Friendships, And "rape Culture"

Draconis71

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Told a friend a few days ago, how I liked her look, and, found her attractive.
She's gone a complete 180 from that look...
Reason being she's seen me get get my pants pulled down on public transport 2 or so years ago and is afraid I may take my way with her. Social media: I'm now blocked, and, still shocked. Mainly with the threat to tazer my face and dick.
(Yes, she's one to often post about "rape culture". Has our society become this fucking bad???)
I'm guessing her complaint was cause she was raped/hurt by a well-endowed ex
 
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LaFemme

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Your endowment likely has little to do with it, but a previous rape does leave one quite raw emotionally for years, and sometimes for a lifetime. You don’t get over rape, especially when you were violated by someone you trust.

Your comment triggered her, it doesn’t matter what your intent was, and I’m sure you meant it as a compliment. Usually telling a friend, “I find you attractive” is kind of creepy if it’s a platonic relationship. Maybe you said, “you look attractive”, either way, it wasn’t really cool. I don’t know if you can understand that. There’s no need for men to comment on our looks unless they are in a relationship with us. Please don’t tell us we look pretty, hot, amazing, or anything else unless we’re on a date or in a relationship.
 

Tight_N_Juicy

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That's an oddly rigid policy.

Actually, it seems completely reasonable to me.

I don't comment on the looks of people I find attractive just for the sake of it. Because I treat people how I want to be treated.

I suppose that's part of the disconnect, I'm sure some of the men who randomly comment on a woman's looks would welcome a compliment on their looks from a woman.
 

rtg

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Not really. Why the need to comment on a woman’s appearance?
I find it really odd when men, especially colleagues, comment on my appearance. Sometimes they will say “you look nice today”. I feel like saying “do I look like shit every other day?”. I take pride in my appearance and put a lot of effort into it.

A couple of years ago I had a male boss say to me “you look Christmassy today”.... it was the end of the year and I was wearing a red outfit. Apparently that means Christmas? It didn’t feel like a compliment. Why the need to even comment?

The only time I find it acceptable is if it’s a really good friend who might give me a simple compliment (nothing creepy like “you look attractive”), a close family member (again, nothing creepy) or a significant other or fwb (if I had one).
 

TexanStar

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Told a friend a few days ago, how I liked her look, and, found her attractive.
She's gone a complete 180 from that look...
Reason being she's seen me get get my pants pulled down on public transport 2 or so years ago and is afraid I may take my way with her. Social media: I'm now blocked, and, still shocked. Mainly with the threat to tazer my face and dick.
(Yes, she's one to often post about "rape culture". Has our society become this fucking bad???)
I'm guessing her complaint was cause she was raped/hurt by a well-endowed ex

You sound like a creep so it's not really surprising.
 

Tight_N_Juicy

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Seems to be the given norm, now, that when a guy compliments someone, it is at his own risk...

You know what my risk is? That you'll be a dangerous piece of shit who wants to hurt me or use me sexually.

I'd say your struggle is a little less fucked.

And yeah, you're probably a complete creep. That's why you get shut down. You may not know what makes you creepy, but even just what you typed in this thread. Creeped me the fuck out.
 

TexanStar

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You know what my risk is? That you'll be a dangerous piece of shit who wants to hurt me or use me sexually.

I'd say your struggle is a little less fucked.

And yeah, you're probably a complete creep. That's why you get shut down. You may not know what makes you creepy, but even just what you typed in this thread. Creeped me the fuck out.

Pretty sure "I'm guessing she got raped by a guy with a big dick once" is the jeopardy answer to the question "What's something a total creep would guess is the reason he got turned down for a date"
 

AlteredEgo

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Please don’t tell us we look pretty, hot, amazing, or anything else unless we’re on a date or in a relationship.
Unless you're in the group of friends who are present while she is getting excited about a date she's going on. I had a platonic friend I used to work out with. I would go to his house to do push-ups and squats and lift weights before a date so I would be swole. Sometimes I got ready at his house. His mom made the best coffee. She learned it from him, but I digress. It wasn't creepy if he told me I looked fantastic when I was getting ready to go on a date I was nervous and excited about.

He might also be present if I had a group of my homegirls over to help me get ready for a date. This usually involves a fashion show. Trying on different outfits and seeing how they look, and how I feel in them. It's not creepy then either.

He has also made comments about my progress working out. But that's kind of what your workout buddy does.

Any other time? It would have been weird for him to comment on my body. I'm not saying I would throw away over two decades of friendship over an inappropriate remark. But it would be weird.
 

shard38

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Not really. Why the need to comment on a woman’s appearance?

I don’t get it? Couldn’t it be just a well-meant compliment sometimes? Had a co-worker complimenting me today on my jacket. People tell me often enough “you look tired today” or “you look stressed today”. So it’s nice to sometimes get a “you look good today”.
 
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