It was a beautiful blue-sky day and we walked with no particular direction. We home based at Pete’s and spent 5 minutes there checking in, but Peter had it so well staffed and managed that it literally runs itself.
“Which way to find our home? Best neighborhood within 15 a minute walk?” and Peter pointed to the East. “I think we should check out City Center East, and then over to City Center West.” And I nod.
“I’m thinking a big old brownstone, 200 years old 3 or 4 floors, and at least 50’ wide. If we need to buy two, then we buy two.” And Peter nods. I ask him, “What’s your place worth?” and he thought $2M give or take. “Mine’s smaller, but probably $1.5 - $1.8 – so let’s call it a $3.5M base deposit. What would you be willing, or can, you kick in from savings or cash on hand? And we walk. He suggests he could take $1 - $1.5M out of investments – I thought a match would be appropriate, so that’s $7.5M to start. But brownstones aren’t cheap…
“If there isn’t something old and stately, then I’d want something new and high” and he nods. “Granny always love brownstones, the family had one for ages on West 9th Street. You want the wideness – so 50’ is generous. Parlor on the first floor, family rooms 2nd, servants 3rd and kitchens/scullery in the basement level. We can change that, but we will need room” and we walk.
The architecture in Philly is beautiful and we saw many nice neighborhoods. You start with the cars. When you see Volvos, Audis, Mercedes and BMWs galore, let alone the Range Rovers and Toyota Land Cruisers – you know you are in a good area. There was plenty to choose from.
“I can’t believe how lucky we are” as we walk, holding hands. We’ve only done that briefly once or twice, but today it felt good and right and not a statement or anything, but two friends joined and enjoying themselves. We stop to look up at a massive house over-looking first a green square, or really a triangle, maybe 200 feet by 200 by 300 feet. Park benches and well landscaped. And then overlooking a nice big park.
“Something like that. Reminds me of the Mary Poppins house. Lovely, big, sunny. A family home, and full of life, history and memories. We just stand and stare. We see a woman look out at the park from a window and she looks down at us and we smile and wave. She waves back. We decide to sit in the square and I’m pointing at the windows. “I bet that’s the living room. Those smaller windows are the stairs up. And look, two floors of evenly spaced windows, that’s living quarters. And the fourth floor – that must be hot in the summer -- winter, too, I'd imagine. Those dormer windows must be old servants quarters. This is exactly what I’d like.”
My phone pings – It’s my dad. “Where are you?” and I text him my location. “You are close to me, I’ll come find you.” And I’m thinking he’s walking, but 15 minutes later, Dad’s Bentley is barging its way into the square. “What are you doing sitting here?” and we nod to that house. The woman is back at the window and Dad gets out of the car and looks up. They wave at each other. “Dad, park the beast and come sit with us,” which he does. Usual style, half on sidewalk.
“We’ve been planning our lives and we want 3 or 4 kids and need a big house within 15 minutes of Pete’s, which this is.” And my Dad looks at me. “Woah, Con. Aren’t you going a little fast? And you know what we always talked about vis-à-vis, you know” and I nod. “Dad, turns out Pete’s petty well off himself. He is looking for a soulmate that wasn’t after him for his looks, same as me looking for a soulmate who wasn’t after my money. And we found each other and we match. So I want this house or a house just like it.” And he turns to me. “You do?” and I nod. Thinking, well, sure. But that’s like a red flag to a Smythe-Worthington. So best not to do it. But I momentarily was relieved of my senses. Then Dad gets up and crosses the street and rings the bell.
“Oh, fuck no.” and Dad is chatting with the woman we’d previously waved at. And he, apparently, waves us over to meet her. “This is my son, Conrad, IV and his boyfriend Peter Woods.” And we wave and say hello. “Not Arlene and Pete’s boy, are you?” and Peter smiles and nods. “Well do come in, you should have said. How are your parents, I haven’t talked to them in ages. My grandchildren love Pete’s Tavern, and I’m always happy to share our long ago good times there.” As she brings us in to the living room. It’s spacious, sunny, lovely – gorgeous. You just get a sense of home. Beautiful furnishings. “This is a LOVELY home you have here. We were immediately intrigued and had to sit and admire it.”
“Yes, it was always George’s favorite home. We’ve been here 37 years. It’s just me rattling around in this old thing now. It’s time for me to move along, now that George is gone. And the thing is, while I love the park and the central location, and the antiquity and history here – I’m dreaming of something new and sleek and high rise – a complete break from the past. The Avalon and 20 stories up! Oh what a treat.”
And Peter asks, “Well, why don’t you do that?” and she shrugs – “Too much work and too much history.” And Dad jumps in –- “Well, what if you could sell it to a happy young couple that would handle everything and would maintain it as it is, and allow you to visit – even stay overnight, anytime you liked?” and he’s smiling. Dad has some skills.
“Well that’s too foolish to dream. But it would be lovely and I’d say ‘Yes’. But I don’t need the aggravation, the negotiation on price, buying a new place, looking for a new place. Then packing and moving. No – I’ll die here. Much simpler!” and she is smiling. Tough old bird, but a happy one.
“I’m sorry, m’am but I haven’t fully explained myself. My son, Conrad here, and his boyfriend, Peter, whom you know his parents, are looking for a large home to raise their future family. They are very interested in this house – it’s close to Pete’s” and she nods – “walked it many times” and Dad continues “and I can assure you money is no object here. If we had the lawyers figure out a generous, but fair offer for your home, then helped with the relocation – helped you find your new home, would that help you at all – and please don’t be pressured – I’ll leave you my card and you can decide”
“You are gay boys?” and Peter and I look at each other. “Well, m’am, that’s a matter of much discussion. We both have very strong feelings and admirations for women, whom we’ve both had long relationships with – but we met and we’ve fallen in love and we are a couple, so yes, we are a gay couple, but we are not gay men. Does that make sense?” and she nods, as she smiles. “My George the 3rd is gay as a house of cards and happy as a clam. I love him dearly and I’m glad he is happy – your offer sounds terrific. Leave me your card and I’ll send you my attorney and we can see what they can work out.” Turning to us, “You are lovely boys. You can see the compatibility and bond immediately. It was the first thing I thought when I saw you two looking at my house. I didn’t think you were gay boys, but I knew you were a couple. Funny, isn’t it?” and we just nod.
So Dad left his card, after getting her name and address. Never leave until the deal is sealed. She gave us a tour and it was spectacular. Damn. Wow. I’m 23. And this could be ours. Wow.
