I've had this issue about being more or less forced to be nice to people I actively detested.
It's a bitter cycle.
The nicer you are to them the more they hang around you...arrhhhhhhh!
You end up creating the rod that beats your back.
Much better to be straight with the person and not have to live with the stress of being nice and having to suffer their company.
Despise is too strong of a word. Annoy is more accurate. If he was around more often and he acted like that all the time I might despise him, though. Until we actually start actively despising him, I am not sure it's worth it. It would make it awkward to run into him all the time after that.
That's because you're no longer in high school...
I can see this being turned into a film, where one day you come home to find that this guy's kidnapped TheBF & replaced him - & you have to acquiesce to his demands in order to protect TheBF.
I might need this... *Takes deerstalker down from hatstand.*
Ew! Gross images in my head now! Sounds like a twist on
Single White Female or
The Talented Mr. Ripley.
I would call him out when he talks crap.
Well I do, and TheBF says he does and he says other people do, too. You can, too. We can all do it!
I just asked TheBF and he says that he HAS had several serious discussions with him about the things he says. I told him that I thought that that was out of character for him, but he said that this guy is just
that douchey that you have to say something. He said the guy laughs it off and says that he's not really serious. It sounds like he thinks he's funnier than he thinks it is, or maybe he really is oblivious to how offensive he is. Maybe he's a really slow learner.
Maybe he needs an intervention. "All your friends and family have come here to tell you that you need to stop saying offensive things. Please. You're an embarrassment to yourself and others." Then everyone could share pre-prepared stories. "I remember that time that you told the joke about the Tijuana prostitute right in front of my manager. His wife is Mexican. He didn't make eye contact with me for a week."
He has a vested interest in that he genuinely likes TheBF. It wouldn't hurt to let him know how you both feel about his being a douchebag. Sounds to me like if he didn't have this annoying habit all would be well. If he accepts this in the right way and tries to change, you will have to remind him when he is being a jerk as it sounds as though he has developed this as a part of his personality. The change won't be instantaneous, but it sounds like his presence will be more tolerable.
It's true. He goes the kinds of places we like to go, he likes the kind of people we like, and he enjoys doing the same kind of guy stuff that TheBF likes. If he could refrain from the sexism and the bigotry, maybe he could be a good friend.