Fuck Buddies = Minefield?

[B_ScaredLittleBoy]

How do you feel about fuck buddies? More specifically the relationships that become nothing but one night stands.

Someone who I idealistically love but who realistically and in all reality is not right for me and doesn't actually care for me in any way shape or form loves to have one night stands with me.

What she doesn't like is ANY verbal contact inbetween. In fact she doesn't answer the phone when I ring. Of course its okay for her to ring me unannounced and for her to put the phone down without warning.

Anyway my point is - can you handle the fuck buddy relationship? Is part of the dynamic always that someone will want more than the other? Is it normal for fuck buddies not to talk at all unless they want sex? Because that seems really bizarre and cruel to me.

The funny thing is I'm a guy and she's a girl. And usually the girls get attached and the guys are indifferent.

"lol"

So what is YOUR experience or opinion of the fuck buddy 'relationship'?

 

[midlifebear]

Fuck buddy relationships are just fine. If you're not emotionally adult to cope with them, then don't get involved with them.

 

[B_ScaredLittleBoy]

It just doesn't appeal to me...I only agreed/participated in this casual relationship/sex thinking thinking/hoping she'd want to go out with me.

I can get sex anywhere. I can buy it, I could even sell it. What I can't get is some compassion and someone who cares about me. Or at least likes me more than they like my cock.

*sigh*

So fuck buddy relationships are the norm/common these days?

 

[OCMuscleJock]

FUCK BUDDIES ARE BEST!!!! You know where the relationship stands...you both get what you want and there are no strings. HOWEVER, I like friends/fuck buds... that way you can do other things instead of fucking around...but if the fucking around happens...it happens...and they do care about ya cuz they are your friend too.

IE: Friends with benefits! *and I ain't talkin' 401k!*

For gay guys..its easier I guess.

 

[B_josh762]

It takes both parties to agree about the rules of the fuck buddy system. All str8 and bi and gay fuck buddy systems should have rules and agreements. The first agreement is not to become attached emotionally. Sometimes that is the hardest rule to follow.

 

[prince_will]

geez, sounds like she's just objectifying you. i think that the whole fuck buddy thing would be cool for a while, but then it will just get more and more complicated.

if one of you guys gets a girlfriend/boyfriend, is it immediately over?

i don't think any human contact can really be stable if there's only sex, but i've never done the whole fuck buddy thing.

 

[bguy]

It just doesn't appeal to me...

So fuck buddy relationships are the norm/common these days?

If you don't like it, don't do it. Why do you need to know what other people are doing?

 

[rawbone8]

How do you feel about fuck buddies? More specifically the relationships that become nothing but one night stands.

Someone who I idealistically love but who realistically and in all reality is not right for me and doesn't actually care for me in any way shape or form loves to have one night stands with me.

What she doesn't like is ANY verbal contact inbetween. In fact she doesn't answer the phone when I ring. Of course its okay for her to ring me unannounced and for her to put the phone down without warning.

Anyway my point is - can you handle the fuck buddy relationship? Is part of the dynamic always that someone will want more than the other? Is it normal for fuck buddies not to talk at all unless they want sex? Because that seems really bizarre and cruel to me.

The funny thing is I'm a guy and she's a girl. And usually the girls get attached and the guys are indifferent.

"lol"

So what is YOUR experience or opinion of the fuck buddy 'relationship'?

Simply put, the imbalance is the problem. You could "idealistically love" her? She has no illusions about that, and neither should you. If you respect yourself, don't put yourself out there where you are uncomfortable. You would be more at ease to admit your feelings are inappropriate for this type of relationship.

She may be blunt to the point of rudeness about it, but at the least, she is being honest.

In my limited experience, I wouldn't want to regularly fuck someone with whom I couldn't spend a bit of time, outside of bed.

 

[WolvesInTheThroneRoom]

It is great, for fucking, but not to use as a means to get someone to care about you, though that CAN happen, it's not a sure fire way.
I've had several fuck buddies, in fact 3 of them knew of each other and it was still cool, but I did have one that I had to stop seeing because she wanted me to be her boyfriend and couldnt understand how I could fuck her but not want to be with her.
How do you explain that to someone? It is hard without hurting their feelings.
You seem pretty sensitive, which is not bad, but maybe this fuck buddy thing isnt for you, it isnt for everyone, in fact I dont prefer it to love, but it comes in very useful when you just want sex and dont want to be bothered with the rest.
Ideally it is best between two people who are physically attracted to each other and can get along but do not want each other as a bf/gf.

 

[deleted15807]

So fuck buddy relationships are the norm/common these days?

With women fuck buddies will never be very commonplace. They just by and large don't work that way.

 

[Jonathan2/11]

Well thats what happens when u screw around with friends, I think sex should be with people that love each other that way theres no problem but in this case u feel for her and she aperently she doesn't have any for u so all I can say is just talk to her

 

[B_ScaredLittleBoy]

Well this is good. Its the morning after and I feel a bit silly. To be fair we did have one night out where we went to the pub...that was only in the second meeting of the 'relationship'.

I think what it is is I was looking forward to seeing her this Saturday and going out again (in the pub). But then she rang and said she got a job at a bar and couldn't come. In fairness she did say she could come Sunday. But a few hours on a Sunday night aren't what I want or wanted...

She's not my friend on facebook anymore...lol. Well it wasn't working for me. I get incredibly lonely. And one night or a few hours a week are never going to cure my loneliness. :redface:

 

[deano-uk]

Well this is good. Its the morning after and I feel a bit silly. To be fair we did have one night out where we went to the pub...that was only in the second meeting of the 'relationship'.

I think what it is is I was looking forward to seeing her this Saturday and going out again (in the pub). But then she rang and said she got a job at a bar and couldn't come. In fairness she did say she could come Sunday. But a few hours on a Sunday night aren't what I want or wanted...

She's not my friend on facebook anymore...lol. Well it wasn't working for me. I get incredibly lonely. And one night or a few hours a week are never going to cure my loneliness. :redface:

It's a shame when things like this happen, but if you want a relationship on a more permanent basis, you tend to choose more carefully, and even then it's no guarantee. If you want Fuck buddies, again a careful choice and the right sort of person, whether it be male, or female, but you both have to be agreed that you love the physical side and emotions don't really come into it.

You'll get there mate, if that's what you want.

 

[Hellboy0]

FUCK BUDDIES ARE BEST!!!! You know where the relationship stands...you both get what you want and there are no strings. HOWEVER, I like friends/fuck buds... that way you can do other things instead of fucking around...but if the fucking around happens...it happens...and they do care about ya cuz they are your friend too.

IE: Friends with benefits! *and I ain't talkin' 401k!*

For gay guys..its easier I guess.

I agree with OCMuscle whole-heartedly. Fuck buddies that are friends are the way to go. Any emotional attachment is what should happen between two people that are developing a friendly relationship...but be very careful NOT to go over the line and want that relationship to be something else unless the other person agrees. Otherwise, pull out (poor but appropriate choice of words). I love when my fuck buds evolve enough so that they are able to to laugh during our sex and yet still be demanding and hot in the sack. Or feel the freedom to explore things with their and my body that they didn't feel they could ask for on Day One!

Was good to read that the poster had moved on, too. Didn't sound like it was something he could handle and that is cool. Just be honest with yourself first and do what YOU need to do.

 

[HazelGod]

So what is YOUR experience or opinion of the fuck buddy 'relationship'?

SLB, what you describe isn't a fuckbuddy...it's a selfish cunt who occasionally likes you to fuck her.

In my mind, a fuckbuddy is the same as a Friend (note the capital 'F') or a "friend with benefits"...the point being, you're actually friends.

My friends take my calls, and vice versa. We don't hang up or disregard or otherwise disrespect one another. We honestly give a shit about each others' well being, and are genuinely interested in each others' lives.

The people I call friends are few in number, but the ones I have are very close...they've been around for years at this point. Some of them were sexual from the get-go, others became sexual after knowing each other for a time, and others have never been physically sexual at all. Through all that fluidity, though, we were always friends...and most continue to be to this day.

Most think like me...independent-minded, never needing the boundaries of some relationship to explore our sexual natures, or even to just scratch the itch that we all feel. We were perfectly content to go through our early-to-mid twenties pursuing our own lives and fucking each other to maintain our sanity. These relationships weren't just easy to handle...they felt completely natural.

What you describe in your OP...that's something else entirely. She's not your friend. Your friend wouldn't disregard you in the manner you mentioned. If you want to keep fucking her on command, that's your decision. Just know that she's not your buddy in any sense.

 

[Industrialsize]

FUCK BUDDIES ARE BEST!!!! You know where the relationship stands...you both get what you want and there are no strings. HOWEVER, I like friends/fuck buds... that way you can do other things instead of fucking around...but if the fucking around happens...it happens...and they do care about ya cuz they are your friend too.

IE: Friends with benefits! *and I ain't talkin' 401k!*

For gay guys..its easier I guess.

I've yet to be able to navigate the whole "fuck buddy" thing. The odd thing is that ALL of my good friends started out as anonymous, One night stands. But then we realized we had a lot in common, enjoyed each other's company, and friendships were born and sex slipped by the wayside. For me, sex with my friends would feel strange........but if you want to,OCMuscleJock, I'd be delighted to be your FB.

 

[D_Bob_Crotchitch]

SLB, what you describe isn't a fuckbuddy...it's a selfish cunt who occasionally likes you to fuck her.
/quote]

Roughly put but truth. You are being used dude. If she won't even take your phone calls, she may be involved with someone else or is just using you. Since you want more, tell her you want a relationship she cannot give. To quote Madea, "Move on!"

 

[naughty]

P,

Run and dont look back. YOu deserve so much more. Being lonely isnt the worst thing in the world. You arent a living breathing dildo. Remember that.

 

[D_Bob_Crotchitch]

P,

Run and dont look back. YOu deserve so much more. Being lonely isnt the worst thing in the world. You arent a living breathing dildo. Remember that.

Awww man, when I was 17, I wanted to apply for that job. There goes my fondest teen dreams.

 

[iamanne]

Yup. You are being used in a cruel way by a control freak. It is not worth the emotional pain, my friend. It sounds like you have moved, or are in the process of moving, on. Good for you. Not so easy when all you see before you are lonely days and lonely nights. But, this too shall pass.

I do not care for the term Fuck Buddy. I prefer Friend With Benefits. This implies that I like to know and be friends with the person I sleep with. I am just not a fuck-and-go kind of woman. As others have stated, the relationship needs to be understood and balanced between both parties.