Friend still a Virgin. Want to help

[pornographicpoet]

Hey, I was in the same boat as your friend. I was 26 and a virgin. Then I met my girlfriend on OKCupid....I don't know if this was the case with your friend, but I had a fear of being rejected when approaching women, so I didn't approach women. Internet dating can be a good idea. When your friend gets flirted with, he can flirt back, and it takes a lot of the fear out of the equation. Trust me, now I'm sexually fulfilled, and happier than ever.

As for the escort, no one wants their first time to be with an escort....it's not memorable.

 

[cece]

An escort is a quick fix, but I think teaching him how to flirt and court girls is probably a better investment for the long term. I always feel that having some sexual tension with your desired partner is an important part of the whole wonderful sexual experience.

 

[D_Sparroe Spongecaques]

Hey, I was in the same boat as your friend. I was 26 and a virgin. Then I met my girlfriend on OKCupid....I don't know if this was the case with your friend, but I had a fear of being rejected when approaching women, so I didn't approach women. Internet dating can be a good idea. When your friend gets flirted with, he can flirt back, and it takes a lot of the fear out of the equation. Trust me, now I'm sexually fulfilled, and happier than ever.

As for the escort, no one wants their first time to be with an escort....it's not memorable.

What makes you think that?

How would you know?

 

[pornographicpoet]

Well, I guess it's entirely subjective. I just know I wouldn't have been happy with it because I would feel the escort wasn't into it, and why would she be, when she does it for a living. Maybe the OP's friend is different.

 

[Tevye]

Some advice would be handy here. One of my best friends is 25, and still a virgin. He's generally friendly and afffable, girls I've asked said he's attractive, and if you didn't know him, you'd be surprised by this.

Anyway, we were talking the other day, and I asked him if it bothered him. He said it really did. He said he feels pathetic, but he never seems to have any success. He said at this point, he'd hook up with anyone he found attractive.

Whenever we go out, he tends to stick talking to our guy friends, and never girls. When he does talk to girls, he's friendly. Not shy. But never seems to make the move to flirting. I think he just doesn't know how to do it. Or maybe he's just unwilling to risk rejection.

Anyway, as a good friend, I wanna help. Unfortunately I don't have any friends to hook him up with. Anyone got any advice for how I could help him? I've considered hiring him an escort, but I can see that going pretty wrong. And I don't think having sex with an escort the first time would be of any help. What do you lot think?

When the time is right he will meet the right woman or man. Too much emphasis seems placed on a man to start having sex as early as possible and then to make him look freakish if he is still a virgin after 21 meanwhile women are told to stay innocent until marriage or death whichever happens first. Push him and he might end the friendship.

 

[D_Sparroe Spongecaques]

Well, I guess it's entirely subjective. I just know I wouldn't have been happy with it because I would feel the escort wasn't into it, and why would she be, when she does it for a living. Maybe the OP's friend is different.

but that isnt what you said is it?:wink:

What you actually said was "No one wants their first time to be with an escort...it's not memorable"

You cannot say that if that wasnt your experience.

 

[YoungCock1234]

I'm a virgin - for real.

"That big, beautiful cock is being wasted", I'm told.

Me too xP

 

[mrmiyagi]

What do you lot think?

Just take your friend for the weekend to Amsterdam.
Drink a couple of beers...

At night visiting the Red light zone could will cure him :wink:

 

[johnreid420]

Haha funny enough, we went to Amsterdam a few years back, even had a wander through the Red Light District.

I actually spoke to him about prostitute. He said he wouldn't mind if it were a high class one. So it might be an idea. I'm a bit worried that he'll regret it though, or be embarrased by the idea of a friend paying for him to lose his virginity.

 

[D_Lairethorpp Longhornne]

Flirting is a skill. And some guys just aren't comfortable with the dynamic required - this is a big generalization but in general, for girls to be able to tell you're doing more than being just friendly, you have to be really overt, assertive, blunt, sometimes a bit crude.

A shy guy can sit back and make all the subtle cues and sly implications he wants, it just doesn't register.

Some guys just find it tacky, or inappropriate, or lame to have to basically hold up the "I'm hitting on you because I would like to have sex with you" sign.

But that in general is what you have to do. So whether you get some female friends to help him work on his pickup or you give him some pointers or something, it sounds like that's what he needs. An escort won't help with that.

But then again I'm a 42-year-old virgin so this is not exactly my area of expertise.

 

[NOINRI]

I say leave him alone unless he asks for your help.

There's nothing wrong with him.

 

[B_dxjnorto]

Haha funny enough, we went to Amsterdam a few years back, even had a wander through the Red Light District.

I actually spoke to him about prostitute. He said he wouldn't mind if it were a high class one. So it might be an idea. I'm a bit worried that he'll regret it though, or be embarrassed by the idea of a friend paying for him to lose his virginity.

Be good if he can choose for himself. He can pay for himself too. Maybe you guys could get a two-for-one deal.

 

[B_subgirrl]

Flirting is a skill. And some guys just aren't comfortable with the dynamic required - this is a big generalization but in general, for girls to be able to tell you're doing more than being just friendly, you have to be really overt, assertive, blunt, sometimes a bit crude.

A shy guy can sit back and make all the subtle cues and sly implications he wants, it just doesn't register.

Some guys just find it tacky, or inappropriate, or lame to have to basically hold up the "I'm hitting on you because I would like to have sex with you" sign.

But that in general is what you have to do. So whether you get some female friends to help him work on his pickup or you give him some pointers or something, it sounds like that's what he needs. An escort won't help with that.

But then again I'm a 42-year-old virgin so this is not exactly my area of expertise.

Actually, there's a good chance that girls have been hitting on HIM and HE hasn't noticed the subtle (or not so subtle) cues. I've seen this happen to so many young guys who just don't have the experience to recognise when a woman wants to fuck them (my brother included!).

 

[mrmiyagi]

Be good if he can choose for himself. He can pay for himself too.

That sounds very Dutch (beeing greedy)

I think it sounds much better to him when his palls are paying the bill and he is able to choose for himself :wink:

 

[coreygab90]

I don't think an escort is a good idea. Sure, he'll lose his virginity, but that's not going to help him at all. He will have had sex once, and then be right back where he was before. It will do nothing to help him get girls to have sex with him in the long run.

 

[cupofjon]

Brutal honesty is good.

Couple of facts first:
1. girls like cute... Playful cute.
2. girls like to help.
3. girls are disarmed with honesty. Hide nothing and they suspect nothing. Don't play with their sixth sense.

Walk up to a group of girls. A group of girls standing with a gay guy is good too. A single girl sitting by herself will typically be on the defense. a group of girls with a couple of guys will typically be a "friends night out."

This group of girls should have insecurities. Insecure people gravitate towards insecure people. Your friend is insecure about meeting girls. I'm guessing there's something else he's insecure about. Knowing the person or people you're talking to are as imperfect as you are is actually a confidence builder.

Find a group of girls who have some sort of insecurity. This sounds bad, but your practicing. A weight insecurity is pretty universal. Girls who are just slightly over weight will feel self conscious. Another would be a girl who wears cartoon t-shirts or stares at the floor. The next part is creating conversation. If this is difficult for you here are two tips. 1. The other person (if they're still paying attention to you) wants to have a conversation just as bad. 2. Talking about the weather may seem stupid but it's a good start.

Do the "haaaave you met ted?" thing with him. I know it's old but how he reacts is important. In the cutest puppy dog face he can get have him introduce himself as "I'm shy." Never talk to just one of them. Talk to the group so he's not singling out just one and cutting off chances with the rest. Keep conversations going for an hour or so, buy them drinks and one will naturally gravitate towards him. Don't choose your girl, let the girl choose you. Don't have the goal of getting laid!

Do this three or four times... get some practice and confidence will start to build. Once you're king of your own hill you can go after the ladies.

 

[EllieP]

Please, whatever you do, don't force or recommend too strongly that he do something.

When my husband and I were engaged, his best friend had a friend visiting from London. Usually everyone came to Cap's house in the evening for lots of wine and whatever. The conversation got around to losing virginity and we discovered that this chap never had. The guys were simply amazed and badgered him quite a bit asking if it was true. I kind of felt sorry for him, but I will admit I sort of got in the act too.

Finally, Ian, Cap's best friend, said "Why not let's have her take care of him?" He did it to freak out his friend and sort of dig at me, too. Well, I wasn't going to have any of it, so I said "C'mon then, let's go," and I began to unbutton the top button on my blouse. Well, the poor thing did freak out completely when he saw that I might do something. I felt absolutely horrible because I was trying to kid with Ian, but it completely blew up in the little guy's face.

Never saw him after that night or even heard anything about him since. I just felt really bad that I went with the crowd mentality. I knew when that happened that he was indeed a virgin and would probably be that way for a long, long time.

 

[B_dxjnorto]

Don't choose your girl, let the girl choose you.

Then you get the one you don't want though. Happened to me always. Not choosing is still a choice.

But I understand you're saying could be done that way for the sake of practicing socializing.

 

[runningwoof]

I know this may sound odd on this site, but how is the guy hung? The reason I asked, is because the #1 reason I waited until I was 20, and then had sex just to get it out of the way, with someone I really didn't find attractive, was because I considered myself inadequate...so maybe he doesn't like his body and finds it hard to conceive that anyone else would find it attractive. Just a thought. Otherwise, I think it is a case of finding him someone that maybe compatible, and setting up a romantic date. Maybe there is a girl in the same situation. LOL

 

[houtx48]

Friend called and said mind you own fucking business.