Friends father coming on to me

Discussion in 'Relationships, Discrimination, and Jealousy' started by KennethJL, Aug 2, 2010.

  1. KennethJL

    KennethJL Member

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    A long story cut short. Known my friend for a good 10 or so years, known his father for about 5. His father is divorced and has been as long as I've known him. I've always gotten along with him fine but in the last few years it's turned quite flirty. It hasn't been serious flirting, just joke/light flirting and my friend hasn't commented on it. In the last few months it's turned more serious and I've caught him checking me out several times, the flirting's been heavier (especially if we've been alone) and he's been texting me. At first I went along with it but then I started replying as neutrally as I could.

    In the last couple of weeks he's texted me and put forward the idea of hooking up for sex (I didn't reply) and today he's sending me pictures of himself. I haven't replied yet and I really don't know how to.

    Not that age matters, but I'm 32 and the father is late 40's. Even though I'm single and he's single there's obviously the issue of his son and my friend. And as far as I knew, his father was straight. I know I should say no but there's something about him that just makes me want to say yes. He's not my type but I can't help but be a little attracted to him.

    Maybe not quite a long story cut short but it's got me confused basically.
     
  2. goldenf

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    I wouldn't risk possibly losing a friend over someone you're not really that hot for. If your friend found out you were fucking his dad things just wouldn't be the same.
     
  3. canuck_pa

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    If that's you as your avator, I don't blame him.

    But seriously, I think the main question you have to ask yourself is, how important is the friendship?
     
  4. goldenf

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    Yeah. You don't look like you'd find it too difficult finding action elsewhere. :)

    Do you think you might crave the excitement of embarking on a affair with someone you know you probably shouldn't?
     
  5. Chase1600

    Chase1600 Member

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    Kenneth, you don’t mention what your friend might think. You don’t mention what he knows about his dad and this subject. Certainly it could come as a very complicating shock to a guy who discovers his dad is gay and getting together with one of his buddies. Do you know whether your friend believes his dad might be gay? You list yourself as 50% straight, 50% gay. How does that play with respect to this particular friendship? Is this particular friend gay? Does he know that you identify as 50% gay – at least in one place?

    If there is a lot of doubt as to how your friend might take it, I would not go near a relationship with his dad. It isn’t just that it might risk your friendship, which would be bad, but I think it would be a very undermining thing to do to a guy. If one day his dad comes out and he finds out he’s in a relationship with some man he’s never met, that would be one thing for him to accept. Coming out of nowhere, it being one of his friends [I assume you guys are good buddies], could make him feel very betrayed.

    You owe him better than that.

    On the other hand, the age difference doesn’t seem way out of line, even if he’s 16 or 17 years older than you, at your respective ages it wouldn’t be too remarkable. What is remarkable is that your connection is his child. If your friend knows his dad is gay, knows you are gay, isn’t wanting to get something going with you himself, gets to see the two of you becoming closer, and if this is something you really want, maybe he could be relaxed with it. But you would have to do it carefully. And those are a lot of “ifs.”
     
  6. D_CountdeGrandePinja

    D_CountdeGrandePinja Account Disabled

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    Talk to your friend first - you owe him that - does he know about your 50% and what's his sexual orientation? Talk - age is not the issue here - good luck -let us know what happens.
     
  7. hud01

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    Avoidance isn't working. Talk to him. Tell him that he is going too fast, that you are not sure. Say that you are worried about how is son would feel and that makes you uncomfortable.
     
  8. KennethJL

    KennethJL Member

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    Thanks for all the advice so quickly.

    First of all, not me in my avatar. That's just a random model. I've added a few pictures of me to my gallery.

    My friend does know of my sexuality. We're close, but we were a lot closer in the past. He'd be worth losing for a relationship but not for just sex. And he's straight too.

    I've just texted his father back asking if his son knows of his situation and that's what's making me uncomfortable. I'm confused because he isn't the type of guy I'd want a relationship with at all - he's an awesome guy but not my type at all. But then I'd be lying if I said I wasn't slightly aroused at the pictures the dad has been sending me.
     
  9. AlextheRedhead

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    So if he is not your type just gently say no,
    By the way your avatar isnt that far removed from your real pics.
    I'd hit on you too!
     
  10. KennethJL

    KennethJL Member

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    I know, but there is something about him that turns me on a little and that's what confuses me.
     
  11. KennethJL

    KennethJL Member

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    He has replied to me and told me my friend does know that he swings both ways but doesn't know anything about him being interested in me.

    Maybe this is stupid, but we've agreed to meet up tonight to see how things go. If they work out then we'll figure out how to deal with telling my friend, if not then we'll just agree to forget the whole thing.
     
  12. hud01

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    What about him turns you on? Why is he not your type?
     
  13. hud01

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    I don't think it is stupid. You have known him for awhile, so it isn't the same as a blind date.

    Good Luck
     
  14. WellHung83

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    I think maybe your attraction is based a bit on the fact that there is a taboo aka forbidden aspect of it, and not by the older than you aspect but the fact that its someone else's father. Its a kink played out in many gay pornos yet rarely is it shown in real life from what I have seen, so you are kind of living out a kink that is not supposed to be happening in real life yet you like it happening. Idk if that makes any sense but I hope it does lol
     
  15. KennethJL

    KennethJL Member

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    I've just never looked at him that way before. Maybe his coming on to me has just unlocked feelings I didn't know I had.
     
  16. D_Sparroe Spongecaques

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    Wooooo! Wheres my fone so I can text ya??????? :p
     
  17. Pitbull

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    Pitbull smells trouble.

    Thinks meeting up with dad tonight is a mistake.
     
  18. hud01

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    FWIW Take it slow, but I would not run away from it. At the end of the day it is your feelings that need to make the final decision.
     
  19. hrdhatdad

    hrdhatdad Active Member

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    Dude, you are in your 30's and he is in his 40's. I don't see the problem.
     
  20. salter

    salter Active Member

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    First of all, your real pics are better than your avatar. I know this is a standard Nifty (q.v.) story -- Friend's Father abounds there -- so obviously the very idea is a huge turnon. I have a different question to ask. How much do you trust this guy? If you ask him to be discreet about it will he be? If it doesn't work out and you just continue being his son's friend will it be awkward? If it does work out and his son finds out how bad will that be? On the whole, if he's really an "awesome guy" you have nothing to worry about. He'll see to it that you don't get hurt no matter what the outcome.
     
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