Friend still a Virgin. Want to help

Discussion in 'Relationships, Discrimination, and Jealousy' started by johnreid420, Aug 2, 2010.

  1. johnreid420

    johnreid420 New Member

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    Some advice would be handy here. One of my best friends is 25, and still a virgin. He's generally friendly and afffable, girls I've asked said he's attractive, and if you didn't know him, you'd be surprised by this.

    Anyway, we were talking the other day, and I asked him if it bothered him. He said it really did. He said he feels pathetic, but he never seems to have any success. He said at this point, he'd hook up with anyone he found attractive.

    Whenever we go out, he tends to stick talking to our guy friends, and never girls. When he does talk to girls, he's friendly. Not shy. But never seems to make the move to flirting. I think he just doesn't know how to do it. Or maybe he's just unwilling to risk rejection.

    Anyway, as a good friend, I wanna help. Unfortunately I don't have any friends to hook him up with. Anyone got any advice for how I could help him? I've considered hiring him an escort, but I can see that going pretty wrong. And I don't think having sex with an escort the first time would be of any help. What do you lot think?
     
  2. D_Sparroe Spongecaques

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    Have you asked him if he'd like an escort?

    Why do you think it would go wrong?
     
  3. bigbull29

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    I'm a virgin - for real.

    "That big, beautiful cock is being wasted", I'm told.
     
  4. SpeedoMike

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    at an extreme, you could convince him to see a (sex) counselor to help him find out what his block is and how he can overcome. sometimes a situation as serious as this needs professional intervention. not everyone is able to screw anything in site.
     
  5. Bbucko

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    If he were willing, I actually think the escort idea is a pretty good one. A professional will help him overcome what ever obstacles have stood in his way: introversion, poor self-body image, etc.

    But if he's still a virgin because he's holding out for that "special girl", then it's a terrible idea, because it will result in a compromise of an ideal he's had since reaching sexual maturity and will undoubtedly end poorly with lots of shame and guilt.

    At no time and under no circumstances should he be "set up" with an escort and not be made fully aware of it. That would just be devastating both to him personally and your friendship.
     
  6. HiddenLacey

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    While I understand you trying to help him out, I don't think an escort is a good idea. Not unless you know he would be interested. Then there are also STD's to think about that condoms don't always protect against.

    Talk to him about it and see if he's interested. I wouldn't just purchase him a night or hour or however it works!
     
  7. mariamluvsEMbig

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    I personally think using an escort would be a horrible idea. I don't think that would help him getting over his problem with flirting with girls. Maybe you should help him out with things that he could say...like how to complement a girl or let her know that he is interested in them. You obviously already said that girls think he's attractive and that he doesn't have a problem talking to them...just a problem shifting gears and flirting. Maybe you have a girl that is a friend that could role play with him and give him some pointers or even talk to some of the girls that he talks to afterward just to kind of ask them their opinions of things he is doing wrong.
     
  8. uncuttop213

    uncuttop213 New Member

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    maybe you've already ruled this out... but you say when you go out he tends to stick with the guys, and he never really makes in to flirting with girls. It seems possible that he's not sexually into girls, but hasn't yet opened up to being with guys.
     
  9. big_tits4big_dicks

    big_tits4big_dicks New Member

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    I don't think an escort is a great idea, unless you go to the bunny ranch in Nevada or something. I think for the sake of the safety of the prostitute we need to get them off the streets and into a safe facility where they are tested and not subjected to pimps! Ok, feminist rant over :D But maybe you just need to find a girl that would like to be Mrs. Robinson so to speak. If I were not married I'm the type that could get into that idea! Haha
     
  10. D_stryhtfg

    D_stryhtfg New Member

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    That's my problem...
     
  11. daren83

    daren83 New Member

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    True.
    True.

    This'll get him laid, but it won't help with the above two problems. Confidence and drive are very important. I'd work on that first.
     
  12. RawDog

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    I have no problems with hiring escorts in general. It's a business, there's a demand, they fill the demand, make money, everyone's happy.

    The downside to that though, especially if he loses his virginity this way is the self esteem issues he may have may be amplified. It's an enormous ego boost to know a woman desires you enough to want you inside her. The honor and pride and joy to be given that privilege marks you for life.

    To know that you had to pay someone in order to "get it out of the way" isn't my cup of tea. Now, the next day after he loses it, all bet's are off. I say he can use as many escorts as his heart desires.
     
  13. dikkiedik

    dikkiedik Member

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    It’s not to be ashamed when a guy is still a virgin at 25. If he’s (one of) your best friend(s) it is easier to have a serious conversation about this.
    Months ago I have read in a thread on LPSG about virgin guys that the more they become older, the more difficult it is to make that first step. If you have sex for the first time at 16 it is exciting, but many partners can follow after that. First sex when you are ten years older can be scary because expectations can be too big with a lot of disappointment afterwards.
    Another issue …. it is not clear if your friend is straight – bi – or gay. Maybe he still is very unsure about that. I can make feel him awful because he doesn’t know how to handle this without coming out of his comfort zone.
    If you are really his best friend you could ask him about his preferences, but he must be 100% sure that he can trust you. And if he is gay you should not judge him, but give him your support and friendship.
     
  14. minimag

    minimag Active Member

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    35 and a virgin here, and I couldn't care less. I don't see what the big deal is. I'm just not in the mood to have any sort of physical/emotional relationship with anyone. I won't willingly touch another person with any part of my body, not even a handshake. :p
     
    #14 minimag, Aug 3, 2010
    Last edited: Aug 3, 2010
  15. big_tits4big_dicks

    big_tits4big_dicks New Member

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    Well no, if you are afraid of having anyone touch you in any way then you would find this normal. But it sounds like you have your own contact situation to sort out. Do you feel other people are dirty? I'm just interested because I can not think of another reason human contact would never be wanted.
     
  16. minimag

    minimag Active Member

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    There's no fear involved, it just creeps me out. I don't even like being hugged by family members. I'd rather just keep everyone at arms length. I don't play contact sports nor give anyone a pat on the back. Heck, I even have to be seriously drunk (12+ shots in an hour) just to enjoy a good lapdance. Sober, I wouldn't set foot into the club.
     
  17. B_Sinjay

    B_Sinjay New Member

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    How many relationships this this guy had?

    What's the farthest he's gone with a girl? 2nd base? 3rd base?

    Do you guys live in a big city? A quiet burb? Or somewhere in between?

    Nothing wrong with an escort if he's fine with it.
     
  18. bigbull29

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    That is your business -- no one else's! Be proud of who you are.

    I'm very content in my life as I am. Hard for some to accept.

    Someone's sex life is not my business - now or ever.
     
  19. johnreid420

    johnreid420 New Member

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    Ok, spoke some more with him today. He's been on a few dates, but apparently, theyve always ended awkwardly.

    When I said hire an escort. I meant to not tell him, and get her topretend she's a tourist, seduce him, so he'd think he chatted her up. Dishonest, I know. But I just think he needs the confidence boost.

    Seeing a professional seems a bit overkill, and I really don't think it's a good idea suggesting it to him.

    As for whether he's gay. Well, I don't know, but I doubt it. I can tell he really wants to be with a girl. One of our other mutual friends came out about three years ago, and it's been fine. Nothing changed between us. So at least, he knows we'll be there for him, if that is the case, and I don't think it is.
     
  20. minimag

    minimag Active Member

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    As big as the boost will be, the crash will be even bigger when he finds out it was all a lie. It's not a matter of IF he finds out, but WHEN. They ALWAYS find out. All it takes is someone to have one pint too many and the secret slips out. If you can't trust your friends....
     
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