, 'WHY IS MY BIGGEST FAN SO LAME!' "

I said, "OMG, are you serious! He never says that when I'm around! What do you say?"

"Of course not. He's hoping to sleep with you some day. I tell him, 'That's not cool!' He frequently has someone who is really cool with him that I'm glad I've met. They always look sheepish and embarrassed to be sitting with him, like he shares the same opinion of him. He seems to know who's cool but he doesn't know how to be cool, but it's like he's trying to be cool by proxy."

"Why do we always run into him?!"

"He's everywhere."

"Could you ever tell him that you don't want to hang out with him?"

"No. I would have a really difficult time doing that because of how genuinely nice and friendly he is. I just wish he wasn't who he is."
 
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D

deleted3782

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Yes! Yes I do! More! MORE! :biggrin1:

Dahling, you...are...fabulous!

Do you have any idea how difficult it is to be mean to someone who is sincerely nice to you?

'Yeah she's such a slut! I fucked her!'
'So you how much did you have to pay her to fuck you?'

or

'Yeah she's such a slut! I fucked her!'
'Hey, she seems pretty cool to me, why don't you treat her with respect?'

Maybe he just has a fetish about the concept of sexually adventurous women.

I dunno, if the guy is a pain to be around, why be around him? Want me to get rid of him for ya? I bet I could do a good job...
 

bobg4400

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How can he be genuinely nice and friendly and act all douchebag-y?
Maybe he has Split Personality Disorder?
Lol
 

MickeyLee

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*ponders* TheBF's friend might be looking for an identity. for now, he's holding on to Lothari-bro. TheBF might be an aspirational man-crush. like, in TheBF he sees who he wants to be, the life he might ultimately want.

a good talking to might ultimately be the best thing for obnoxious boy.

cus those dudes sleeping with heaps of women.. well they sleep with heaps of women.. once. they make jokes about love'em and leave'em.. at the end of the day.. the man whore is just as disposable as his latest conquest. :shrug: more so.. he looks back with fond recall.. most times, to his bed mate.. if he's remembered.. it ain't in a fond light.

*pets the lothari-bro* is ya stopped being an ass, someone would love ya. cuz charm ain't all superficial. some part of you connects enough to know how to play the situation. a bit more genuine, and ya might have something/someone worth more than changing the sheets.
 

petite

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Dahling, you...are...fabulous!

'Yeah she's such a slut! I fucked her!'
'So you how much did you have to pay her to fuck you?'

or

'Yeah she's such a slut! I fucked her!'
'Hey, she seems pretty cool to me, why don't you treat her with respect?'

Maybe he just has a fetish about the concept of sexually adventurous women.

I dunno, if the guy is a pain to be around, why be around him? Want me to get rid of him for ya? I bet I could do a good job...

How would you do it?

We run into him in public more often than we run into anyone else, and then he comes over and gushes all over TheBF and when he does that it's like he pushes some sort of innate human interaction trigger that forces you to be nice to him.

It's hard to explain, but evidently he does this to other people, too, which is a detail I forgot about before he reminded me just now. TheBF just told me a hilarious story about meeting some of the other people TheFanboy has introduced him to, which creates an instant kinship between them. So that's a benefit right there! He introduces TheBF to other really cool people who find TheFanboy to be equally as embarrassing. :biggrin1:

It's not really a real issue. I was just reminded of that guy yesterday.
 

D_Bubba_Butter

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*ponders* TheBF's friend might be looking for an identity. for now, he's holding on to Lothari-bro. TheBF might be an aspirational man-crush. like, in TheBF he sees who he wants to be, the life he might ultimately want.

MickeyLee... You genius! That's it! It's not TheBF he's after - it's his life. Which means that Petite is the object of his affections. And the being particularly obnoxious/annoying to her is the typically inept high school approach to attempting to impress the girl he likes...

Elementary, my dear Watson!
*Tosses deerstalker onto hatstand. Contentedly sucks on prized pipe. Picks up violin & starts to play... badly.*
 

petite

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How can he be genuinely nice and friendly and act all douchebag-y?
Maybe he has Split Personality Disorder?
Lol

He's really super nice and friendly to TheBF, but the content of his jokes and stories are often offensive or embarrassing. I think he believes that his stories will impress other people, but they have the opposite effect.

*ponders* TheBF's friend might be looking for an identity. for now, he's holding on to Lothari-bro. TheBF might be an aspirational man-crush. like, in TheBF he sees who he wants to be, the life he might ultimately want.

This is exactly the feeling he gives me.

a good talking to might ultimately be the best thing for obnoxious boy.

cus those dudes sleeping with heaps of women.. well they sleep with heaps of women.. once. they make jokes about love'em and leave'em.. at the end of the day.. the man whore is just as disposable as his latest conquest. :shrug: more so.. he looks back with fond recall.. most times, to his bed mate.. if he's remembered.. it ain't in a fond light.

*pets the lothari-bro* is ya stopped being an ass, someone would love ya. cuz charm ain't all superficial. some part of you connects enough to know how to play the situation. a bit more genuine, and ya might have something/someone worth more than changing the sheets.

It might be what he really needs.
 

petite

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MickeyLee... You genius! That's it! It's not TheBF he's after - it's his life. Which means that Petite is the object of his affections. And the being particularly obnoxious/annoying to her is the typically inept high school approach to attempting to impress the girl he likes...

Elementary, my dear Watson!
*Tosses deerstalker onto hatstand. Contentedly sucks on prized pipe. Picks up violin & starts to play... badly.*

:tongue:

That's cute, but I doubt it. I don't get that feeling at all.
 

The Dragon

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I've had this issue about being more or less forced to be nice to people I actively detested.

It's a bitter cycle.
The nicer you are to them the more they hang around you...arrhhhhhhh!
You end up creating the rod that beats your back.

Much better to be straight with the person and not have to live with the stress of being nice and having to suffer their company.