"Friend Zone"

[D_Selmus_Swallow]

Here are a few factors ive found that gets you to the "friends zone"


1) Someone you like but know they dont have the qualities you look for in a partner

2) Someone you treasure so much you dont want to risk losing them to a bad romantic relationship

3) Someone who is aready involved in a relationship and is unavaliable

4) Someone who prefers a different gender to yourself

5) Someone you would like a relationship with but live to far apart

3 and 5 are killing me right now.

 

[Phil Ayesho]

I'd like to see any evidence that this is all based on gaining a genetic advantage. Seems like these sorts of things are difficult to study and prove. It's mostly speculation.

I agree that a lot of attraction and love is based on feelings. That's been studied. But I'm not sure if that is based on genetics/instincts or if the feelings are learned by our upbringing.

But you haven't really addressed my last post. I am saying the feelings of attraction in a woman are based on knowing that the man likes her. You are saying that those feelings are based on him being bold and assertive. It's hard to determine if you or I am correct since both those things usually go hand-in-hand.

You can like her to hell and back... ask around... women shoot down men all the time that they are certain like them.

Women want to see your liking them put into ACTION.


If a woman has very few suitors, she might be more amenable to a guy who merely likes her.

But if she has a choice between a guy who really really likes her, and doesn't DO anything about it... and a guy who makes a bold and charming move to win her attention and affection...

She is ALWAYS gonna pick the latter.

You gotta understand that you aren't the only guy they are seeing... they are HAVING to choose between several.
And they will use some criteria, OTHER than your attraction to them to evaluate your suitability.

Women are driven my issues of security. They will choose the guy who makes them feel the most secure.
overt demonstrations of affection, evidence of ambition and stick-to-it-iveness, evidence of affluence and accomplishment...
All of these factors are being weighed.


And really... science CAN determine genetically driven behaviors because they can determine that there is no reason on earth why women on the pill should be 4 times as likely to cheat when they are ovulating. They are ovulating for a very short period... their likelihood of cheating during this narrow window is vastly out of proportion to the number of days they are ovulating.
These same women who are cheating are far LESS likely to be willing to have sex with their husbands when they are ovulating.

When you factor in that these women are not taking their basal temperature daily and have no way of knowing consciously that they are ovulating, then you have to face the fact that their behavior is programmed into their genes...
There simply is not alternate explanation.

When you realize that men from ALL cultures, shown silhouettes of women with NO racial cues, hair color, or facial features evident... just seeing the shape of their figure... that the vast majority of all men find the figure with a .7 waist to hips ration the most attractive...
then you realize that culture, nor advertising nor playboy magazine has ANY effect on what males find attractive in women...
A .7 waist to hip ratio happens to be a very strong predictor of complication free childbirth.

Men JUST HAPPEN to be attracted to the provably most reproductively fit women?

We would all like to believe that we are the masters of our own destinies... but a HUGE factor in many of the decisions you will make in life are determined by basic genetic programming that you have no power to alter.


And the friend zone is one of these...


Women ARE judging you... just like the beauty contest you put them thru...

Camille Paglia said that men will stop making sex objects of woemn the same day women stop making success objects of men.

You want a good quality woman?
Make something of yourself.
Bring something to the table to offer in exchange for what she if offering.

And stay out of the friend zone by cutting to the chase

literally.

 

[Jovial]

You can like her to hell and back... ask around... women shoot down men all the time that they are certain like them.

Women want to see your liking them put into ACTION.


If a woman has very few suitors, she might be more amenable to a guy who merely likes her.

But if she has a choice between a guy who really really likes her, and doesn't DO anything about it... and a guy who makes a bold and charming move to win her attention and affection...

She is ALWAYS gonna pick the latter.

You gotta understand that you aren't the only guy they are seeing... they are HAVING to choose between several.
And they will use some criteria, OTHER than your attraction to them to evaluate your suitability.

It's true that some women have many men interested in them and they have to choose. A woman chooses the bold one that makes the move because she figures the boldest one likes her the most. She doesn't figure in how bold and assertive he is to other women. She doesn't figure in the relative shyness/assertiveness of each man.

This is true with judging anybody we barely know. We generally don't know what their personality is like and how they act in identical situations. So we're forced to judge them based on how that act compared to other people in the same situation. We can't compare their current action to their actions in past similar situations (because we don't know that usually).

Say Man_A goes to 10 car dealerships and tells the salesperson that he loves this make of car and he really wants to buy one. Man_B goes to 2 dealerships and doesn't seem too interested in either. The salespeople will devote their time and energy to Man_A. But if the salespeople knew that Man_A went to 10 dealerships and said the same thing and that Man_B was really only interesting in 2 makes of cars, those salespeople (at the two dealerships) would put their time and effort into Man_B.

The salespeople make a mistake because they don't have (and can't have) all the information. Man_B makes a mistake by not being more assertive and bold in buying the car (assuming if he gets more attention he'll make a better buying decision). Man_B doesn't realize that Man_A is being more bold and getting all the attention.

This is analogous to men dating women. If a woman gets a lot of attention from one man and less attention from another man, then knowing nothing else about these two men she has to assume that the first one must like her more. So the boldness and assertiveness is interpreted as liking her more.

I agree with you that men need to be more bold to get the woman. But I think they only like that because it's interpreted as him being more interested.