"Friend" Dilemma

D_Bubba_Butter

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:tongue:

That's cute, but I doubt it. I don't get that feeling at all.


That's because you're no longer in high school...

I can see this being turned into a film, where one day you come home to find that this guy's kidnapped TheBF & replaced him - & you have to acquiesce to his demands in order to protect TheBF.

I might need this... *Takes deerstalker down from hatstand.*
 

1Cody

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He has a vested interest in that he genuinely likes TheBF. It wouldn't hurt to let him know how you both feel about his being a douchebag. Sounds to me like if he didn't have this annoying habit all would be well. If he accepts this in the right way and tries to change, you will have to remind him when he is being a jerk as it sounds as though he has developed this as a part of his personality. The change won't be instantaneous, but it sounds like his presence will be more tolerable.
 

petite

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I've had this issue about being more or less forced to be nice to people I actively detested.

It's a bitter cycle.
The nicer you are to them the more they hang around you...arrhhhhhhh!
You end up creating the rod that beats your back.

Much better to be straight with the person and not have to live with the stress of being nice and having to suffer their company.

Despise is too strong of a word. Annoy is more accurate. If he was around more often and he acted like that all the time I might despise him, though. Until we actually start actively despising him, I am not sure it's worth it. It would make it awkward to run into him all the time after that.

That's because you're no longer in high school...

I can see this being turned into a film, where one day you come home to find that this guy's kidnapped TheBF & replaced him - & you have to acquiesce to his demands in order to protect TheBF.

I might need this... *Takes deerstalker down from hatstand.*

Ew! Gross images in my head now! Sounds like a twist on Single White Female or The Talented Mr. Ripley.

I would call him out when he talks crap.
Well I do, and TheBF says he does and he says other people do, too. You can, too. We can all do it!

I just asked TheBF and he says that he HAS had several serious discussions with him about the things he says. I told him that I thought that that was out of character for him, but he said that this guy is just that douchey that you have to say something. He said the guy laughs it off and says that he's not really serious. It sounds like he thinks he's funnier than he thinks it is, or maybe he really is oblivious to how offensive he is. Maybe he's a really slow learner.

Maybe he needs an intervention. "All your friends and family have come here to tell you that you need to stop saying offensive things. Please. You're an embarrassment to yourself and others." Then everyone could share pre-prepared stories. "I remember that time that you told the joke about the Tijuana prostitute right in front of my manager. His wife is Mexican. He didn't make eye contact with me for a week."

He has a vested interest in that he genuinely likes TheBF. It wouldn't hurt to let him know how you both feel about his being a douchebag. Sounds to me like if he didn't have this annoying habit all would be well. If he accepts this in the right way and tries to change, you will have to remind him when he is being a jerk as it sounds as though he has developed this as a part of his personality. The change won't be instantaneous, but it sounds like his presence will be more tolerable.

It's true. He goes the kinds of places we like to go, he likes the kind of people we like, and he enjoys doing the same kind of guy stuff that TheBF likes. If he could refrain from the sexism and the bigotry, maybe he could be a good friend.
 
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bobg4400

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Maybe he needs an intervention. "All your friends and family have come here to tell you that you need to stop saying offensive things. Please. You're an embarrassment to yourself and others." Then everyone could share pre-prepared stories. "I remember that time that you told the joke about the Tijuana prostitute right in front of my manager. His wife is Mexican. He didn't make eye contact with me for a week."

:lmao::lmao:
If you do this please please please have somebody film it and upload it to youtube.
 

Infernal

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The next time you run into him, why don't you just tell him that the two of you were celebrating something special and would really appreciate a night alone, just the two of you. It's polite and honest, and what you are celebrating isn't really any of his business. You could simply be celebrating that it is Friday and you've had a long hard week at work.

If he doesn't get that, and give you the space you want, then he's just socially inept and profoundly stupid. Unfortunately some people just don't get it until you point out to them that they are being rude and you really don't want to hang out with them because they are embarrassing.
 

petite

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The next time you run into him, why don't you just tell him that the two of you were celebrating something special and would really appreciate a night alone, just the two of you. It's polite and honest, and what you are celebrating isn't really any of his business. You could simply be celebrating that it is Friday and you've had a long hard week at work.

If he doesn't get that, and give you the space you want, then he's just socially inept and profoundly stupid. Unfortunately some people just don't get it until you point out to them that they are being rude and you really don't want to hang out with them because they are embarrassing.

It would work if it's just the two of us out on a date. It usually happens when we're with other people, and he usually knows at least one other person we're with, sometimes all of them. It's difficult to tell just one person that he can't hang out with you without coming off like a complete tool, especially if that person is super excited to see you.

After last night's conversation with TheBF, I think that TheFanboy needs it explained more explicitly that he's being rude. Other people also tell him, but they do so in pretty gentle way. They shake their heads, look uncomfortable, tell him, "That's not cool, dude," or, "You can't say that." TheBF said that he has had several serious conversations with him about how offensive he is, but I don't think he specifically told him that people actively avoid him because of how offensive he is. I think maybe he's incapable of perceiving how offensive what he says is, so maybe he actually needs to hear that people don't want to spend time with him because what he says makes other people feel bad or uncomfortable and that means that they don't enjoy his company.

I honestly think he's a moron, but a lot of that has to do with the fact that he's oblivious to how much he repels people he obviously wants to impress. That makes me feel a little bit sorry for him. I think other people see the same thing and pity him, too.
 
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bobg4400

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Is it possible the Fanboy is autistic in any way?
His complete inability to understand social conventions would account for his apparent douchebaginess as well as his joy on seeing the BF if he looks up to him.
It would explain his obliviousness towards others and his bragging as a bad attempt to conform to what he thinks are the social norms.
 

petite

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:lmao::lmao:
If you do this please please please have somebody film it and upload it to youtube.

I'm glad that you thought that was funny. :biggrin1:

TheBF was explaining last night how other guys he's met through TheFanboy react to his stories and it was hilarious, so I was amusing myself by imagining what those guys would say.

Is it possible the Fanboy is autistic in any way?
His complete inability to understand social conventions would account for his apparent douchebaginess as well as his joy on seeing the BF if he looks up to him.
It would explain his obliviousness towards others and his bragging as a bad attempt to conform to what he thinks are the social norms.

I've not spent much time around him since he's usually around when it's just the guys and they end up doing something like boxing, which I don't care to watch and I'd be the only woman anyway. TheBF says he's much worse without female presence around, which means to some extent at least he realizes that there are rules and he's at least a little bit aware that some things aren't acceptable.

I chalked it up to not maturing past high school. He still thinks that acting like that is impressive, which is apparently important to him.

TheBF doesn't think that he has some serious issues with women in general that come out and that's why he treats me the way he does, but he says that he truly just doesn't care what his reasons are. TheBF thinks TheFanboy has a boatload of issues with women.
 
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petite

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TheBF doesn't think that he has some serious issues with women in general that come out and that's why he treats me the way he does, but he says that he truly just doesn't care what his reasons are. TheBF thinks TheFanboy has a boatload of issues with women.

Darnit, I meant to say:

TheBF thinks that he has some serious issues with women in general that come out and that's why he treats me the way he does, but he says that he truly just doesn't care what his reasons are. TheBF thinks TheFanboy has a boatload of issues with women.
 

D_Bubba_Butter

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Darnit, I meant to say:

TheBF thinks that he has some serious issues with women in general that come out and that's why he treats me the way he does, but he says that he truly just doesn't care what his reasons are. TheBF thinks TheFanboy has a boatload of issues with women.


If he's on the misogynistic side of the fence, you should have him gagged, bound to the kitchen sink, beaten with dishcloths and mops, and then tickled to death with feather dusters.
 
D

deleted3782

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TheBF thinks that he has some serious issues with women in general that come out and that's why he treats me the way he does, but he says that he truly just doesn't care what his reasons are. TheBF thinks TheFanboy has a boatload of issues with women.

Want me to sleep with him? Could be fun...
 

petite

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If he's on the misogynistic side of the fence, you should have him gagged, bound to the kitchen sink, beaten with dishcloths and mops, and then tickled to death with feather dusters.

I like that. I bet I could get everyone to join in, too. :tongue:
 

Viking_UK

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ya need a spray bottle.

a lil "spritz" when he says/does something irritating.
works on cats.

so ya know, i'm not kidding.. the boy has a "why the fuck do you know him" friend. i carried a water pistol for about 6 months. when ever he "ass'd out" he got a trigger of water to his ear.

he's a much nicer guy now. i like hanging out with him. and his new girlfriend LOVES me :smile:

Squirt at his crotch rather than in his ear. That has a twofold effect of letting him know he's being an ass and hopefully embarrassing him enough that he'll go home and leave you alone.

Maybe he needs an intervention. "All your friends and family have come here to tell you that you need to stop saying offensive things. Please. You're an embarrassment to yourself and others." Then everyone could share pre-prepared stories. "I remember that time that you told the joke about the Tijuana prostitute right in front of my manager. His wife is Mexican. He didn't make eye contact with me for a week."



It's true. He goes the kinds of places we like to go, he likes the kind of people we like, and he enjoys doing the same kind of guy stuff that TheBF likes. If he could refrain from the sexism and the bigotry, maybe he could be a good friend.

:lmao::lmao:
If you do this please please please have somebody film it and upload it to youtube.

Forget that. Contact one of the talk shows. They may even line him up with a psychologist to talk through his issues - althoug NLP might be more effective than therapy.

Darnit, I meant to say:

TheBF thinks that he has some serious issues with women in general that come out and that's why he treats me the way he does, but he says that he truly just doesn't care what his reasons are. TheBF thinks TheFanboy has a boatload of issues with women.

Sounds like he's got a bit of a crush on TheBF. You don't say how old this guy is, but from the sound of things he's younger than your crowd and is maybe trying to fit in by making himself seem to be more than he actually is.

His attitude to women could be a) him trying to come across as a stud and a player and therefore "one of the guys" in an attempt to fit in with people he perceives to be more worldly/successful/mature/interesting than he is, b) perhaps in real life he has very little success with girls and he's trying to disguise his inadequacies, or c) he put himself out there once for a girl who knocked him back publicly and he's never really recovered from the emotional trauma/humiliation and it's either a front to prevent him being hurt again in future or case of sour grapes and "get in first".

Have you or any of your female friends tried to talk to him about his attitude in private?
 
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bobg4400

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Sounds like he's got a bit of a crush on TheBF.

His attitude to women could be a) him trying to come across as a stud and a player and therefore "one of the guys" in an attempt to fit in with people he perceives to be more worldly/successful/mature/interesting than he is, b) perhaps in real life he has very little success with girls and he's trying to disguise his inadequacies, or c) he put himself out there once for a girl who knocked him back publicly and he's never really recovered from the emotional trauma/humiliation and it's either a front to prevent him being hurt again in future or case of sour grapes and "get in first".

Have you or any of your female friends tried to talk to him about his attitude in private?

You forgot, d) overcompensating for his gayness because he can't accept it himself.