Friends With Benefits

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dv8edthots: I don't know if this has been anyone else's experience, but I imagine it has. But does anyone else get a lot of calls from old sexual acquaintances and ex-es for random hook ups?

I've been getting that a lot lately. I have a regular f-w-b circle, but there's been more random people trying to get into it, and I don't want that. I can understand the comfort factor of good sex after breaking up, which is what's been happening to me lately. These old friends have been calling me and wanting to hook up just for "fun" after they've broken up with their bfs. I mean it's not that I mind being in somebody's black book for sex on a rainy day, but I was just wondering.

 

[wonderland]

I think that this happens to people all the time. One of my friends thinks that it is a compliment that old bf's call her for a hook up. But personally I think it's bullshit. I feel like oh I'm good enough to fuck but not to date......... thanks but no thanks.
But to each his own.

 

[Pappy]

I just tell them, "there's no ex in hook-up"

 

[13788]

dv8edthots:

Originally posted by wonderland@Jan 23 2005, 11:54 PM
I think that this happens to people all the time. One of my friends thinks that it is a compliment that old bf's call her for a hook up. But personally I think it's bullshit. I feel like oh I'm good enough to fuck but not to date......... thanks but no thanks.
But to each his own.

[post=276816]Quoted post[/post]​

Well, I understand that. If I were looking for a relationship with these people, then my feelings might be in consideration, but they're not because we both understand what the other wants out of the situation. Plus, I know these people, and have dated them at least once, and the physical chemistry was there, but the personal wasn't, so there's something to be said about sole physical attraction in situations like these.

 

[13788]

dv8edthots:

Originally posted by Pappy@Jan 24 2005, 12:13 AM
I just tell them, "there's no ex in hook-up"

[post=276822]Quoted post[/post]​

That's good, I like that.

 

[13788]

dv8edthots: I want to change the topic slightly to definitions. How do you define friends with benefits?

In my situation, my f-w-b's are actually in my circle of friends that I frequently socialize with whether it's for sex or not. We actually know each other well in and outside the bedroom. Do other people draw the line differently, is it like the one line from Sex in the City, "dial a fuck," for others when you're in a dry spell, which thankfully I've never experienced? I think I might get carpal tunnel if I ever did.

 

[MASSIVEPKGO_CHUCK]

I guess, it would have to depend on just exactly which, or who you're talking about. I mean , my last couple of gf's I have no personal preference in them if at all, and then again, there's a few from way back in the day that I can't possibly pass up for the life of me. Even if it is only one fuck in a long time .

 

[Kimahri]

I had two dudes that I did stuff with. Was more of a mutual thing in that we all were single and didn't want to risk of health problems from random meetings so we worked with each other.

While I talk to my exs, I have no interest in getting together with them sexually. It simply complicates things and causes more problems than it's worth to me.

 

[viking]

Originally posted by dv8edthots@Jan 23 2005, 06:39 PM
I don't know if this has been anyone else's experience, but I imagine it has. But does anyone else get a lot of calls from old sexual acquaintances and ex-es for random hook ups?

I've been getting that a lot lately. I have a regular f-w-b circle, but there's been more random people trying to get into it, and I don't want that. I can understand the comfort factor of good sex after breaking up, which is what's been happening to me lately. These old friends have been calling me and wanting to hook up just for "fun" after they've broken up with their bfs. I mean it's not that I mind being in somebody's black book for sex on a rainy day, but I was just wondering.

[post=276808]Quoted post[/post]​

I have had that experience before. I once dated a woman who was quite a bit older than me.
After we stopped dating, she asked me to lunch to talk.

Eventually, she came to the point and asked if I was willing to have a purely sexual relationship with her. I said no. Probably because that's what our first relationship was in reality.

But, I have had hookups with old girlfriends that were just fine with us both.
Just remember, you don't get anything if you don't ask for it.
If she's asking, then be honest. "Yea, let's fuck!" Or "Nah, not really into it"

Either way, you get what you want right?

 

[txquis]

Sex with the Ex rarely works out...oh, there are exceptions, but usually somebody still cares...it isnt "just physical" to them and then you are in a mess.
Hell, sometimes this happens when you just try to remain friends, let alone fuck.

I think that having a buddy that you mess around with (rather than an ex) is ok...but again, you have to keep everybody on the same page.

 

[viking]

Originally posted by txquis@Jan 26 2005, 02:13 PM
Sex with the Ex rarely works out...oh, there are exceptions, but usually somebody still cares...it isnt "just physical" to them and then you are in a mess.
Hell, sometimes this happens when you just try to remain friends, let alone fuck.

I think that having a buddy that you mess around with (rather than an ex) is ok...but again, you have to keep everybody on the same page.

[post=277710]Quoted post[/post]​

What page are you on then TX?
I'm flipping through trying to find you!!

I'LL BE ON YOUR PAGE BUD!!

 

[13788]

The_Swinging_Voter: I dont know whether sex with an ex really works out if its been a long-term relationship with all the attendant feelings etc. Tried that once and it just felt really murky, like you wanted it to be purely physical but there was still emotional residue holding you back.

However, if its with someone Ive only dated casually or if it was just a fun fling kind of hook up in the first place then yeah, it can be cool. In my early 20's I had a group of friends that sound a bit like yours dv8edthots where you'd socialise in and out of the bedroom and over the last few years have seen, on and off, an older woman (she's 43 now) who didnt want anything permanent due to the age gap. Now that Im back studying again, with plans to head off overseas, I find I'd rather fwb.
You just dont want to feel like you're being taken for granted and when that happens it's time to say goodbye.

 

[13788]

NineInchCock_160IQ:

Originally posted by dv8edthots@Jan 23 2005, 10:39 PM
I don't know if this has been anyone else's experience, but I imagine it has. But does anyone else get a lot of calls from old sexual acquaintances and ex-es for random hook ups?

I've been getting that a lot lately. I have a regular f-w-b circle, but there's been more random people trying to get into it, and I don't want that. I can understand the comfort factor of good sex after breaking up, which is what's been happening to me lately. These old friends have been calling me and wanting to hook up just for "fun" after they've broken up with their bfs. I mean it's not that I mind being in somebody's black book for sex on a rainy day, but I was just wondering.

[post=276808]Quoted post[/post]​

I'm in the DC area. Refer them to me if it gets to be too much of a hassle for you. I have had sex with one ex-girlfriend before... but never ever get called just for "random hook-ups" as you put it. Wish I would, my sex life is sadly quite inactive.

 

[13788]

LeahCat: Nothing wrong with the 'friends with benefits' arrangement so long as no-one as any illusions that it'll turn into a long-term relationship. If you're in a situation where you, for one reason or another, cant or dont want something really serious it can be great. You get to do your own thing and get the stuff done that you need to do (ie,be a bit selfish with your time) but have some fun when you do hook up as well as some seriously wild sex. One of the reasons why I swing is because Im not in the market for a serious relationship right now. Friends with Benefits suits me fine in this phase of my life.

AndrewD, if you're in the Brisbane area now I'm in the market for a FWB. What say you? LOL

 

[kozmik]

Originally posted by LeahCat@Jan 27 2005, 08:37 AM
Nothing wrong with the 'friends with benefits' arrangement so long as no-one as any illusions that it'll turn into a long-term relationship. If you're in a situation where you, for one reason or another, cant or dont want something really serious it can be great. You get to do your own thing and get the stuff done that you need to do (ie,be a bit selfish with your time) but have some fun when you do hook up as well as some seriously wild sex. One of the reasons why I swing is because Im not in the market for a serious relationship right now. Friends with Benefits suits me fine in this phase of my life.

AndrewD, if you're in the Brisbane area now I'm in the market for a FWB. What say you? LOL

[post=277859]Quoted post[/post]​

my x calls me to hook up, she says ive got the biggest dick shes seen...its only 7.2x5.5 but hey, i still take it as a compliment. i just hope she doesnt stuble on this site.

 

[13788]

porksword: It's nice to know that when one of my (only four) exes wants to get off she calls me, but I don't really work that way. I need a relationship before sex.

*All you have to do to get a friend with benefits:*
Start a relationship that is based on trust and fall in love. Step two: Give her the sex she has only dreamed or read about, but not so much or often that she takes it for granted. Then later, when it comes time to part ways, break it off gently and try not to close too many doors. This was never my intention, but 4 out of 4 girlfriends I've had still call and I don't even live in the same state as two of them.

The trick (if you can call it that) is to be so trustworthy that they know you wont hurt them or think worse of them for asking.

 

[13788]

NikkiSixx: How do you get a friend with benefits without starting a relationship first?

 

[B_HungSpermBoy]

An ex g/f called to see if we could spend the night together. I was real tempted & then she started to whine about all this sad stuff in her life. By the time she was done moaning & feeling sorry for herself, I decided that the idea about spending the night together didn't sound very good any more. I'm not proud of myself that I couldn't be there to help her, but I have the feeling that if I did go, it would have been a real bad experience. I chickened out.

 

[MASSIVEPKGO_CHUCK]

I 've gotten too many requests from old girlfiends, er, friends, passing acquaintances, and in recent yrs, an ex lover now married with 4 kids who didn't want to use a glove. Knowing how fertile she could've been I declined with resonance, since I had no desire to sire, plus I'd rather do a river dance in a mine field as opposed to that.

 

[13788]

Randarak: I had exes calling me all the time for sex, even after I got married. When I was single, I always jumped at the chance. They always came back for more.

After I got married it was a horrible temptation. I still get calls from a couple of women who wont take no for an answer. But then, its always easier to do nothing than it is to cheat. So I've been doing nothing