Friend tells me he's really attracted to me.

Discussion in 'Relationships, Discrimination, and Jealousy' started by slate_australis, Jul 4, 2008.

  1. slate_australis

    slate_australis New Member

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    Sorry - I dont have very many people to get advice on this.

    I've been friends with this guy for nearly two years, there was some flirting early on, but our relationship had largely become friendly - we chat on msn all the time, and every now and again on the phone.

    I've been in Canberra, and hadn't seen him in person for almost a year. So we went out for dinner, and then went back to his to watch some DVDs and chat. He's been seeing a guy for about a month now, but I detected a spike in tension and decided to leave.

    The next morning we were chatting, when I said I thought it was strange that I didn't get a hug or even a handshake he said "I felt uncomfortable - because I didn't particularly want you to leave"
    Then he asked if I had thought of kissing him - my response was no I hadn't - then he said he wanted to - but didn't want to spring it on me. He asked me what I thought of that, and I said it was confusing - especially given the presence of the other guy.

    All of a sudden Pandora's box was open, and she wasn't happy.

    We had already made plans to see each other again. So we had dinner at his, but this time I was the tense one, since my mind was absorbing the idea. When I left, I msgd him after being touched by a prostitute, he suggested that it was ok that I was only interested in him as a friend.

    The way my stomach reacted to that suggested that it wasn't what I was feeling.

    I felt completely confused. I got home and decided to write him an email laying out exactly what my head was doing. In one reply he suggested dropping the topic until I was clear in what I wanted.

    He then suggested seeing him again, he said "I want to see you again before you leave". I went over, and he dropped me off the train station, while going to collect his boyfriend from work.

    But now I really think I might like him, but I don't want to say it now - because there was a tiny window which I missed. He's getting on with his life and boyfriend and I sat at home bored and alone, lol.

    He really is a good guy, this makes him sound like a bit of a bastard, he's not.

    Ugh - I really do not know what to do, it's actually affecting my mood.
     
    #1 slate_australis, Jul 4, 2008
    Last edited: Jul 4, 2008
  2. B_Nick4444

    B_Nick4444 New Member

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    not quite sure what the issue is ...
     
  3. Hellboy0

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    I'm a bit confused too. Why can't you just talk to the guy about what you think you might want? Sounds like you got a good enough history to weather it.

    Go for it, buddy. Life is too short to sit home and suffer.
     
  4. D_MarquisDeSodOff

    D_MarquisDeSodOff Account Disabled

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    From his point pf view, being there myself sometimes. Just say what you want after making sure yourself. And if you are good friends then he will accept whatever you say. But just know that if you say you want to be friends that he might not want to be hurt again by being more than that ever again. It's a tough call, but go with your heart not your head on this one, I'd say. Hope this helped.
     
  5. slate_australis

    slate_australis New Member

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    It's intense, I've never been in this kind of state over ANYONE.

    But it really seems as if he's put it aside, because I didn't react at the right time. This isn't the prospect of a quick shag - this is a friend. So I needed time, but when it comes to the point when I think I know what I want - it's like it's no longer on the table.

    To me it's like were both reading the same book, even the same chapter... but just haven't managed to be on the same page.

    Oh well... things will work out as they should.
     
  6. D_Kay_Sarah_Sarah

    D_Kay_Sarah_Sarah Account Disabled

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    I would ring or email him and ask was he interested in you as a fling while you were there or was it something more. Then you can decided from there what you want to do.
     
  7. killerb

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    what exactly are you feeling? if it's regret that you didn't take action when you had the chance, that's one thing...

    if it's that you REALLY like this guy & want to pursue a relationship, that's something else...
     
  8. slate_australis

    slate_australis New Member

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    The whole thing is tricky - someone is going to get hurt.

    The timing is bad for me, since I'm wanting to be in a relationship (for the first time in 3.5 years) and craving intimacy... not just sex. So this being dangled before me at this exact time is really not good.

    It's draining me, I think I have to cut off a bit for a while.
     
  9. D_Kay_Sarah_Sarah

    D_Kay_Sarah_Sarah Account Disabled

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    So you want a relationship but your friend who you also like is proposing a relationship and your confused :confused: Sounds like an easy answer from what i see. Its like a 3 hour drive from Sydney to Canberra, thats nothing.. you could see him almost every weekend with no problems.
     
  10. Rikter8

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    So make it easy on both of you.

    Just simply say, "If you and your boyfriend don't work out, give me a call"

    It leaves the door open for more.
    It's clear what you may want to him.
    It leaves the current relationship alone until it dissolves itself naturally. (homewrecker)
     
  11. killerb

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    good answer...:grinning-smiley-003
     
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