I meant to add my interpretation of the scratch-out of the word "ego"... I think she was probably going to write something like "ego-shattering" but downgraded it to "irritating" because she wanted to downplay the importance of her preference for big cock over a meaningful relationship.
If you really read and analyze and re-read this letter as I have many times in the decades since this happened and she wrote it, you find someone who exemplified the direction things later went with women's attitudes toward men and toward cock size in specific. It has become much more "normalized" now for women to behave and think like Alex did.
I predict it will continue to go this way into the future. I didn't realize it back then, but she probably to a great degree wanted me to continue the relationship with her and would have been making a habit of bringing big dicks home and blowing them right in front of me. At that time, I naturally said, "Forget that!" and went and found a woman who loved me and my body and we had great sex for some years and it gradually kind of mellowed out and we became like most other married couples, still very in love and affectionate but not much sex. We went a different direction where I became bisexualized by my new partner rather than her being that cold (or seemingly cold, since the letter indicates a lot more was going on under the surface) about my feelings. The new partner, whom I married and have stayed with all these years, decades, liked the idea that I was so turned on by big cocks. Alex probably sensed this and liked using it to tease the shit out of me and make me envious, but by doing it right in front of me instead of cheating behind my back she was essentially sharing the experience with me indirectly. My wife (then gf) when we were first together truly preferred my size to huge (she has a very small vagina and said it made her too sore, and she left a guy with 11 inches--whom I used to see in the college showers so I knew she was not BS'ing me about him) was still intrigued and empathetic about how turned on I was by big dicks, and liberated me from my homophobia to "give it a try," as she urged when I had gay guys cruising me in the college locker room and showers all the time. She wanted me to experience it directly, Alex I think wanted me to experience it indirectly. Both versions were hot and exciting and a great experience.
With Alex, I wonder how it would have proceeded if I had been mentally and emotionally ready to enjoy watching the free live sex shows in our own bedroom or living room or kitchen or wherever else she would have been dropping to her knees and devouring every inch of big, hot, huge, hard dicks to satisfy her needs. And would it have led to me finally getting over my homophobia and trying it with them myself as I did with my later-to-be wife. In some ways, the Alex version is hotter.
But the relationship part--that would have driven me crazy and been constantly frustrating and unhappy, so I think I did the right thing. If Alex is out there, though, and wants to start posting detailed accounts and images of the many big-dick experiences she no doubt had after we lost contact, I would welcome them here!
As fate would have it, 4 years after this ending with her, we happened to become friends with a college student who had happened to live in a large house near campus with Alex before we met him. It was one of those big houses they would split up into many rooms and rent out to students and share the kitchen, bathrooms, etc. This friend had known us for almost a year before I ran across a photo of her, showed it to him and he said, "Hey! That's Alex [and her last name]! SHE LIVED IN THE HOUSE I WAS IN BEFORE I KNEW YOU GUYS!" I swear to God I told him NOTHING about her except that she had lived with me a few years earlier, and that I thought I was going to marry her. He added quickly, "SHE HAD A REALLY WEIRD BOYFRIEND WHO LIVED IN THE HOUSE WITH HER. HE HAD THE BIGGEST COCK ANYONE HAD EVER SEEN."
I wish I had asked him how he knew. Had he seen the guy in the shower there? Was Alex somehow showing off her boyfriend's dick to everyone, maybe getting him more than half hard so it showed blatantly through his clothes?? It was a weird thing to hear that and I was so bowled over by it, I didn't think to ask this question. But the fact that he reported it...WOW. And the fact that out of tens of thousands of students in a big city, this friend happened to have lived in the same house as her and seen this--it often made me think all this was "meant" to happen in my life, that it was a big central part of my FATE to experience all this awareness and consciousness about the whole idea. And probably to "deal with it" for some cosmic reason or set of reasons...
As my avatar would say, "Fascinating."