Friending Etiquette

[deepthroatbear]

I looked but wasn't able to find an answer for a potential problem I may have tripped over, hence this post.

Should I ask ahead of time (via private message or such) before I send a friend request? Since getting back into using the site, I've just been sending friend requests outright. But I've seen a couple of profiles that state how rude that is, so wanted to see if anyone has any thoughts on the subject.

I do take the time to see if a potential "Friend" is 100% straight and therefore might not want to hear from a 100% gay guy, so I don't think that's an issue.

Thanks for any help.

 

[ghb69]

I usually chat via PMs with someone and only then send a request, if we seem compatable.


I select friends not collect friends.

 

[Thirdlegproduction]

I collect friends seeing these are not real friends nor do I intend to be real friends.

So I do send out friend requests and it could be perceived as rude or not but since I don't really know anyone out here for real it doesn't really bother me.

To me the friend ettiqette is taking things a bit too seriously.

 

[D_Martin van Burden]

I take a different approach. I just need to talk to you a bit and know who you are before I accept a friend request, and that usually happens in the chat room on here. If I talk to someone I think is pretty cool, I'll ask to add them. I know we're on the Internet, but I think some degree of courtesy still applies.

One thing that was weird didn't happen here but on Facebook. I got a random add friend request from someone I didn't know. I thought maybe I met this person at the community cookout that went on last week, but I couldn't remember. I accepted, figuring that if it weren't legit, I could de-friend later. Anyway, not even an hour later, I get, "Hey DeeBlackthorne, what's your number?" I had to draw a line there. They understood, just saying that they had moved out here from New York and wanted to network a little bit.

 

[601900]

The 1st paragraph of the post above mine,describes how i go about it,100%.I'm not a friend collector either,so if you are on my friends list is because i've gotten to talk to you,and like you,not all of them though,when i first joined i'd accept random requests,and later realized that we have nothing in common,so i de-friended,but a greeting is always very helpful.Random request ''just because'' will be ignored.

 

[RawDog]

If I've never interacted with the person, I think it's both odd *and* rude for them to ask to be my friend. If I find someone's posts compelling I make sure to have a few exchanges with them and then ask to friend them.

 

[deepthroatbear]

I just need to talk to you a bit and know who you are before I accept a friend request, and that usually happens in the chat room on here.

Thanks for the feedback. I guess I'm unclear on what the "friend" status is intended for. I've been sending friend requests to folks that I want to follow, and the friend list makes that easy. Haven't spent much time in the chat room.

 

[deepthroatbear]

If I've never interacted with the person, I think it's both odd *and* rude for them to ask to be my friend.

I'm trying to understand the "rude" part, but not sure I ever will. I think it's a form of flattery, and if get the wrong vibe I can always just refuse the friend invitation.

 

[601900]

I'm trying to understand the "rude" part, but not sure I ever will. I think it's a form of flattery, and if get the wrong vibe I can always just refuse the friend invitation.

I think that by ''rude'' he means ,why send me a friend request for absolutely no reason,when i've never interacted with you?,some people collect friends,some people want to get to know you better,before becoming friends.I think you tend to interact more with people you've gotten to know,than with people,that are just a name on your list .

 

[Rikter8]

I've got folks on my "add me as a friend" list on here and other places... but if you don't even say hello, how can I add you as a Friend??

I won't add folks that I havent chatted to and got to know.

 

[RawDog]

I'm trying to understand the "rude" part, but not sure I ever will. I think it's a form of flattery, and if get the wrong vibe I can always just refuse the friend invitation.

...and...

I think that by ''rude'' he means ,why send me a friend request for absolutely no reason,when i've never interacted with you?

Perfectly worded. Exactly what she said.

 

[IntoxicatingToxin]

Moved to Etcetera, Etcetera.

 

[Calboner]

I guess I'm unclear on what the "friend" status is intended for.

I've been on this site since before the "friend" thing was introduced, and I have never understood what it is for. No, let me put that another way: nobody has ever indicated to me any worthwhile purpose that it serves.

If someone is my friend, even in the attenuated sense in which that term can be applied to a person with whom I have merely had some friendly communications through message boards and private messages on this site, then I don't see why it is necessary to indicate this fact to other people.

If someone is NOT my friend, even in that attenuated sense, then it seems to me doubly pointless to have that person listed as my "friend" here.

I have put a line into my signature to discourage people with whom I have had no communication from sending me "friend" requests. I still occasionally get such requests. I used to reply to them, but I think that just created awkwardness; now I simply refuse them.

Edited to add: I presume that the "friend" function was inspired by Facebook. But if this site is to borrow something from Facebook, it should have been the "like" function instead. If people want to post a "like" on my profile, I don't care who does it. No matter how far the process of depriving the word "friend" of its proper meaning goes, the word still indicates, even in its Facebook sense, a reciprocal relationship. No such thing is present when someone with whom I have had no prior communication sends me a "friend" request.

 

[haulthat]

Different people come here for different shit. Some people don't take it seriously enough to care, which is fine, but I have been shocked to find some people socialize on here in a 90% non sexual way with a bit of cock talk on the side. They don't want to bother with people who aren't up for that.

I collect friends seeing these are not real friends nor do I intend to be real friends.

So I do send out friend requests and it could be perceived as rude or not but since I don't really know anyone out here for real it doesn't really bother me.

To me the friend ettiqette is taking things a bit too seriously.

 

[Zeuhl34]

If someone I've never spoken to either through forum posts or PMs sends me a friend request, I have no qualms about instantly rejecting them.

 

[AlteredEgo]

Thanks for the feedback. I guess I'm unclear on what the "friend" status is intended for. I've been sending friend requests to folks that I want to follow, and the friend list makes that easy. Haven't spent much time in the chat room.

I usually do this too, but I always ask first. To me, when someone I never heard of before sends me a request, it's creepy. In turn, I don't want anyone to think I'm creepy when all I want to do is have an easier time finding their posts.

DeeBlackthorn reminded me of my own weird happening on Facebook. Because some of my acquainteances here turned into real life friends, my Facebook page is connected to LPSG-ers in whom I have a real, offline interest (or just have known online for so many years now that I'm comfortable letting them into aspects of my life away from here). So, sometimes people I don't even like (and yes, I've told them so in precisely as many words beforehand) have asked to be contacts on Facebook. Sometimes it isn't even people I don't like so much as people I just don't fucking trust. This is because one of my real life friends (from here) has a terrible habit of using people's birth names in conversation.

I'm actually very angry about this considering that my given name is so rare, fewer than a handful of people in my country have it. Because of the anonymity of user names, I have always felt free to disclose my location, city of origin, discuss my husband's career (and penis!) etc. I don't post here as much anymore. When I move in a few years, I'll never say where. This makes other people on my contact list vulnerable to having their first and last names, current city and home town discovered too (though good luck finding them among all my contacts from school). I feel violated when these people contact me, and it always tracks back to the same damn' person. It's possible to love your friends, and still want to strangle them.

 

[D_Tim McGnaw]

These days I do a quick check of previous posts if I don't know the friend requester, but unless you're a weirdo I'll usually accept even if we've had no contact before. I don't take friend requests tremendously seriously so I don't mind having people I never speak to on my friend list. I think etiquettes for this sort of thing are an unnecessary headache.

 

[TheScotsman]

I friend people if I want to or not for whatever reason - I'm as vague in terms of reasoning as I am in real life I suppose. Sometimes that includes chatting to them extensively before adding them, sometimes only briefly. Depends, I guess.

 

[Pendlum]

I now reject just about every friend request I receive simply because they are pretty much pointless, but also I don't like seeing people in the "Friends Online" box who I have no interest in, or their posts. In fact most of the people who I do like reading their posts often use the appear offline setting, basically making the whole thing moot.

 

[joyboytoy79]

I don't feel offended by random friend requests. If anything they're kinda flattering. I do expect, however, that if I've never heard from the random requester, he/she should likewise find no offense in me ignoring the request.

People are on my friend list because i want to be able to look up their posts or playfully harass them when they're online. They're not on my friend list because I thought they might be hot, or was flattered they thought I was.