Friendship and feelings

[Dragon88]

I have gotten close to this boy and we had a fantastic night together. He said he loved me and I said the same back. But after that night, he says he only wants to be friends and nothing more, because he doesn't have feelings for me.

This is incredibly hard for me. I like him a lot and I want something more than just friendship, which makes it difficult, since we feel different about each other. But on the other hand, I would also like to stay in touch, since he makes me feel good.

So what should I do? Stay in friendship with someone you might fall in love with and end up incredibly hurt, or leave him now to spare myself the pain?

 

[justine]

Sorry you have to deal with such an issue. Experience has taught me staying in a relationship where the love one of one is not equal from the other is very hurtful. Yes the sex part is okay but the loneliness of not having the one you love next to you at night or for the future is very sad. It has been two years I have been in such a relationship and honestly at times wished I never stayed involved on the level that I am. Just dont hurt yourself friend for when you truly love someone and the love is not returned it is painful.

 

[IntoxicatingToxin]

I was in this situation. I had to take a break from the guy. I tried my best to stay his friend and fall out of love with him, but after a couple years, it just wasn't happening, and it kept hurting more. I just told him how I felt, and said I was gonna step away for a while, and he supported me in that. Now he and I are still great friends, I adore him, but I'm not in love with him!

 

[curioustitan]

Ugh! This is so hard to read, as i've been in exactly the same (well, similar anyway) situation. I feel really bad for you.
A big problem you might encounter with your continued friendship, is 'what if he finds someone else?'.
Believe me, nothing is quite so hard as watching someone you love, love someone else.
I've loved exactly 3 people, and each one is a personal story of heartache. One is currently in France, the other is up country from me and i've just heard that the other has recently gotten engaged.
If you can maintain a healthy friendship with this person and not get hurt, then good for you as true friendships are just as hard to come by. But be careful in guarding your heart.

 

[curioustitan]

"i know nothing stays the same,
but if you're willing to play the game,
it's coming around again.
So don't mind if i fall apart,
there's more room in a broken heart"

"And i believe in love,
but what else can i do,
i'm so in love with you."

The chorus and a verse from one of the most poignant and heartfelt Carly Simon songs (one of my favorites anyway) i've ever heard. Give it a listen sometime...she 'gets it'. (Carly Simon: Coming around again). It's both somber and inspiring.

 

[boibitch87]

It's a really tough situation. Take some time and create a little bit of space between the two of you. Hopefully a little bit of distance will be a good thing. If it's just a crush or a physical attraction, those things can go away with time. If it's more, there's a chance it may never go away, and you'll never lose the "what if" in your brain.

If he means a lot to you, then you're going to have to try to find a way to keep him in your life without being able to act on any romantic or sexual feelings you have for him. It's tough, but the only thing that will help is time.

 

[Dragon88]

I told him how I felt and said that I couldn't imagine just friendship with him and that it would be very difficult for me to stay in that kind of relationship. So he ended everything... :frown1:

 

[killerb]

I told him how I felt and said that I couldn't imagine just friendship with him and that it would be very difficult for me to stay in that kind of relationship. So he ended everything... :frown1:

it is probably for the best...

better that you mourn a lost friendship now than to have been tortured with unrequited feelings for who knows how long?

and now you'll be free to let someone else into your life who can return those feelings...

 

[B_Hung Jon]

I don't have any answer for you. I fell very hard for a girl in senior year of high school. We both felt the same about each other. We ended up making plans to be together as much as we could during the summer before college. But then something went terribly wrong and we eventually broke up. Seriously I thought I would die from the pain of it. So did she. Over the last 7 years we occasionally run into each other since we live in the same town. Sometimes it feels great to see her. Other times it still hurts to some degree. I'd say now that it was a learning experience. Problem is, we're both still learning from it. I wish you well.

 

[B_RedDude]

But will they necessarily, even if it's "just a crush or a physical attraction"?

It's amazing how common these types of situations seem to be, just from seeing them be related on this site.

Having been there, I can imagine few things as emotionally painful.

If it's just a crush or a physical attraction, those things can go away with time.

 

[B_curiousme01]

I have gotten close to this boy and we had a fantastic night together. He said he loved me and I said the same back. But after that night, he says he only wants to be friends and nothing more, because he doesn't have feelings for me.

This is incredibly hard for me. I like him a lot and I want something more than just friendship, which makes it difficult, since we feel different about each other. But on the other hand, I would also like to stay in touch, since he makes me feel good.

So what should I do? Stay in friendship with someone you might fall in love with and end up incredibly hurt, or leave him now to spare myself the pain?

He has told you how he feels. Try to spare yourself the pain and find someone who likes you as much as you like them. It might be painful now, but if you remain friendly, he might use you and then you'll feel even worse. Don't hurt yourself. He's not worth it. That's my opinion anyways. Best wishes for happy things your way.