friends with benifits

Discussion in 'Relationships, Discrimination, and Jealousy' started by Pene_Negro_Grande, May 12, 2005.

  1. Pene_Negro_Grande

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    The few times I have had friends w/benefits worked at first but I have found women will tell you they are down with it and think that eventually you will come around and want to be more...I recall this one girl who really liked me but I was planning on moving out of state in 9 months so I said we should just be friends (w/benefits) and not girlfriend/boyfriend...She was cool with it at first and I honestly never slept w/anyone else but her during that time but I did go out w/a couple of girls and just made out w/them...

    This girl thought she would try to make me jealous by trying to go out w/other guys which I said I was cool with because I date other women...She was pissed to say the least and at the end of the 9 months when I was ready to move - She was really irate w/me and said that I was selfish not to ask her to move w/me...I had to just move and change me cell phone number...I thought we made the point clear from the beginning...So in my personal experience women will eventually get emotionally attached - I on the other hand went and and continued to be emotionally detached...So it is a 50/50 chance for it working out...Good Luck dude...
     
  2. steve319

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    I think it totally depends on the people involved and their individual, emotional ties to sex. Many would say that women tie love to sex more easily, but we can all be blindsided by that kind of thing. Both parties can truly believe that a casual, sex-only relationship can happen and go no further and can then be surprised by the resulting emotional terrain.

    I had a relationship like this for many years and we both cycled through periods where we each wanted it to be more or felt that the other person was angling for too much of a connection. I also suspected at times that the situation was preventing me from making a personal, if not physical, connection with anyone else.

    It's funny how our attachments can evolve as our emotional needs fluctuate.

    Good luck, Ender!
     
  3. dolf250

    dolf250 New Member

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    “Friends with benefits, how does it work?”

    Usually, it doesn’t.

    I was going to leave it at that, but then I re-read your post a little more carefully. If you are going to remain friends as well as be physical, is there really any point to breaking up? To me it sounds like the only change in your relationship before the break up and after is that you will be free to date other people.
     
  4. hung9mike

    hung9mike Well-Known Member

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    Hi Ender, I don't have a lot of experience with women :D but I'd run like hell from this proposition. I'm reading between the lines here and assuming you're breaking up with her. And it sounds like she's not OK with this and wants to keep you in her life. A sexual relationship with her will have a significant negative impact on your being able to meet-- and date-- other women. Other women will probably see this situation as one in which you're still involved with her but looking for some action on the side. I don't see any benefit to you in this arrangement if you're serious about breaking up with her.
     
  5. c.dub

    c.dub New Member

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    The short answer: It works as well as you make it.

    Longer answer: Set terms CLEARLY. Make sure she is aware of what is going on, and make sure that you are not leading her on. If she is doing this with the hopes of getting more out of it, then you haven't done your job. Keep it casual, no kissing out of the bedroom, none. No good bye kiss. Keep it light, when she asks, "what are your plans, you going out or what?" and she will ask, be aloof, it's only her business if you want it to be. Do not always be available, this is supposed to be fun, more random than not, pay attention to what she's NOT saying, that's how you'll know if it's working. Lastly, mind her feelings. There is no need to be a dick, it's sex, it's supposed to be fun for both of you. Be honest, be safe, be clear, again, don't be an ass, she deserves better. Lastly, have fun, it is sex afterall.

    It can be done, if it's done right.

    good luck
     
  6. LongNights

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    Friends with benefits never seems to work out as "one" of the party members intends. From my experience, one person is always more emotionally committed than they would actually like to admit and then it turns into an odd situation where the "break up" is even worse.

    Leave as friends and let it be there.

    -LongNights-
     
  7. Average_joe

    Average_joe Member

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    I agree with those that say that it has to be the right person, at the right time.

    My girlfriend broke up with me about 5 months ago, and despite that, we have been having sex on and off during that time. The breakup has been difficult for me to accept on a number of emotional and intellectual levels, but oddly enough, the sex has never been awkward. We've both acknowledged that it's just fun between friends, friends who know each other very well, and trust each other a great deal.

    It has been a great stress relief, and for myself, I think it helped make the breakup easier in some ways. The withdrawl from having companionship can be horrendous, companionship being physical, emotional, and intellectual. The latter two have been difficult for both of us, but the ability to be intimate has eased the pain of loneliness a bit.

    In some ways, we are consoling each other in our breakup. It's weird, and goes against almost all common sense and breakup advice, but it seems to be working. We've already talked it over, and acknowledged that as soon as one of us starts seeing someone, the intimacy is going to end, and we're going back to just being really good friends. Of course, the possibility for something going wrong with this whole relationship still exists, but so far things have been smooth, so I am optimistic.

    What's funny is that right before I came online to read the new posts, she was over at my place and we were making out. The only thing that stopped us from going further was that it was that time of the month.

    Anyhoo, to reiterate. It can work for some people, at some times. If you are going to do it, be careful, and don't get surprised if someone ends up getting burned. I've been lucky.
     
  8. Pene_Negro_Grande

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    Friends w/benefits - really do not know how that works w/an ex because you are coming from an emotional and physical connection to just a physical connection...I guarantee she thinks you guys will get back together...That happened to me w/my ex-girlfriend...I mean after we were broken up for like 3 months she came over to wish me a happy birthday then we had sex and then she was like "What do you think your parents will say now that we are back together"...I quickly told her that just because we had sex doesn't mean we are back together...That was the last night I spoke w/her...I guess she didn't like that...
     
  9. KinkGuy

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    I think gay men are better with this. Men UNDERSTAND sport fucking.
     
  10. jonb

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    FWB basically means you two can have sex, but you don't have to remember your anniversary, and you can date other people.

    How does it work? Not very well.
     
  11. steve319

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    EXACTLY! That's exactly the sort of out-of-nowhere surprises that the situation can create, where both people are on completely different pages with the way things are.

    And don't be surprised if it ends up that you are the one saying the insane thing sometime...
     
  12. titan1968

    titan1968 Active Member

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    What a good answer Pene! You could look at yourself in the mirror and feel proud.

    I have a problem with such arrangements. Sleeping with an ex would be out of the question for me. What other word starts with 'ex'? Ah yes, EXIT. }(
     
  13. dcwrestlefan

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    i've never personally met a woman in my life that would want a "friends with benefits" relationship. that does not mean they don't exist of course.

    like kinkguy said, i think a larger percentage of guys don't mind recreational sex as opposed to women. it seems to work slightly more often for gay/bi guys from what i have seen. :)

    if it does not feel right, don't do it. she sounds like she may have issues.
     
  14. B_hungrick

    B_hungrick New Member

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    "Friends with benefits". I might be able to get into it if I didn't kiss the girl. By the time I realize that I'm really attracted to a girl & want to kiss her & then have sex with her, I think I'm already hooked in some way....emotionally I mean. I've never been able to kiss a girl without caring about her. :*

    I would be interested in finding out how other guys can make out heavily with someone & not feel anything inside. This is a question for all guys whatever your sexual orientation is.
     
  15. madame_zora

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    Aha! I KNEW I was a gay man! I like the friends with benefits arrangement, it's less emotionally draining, but I agree that there are probably very few women who do. I think as long as you are honest about what you want out of it and don't expect more than is being offered, it can be fun.
     
  16. c.dub

    c.dub New Member

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    If you think that only men enjoy sport fucking, I should introduce you to some of the girls I know! The last couple of fuck buddy situations (one Im currently taxing) were initiated by the women. Just be clear with the parameters.
     
  17. Pene_Negro_Grande

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    I can easily separate that...When I have sex I definitely really get into so I definitely do some heavy making out...But I am only into for the moment and can easily move on after that w/o developing an emotional attachment...I guess I am just not a relationship person...I like being able to leave and go as I please w/o worrying about someone else feelings...Too much stress in the world as it is...
     
  18. Pene_Negro_Grande

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    Yeah but do you ever get the feeling that any of these women like you a lot more than just fuck buddies and they are just taking what they can get from you since you may not want more than just fuck buddies...
     
  19. dickbulge

    dickbulge New Member

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    Yeah, gay men are pretty good at the sport fucking thing.

    I can spend the night with a guy indulging in cray, wild sex and exploring everything that is mutually satisfying to us then, happily, send him on his way with a cup of coffee and a swap of telephone numbers.

    Its the "friend" thing that is problematic for me. Good gay relationships are like deep friendships and I have difficulty developing good friendships with people I don't fuck and not developing them with people I do fuck.

    I certainly do have friends I don't sleep with. Even some I've never slept with. But I find I start to feel affectionate toward some guys when I know we'er destined just to be "fuck buds".

    Maybe I've been single too long. Maybe I need to find a girl to be friends with. Any body have a suggestion?

    BTW you st8 guys don't knock basing a romantic relationship on being good friends. Friendships persist long after full heads of hair, iron hard erections, or perky breasts are gone.
     
  20. Pene_Negro_Grande

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    I am definitely at a point where I have a lot of plutonic male and female friends w/no sexual ties at all...I don't like the pressure of trying to impress or trying to sleep w/friends when we go out...On any given Saturday night when I go out w/friends there are 3 to 4 females and about 5 guys that make up my core group of friends that I go out with...
     
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