Friendship And Sexual Desires

SSS79

Superior Member
Verified
Gold
Joined
Jun 22, 2017
Posts
1,018
Media
47
Likes
2,708
Points
283
Age
44
Verification
View
Sexuality
100% Straight, 0% Gay
Gender
Male
There is a thread in the "Ask a Straight Man" section that asks: can a straight man make an honest friendship with gay men?"
First I think the same question can be fairly asked to straight women ( and gay women too, I think) Can you have an honest friendship with gay women?
And, similarily, and more importantly: can you have honest, strictly friendship with straight men?!
I decided to post these questions here, because I believe it's a more of a general human question: Can there be "friendship" where there is some sexual interest (or potential at least) from one side (or both sides in case of gay-gay friendship)? How would any sexual interest affect this friendship on both sides?
I know several issues can be discussed here, it's more of a complex issue. friends with benefits? and how is that kind of relationship different from normal sex partners? would it offend you to know that a male friend of yours (or a gay woman friend) thought of you sexually and just accepted the idea of friendship waiting for the door to open someday?! do you think that straight men can shut down their sexual interest and keep it purely friendship with you?!
Just give the women perspective on the issue in general, or any specific part as you please.
 

LaFemme

Mythical Member
Staff
Moderator
Verified
Gold
Platinum Gold
Joined
Aug 16, 2010
Posts
40,788
Media
2
Likes
38,876
Points
743
Location
Canada
Sexuality
90% Straight, 10% Gay
Gender
Female
I’ve had quite a few LGBTQ2S friends. I’ve never really noticed any difference with the women - friendship is friendship. If any one of them was harbouring a secret crush on me, I never caught on. Well, one told me she’d date me if I wasn’t straight, but that’s as far as that went. We’re still close friends.

I have a lot of straight male friends, always have. And maybe it’s just me, my personality or something, but I’ve never felt any sexual tension with them, either. Occasionally, I might idly wonder what it would be like to date them, but never in a serious way. Usually my male friends are attached, so I don’t know what goes on in their minds, but it’s been pretty clear (so far) that there is nothing but coffee and good talks between us.

If someone has been waiting for the door to open, I’ve never been aware of that fact. It might bother me if someone was waiting for that to happen. I don’t think I could continue the friendship if I didn’t feel the same way. It wouldn’t be fair to them.
 
  • Like
Reactions: SSS79

Scarletbegonia

Worshipped Member
Gold
Platinum Gold
Joined
May 2, 2013
Posts
8,325
Media
26
Likes
23,654
Points
508
Location
Purgatory (Maine, United States)
Sexuality
Asexual
Gender
Female
I am a redhead. I’m either catnip/kryptonite, or a fart in a crowded elevator, sexually.

Thus, I do have straight guys I’m positive are only friends. Because I’m what they fear. as for the others who are neutral to pro redhead, I’ve only had a few sticky situations.
The decision to remain friends is always based on how the person dealing with the attraction behaves. Make it my issue and I’m gone.
 
  • Like
Reactions: confidential36
4

4388301

Guest
Have friends of all sorts. Is only the immature/idiots who can't separate libido from friendship. Had friends who were interested in me but no feels on my side. Been interested in friends but no feels on their side. Has not been an issue for decades. Can have interest without being a creep or anything else bad about it and that is ok. Can't stop people from develop feelings, just is how one behaves about it.
 

ChanelleNo5

Mythical Member
Joined
Jul 3, 2019
Posts
655
Media
167
Likes
27,544
Points
488
Location
Encinitas (California, United States)
Sexuality
50% Straight, 50% Gay
Gender
Female
I've had plenty of straight guy friends. Had a few that turned out to not want to be just friends, and a few that I didn't just want to be friends with. Can't really speak on girls as I haven't been friends with many that weren't straight and they assumed I was strictly straight.

Being bisexual it is all about attraction. I think it is more difficult if you're attracted to the person because duh.
 
  • Like
Reactions: SSS79 and lms28

SSS79

Superior Member
Verified
Gold
Joined
Jun 22, 2017
Posts
1,018
Media
47
Likes
2,708
Points
283
Age
44
Verification
View
Sexuality
100% Straight, 0% Gay
Gender
Male
Have friends of all sorts. Is only the immature/idiots who can't separate libido from friendship. Had friends who were interested in me but no feels on my side. Been interested in friends but no feels on their side. Has not been an issue for decades. Can have interest without being a creep or anything else bad about it and that is ok. Can't stop people from develop feelings, just is how one behaves about it.

ok, so let me ask you this: do you think having "just feelings" (or some sexual desires) will not have any affect on this friendship ralationship? you said you have been interested in friends before, didn't this affect the friendship in any way? doesn't having a one-way interest is kind of frustrating and discomforting? should the friend having feelings/interests be honest at some point about this? or just keep hiding it away? how would you respond if told that your friend had other interests in you? Is it good (fair) to have feelings/desires for someone and just act that there is nothing?!
of course I agree that as long as these feelings do not turn into stupid behavior it should not be a big of a problem, but for the person who has these feelings...wouldn't you feel pity for him/her?! should he consider speaking out the truth and risk losing this friend?, or maybe just end this friendship as it's too much for him/her to keep going suppressing his feelings?!
 

SSS79

Superior Member
Verified
Gold
Joined
Jun 22, 2017
Posts
1,018
Media
47
Likes
2,708
Points
283
Age
44
Verification
View
Sexuality
100% Straight, 0% Gay
Gender
Male
I've had plenty of straight guy friends. Had a few that turned out to not want to be just friends, and a few that I didn't just want to be friends with. Can't really speak on girls as I haven't been friends with many that weren't straight and they assumed I was strictly straight.

Being bisexual it is all about attraction. I think it is more difficult if you're attracted to the person because duh.

There is a conviction among many people (men and women) that most straight men usually "don't just want to be friends"! Do you mostly agree to this?
How did this kind of "attraction" affect your frindships? Is it more probable to end the relation all together, or more likely to develop into some kind of mutual attraction or friends with benefits?
 
4

4388301

Guest
ok, so let me ask you this: do you think having "just feelings" (or some sexual desires) will not have any affect on this friendship ralationship? you said you have been interested in friends before, didn't this affect the friendship in any way? doesn't having a one-way interest is kind of frustrating and discomforting? should the friend having feelings/interests be honest at some point about this? or just keep hiding it away? how would you respond if told that your friend had other interests in you? Is it good (fair) to have feelings/desires for someone and just act that there is nothing?!
of course I agree that as long as these feelings do not turn into stupid behavior it should not be a big of a problem, but for the person who has these feelings...wouldn't you feel pity for him/her?! should he consider speaking out the truth and risk losing this friend?, or maybe just end this friendship as it's too much for him/her to keep going suppressing his feelings?!

No, because am rational adult. If didn't know how they would feel about throwing some sex in the mix, would talk to them (better to know than wonder/regret imo). Most my social groups are mellow about casual sex, even if is not their thing. Have had casual sex with several friends. Friendship isn't changed. Ppl who had no interest, I might casually lust for many people who don't even know I exist. End result is pretty much the same. Not gonna throw myself at someone and expect that they should reciprocate how I feel just because am horny. Less so in recent years, but makes no difference. Me being horny is no fault of theirs. Rub one out and move on. No frustration or discomfort. Monogamish now, so folk know any lusting they do is their own thing, not mine. Single masqued? Might be game on. Not relevant now tho.

Have had many people into me that I was not into. Some made ass out of themselves, getting mad at me. Not my fault I don't have those feels for them. Getting mad at me = no more friendship, so they lose everything. Lust if mutual might mean some casual smash. If true feels, love, much worse/harder. Then I feel bad/pity if not reciprocated. Still have to come correct/not make it a problem for people when is not their issue, though. Cannot, will not try to manipulate person into love. Have loved when it was not returned. Hurts but is my issue, not theirs. In that scenario I tend to keep quiet, yes. Act like normal until is normal and have moved on.

^ all just my view. Not say how other ppl should be, necessarily.
 

SSS79

Superior Member
Verified
Gold
Joined
Jun 22, 2017
Posts
1,018
Media
47
Likes
2,708
Points
283
Age
44
Verification
View
Sexuality
100% Straight, 0% Gay
Gender
Male
No, because am rational adult. If didn't know how they would feel about throwing some sex in the mix, would talk to them (better to know than wonder/regret imo). Most my social groups are mellow about casual sex, even if is not their thing. Have had casual sex with several friends. Friendship isn't changed. Ppl who had no interest, I might casually lust for many people who don't even know I exist. End result is pretty much the same. Not gonna throw myself at someone and expect that they should reciprocate how I feel just because am horny. Less so in recent years, but makes no difference. Me being horny is no fault of theirs. Rub one out and move on. No frustration or discomfort. Monogamish now, so folk know any lusting they do is their own thing, not mine. Single masqued? Might be game on. Not relevant now tho.

Have had many people into me that I was not into. Some made ass out of themselves, getting mad at me. Not my fault I don't have those feels for them. Getting mad at me = no more friendship, so they lose everything. Lust if mutual might mean some casual smash. If true feels, love, much worse/harder. Then I feel bad/pity if not reciprocated. Still have to come correct/not make it a problem for people when is not their issue, though. Cannot, will not try to manipulate person into love. Have loved when it was not returned. Hurts but is my issue, not theirs. In that scenario I tend to keep quiet, yes. Act like normal until is normal and have moved on.

^ all just my view. Not say how other ppl should be, necessarily.

Thanks for your response.
you certainly have peace with yourself, and tend to deal with such issues in a very "rational adult" way. I guess it's good for you I hope
 
  • Like
Reactions: 4388301