Friends

Discussion in 'Et Cetera, Et Cetera' started by SpoiledPrincess, Feb 20, 2008.

  1. SpoiledPrincess

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    How may friends do you have? How close are you to them? Do you prefer to have a wide circle of friends or a few very close friends? What are your boundaries re friendship?

    Feel free to waffle on in any way you want.

    I have five very very good friends with whom I have very few boundaries, we can talk to one another about anything and we could ask any favour of each other - but because we're such good friends we try not to, imposing on your friends just because you can shouldn't be part of friendship. I have another wider group that I'd class as acquaintances, I go out in a group with them occasionally, I'd invite them to parties, but I'd never invite them into my bedroom to snuggle while we watch a dvd as I'm quite liable to with my closer friends. I'm very supportive of my friends and they are of me - and sometimes that means telling them things they don't want to hear and listening to things I don't want to hear, honesty is one of the most important things about friendship.
     
  2. Mr. Bungle

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    I tend to have a smaller, more close-knit bunch of friends. I mean, when I was in college, I had my group and everything, but the older I get, the posse has diminished somewhat, and I can think of really only a few friends now I hang out with on a regular basis. I've got a TON of acquaintanes, people I email reguarly or get together for a drink or something every couple of months or so, but I really do value my close friends, and these are people I'm sure I'll remain in contact with for the rest of my life. As for my closest friends, I can tell them literally anything, I have no secrets with them. Acquaintances, not as much - if they ask me how things are going, I usually say "good", or some sort of generic response, even if I'm seriously going thru some rough times. If a close friend asks me how things are, and they're not going well at all, I'll be honest with them, just give them the facts, but not to the point where I'll want anyone to feel sorry for me, because I hate that!! =) even if an acquaintance opens up to me about some sort of "bump in the road", I'll listen - if they trust me to share that information with me, I'll listen and offer my help to the best of my ability.
     
  3. headbang8

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    I have many lifelong frinds from my teens and twenties, and even my early thirties. We were crazy back then; often drunk, both on alcohol and our own wit.

    My life changed. I came out, cut down on drinking, got into therapy, got into support groups. I'm a different person, a less cynical one, happier in his skin and healthier between the ears. My friends noticed, and generally approved of the change.

    I can't say I reciprocate. Many of my friends, even though they settled down considerably, keep up the same neurotic bullshit, craziness and cynicism. I've withdrawn a little from them for the sake of my own sanity, and I don't feel happy about that. Oh, I mantain contact, and remember their kids' birthday and such, but I'm much less open.

    In one's thirties and forties, it's harder to form close friendships (unless it's a relationship, oddly enough.) so I'm kind of bereft of that close-knit circle of five or six life-long friends. I have plenty of good friends. But besides my partner, there's only one, maybe two, with whom I feel I could share candid stuff.

    I do, absolutely, feel something is missing in my life as a result.

    If Sex and the City were based on my life, each episode would be about ten minutes!
     
  4. Hand_Solo

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    I have a few close friends, but I tend to be a loner for the most part.
     
  5. IntoxicatingToxin

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    I have a few people that I hang out with regularly that I would refer to as my best friends. Maybe three or four people?
     
  6. kalipygian

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    I'm pretty involved in the community, and so know quite a few people.
    Somewhat disappointingly, I don't have anyone I talk with very much, or do anything together with.
     
  7. Rugbypup

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    None really, unless someone wants to pick my brain for something they need.

    sigh
     
  8. Hippie Hollow Girl

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    I have a lot of friends that I have made through out my life but it seems like my close circle of friends hasn't always stayed the same due to circumstances out of our control. Like job transfers and moving.....Seems like it is hard to keep talking daily when people move away and try to rebuild their lives in their new homes. I have also had different interest friends and I keep them seperated. I have my nudist friends from the nudist community. I have my neighbor friends (who are very conservative......I made the mistake of telling one female neighbor that I thought was my lifelong friend about being a nudist and because of her reaction I don't ever plan on making that mistake again. She doesn't speak to me or have anything to do with me or my family. But I have also since noticed that she doesn't have anything to do with another family on our street that is from a different country.....But anyways you just never know how someone is going to react to hearing that someone is a social nudist. It did kind of hurt my feelings..... I mean I am a very giving person. I am a good person. And I had been very good to this woman and her family that lived across the street. But I now feel like if she doesn't want to have anything to do with me because she says I am sinning and going to Hell because I am a social nudist than so be it. It is her loss. I believe the important thing is a person's heart and their intentions.....and how they treat other people.

    So, since I am a stay at home mom most of the people that I come into contact with everyday are friends......but they are not soul mate friends.

    So, I am kind of social person that doesn't have any real close friends at the moment. (Except for my husband......but he is my soul mate.....He is the best friend I have ever had in my life)
     
  9. DC_DEEP

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    If I start trying to count them, I know I'll leave someone out.

    I still have very close friends from as far back as about 1971. By very close, I mean that we stay in touch by email and phone on a regular basis; most still live in the general area, but a few of us have moved (geographically) quite a distance away. But those who still live near each other get together on a regular basis. If I'm back for a visit, or if any of them are in my area, we get together.

    There are others whom I have not known as long, but have become close with, nonetheless.

    So, close friends I guess would have to be somewhere in the neighborhood of about 30 or 40. I don't even have an estimate on the casual friends or "acquaintances."

    As far as boundaries, I guess my main thing is that someone has to be (at least mostly) ethical for me to call them friend.
     
  10. DaveyR

    DaveyR Retired Moderator
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    About half a dozen that I would class as close friends and plenty that I would class as acquaintances. Due to moving away to Tenerife 3 years ago I don't see me close friends that regularly but it's just great when we do meet or talk.

    Apart from my soulmate I have only 1 frined that I would class as close here in Tenerife and that is just fine :wink:

    The only real boundary that I would impose on close friends is not lending money. I don't mind if we are out and someone is short or forgets their wallet and wants to borrow say €50-€100 but other than that I will not lend money.
     
  11. Rugbypup

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    I think i get written off as 'nice' by men and women. No one really seems to want to know someone they think of as 'nice'.
     
  12. simcha

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    I have five very close friends with whom I share much. Three of these friends are complete confidants. One of them is back in Chicago. Friends are family to me. I have close relationships with my family and my friends are added to my family. Friends have lasted longer than any boyfriend or lover. I'm grateful for my friends.

    I have other friends who are "good time" friends. These are friends who I see at parties and bars. Also I have acquaintances who I see out and about but I don't know them very well.
     
  13. dong20

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    Very wise. I won't lend anyone money*, other than the trivial stuff such as you mention, but if they renege or I have to hassle, never again. Friends (a handful) - if they need it and I mean need it, and I have it and can spare it, then it's a gift. Otherwise, I'll try and help in other ways.

    * My record on this isn't 100% but very close. Any time I've deviated I've almost always regretted it, mainly because I hated having to ask for repayment from friends, ugh!

    Acquaintances, look elsewhere, sorry. Harsh maybe, but for me, it's easier that way and everyone knows where they stand.
     
  14. DaveyR

    DaveyR Retired Moderator
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    That sums me up completely too. Lending money can swiftly end an otherwise great friendship :wink:
     
  15. simcha

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    Yes, I don't lend money to friends at all, ever. If I have enough to give then I will. There's nothing like debt to ruin a friendship.
     
  16. ClaireTalon

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    The closest circle of friends are the seven girls that have gone through flight training with me, and we are very close. We meet every year for a week in may and head to the Gulf coast for a week of nothing but fun, and usually those are wild weeks; I won't give you the details now. That is part of the thing of these weeks: What happens remains within the seven of us. So you can see, we are very close, and the boundaries are very far away (No, guys: We don't have lesbian sex!).

    Those aside I still have many other friends, mostly men and women my military service has gotten me in contact with. Former crew members that range from Airmen, over Sgt's to other officers, however, the contact to them is more on an irregular base, but they're still all in my address book.
     
  17. frizzle

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    According to facebook I have 134 friends.
     
  18. whatireallywant

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    I didn't have any friends who didn't later turn on me and stab me in the back until I was in my thirties.

    I now have two or three fairly close friends, but they live far away from me. I have a lot of acquaintances, but I don't have enough in common with them for them to ever be close friends.
     
  19. SpoiledPrincess

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    My best friend and I have been friends since we were 4 - that's a fairly hefty 45 years :)
     
  20. Not_Punny

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    My friends are my kids and family.

    I haven't had "close friends" for many years. I used to be heavily involved in a very closed-minded religion, and almost everyone I grew up with is still in that religion. They would turn over in their future graves if they knew I posted nudie pics, had threesomes, and thought outside the box. :eek:

    And because I'm a writer/illustrator, I spend vast amounts of time alone with the creatures inside my imagination.

    It does make me weirder than the average homo satan. :rolleyes:
     
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