frustrated... Help!

Epistasia

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Well, his best friend is one of the bar tenders and when bands play he runs the mixing board. In fact he is at the bar more often than I am. We do have a rather peculiar relationship when you think about it, but it has worked without serious conflict for more than five years. I know that relatively speaking that isn't a long time but we are, for the most part, completely compatible. The people that have known us our whole lives say that we were definitely made for each other and even he says that a poor judgment call made while intoxicated isn't grounds for calling off the wedding.

When I initially posted I was drunk and confused; just like I was when I decided to make out with my friend. I take full resposibility for my mistakes but I only answer to one man. If I make a mistake and he forgives me, then I take that as an opportunity to make sure that I never make the same mistake again and I know that the feeling is mutual. Up until now, neither he nor I have made any mistakes serious enough to wonder if we would be forgiven by the other. The fact that I questioned weather or not I would be forgiven caused me to think really hard about my motivation to make the decision I did. I am not so selfish as to put such an amazing man through marriage if I though that I was taking him for granted. I'm just not the kind of girl that thinks she's god's gift to men. I consider myself lucky to be with someone as willing to help me be a better person as I am for him.

The bottom line is, even when I was drunk, it didn't require a big dramatic argument to show me that I made a poor decision out of spite and selfishness. I feel very lucky to be forgiven. I don't see this as an opportunity to take advantage of him, I see a man who deserves the best wife a woman can be and I am thankful for that opportunity. I am going to show him that he picked the right chick because I know I picked the right man!

Not to sound defensive or anything.:biggrin1:

Britt
 

LongTimeComing

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Britt, your fiance may be the most amazing guy and all, and maybe you feel lucky to have him, but I detect a disturbing note in your posts. It seems as though you are willing to subjugate your own wants and needs out of deference to this guy. Which to a certain degree is OK, as everything in life is a compromise. The disturbing thing I sense is that you feel you HAVE TO bend yourself to his desires, that he is so amazing (and you are not) that you are afraid to lose him (and he is not afraid to lose you) and that he is sensible (and you are not) etc... You should make sure you know who you are, and make sure you value yourself more than anyone else before you embark on marriage. I haven't said this very effectively, I hope you get what I mean.
 

IrishGirl

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1) He said that he knows that I want to put a show on for him but he feels that it may not be as sexy to him to see me with anyone else than I think it should be.

2) I feel selfish saying this but I want to have sex with my friend really badly, and on top of that I want to see my fiancé fuck her too.

3) I don't know if I'm looking for advice or if I just want to vent.

4) All I can think about is how many guys would love to be with two girls (not to mention that my friend is hot as f-ing hell), but then I think about the fact that I don't want to be with any of those guys, I want my man.

5) I just need to hear from an outside source if any of my feelings are justified.

I don't know how to do the multi quote thing, so I had to break up your post. Sorry to have to do it essay style.

1) He knows how far he is willing to go and what does and does not excite him. He knows his limits, and is honest and direct about them. Respect that. You don't have to agree with it, but if you want to continue in this relationship, you will need to accept that and abide by it. If you can't, then maybe this is not the man for you.

2) Selfish isn't the right word. You just have different sexual tastes and turn-ons than he does. You want things that he doesn't. You want him to do things that he doesn't want to do.

3) What you really want is someone to tell you it's ok and give you a game plan on how to get him to see things your way, lol.

4) There are people out there who think having someone shit in their mouth is really hot. What turns one person on doesn't necessarily turn on another. What you want is a common male fantasy, but it's not his fantasy.

5) I'm not sure what feelings you mean. You want a sexual activity that he doesn't. Wanting or not wanting to engage in that activity doesn't make either one of you right or wrong. What you do have to do is agree on your sex life, especially if you are going to be married.

You want to have sex with other people. You want him to have sex with other people. He just wants to have sex with you. If he doesn't mind, maybe a "don't ask, don't tell" agreement would be right for the two of you. Finding a woman who has a boyfriend or husband who wants to watch you have sex with her won't be hard. Finding other solo women to have sex with shouldn't be hard either. You could also compromise by watching girl on girl porn or by buying a real doll. Pricey, but cheaper than a divorce.

Whatever you do, don't do anything behind his back. No one deserves to be treated like that, and the dishonesty will bleed over into other parts of your relationship.