Friendship (just friendship) with gay men

[hungbull90]

Curiosity always kicks in [album=medium]169393[/album]

 

[cufflinks]

I have to admit it thrills me to be fancied, be it by boy or girl, and having gay friends increases the chances of that occurring while my own hetero tendencies would curb things going any further. Perhaps it's a bit cruel toward homosexual friends, but then, I also have female friends, and there is always a danger of falling in love there, too.

So, I think for me, it boils down to people will be people, and you can have sexual interference without warning with a lot of them at any time. Better not worry too much about it.

 

[Hatt_101]

This is kind of off topic I guess but it seems like people talk about everything here. I am with another dude for a long time and have plenty of friends, and in most situations people either meet us together or through other friends, so it's not an issue. However I'm a lot more social than he is and because of my interests (live music, my gym, my local bar) a lot of the guys I interact with socially end up being straight, or at least present as such. And in one way it seems better to make friends with straight guys so there is no confusion about motive... except if there is.

There are guys who I would like to get to know better, strictly as friends, but i'm so freaking awkward about it because I know at some point this conversation is going to come up. Even though I don't act flirty or whatever, in my head if you start trying to chat up another guy, he's going to think something's up. One one hand I don't want to be going *handshake* "hi I like dudes, wanna spot me on this lift?" and on the other hand if I start to hit it off with someone I don't want to then have them think i was hiding it.

So I guess my questions are: 1.) If a guy you don't know seems to be making an effort to know you, do suspect his motives, and 2.) if you were on the other side of this equation, would you rather they just said something right away or would you be cool about if they waited until the conversation went in that direction?

Thx in advance

1) if a guy was making an effort to be friends no i would not suspect he was gay assuming he wasn't the stereotypical gay guy. But I don't like people that try to force friendships it just is annoying

2) no there's no need to say anything about them being gay that's none of my business. I doubt it would come up in general either. I don't need to know who you are sexually attracted to when meeting new people

 

[554279]

my experience real friends usually just happen

 

[twoton]

So I guess my questions are: 1.) If a guy you don't know seems to be making an effort to know you, do suspect his motives, and 2.) if you were on the other side of this equation, would you rather they just said something right away or would you be cool about if they waited until the conversation went in that direction?

Thx in advance

1) Yes. I do. And it's not because of gay or straight. It's because I can be sort suspicious of others' motives when they're too forwardly friendly. Don't get chummy with me until I know you pretty well. I don't have very many friends.

2) If a new acquaintance said,"Nice to meet you. I'm gay," I'd think he was weird. I'd prefer that it come up in natural conversation. Like, I'd ask, "How was your weekend?" And he'd say, "My partner and I went bowling..." or something like that.

[edit: I guess the bowling thing would be more likely if they're lesbians. If it were a guy, it would be, "My partner and I went antiquing."]

 

[Jake1973]

1) Yes. I do. And it's not because of gay or straight. It's because I can be sort suspicious of others' motives when they're too forwardly friendly. Don't get chummy with me until I know you pretty well. I don't have very many friends.

2) If a new acquaintance said,"Nice to meet you. I'm gay," I'd think he was weird. I'd prefer that it come up in natural conversation. Like, I'd ask, "How was your weekend?" And he'd say, "My partner and I went bowling..." or something like that.

[edit: I guess the bowling thing would be more likely if they're lesbians. If it were a guy, it would be, "My partner and I went antiquing."]

I'd be more likely to be bowling... actually I'd be more likely to be in a mosh pit.

 

[wnjcwjkk]

This is kind of off topic I guess but it seems like people talk about everything here. I am with another dude for a long time and have plenty of friends, and in most situations people either meet us together or through other friends, so it's not an issue. However I'm a lot more social than he is and because of my interests (live music, my gym, my local bar) a lot of the guys I interact with socially end up being straight, or at least present as such. And in one way it seems better to make friends with straight guys so there is no confusion about motive... except if there is.

There are guys who I would like to get to know better, strictly as friends, but i'm so freaking awkward about it because I know at some point this conversation is going to come up. Even though I don't act flirty or whatever, in my head if you start trying to chat up another guy, he's going to think something's up. One one hand I don't want to be going *handshake* "hi I like dudes, wanna spot me on this lift?" and on the other hand if I start to hit it off with someone I don't want to then have them think i was hiding it.

So I guess my questions are: 1.) If a guy you don't know seems to be making an effort to know you, do suspect his motives, and 2.) if you were on the other side of this equation, would you rather they just said something right away or would you be cool about if they waited until the conversation went in that direction?

Thx in advance

I wouldn't think anything of it at all. I've had many times where this has happened, a gay guy has tried to get to know me, and we became friends. I think, especially in today's culture, people for the most part are More accepting and cool about it.

I've had one bi friend I used to hang out with, who lived at a duplex with a gay couple. One night, we were all hanging out, drinking, and it wound up being just me and one of the gay guys, drunk as hell, listening to music. We stayed up talking til like 3 in the morning, I threw up in his pool lol.

Wasn't anything weird about it, except the next day I thought about how his partner kept coming outside and seemed to be a little perturbed, and once I thought about it sober, I bet it was because he thought there was something going on

But nothing wrong with trying to make new friends, regardless of sexuality or gender identity. I would think most people who are comfortable with themselves would be comfortable with such a thing. We seem to be moving in that direction anyways, but we don't live in an ideal, open minded world, you never know with some people's perception. It's kinda like bringing up politics or religion with some people, they just aren't open minded yet